Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I'm a fool... That's all there is to it...


Sigh... Oh well....


I had a really crappy day, and it's only getting worse.


Maybe I'll just stop posting all together....
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Monday, August 15, 2005

(Cross posted liek WHUT???)


Fun with sis/bf, day 1:
Yesterday, got home from work, watched the race, then we went out grocery shopping. (side note... parents and other sis are in florida for the week.....fun fun fun) Picked up some booze and other stuff. Figured to be hosting people later in the night for the little poker tourney thing. Aside from my post on my LJ about it (that noone responded to as I kinda figured), I asked some people at work, my sister asked some people, and her boyfriend asked some people.

And naturally, noone fuckin showed.... =/ I'm not surprised really.

So I got wasted and went to bed.



Fun with sis/bf, day 2:
This would be today. We're going to GameWorks for a while, then going to the casino here in Elgin. Free buffet dinner (since he has a shitload of comp points), then maybe some gambling. Dunno if I'm gonna do any since I literally have 10 bucks to last me the week, but yeah... x.x



And yeah... That's about it really... Nothing to report. All is well.



Shoutouts, cause I feel like it. =P

Tala: Don't worry about the thing with Newbeh. It'll all be ok. ^^

CP: Thanks for keeping me entertained at 5am the last couple days.. XD No seriously, it's been nice talking to you the last couple days. ^^

Neji: You can use my saying, but you owe me 5 bucks. =P

Alora: We loves you!!!!! Be safe and junk. <3


I guess that's it for now.
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Sunday, August 14, 2005

Ok, I'm kinda pissed off right now....

So my parents and one sister are in Florida for the week. And my other sis and I are like.. Let's have a party tonight. Or actually, it's more like let's get a game of Hold Em together.

So I called some people middle of the week, she called some people, and her boyfriend called some people. Most people weren't too interested.... Noone I asked had any interest in coming over.....which sucks... -_-;;; She was gonna have 2 of her friends come over, and her boyfriend was gonna have like 6 or 7 people over.

So we go grocery shopping earlier today, and get home....

And wait...

And wait.....

And wait.......


And noone fucking came.... -_-;;;;


So all the liquor we bought... We're now drinking ourselves....
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(Cross posted, for her pleasure)


FYI: Wrestlemania 22 tickets go on sale October 15th at 10am. Ticket prices are supposed 300, 200, 100, 70, and 40. Tho I think they'll be more than that when the time gets closer. I mean, ringside has been over 600 the last couple years.... Just cause it's a smaller arena doesn't mean prices are gonna drop THAT much for such a pristine seat.... Unless the 300 is like 4th row and back, and they're not talking about the Golden Circle seats... (the ones with the chair you get to keep)

Either way, I am SO getting tickets for this. XD

And probably the Hall of Fame thing, and any other little thing they have going on that weekend.

This is my first and probably only Wrestlemania, so naturally, I'm gonna do all I can with it. ^_^


I should be good money wise. I have a bonus check coming in on Sept 9th, and I'm basically gonna use that for my ticket. Heh. Put the money on a credit card, then use the credit card. XD I'd like to be in a nice seat, but I honestly don't care where I am.... It's WrestleMania... It's more about the atmosphere than anything.. ^^

Plus, by then, I should have some extra money from the pool at work that I usually dominate in.....so yeah.. XD



Aside from that tho... I guess things are alright. Better than yesterday, that's for sure.

I actually logged in FFXI yesterday... I was proud of myself.. XD

Then I /shutdown'd, and got on Guild Wars... XDXDXD


I guess that's about it for now.... Wheee.....
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Saturday, August 13, 2005

{Warning: The following entry contains a lot of self-hating, negative thoughts, and is very depression-filled. I tend to use blogs as more of a forum for venting how I feel, as opposed to "this is what I did today" type stuff. And this is one of those entries where I say how I feel about life in general right now. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to. If you do read it tho, please comment so I know someone is out there.....}










I quit.

I give up.

It's over.

Why look for that which you can never have?


For the 2 or 3 people that might read this, thanks. But you don't have to anymore. There's no reason to. Depression has once again set in, and I don't think there's a way out this time.

Last time I felt this bad (about 2 weeks ago), it was kinda easy to get out of. There was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. But now, I've shunned that light for my own stupid reasons, and I don't think I'll ever find it again....


Why do people fall in love? Why is it so important to some, and meaningless to others. Why have they been able to cope with the fact that they're destined to be lonely forever, and I just can't.

Have you seen the previews for that movie The 40 Year Old Virgin? That'll probably be me in about 15 years. (if i'm even still alive in 15 years, but that's a different story)


Why do I feel so pushed to find love in this world...

That's easy..... My asshole family.....

My parents have been happliy married for 25 years. It'll be 26 next week
My sister has been with her boyfriend for around 4 years, and they're talking marriage and kids and all that.
My other sister has been with her's for over a year now.

Yet me, in 6 years.... I haven't found anything.... Not from lack of trying, but because of who I am. I've tried to help the unfortunte fact that I'm hidious as hell, but nothing helps... Everytime we go out and do something, I'm the 7th wheel... It's always my parents, sis/bf, sis/bf, and me.....

But that's not the reason....

The fact that my parents hang over my head the truth that the family name dies with me...

I am the last male in the bloodline that bears the family name.

A fact my parents remind me of once a week, and other relatives at family functions.

(this is why I hate my family so much, and refuse to go to family functions)


With that kind of pressure over my head... Can you see why now?



But why struggle this much just to please my family? If I hate them so much, why give them the satisfaction of knowing they bother me this much with this topic?

Because I want to prove them wrong.

I would just say fuck em, and not worry myself with finding love... But then I'd be letting everyone else win... The people who say I'm too unstable, crazy, and other harsh words they've said. They believe that noone in their right mind would ever go out with me. I want to prove them wrong as well.


But more than anything...

I want to prove myself wrong.



In all honesty... I've given up hope. I know there's no way I'll ever find someone. But I hope beyond hope that someone out there will see me different, and be the light at the end of the tunnel for me.


People ask me... "Why are you so depressed all the time?" Maybe this will shine a light on the subject for some.


The true answer?

I beat myself up too much, both emotionally, phychologically, and occasionally physically. I've broken my own spirit to the point where I am how I am.



But my last driving force behind this? And you can confirm with Tala if you want.

I may be like this when I'm single... But I am completely different when I'm with someone I love. And I like that person I am when I have someone. I wish I could be him more often, but I can't...


Am I a fool for dumping Tala? I'm starting to think I am... Just because of the things that turned me off, I had to end it. I still care about her, and I'm glad she has a new guy in her life, and I hope she hooks up with him, and wish her and Newbeh the best with things....

But ultimately, I did this to myself....

She's in a better place, and I'm once again at the starting line, waiting to go, and everyone else is near the finish line....



I truely don't know what to do anymore............
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Friday, August 12, 2005

Kris is lonely again. He did it to himself really, but yeah....

Maybe you can help!

Presenting the 4th annual "Help Kris find a cool girl" contest!

Thus far, in the previous 3 attempts at this, there was no winner to the contest. The prize, as usual, is that Kris will be your slave for all eternity.


Here's what we're looking for!

Vitals: 18+ for starters. I need to start going for older girls instead of the youngin's. ^^;; Physical attractiveness is a plus, but not completely required. I prefer shorter/smaller girls, mainly because I'm a big guy myself, and it makes me feel good to know I'm their big burly protector. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't date someone a little taller than me. Has to have some level of similar interests, including but not limited to: anime, con going, cosplay, football, rock music, wrestling, MMORPG's, Final Fantasy, DDR, Texas Hold Em, and more. I don't care where they live, as long as they're willing to try a long distance thing.

Turn on's: Like I said. I like shorter/smaller girls. I'm a shy guy myself, so I wouldn't mind being with a shy girl. But wild girls are ok too. Cuddling is a plus. Being honest is a great thing.

Turn off's: A girl that doesn't take care of herself. Example, going a weekend and not showering. Ignoring me, and treating me like crap. If I'm traveling over 1000 to spend time with someone, then I want to spend time with them. More than anything tho... I HATE mind games.


Umm.. Yeah. That's about it I guess... ^^;;

Let the search begin again!


Or maybe I'll give a second chance for a first impression...
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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Bored? ((Over 100 questions))
Created by xSwtLilAngel666x and taken 118879 times on bzoink!
[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]
What's your name? ::	Kris
Birthplace ::	Austin, TX
Age ::	24
Age you act ::	21
Current location ::	Elgin, IL
Eye color ::	Brownish?
Hair color ::	brown with blonde highlights
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? ::	Righty
Zodiac sign? ::	Aquarius
Height? ::	5'8''
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality ::	Whitey
Your hair ::	Looks damn good
Your fears ::	being alone
Your perfect room ::	Room for all my crap and then some
What you practically do in a day ::	work, sit around doing nothing, eat, sleep
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse ::	noob, stfu
Phrases you overuse ::	stfu noob
Your first thought when you wake up ::	i hate everything
Your greatest accomplishment ::	yet to happen
Something you want to do ::	find love and make it last
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke ::	mt. dew
McDonald's or Burger Kings ::	mcdonalds
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera ::	neither
Chocolate or vanilla ::	vanilla
Adidas or Nike ::	new balance
Black or white ::	black
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) ::	bills
Burgers or hot dogs ::	burgers
Egypt or France ::	france
Rock or rap ::	rock
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke ::	occasionally a cigarette
Cuss ::	fuck yea
Sing well ::	yup
Sing in the shower ::	considering i shower at 4:30am, no
Talk to yourself --a lot-- ::	yeah
Believe in yourself ::	no
Like taking these longass surveys? ::	sure
Play an instrument ::	guitar
Want to go to college? ::	i wish i could afford it. =/
Want to get married? ::	someday...
Want to have children? ::	someday...
Think you're a health freak? ::	no
Get along with your parents ::	yeah
Get along with your siblings? ::	yeah
Think you're popular ::	no
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state ::	yeah
Drank alchohal ::	actually, i'm drinking right now. XD
Smoke ::	no
Get high ::	no
Done any drugs ::	no
Eaten an entire box of oreos ::	no
Been on stage ::	yes
Gone skinny dipping ::	no
Been dumped ::	no, but did the dumping. and i'm sorry.
Dyed your hair ::	yes
Stolen anything ::	no
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest ::	tala
Loudest ::	limo
Most shy ::	andrew
Blondest ::	tala
Smartest ::	marzgurl
Kindest ::	marzgurl
Best personality ::	marzgurl
Most talented ::	marzgurl
Best singer ::	marzgurl
Most ghetto ::	limo
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) ::	proz
Pain in the ass ::	dunno
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style))::	proz
Funniest ::	limo
Best person for advice ::	marzgurl
Dependable ::	marzgurl
Trustworthy ::	marzgurl
Druggie ::	limo, only because of sunday morning. XD
Most likely to end up in jail ::	andrew
Person you've known the longest ::	marzgurl
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream ::	i died. happens quite often
Last nightmare ::	ditto
Car ride ::	drive home from work
Last time you cried ::	yesterday
Last movie seen ::	kill bill
Last movie rented ::	don't rent
Last book read ::	harry potter 6
Last word said ::	you (told my boss "it's been great working with you")
Last curse word said ::	fuck
Last time you laugh ::	sunday?
Last phone call ::	@ work
Last CD played ::	system of a down - mezmerize
Last song you listened to ::	BYOB
Last annoyance ::	work
Last IM ::	limo
Last weird encounter ::	over the weekend
Last person you hugged ::	marzgurl
Last person you yelled at ::	myself
Last time you wore a skirt ::	NEVER
Last time you've been evil ::	i'm always evil
Sarcastic? ::	no
Last time you fought with your parents ::	last night
Last time you wished upon a star ::	never
Played Truth or Dare ::	nope
Spent quality time alone ::	i'll be having some "quality time" when i'm done with this.
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM ::	no. now that tala hates me, i dont talk on aim that much
Do you feel lonely ::	yes
Ever TP'd someone's house ::	no
How about egging someone's house ::	no
Do you not like dislike not like me? ::	huh?
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? ::	no
Yo Momma ::	yo momma so fat, she sat on a nickle and boogers came out
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? ::	yea
What do you think of George Bush? ::	i voted for nader
Any secret fetishes? ::	no
Do you like to wear chains? O_o ::	wallet chain
How many languages do you speak? ::	english and bad english
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! ::	no
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) ::	no
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 116094 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	kris
Are you named after anyone?	no
What's your screename?	krisnwo316
Would you name a child of yours after you?	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	uhh.. kris?
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	i like my name just fine
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	well my last name is always fucked up
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	yeah
Basics
Your gender:	male
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	yes, of my own choosing tho.
If not, do you want to be?	no, i don't want to be.
Birthdate:	2/8/81
Your age:	24
Age you act:	21
Age you wish you were:	16
Your height:	5'8''
Eye color:	brownish?
Happy with it?	i guess
Hair color:	brown with blonde streaks
Happy with it?	yea
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	a room in a house
Your family:	mom/dad/sis/sis/cat/cat/cat
Have any pets?	3 cats
Whats your job?	systems adminastrative backup @ meijer
Piercings?	never... fear of needles... i punched a nurse out once. XD
Tattoos?	see above
Obsessions?	a few
Addictions?	mmorpg's count?
Do you speak another language?	no
Have a favorite quote?	stfunoob
Do you have a webpage?	no
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	no
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	somewhat
Do you have any secrets?	yes
Do you hate yourself?	yes
Do you like your handwriting?	no
Do you have any bad habits?	yes
What is the compliment you get from most people?	you're very sweet and nice
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	i dunno
What's your biggest fear?	being lonely
Can you sing?	yes
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	yes
Are you a loner?	yes
What are your #1 priorities in life?	to find happiness
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	probably
Are you a daredevil?	no
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	yes
Are you passive or agressive?	passive
Do you have a journal?	yes
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	eh
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	stomach >>;;
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	no
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	yes
Do you think life has been good so far?	it's unfair to answer this question.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	it sucks
What do you like the most about your body?	nothing
And least?	everything
Do you think you are good looking?	no
Are you confident?	no
What is the fictional character you are most like?	i dunno
Are you perceived wrongly?	yes
Do You...
Smoke?	occasional cigarette
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	yes
Pray?	no
Go to church?	no
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yeah, but very few people im me, friend or stranger
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no
Take walks in the rain?	yes
Talk to people even though you hate them?	yes
Drive?	yes
Like to drive fast?	yes
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	yes
Hurt yourself?	yes
Been out of the country?	i'd like to
Eaten something that made other people sick?	no
Been in love?	been, yes
Done drugs?	no
Gone skinny dipping?	no
Had a medical emergency?	no
Had surgery?	yes
Ran away from home?	no
Played strip poker?	no but i'd like to
Gotten beaten up?	yes
Beaten someone up?	no
Been picked on?	yes
Been on stage?	yes
Slept outdoors?	no
Thought about suicide?	yes
Pulled an all nighter?	not in a long time
If yes, what is your record?	1 day
Gone one day without food?	no
Talked on the phone all night?	no
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	well tala and i were in the same beed at chibicon
Slept all day?	yes
Killed someone?	no
Made out with a stranger?	no
Had sex with a stranger?	no
Thought you're going crazy?	yes
Kissed the same sex?	no
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no
Been betrayed?	yes
Had a dream that came true?	no
Broken the law?	no
Met a famous person?	yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	yes
On purpose?	no
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes
Stolen anything?	no
Been on radio/tv?	yes
Been in a mosh-pit?	yes
Had a nervous breakdown?	yes
Bungee jumped?	no
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yes
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	no
Miracles?	no
Astrology?	no
Magic?	no
God?	no
Satan?	no
Santa?	no
Ghosts?	no
Luck?	no
Love at first sight?	yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	no
Witches?	no
Easter bunny?	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	yes
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no
Do you wish on stars?	no
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	no
Do you think God has a gender?	no
Do you believe in organized religion?	no
Where do you think we go when we die?	the ground
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes
Who is your best friend?	marzgurl
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	marzgurl
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	fuck the world
Your favourite inside joke?	trousers
Thing you're picked on most about?	just being me
Who's your longest known friend?	marzgurl
Newest?	kim/danzig/tala
Shyest?	andrew
Funniest?	limo
Sweetest?	kim
Closest?	marzgurl
Weirdest?	limo
Smartest?	marzgurl
Ditziest?	tala
Friends you miss being close to the most?	marzgurl
Last person you talked to online?	tala
Who do you talk to most online?	probalby tala
Who are you on the phone with most?	work
Who do you trust most?	marzgurl
Who listens to your problems?	marzgurl
Who do you fight most with?	dunno
Who's the nicest?	all my friends are nice
Who's the most outgoing?	tala
Who's the best singer?	marzgurl
Who's on your shit-list?	myself
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	yes
Who's your second family?	marzgurl & andrew
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	limo
Do you trust others easily?	no
Who's house were you last at?	marzgurl
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	i don't know.....
Do your friends know you?	who knows...
Friend that lives farthest away:	all of you do...
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	no
What do you find romantic?	i dunno.. the little things...
Turn-on?	being there for the other, sitting cuddling, yeah
Turn-off?	being ignored, not taking care of yourself (bathing, etc)
First kiss?	ackward, but exciting
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	i wouldn't date them, and i'd try to let them down gently. unfortunetly, that's how my stalker came to be. >>;;;
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	it'd be nice
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	yes. i'm so damn shy around girls i like
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	no
What is best about the opposite sex?	the little things....
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	the way they drive me insane....
What's the last present someone gave you?	probably something i got at x-mas.. i don't get a lot of presents... didn't get a damn thing for my birthday... =/
Are you in love?	not at the moment
Do you consider your significant other hot?	n/a
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	myself
You wanted to kill?	myself
That you laughed at?	andrew (damn canadian)
That laughed at you?	marzgurl
That turned you on?	amaya... ^^;;;
You went shopping with?	marzgurl
That broke your heart?	tala i guess, tho i broke my own heart with that
To disappoint you?	myself
To ask you out?	i did the asking
To make you cry?	myself
To brighten up your day?	marzgurl
That you thought about?	amaya (yes, i admit here... i kinda have a crush on her... >>;;;; and i lack the balls to say anything about it. ^^:;;;;)
You saw a movie with?	watched rvb s3 with marzgurl and andrew
You talked to on the phone?	my friend dan just called
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	tala
You saw?	some guys at work
You lost?	tala =(
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	no
Will it be with your significant other?	n/a
Or some random person?	n/a
What are you wearing right now?	shorts, shirt, boxe
Body part you're touching right now:	MY PENIS
What are you worried about right now?	life/love/money/etc
What book are you reading?	none
What's on your mousepad?	my bed is my mousepad
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	very very very very crappy
Are you bored?	yes
Are you tired?	yes
Are you talking to anyone online?	no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no
Are you lonely or content?	lonely
Are you listening to music?	some crappy movie on tv
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

(cross posted because I'm lazy)


No seriously... Sometimes, I post two different things on my journals. XD I'll post one thing on my MyOtaku, then something totally different on my LJ. But today, (or at least for right now) I'm just posting one thing on both.


So anyhow....

It's kinda funny to believe I'll be back in Texas in 3 weeks. XD But I'll be kinda lonely this time around. Kaylyn and Andrew aren't going, Kimba and Danzig aren't going, so like... Who am I gonna hang out with? =( Limo will be working, Tala will be off doing her thing, and I'm not really that friendly with the other guys that post on random boards. So yeah... Kris will be a saaaad panda. ;_;

I still need to come up with new costume ideas..... I was pricing an Itachi cloak thing, and it was 100 bucks to make, and 60 to ship. x.x Kinda much if you ask me... Back to square one I go. =/


Yeah... At this point, I'm wondering why I'm still going to AFest.... But oh well. I told Tala that even despite the other stuff, she can still stay with me. It's not nice to offer the room, then boot her out just because we're not together and whatnot. I'm more of a gentleman than that.


So I'm off downloading a couple things. In The Groove, Naruto 2, and some random anime. Gotta love it. But yet, for some reason, my computer always acts up when I download bittorrents.... Every now and then, it'll just go to the blue screen of death and yeah.... Say somethings wrong with some sort of driver, and then I gotta reboot and whatnot. Kinda annoying if you ask me, since I just let it run overnight and while I'm at work, then play GW when I'm home. Don't wanna be downloading and playing GW at the same time... The lag that causes is crazy. >>;; So I let BitLord run when I'm not playing GW. And this error thing only happens when I download bt files. I've used 3 different clients, and they each do the same thing.

Oh well... I deal with it and move on. ^^;; Can't look a gifthorse in the mouth. b^_^


I guess that's about it for now. Just trying to figure a lot of different things out at once right now. And none of them are going too well.... x.x
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Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Back in Chicago. Whee... =/

Talked with Tala before the flight. Told her how I felt about stuff, and yeah... So it's back to being single for me. Which actually.. I'm not too bummed out about it. I had a nice 3 week reprise from being single, and yeah.

Moving on in life...


AFest in 3 1/2 weeks. SB is totally and officially retired. You'll never see it again. XD

This time, I'll actually remember my Kankuro shirt. ^^;;

Work starts now on a new costume. I'm probably gonna do Itachi, or random member of that group they're in. (laugh, i don't remember the name) I have the hat thingie already, and I'm gonna get the cloak thingie online or something... Dunno quite yet. XD

But yeah.


At this point in time, I'm just bored as hell. Waiting for a couple things to download... Naruto 2 for PS2 for starters. XD

I know, I'm horrible. ^^;;


I guess that's it for now.

Anyone have any single friends over the age of 18? ^^;;;
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Monday, August 8, 2005

I guess some explaining needs to be done or something.

I just got back from Schlitterbahn with Kay and Andrew, and I'm a little burnt and tired, but yeah.


The whole bi thing. Not a problem. I mean, I kinda picked up on it after a while. And people told me about it as the weekend went on, and yeah. That's no big deal.

I was just kinda upset that I was ignored for the majority of the weekend. I can understand the whole bi aspect of things.

Basically, Tala spent the whole weekend with Iruka, and didn't really want to be around me. I got a little bit of time Friday morning, and that was it. Didn't even say bye on Sunday.

I know it's probably just the way I'm thinking here, but I just didn't like being ignored all weekend. It hurt me a lot, especially since we were supposed to be getting to know each other more and whatnot. Basically everything I got about Tala I got from others. I spent hardly any time with her, and that sucks.

And the time I did spend.... I just wasn't impressed. =( I'm sorry. I would go in to why, but I won't. It's enough I'm saying all this here before I've said anything to Tala in person about any of this. (and please don't think less of me for speaking on teh intraweb like this)


At this point, I really don't know what to do. I mean, we said we were going out, but technically only in namesake only. It's not like we did anything and stuff. Don't get me wrong here... I still want to be friends, but I don't see the relationship working out. (and i have no clue what's going on with AFest now)

To those that said you'd kill me if I hurt her... It's not my intention to hurt her, but if anyone feels that I am, then I'm sorry. But I'm 24, she's 16. I'm laid back, she's bouncing all over the place.

I just didn't feel that connection there. Maybe because we didn't get to spend any time together, but who knows.

I just know I took second place to Iruka, and that hurt a lot... More than I'm conveying here.

I'm not saying any of this because she's bi. That has NOTHING to do with it. (I mean fuck... what guy WOULDN'T want to be with 2 chicks at once! XD) It's just the other stuff. Not the bi thing.

I don't hate her cause she's bi.
I don't hate her at all actually.
I just don't see the relationship working out. That's about it.
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