Monday, November 14, 2005

So, regarding FFXI....

For now, I'm gonna try to level THF a bit. Try to get that to 32 or 33 or something. Then, try to level DRG again. Maybe if I have the 2 subs instead of just one, it might work out a little better.

But even then, once Jessica's mom and Randall get to 62, maybe the 4 of us can static? And maybe if Andrew starts playing more and gets to 62, he can be the refresh whore. Then all we need is a THF or something, and voila....static party. Honestly, I see this as my only way of getting past 62... So hopefully I can get everyone on board for this... >>;;;

Randall, you know you want to.. ^_~


In other news...... I'm probably gonna get fired for standing up for what I believe in.

No, seriously....listen to this bullshit....

For the last couple weeks, my asshole boss has decided he's gonna put in lunch breaks for me and the other guy working in my department. Now I can't vouch for the other guy, but I personally do not take a lunch break. I take my 2 15-minute breaks, but not the full 30-minute break. Why? Cause I'm running around so much over the course of the day, I'm not able to. Flat out. So now, I'm screwed out of 2 1/2 hours each week because he's being a flaming asshole.

Now LEGALLY, the employer is required of OFFER the lunch breaks. But if the employee doesn't take them, that's the employee's choice. The employee is not REQUIRED to take a lunch. So I don't. Simple as that. Hasn't been an issue for the last 3 damn years. But now, all of a sudden, it is.

And in the same respect, HE'S the one that could be fired for falsification of punch records, by inserting these punches that aren't happening to begin with.

So as far as legal law goes, I've got enough to cover my own ass here.

(well... minus the fact that I don't punch for those 15-minute breaks, and i take them right next to each other, so it's LIKE a 30-minute lunch, but it's not. and i take those breaks at 7 and go up to the restuarant and get some breakfast. but 7 is the only time i can do anything like that because that's when the majority of people get in, and then my day pretty much goes to hell after that. so i get some breakfast in early, then bust my ass the rest of the day. but as far as the not punching for the breaks goes, it's been a longstanding agreement that my department as a whole, company wide, doesn't have to punch for breaks. i mean, they're paid for anyhow, so what's the point? just so they can control it, and get writeups on people. sorta like cops and traffic tickets)


But I digress.

Next time I see this guy, I'm gonna go in to him. I'm gonna raise the fact that he's breaking company policy and state law by inserting these phantom punches, that I demand all hours that were taken away from me be returned, and see what he says.

If he says I'm fired, then a lawsuit will be filed, the BBB will be called, and strikes will happen.


I mean fuck......the only reason this guy is in the position he's in (as my boss that is), is that there was a sexual harassment case on him at a different store, and they moved him here to try to cover that up. Meijer is a bunch of fucktards that don't know how to run a business. Especially in the Chicago market. They have NO clue what they're doing anymore.

And moreover, they don't know how fucked they are when I leave. It's enough I get phone calls nonstop from this place when I go on trips to Texas..... What's gonna happen when I'm totally gone? This place will go under quicker than the Titanic. The other guy that works in my department is moving to Michigan in a couple weeks, so he doesn't have to deal with it.

But let's see these guys try to get thru the X-Mas season with no tech support whatsoever. They'd be totally fuxored.


So yeah... I mean fuck, like I needed any extra reasons to hate my job, right? I already have one foot out the door, and they seem to be trying to push me the whole way out. Good job guys! b^_^


As you can tell, just about everything in my life sucks right now!
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

I'm in tears over a video game....

And it's not cause Aeris died, or anything like that.


I'm debating whether or not to delete all my content ID's for FFXI.

Everyone knows I have little to no self esteem. When I go full days of looking for a party, and have nothing, it really hurts me. It makes me feel bad about myself...like I'm not wanted....like I'm not needed. I know this is the case about the real world, that's why I escaped to the digital world.... To try to gain some level of acceptance.

I'm a Dragoon. Basically, the worst job in the game. Yet, it's the only thing I'm good at. I've tried other jobs, and I suck at all of them. =/ DRG was the only thing I was any good at, so I stuck with it. I hit level 62 back in July or August. But it took some serious fighting to get it there. I would seriously go DAYS just sitting around, waiting for a party that needed me. And by sitting around, I litterally mean sitting around doing nothing at all. I don't need any extra equipment, I have enough money for what I need to do. I could of gone out and famred and whatnot, but I didn't want to. So I sat around and moped about how worthless I was.

Yesterday was awesome. I got invited to a group that was going Avatar hunting. I told Jessica, and she went with. We got 5 of the 6 avatars yesterday.

But in all honesty... Jessica is a big part of my problem right now.... And what I say STAYS HERE.... Anyone on Fairy is not allowed to say any of this.

I know I'm in love with this girl. I can't try to deny it. I don't know if she realizes it or anything, but yeah.

But basically.... She's more or less been invited to a HNM/Sky/Dynamis LS. All she has to do is get to level 65, and she's in. She managed to talk them in to letting me get in, but I too have to get to 65. And she's been doing a lot of stuff with this group... As I type, she's off getting a rare/ex item with them.

So today, I woke up and went LFP. This was about 11. She got on at 12:30, was in a party by 12:45. I'm still LFP. The party breaks, she leaves to go work on some report for school. I'm still LFP.

6PM rolls around... I'm still LFP. 7 hours, sitting around, doing nothing.....

This isn't a video game anymore....

Video games don't leave you feeling like shit about your life.

I can't do this anymore... I can't just spend days/weeks/months sitting around waiting for a party...

"Oh, well go off and make your own."

I can't deal with the multitude of people, and their massive egos.... I mean, it's enough nearly everyone ont here is an asshole.... I'm the thing they hate the most (a dragoon), so why would they want to join a party of mine anyhow.


Seriously... I'm in tears, because I've finally realized that I've totally wasted the last 2 years of my life....

And I'm gonna lose Jessica because of it.... This girl that's been there for me for the last year and a half.... She's moving on and up, and I'm being left behind.... I can't deal with that.....


I just don't know what to do anymore......
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I'm just... Blah. Everyone around me is happy, and yet I'm so miserable. I'm trying to see the good in the bad, but it's just not there. I keep having things stop me from having what I want.

People say things happen for a reason. Then why is it I'm not allowed to be happy?


I'm off today. First Sunday I've had off in ages, aside from those I'm in Texas with. I'm probably gonna spend the day playing FFXI on Fairy. I haven't given up on the Ifrit stuff, I just don't feel like starting over, when I'm reaching new ground with my DRG. Yesterday, I got 5 of the 6 avatars. All I need is Leviathan, and then Fenrir. But Fenrir won't be for quite a while. I still lack a LS, and still pretty much have noone to talk to. I just roam alone, and try to get by. Sort of like in real life.


Sigh.... I wish some uber awesome girl would just randomly start talking to me on AIM or something.... Even if it's a false sense of hope, it'll still bring me more happiness than I can bring myself... Heh...
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Friday, November 11, 2005

Well.... My attempts to move to Austin over the summer took a HUGE hit yesterday....


Before I get to that tho, let me break down the possible living arrangements I would have when I get there...

1) Me and Tala. We've talked a lot about this. It was also gonna be with her friend, but I guess her friend is gonna move in with her boyfriend instead. But yeah. But the only problem with this is that she's still 17. And will be 17 when I go down there. Which means no credit, and probably everything would be in my name. And it's not that I don't trust her, but if she doesn't come up with rent one month, it'll look bad on my report. And I can't afford that... It's enough that I'll be living paycheck to paycheck, and barely getting by as is... But yeah....

2) Me with Geoff and Kim. This hasn't been discussed at all, aside from them saying "Hey, come live with us". Now this honestly seems like a better deal......split 3 ways, probably get a 2-bedroom place, not everything would be in my name, etc. My only problem with it.......as stupid as it sounds........ Hmmm.... Easy way of putting it..... Yeah, I need a girlfriend... If you catch my drift... XDXDXD Just kidding, but not really.......know what I mean? But yeah. But like I said, we haven't even talked about it, so yeah... Who knows about this one.

3) Me with Newbeh and his friend Casey? This was only briefly mentioned at OniCon. I dunno anything about Casey, but Newbeh's still a youngin, so a lot of the same stuff as Me/Tala would come up here.


So of the 3, only #1 has actually been talked about with some level of severity, and #2 seems to be the smart one. But who knows....


In the end tho......it may all be for nothing......

Yesterday, my mom pulled me aside, and basically said they're moving soon.

The job my dad has right now was only a temp job to begin with. And it ends in the next month or something. So he's been doing some hardcore job hunting. Right now, he has 2 jobs out there that "he has a good chance of getting offered". One is in Atlanta, the other is Pompono Beach, FL. (just north of Ft Lauderdale) If he does get one of these jobs, he'll move immediately, and my mom would stay behind til the house sold, then move down there with him.

This doesn't affect my sisters one bit. One of them is basically engaged to her BF, and they were gonna move in together soon anyhow. This will only speed that up. My other sister, same thing....she'll just move in with her BF. But me.... I don't have any kind of GF to move in with, and I don't really have any friends to move in with....(as I don't really have any friends....) So I'm basically forced to go where my parents go. =/

Now.....how this screws Texas up.... Think about it... Move somewhere, gonna have to get a job ASAP. As much debt/bills/etc that I have, yeah. I can't go a couple weeks and not have a job. And I'll probably have to get 2 jobs just to take care of that stuff. Something I'm not looking forward to at all.

Now personally, I'm hoping for Atlanta over Pompono. But for the wrong reasons.... Atlanta's only like an hour's drive from Talladega... XD Plus there's AWA, and it's a much shorter drive to Texas for stuff. Plus less possible hurricane possibilities.. ^^;;;

But back to screwing up Texas.

If this is happening, it'll probably happen either around or after Ushicon. So February or early March, I'd be moving down there, having to get a job, redo stuff, etc. If I still go to Texas, then here we are, 3 months later, doing all that all over again. And personally, I wouldn't want to get a job in Atlanta/Pompono, because I would know that hey.....in 3 months, I'll be quitting to move to Texas anyhow. So what's the point?


Basically... This all comes down to money. And my having none of it. If this Atlanta/Pompono move wasn't slated til summer, we wouldn't be having this discussion. But since it's in the winter/spring..... It's a definete problem.... =/


In happier news, my iPod was ordered yesterday.... One of those new movie playing ones, 60GB, and black. Just what I wanted. Kinda sad that I have to pay 75 bucks for my own X-Mas/B-Day present from my family..... But whatever.


I just wish I didn't have to deal with this moving stuff tho.... =/
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

when it rains, it pours...

today's been a completely shitty day. you have no clue....

and now, i've spent the majority of the day thinking about stuff...


parts of a convo i had with someone tonight......

K: I don't really care anymore. I've basicaly given up hope on ever meeting anyone.
?: don't
K: Nah, I have.
?: please don't
K: I know it's never gonna happen. Why bother trying.
?: -whines-
K: Not your fault.
?: I feel it is
K: It's not.
K: It's my own fault really.
K: But whatever.
?: oh?
?: -pats-
K: I'm totally ugly, I have no direction in life, I'm 25 still living at home, still a virgin, tiny dick, too much debt.......
K: Yeah, why would any woman in their right mind want to go out with me.
?: o.o
?: you put yourself down more than I do
K: Yeah, well you're still y oung. There's time for you to correct whatever you think is wrong with you.
K: I'm beyond hope.
K: I mean, it's enough I feel like I'll be dead by 27.
?: -huggles-
K: It's enough I sit here, and thinka bout it more and more, and there's no way I'd be abble to move, and live, and get by...
K: I just can't do it.
K: I've fucked myself over too much.
K: And now I'm fucked for life.
?: -huggles-
?: -don't think that-
K: I don't think that
K: I know that

K: I just wish someone would prove me wrong....
K: Just once....



Not a suicidal cry for help... Just serious deep inner thinking.
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005

Yanno... I've been trying....

I have so much going against me right now... And I've been trying....


I've only posted up here the "good" stuff that's been going on around me. I haven't been posting the bad. I've just been trying to forget the bad stuff, but it just keeps pilling up on me...

Example, yesterday at work... I'll be honest....there's maybe only 3 or 4 people at work that I would really consider my "friend". Angie obviously is #1 there, then this girl Becky, then my buddy Julius, and Eric when he's not being a douchebag. Most everyone else is just a friendly acquantance. Well yesterday, Becky completely stabbed me in the back just so she could look good to her peers.... I've been there for this girl in her times of need, and this is how she treats me?? Just cause she gets a promotion, she doesn't need to get all power trippy, and think she's above everyone else now. But she has. And it sickens me.


It makes me wonder why I bother being friends with anyone.......


I'm not gonna post for a while. Here, there, anywhere. If you need me, leave a message on AIM and I'll get it eventually. Or come find me on FFXI.


And finally, in slightly unhappier news....

I have 2nd row seats to the Video Games Live concert this Saturday.

Oh wait....no I don't....... They fucking cancelled it... -_-;;;;

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Friday, November 4, 2005

Aw snap... Looking at the Guitar Hero's track listing... Yeah, I'm gonna get it.. XD

(note: the list i found only had the song titles. i'm guessing at the band names here. sort of a "name that song" type thing.. hehe)

Ace of Spades - Motorhead
Bark at the Moon - Ozzy
Cochise - Velvet Revolver
Cowboys From Hell - Pantera
Crossroad - dunno
Fat Lip - Sum 41
Frankenstein - I can only assume they mean the Alice Cooper one?
Godzilla - no clue
Heart Full of Black - no clue
Hey You - no clue
Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers, or the Hendrix version perhaps?
I Love Rock n Roll - so put another dime in teh jukebox baby
I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones
Infested - dunno
Iron Man - Ozzy
Killer Queen - no clue
More than a Feeling - Cheesy 80's rock!!!
No One Knows - no clue
Sharp Dressed Man - i forget who this is....
Smoke on the Water - w00t
Spanish Castle Magic - ?????
Stellar - dunno
Symphony of Destruction - i should know this one, but don't....
Take It Off - dunno
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Texas Flood - dunno
Thunderkiss '65 - ACDC
Unsung - dunno
You've Got Another Thing Comin - dunno
Ziggy Stardust - I give you fishball soup! Fishball soup!!!

(wow, i bombed that, huh? >>;;; )

Plus an additional 17 tracks by various up-an-coming indy rock bands that can be unlocked. The hit single Fire It Up by Black Label Society and some song by Gaveyard BBQ are two of the highlights of the unlock song list.


My thoughts on the tracklist?

NO METALLICA?!? Or at least no songs that I can automatically duduce are Metallica songs.
No Green Day
They have Cowboys From Hell, but you can argue that Respect is Pantera's all time best song.
No Nirvana, which makes me cry. (courtney love probably wanted too much money)

But still.. Pretty solid.

As is the initial track listing for DDR Ultramix 3.


It's sad... I've finally gotten back in to FFXI, and now these two games are coming out. ;_;

Speaking of which, yes, I've gotten back in to FFXI again. XD This time tho, it's for real. I've spent the last 2 days getting THF from 15 to 20. This weekend, Jess and I are gonna level WAR and PLD. I'm actually going thru with my plan to get WAR/THF/SAM/WHM/NIN to 37, then trying again to level DRG. And actually..... I'm enjoying THF right now... Hehe.. ^^;; I'm doing a better job pulling than I thought I would. So yeah.

Here's hoping it's not a short time thing like last time. Wheeee....
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Wednesday, November 2, 2005

To buy, or not to buy....

Guitar Hero should be arriving in stores today I think... As much of a whore for Frequency and Guitar Freaks that I am, I'm completely tempted on dropping the 60 bucks to buy it...

I gotta admit tho... Red Octane did some good thinking type stuff for this... They know most of the hardcore uber bemani folks download and burn their imports, and have all the controllers and whatnot... So they go and have a 5 button guitar instead of the 3 or 4 button one people already have.. So to play, you're almost required to buy the game/controller for 60, instead of simply downloading it.

Kudos for making me spend money bitches... =P

"Oh noes, but Kris, you must support the trend to make it bigger."

Meh... Whatever.

Actually, by not being trendy, I'm being trendy... Funny how that works out.

Tho it's kinda sad to see the US release of Beatmania IIDX basically drop off the face of the planet. =/ I just hope they don't release it in a bundle with controller for like 100 bucks... x.x;; I mean shit.....I already spent 100 bucks on a damn controller that I imported, so I don't really need a new one... (especially since i just cleaned it out a couple weeks ago, and it still works like a charm)


So I finally got caught up with Naruto.... Phew. Current on both the anime and the manga. (or at least somewhat current on the manga... I've read translated up to 279 cause they don't have a trans of 280 or 281 up on NF.com yet, but I did check out the raws to see what's up)

I can't believe another 22 weeks of this filler crap... ;_; From the looks of it, they're gonna start an arc with Naruto leading the brat pack, then probably 2 more filler arcs, then it's FINALLY time warp time. x.x;;

As for the manga... YAY!! GAARA LIVES!!! =D And now that we see Kankuro without his mask on..... Makes me wonder if I should do that maybe... I mean, I kind of have the hair for it... Kind of... ^^;;; But again... What's next for the manga... The Chunnin exam they mentioned in the 4th chapter of the time warp? Meeting Orochi like Sasori mentioned? Something completely different?

And then there's other stuff I've been checking out... I still need to watch FMA, just to see what all the hype about it is... Then I'm gonna grab Eyeshield 21, Full Metal Panic 2nd Riot (tho I wish I could find the original), and Bleach. Yes, I know.....I haven't seen Bleach yet... Laugh at me...


And yeah... Guess that's it for now....


Girls with boyfriends make me cry..... ;_;
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Sunday, October 30, 2005

So I mentioned this yesterday in my LJ update on the Kris journal... (yanno, the "drama whoring" post... or at least that's what it's probably being called... so sue me for wanting to end the bullshit.)


If everything works out the way I want them to work out..... I'll be moving to Austin this summer. For good.

Now obviously, I need a LOT of stuff to happen for this to go down.


1) I need a solution to my debt problems. And I think I have it. For the last couple months, I've been getting these letters from GE Money about personal loans. I've been hesistant about doing this, for fear of how bad of an interest rate I'd get. But I mean....it'd be the easiest way to just pay off the cards, then just have one payment for the next couple years. I mean yeah, having to pay 300-400 a month for this would suck, but it's better than what I'm paying on the cards right now.

So if I do this, I'm gonna wait til next year. Why wait you ask? I don't want it fucking up my tax rebate. XD No seriously....I'm expecting like 1000 bucks when I file, and I think getting a loan would severely fuck that up. But when I do it, I'm gonna try to get a 15,000 dollar loan. Spend 13k paying off the bills, then pay back what I don't use. That'll help the payback process a lot. (along with the tax rebate) Plus this way, I don't have to worry about all the tax junk on it for another year. (which I'm still majorly confused on how all that works....but whatever)

As I said before, my biggest fear was being raped on interest. Well yesterday, I did one of those check your credit score things, and it was a 708. I guess that's pretty good. So I might not get as nailed as I thought I would, which is awesome. Maybe only like 15% instead of 24%. ^^;;;

So with all this, and staying with Meijer til I leave, I could build up a pretty decent chunk of money to move with, AND have a solution in place to eliminate my debt problems in 2 or 3 years.

2) I need a place to live. That's pretty much a given tho... I mean, move somewhere, gotta have somewhere to live, right? Hehe. I know a couple people that have said "Dude, we so want you to move in to an apartment with us", and I might take up one of those offers. It'd be a LOT easier to pay rent being split 2-4 ways then paying by yourself. (especially on top of the 300-400/month I'd already be paying for the loan thing)

But even then.... I have the option of moving in with my Grandma for a short time if needed... I would prefer not to, but if it can't be helped, then yeah.....

3) I need a job. I'm not going unless I already have a job lined up. That's pretty much the simple end of things. Hehe. And I'm not talking about like cashier at Walmart or sandwich maker at Subway or anything like that... I'm talking like an actual, real job. I know that'll be hard, what with only being able to check the "some college" box, but it's still possible....

One place I was looking is the IRS. They have the building set up right there in South Austin by 290/35. Or Dell, or 3M, or anything like that. There ARE jobs out there, you just gotta know where to look for them, and not be as picky.

Obviously, I'm looking for a complete career change. (if you can call what I've been doing the last 5 years a "career") I want to actually TRY to do something in my life.... That's why I was thinking the IRS thing. Do accountant type stuff. Granted, I tried taking an accounting class in college, couldn't really get it, and dropped it.... But it was a night class, and I hate night classes... ^^;;;;

Ok.....so I have no clue what I want to do with my life.... x.x;;;;;



That's it... The 3 things I need to be in place for me to move.

So why all of a sudden do I want to do this? Why now?

Simple... I'm about to turn 25... Never in my wildest dreams did I ever envision my life where I'd be 25 and still living at home with my parents.... And neither did they... My mom was telling me that out of all of the kids, she thought I stood the best chance of making something of themselves... I've failed them, I've failed myself, I've failed everyone... And I need to change that.

So why pick Summer 06 for this?

Again, simple. Gives me a realistic goal of when I want to get this done, do it over the summer when it's easier, and this way.... What with everyone from Katrina migrating over to Texas and clogging up the job/apartment market right now, giving it til next summer might make it a lot easier to find both. ("might")


Sooo... Yeah. Let's hope some stuff starts going my way for once.....yanno? ^^;;
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Saturday, October 29, 2005

So I think I'm getting an iPod for X-Mas/Birthday. Kind of a big slash between the two there, as my birthday is 2/8, but yeah. (ugh....25... i'm too damn old... (especially since all these girls I'm meeting all of a sudden are like.....15 or 16... x.x;;;;;))

But anyhow, yeah... iPod... I think I'm getting that new model that plays video and stuff. That's hot. The only problem with it is I was talking to my mom about it yesterday, and she's all "we can't get you the 60gb one cause it's 400 bucks." So they wanna get the 30gb one for 300 bucks.

Ok, now to sound like a greedy little shit here...

But 30gb isn't gonna last.

Let's see... First off, I have 20gb worth of Eurobeat that'll be going on this thing... So there's 2/3's of the hard drive right there. Then, say I decide to convert some Naruto or something to .mp4, and put them on there. Goodbye 30gb!

I dunno... Maybe it's just me... You're already spending 300 bucks.... What's an extra 100 bucks?

If I was buying it for myself at least....I'd think that way.... ^^;;;;

So I came up with an idea... If they're only willing to spend the 300 bucks to get the 30gb one.... What if I came up with the extra 100 bucks, then they could get the 60gb one......

HOLY CRAP, I USED MY BRAIN FOR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!! O_O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


The next week or so will suck beyond all belief... My room needs painting....end of story. And a nice little remodel wouldn't hurt either. So I'm gonna have to totally and completely clear my room out so my mom can get in to paint, then wait 2 days while she paints, then reorganize everything in there.

The real problem I have in there is the sheer amount of wires just going all over the place. I need to clean that up big time before I have a massive electrical fire or something like that.... And probably get new surge protectors.. ^^;;;

So basically... No PS2, no compy, no pr0n, no bed, no lots of stuff... I'll be sleeping on the couch downstairs til it's done.. x.x;;;

But my mom's happy, cause my room is the only room in the entire house that she hasn't got her hands on yet.... This is like a wet dream come true for her... (maybe that's why I'm getting the iPod... XD)


No, I'm getting it because I actually asked for a new cd player in my car....one that would play MP3's... And my sister went and bought the new iPod for her boyfriend, so my mom asked if I wanted an iPod instead of a new CD player.

Shit... CD player I can buy myself... I'll take an iPod.. XD


Woke up to ice on my car this morning... God I hate winter... That's one thing I definetly won't miss when I leave Chicago.....

Ok... Well I'm gonna take a nap or something... Wheeeeee
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