Thursday, September 8, 2005

Time: 9:02a
(i'm gonna start doing this just so people know when I'm posting shit... that's one thing I hate about MyO, and love about LJ.. date stamp is good and all, but what about time stamp? and the comment system sucks here. and if you only want to address certain people in a post... oh well)


Ah, a day off... Lovely... >>;;

Sadly, I was up around 7 today. I don't usually wake up on my days off til like 9 or 10.

But yeah. Woke up, talked to Kayoubi for a bit while she was getting ready for school, and that was about it. Tried not to fall back asleep then, but now I can't GO back to sleep.. XD

Plans for the day include.... Either playing some FFXI, or playing poker online... There a tourney that starts here in about an hour, and another at 1:30. I'm thinking maybe I should just use my PS2 for FFXI today, and the PC for poker.

I can't really do much with my Fairy char, so I might FINALLY get around to leveling Cuteythief... XD Seeing how you guys are 15+ and I'm still 1 with no subjob... Yeah... ^^;;;;


So despite all the crap going on lately, I've been doing a lot of deep inner thinking. Trying to figure out why my life is the way it is. And Kayoubi basically hit it right on the head...

We hover around those we feel are mentally up to par with ourself. She hangs out with older people because she thinks people her age are stupid and immature. I hang around younger people probably because I'm not ready to be an adult yet, despite the fact I'm 24... I keep going after younger girls because I have little to no experience in the relationship department, and neither do they, for the most part. That's why I don't just go to a bar and hook up with random drunk girl... That, and I would never lower myself to that to begin with.

I think my biggest problem tho... Yes, I'm still a virgin at 24. (and probably will be til I'm 40) I wanna be with a girl that's also a virgin, or that is as inexperienced as me in this arena.... No, not for some religious reason... For.......a reason I'm not gonna say here..... (if you wanna know, im me i guess...) With girls having sex at a younger and younger age, I feel so left behind in life... There's many things I've not experienced in 24 years, so much that a 14 year old probably know more about the world than I do.....


Like I said the other day... I know I need to change my life for the better.

That's why I've come up with a list of things I want to do in the next 4 months. If when 2006 rolls around, I can look back and see that I'm a different person than I am as I type this, then it'll all be worth it.

#1: Surprisingly, it's not find a girl. That's later on. =P In actuality, it's get the fuck out of debt by any means necassary. As I sit here, I have 12,000 dollars of credit card debt. And I only make 20k a year with my craptastic job at Meijer. Suffice to say.....this is a problem.

I've gotten a couple offers for 0% on balance transfers and loans I could get... I think it's time I take those. I'm gonna get a 10000 dollar loan, pay off most of my cards, then with what's left, transfer the balance to a card where I hopefully have 0% APR, then pay that off. The loan, I would pay off over the next 2 or 3 years. That way, all my credit card debt is gone.

From there, if I want to do anything fun, like go to Texas for a con, I need to set up a secondary account where I save money. Which, conveinently, I already have a savings account set up.

Then, I kill my credit cards, except for one, which I'll keep for emergencies... Like, if my car gets hit, or unexpected doctor's bills, or anything like that. Not porn, hotels, plane tickets... None of that stuff.

I think it goes without saying that the number of cons in Texas I attend will go down dramatically.... Which sucks, but in the end, it'll be worth it when I'm finally able to move back down there.

As it stand, my con schedule for next year:

Ushi: going
AKON: going
Onicon: probably going. (i'm talking 06 here. i'm definetly going this year)
AFest: NOT going
Chibi: NOT going
Shiokaze: Undecided.
any other random con: not going

I'm only definetly coming down for next month's Onicon, January's Ushicon, maybe for Shiokaze, definetly AKON, and maybe next year's Onicon. I think that'll depend on what happens this year.

I need to be smarter with money. Stop spending it. Just because i HAVE a credit card doesn't mean I need to use it.


#2: (yes, all that was number 1)

Look at me... I'm fucking hidious... >>;;;;; By the end of the year, my goal is to of dropped 50 pounds. Then by AKon, I want to of lost another 50. If I can be down to 150 by June 06, I will be happy...

To do this, I'm doing a LOT of stuff... Mt Dew intake is gone. Instead, it's been replaced by drinks with the word "Diet" in them. Diet Rite, Diet Cherry Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, etc. I'm drinking a shitload of water. I'm eating hardly anything... I'll have breakfast at work, no lunch, and a small dinner.

I'm doing some walking, in an attempt to build leg strength. My legs are my number 1 problem....what with all the knee and ankle problems I have.... But with no legs, you can't do much of anything.

Unless I'm thinking about it the other way.... Get rid of the top so there's less for the legs to carry...

But either way, yeah.

I haven't weighed 200 pounds since like 8th grade... And I'm not even lying there... I've always been this chubby little fucktard. I want to change that in the worst way.....

#3: Get better at poker.

Finally, something stupid on the list. The first two are dramatic life altering things... This... Well this just takes lots and lots of practice. Thankfully tho, I'm getting said practice on a regular basis.

#4: Fix the girl situation.

You knew this was coming.

Now I have no problem with internet relationships, having a girl that lives in Texas or Teneessee, or whatever... But it'd be nice to have someone closer... Someone to actually touch, feel, hold, etc. I've always said actions speak louder than words. Saying you love someone is one thing, but showing them is completely different. And no, I don't mean that... Pervs.. >>;;

I'm not so much gonna stop going after the 16-20 age bracket, tho I should. But that goes back to the point I made early with mental/emotional capacity.

Now if something happens at Onicon, and I met some awesome girl, and we hit it off and fall for each other... Cool. If it doesn't happen, then no big deal. I'm not gonna let it bother me. It didnt bother me at AFest, and there were a couple girls that I had interest in. It didn't work out, oh well. You live, you learn, you move on.


Now there's more to this list.....but it's more pesonal stuff. Things I feel I have to do.


Will it be easy? No
Will it work out? Who knows

But this is all shit I know I have to do....


When I was 12, I had this feeling I'd be dead by 27. That's 2 1/2 years off. At the rate I'm going, that prediction will probably come true. That more than anything is why I know I need to do this.


And I know I'm on my own because I can't depend on anyone else but me.
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