Monday, February 13, 2006

i guess i should/could update. forgive the lack of shift key, i'm rather lazy

and extremely sicked up. started right before i left. just a ton of mucus around the esophagas (sp). runny nose, hacking cough, etc. left for texas, arrived, it didn't really get much better the whole time i was down there. prolly because of the cedar, and my allergic reaction to it. but whatever. get back, it's almost gone.....but then it comes back full force the next day. and it's only been getting worse the last couple days. parents seem to think i might have pnumonia or something. me being the stubborn ass i am refuses to go to a doctor. so i'll just take this day/nyquil, and wait for it to leave my system.

reasons for post the other day.... to be blunt, it's because of my parents. they do nothing but make me feel worse about myself. they're quick to point out what i'm doing wrong, but offer no help with how to do things right. example, my mom. she knows my "plan" to try to get out of debt.......getting a loan from this company that's offering, using that to pay off the credit cards, then paying the loan off. she said very bluntly that it wouldn't work, i'd just be digging myself in a deeper whole, and would be fucked for the rest of my life. she seems to think that once i pay the cards off, i'd then begin a shopping spree which would involve running them back up again. well no......i plan on cutting those fuckers apart once they're paid up. hell, of the 4 accounts i have right now, 1 is cut, 1 is expired and i cut the new card they sent, 1 i keep in my desk in my room that i never use, and the 4th... well that's the problem one... x.x;; that's the only one i'm not maxed out on (tho i might be after last week), but unfortunetly has a max of 9000 dollars..... yes, i think i'm pushing 15k on credit card debt. and i'm only making 20k a year right now.....

now add on how minimum payments went and doubled recently... on that big number one, i went from having to pay like 150 bucks to 270! and now, it'll prolly be around the 300-325 range... can you see why i need this loan type thing?!?

but anyhow, she just continues to go in on me how i'll never be able to make it on my own, how i should just stay at home and try to find a new job around here, and blah blah blah.


can people see why i'm so depressed all the time? i try my best to build myself up, then my own mother is the one to knock it all down.


her more than anything is why i want out of this place..... i love her and all, but i can't stand this anymore. she makes me feel like utter shit, and i'm sick of it. i can't really say anything about it tho, cause they could very easily just as quick kick me out. and i'm totally fucked then. so i just put on the fake smile, and live with it.


as of now, i don't know what's going on with shiokaze. i wanna go, mainly to spend some time with kuu and everyone else. (and yes, in case i haven't made it abundantly obvious, i like kuu. in talking with her while i was driving home last week, she's like....the perfect girl... she's exactly what i'm looking for... but she doesn't want a bf, so that kinda kills that.) the only thing that would prevent me from going would be lack of money. which i may or may not have.....i don't know yet. i DO have a bonus check coming up, but i don't know how much it'll be. it may not be much at all. or it may be a lot. either way, yeah. if i go, i'm not bringing ANY credit cards. not even my shell gas card. x.x; but the realization of the situation is; can i justify spending 2-300 dollars just to hang out with people for a weekend, when hopefully i'll be moving down there permanently a couple weeks/months later? tbh, if i had a gf down there at the time, the answer would be a yes without thinking. but i don't right now, so yeah....


future cosplay plans:
kankuro - need to redo the puppet yet again, make a new shirt, and it should be good to go for a couple more runs. either that, or just modify the hell out of it, and truely make it a raver kankuro type thing
duffman - find a superman costume, and modify it. easy enough.
ino - yes, you see that right. kuu's doing sasuke at akon, so i'm gonna do ino, and stalk her and whatnot. double crossplay goodness for many laughs indeed. no clue HOW i'm gonna pull off the costume tho... x.x;;;;
dosu - part of a group with danzig/kim. dunno when we're doing it, but kim said she'd hook me up costume wise. ^^;;


started playing pso:blue burst. very fun. i forgot how cool pso was. can't wait for psu now. might it replace ffxi? the way things have been going as of late, possibly.... my ls is ignoring me yet again. i either get excluded from stuff, or just outright ignored. it's great. yet without those guys, i probably wouldn't have any gil or anything like that. it's a complete double edged sword...

ffxi is like meijer... i love my job, but i hate the assholes i have to deal with every day.

so i'm stuck at 67 until i can get an assault jerkin. which i need help killing the nm to get the drop. not to mention i'm 0/6 on the drop. x.x;; yeah, my luck sucks... once i get it, i'll probably just exp my way to 70, and go from there. i still need a couple pieces of equip here and there, but for the most part, i'm set. just waiting for some prices to go back down, then buy stuff. maybe today i can buy the enk-bracelets i need.


i guess that's about it... i've just been extremely lonely and depressed since i got back to chicago.... nothing i'm doing seems to help either.
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