Thursday, May 22, 2008

-.-

Wow I made alot of typos in that last post.
But I was upset.
And I still am.

I feel like crying every minute of everyday.
I wake up in the morning, and I'll take a minute to sit and think; "Today Im gonna put in an effort to have an awesome day! Im not gonna have anyone ruin it!"
But the second I get to school I get aches in my stomach and I feel like crouching down and crying. I really, really, wanted to today.

But I found when I wanted to- when I could.

I couldnt.

I was just simply, to say...out of tears.
Mom has me on several different types of depression medication. And boy, do I know I'm depressed. Because I don't know what over.
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I still feel like I have no friends. No one to talk to. Someone who I thought of as (one of) my bestfriend(s) wont even answer his phone on my calls anymore. Though that makes me cry. I'll blow it off like I will do everything else.
Kaoru, I dont feel like you love me. But heck, I dont feel like anyone does. And I'm not amazing. How can I be anywhere like my amazing older brother Jacob? Especially when I'm sitting here, looking so pathetic. I love you though Jacob.
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I bought "The Host" Monday. It took me forever to find it at Hastings. At first, I even thought it was possibly sold out. "Hey, it's Stephenie Meyer" I thought. "Not surprised."
But as soon as I was leaving they got another shipment in. I was happy. Im halfway through the book. It's a bit odd...but really good. I can't wait untill the fourth "Twilight" book "Breaking Dawn" comes out. I will literally camp out side one of my bookstores to get that thick black book. I absolutely cannot wait. 71 days as of today untill it comes out.

When the movie comes out in December, my friend and I will go see it out of curiosity. Im not too happy about the actors, infact, I E-mailed a complaint against their choice. My friend, (who is 17 so he picks on me like heck) Chris, was joking:
"They probably have caller ID, So they'll be like; "Agh! It's that one crazy girl again!""
I'm gonna make Chris read the series. But back to the point, when we go see the movie in Decemeber, we're gonna wear doggy ears and a tail to support the werewolves. I'll bring my poster board saying "Hot Dog" and pictures of a werewof and the words Jacob (Black) all over it. I love Jacob! He's the best! I was squealing all over him in the book. Of course. I love the vampires, too, I just- love Jacob more. Hahaha. My personal Jacob is real better than any fictional character though.
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Ive got that huge science project to work on now.
I feel like crying too, so I should probably take a couple depression pills. Just a few weeks left of school. Vacation is what I need right now.

By the way, my mother droped my cell in the toilet Monday evening on accident. So you cannot reach me on my cell untill this weekend. My house phone is available after 3:00pm Pacific time though to those who need to talk to me.

Thanks guys.

But I still will dissapear soon. I even know the day that I intend to leave.
So suck the love out of me while you still have me.


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