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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Blah.... I hate being me... =/
Why do I lack the ability to carry a conversation?
I'll be talking, then next thing you know, there's like a 2 hour lasp in the conversation because I can't think of anything to talk about. It makes me feel bad about myself, and makes me think the person I'm talking to is losing interest or something... And like... I know the other person is good at talking, because I hear about them talking a lot to people for long periods of time and stuff... So there's gotta be something wrong with me that's causing this to happen. And as odd as this sounds, it makes me feel inferior and stuff... Like I'm insignificant.
And I'm not just talking about Tala here.
But the general lack of activity with society is what causes my feelings of lonelyness. Even tho I know there's people out there, I don't know what to say to them. I've always had problems making friends, and it continues in my adult life. Actually, it appears to be amplifying... I was NEVER this lonely...
Not to mention the constant feelings of paranoia that make me feel like all this is true... And that I'm totally worthless, and can't compete with all the other guys out there...
Am I a mental case? Probably.
Just once in my life, I want to feel like I belong. Is that too much to ask?
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