Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It's like life is a countdown for me!
Can you believe I'm worrying about school? Which doesnt start untill the fourth of August? But it seems so close too. Much too soon to come.

Something that is starting to bug me is my rank. Im still an otakuite. I comment on everything I see when I can, and what I noticed is that no matter how much I comment, my comment rate wont go up. Why is that?

Tomorrow evening we head towards California. Usually, that's an okay trip for me. California is absolutely beautiful even though I only ever see the southern area of it, but mum say's back in the 50's (She was born in '60) when everyone lived in Boston and Chicago, California was really unpopulated it was even pretter.
But anyways, back to the point. Im not too happy this time because we have to go to Los Angels. "I can't go to Los Angels!" I told my mother. "That's enemy territory!"
You know. The L.A Lakers. Sports junky NBA fan here. XD But I'll end up going anyway. Zpt Heart and I are going to try and meet up at Disney land while we're in Anaheim the first three days. So it should all be fun. Plus, Christopher will be us. That's sure to be interesting.

I still feel depressed and upset. But now Im just pissed off. I hate men. I hate their sorry little butts! Nothing good ever comes out of them and they're just STUPID!!!!!!!!!! All of them! So I dont want any comment that say's; "Oh come on, they arn't all like that, take so-and-so for example" Well I dont want an example because my mind will not be changed! And just when Ive met someone who I THINK is acceptable, they just turn out to be snobs in the end too. So Im done even trying to find a friend that doesnt exist.

*Clears throat*
Oh! Oh! This is funny. Cause get this. I had a friend online who was a boy. My best friend ever! And heck, I just thought he was absolutely perfect! Cause he was! Well, it turns out. "He" wasn't a "he". Their username was a male character so they played it as males because they didn't expect people to visit their sites. But once people started to pile up on them they couldn't just go and clear out that they were a girl to everyone. So they kept it that they were a boy. Well. Lucky me I stumbled upon them and we just become the absolute best of friends. One year. One WHOLE year passes. And they finally tell me the truth. It just absolutely broke my heart. Because they knew it would, and that's why they didn't say so at first. But holding it back longer made it harder for me because I became attached to that boy that never existed. I even fell in love with that boy. And it's pathetic because even though I know the truth, it feel's like he's just, away on another tour or something. But he's not. He's gone and he was never there. So Im still in love with thin air.
Did that make since? Point was, when I thought I found someone who would proove me wrong, turns out they sure did. They were a girl.

I just feel completely lost. But I dont want support and help. That just seems annoying at this point. Or, at least it is from the people who I already know are trying to help. It's like I need reasurance that just someone else out there cares and loves me too.
I dont know. Maybe Im the one that needs to just dissapear. Because it seems all the bad stuff revolves around me. Or at least happens to me. And I just can't emotionally or physically handle it anymore. Maybe I just want to say goodbye and die.

On a happier note, this is very cute:
.Koneko L Tomodachi. by ~musk-parfait on deviantART


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