Sunday, May 11, 2008

Super Secret Messages!?
WHAT! WHERE?!

Oh, well - pardon the "insanity" it is late and if you know me, you also may know I'm running on only the residual brainwaves from Friday.

Secret messages... maybe, but I did happen to find some in my Pastel manga. I also know they had been there for one year and 3 months. I'm such a detective... Anyway, I was kinda both surprised and offended about three notes I found in each of the first three volumes of my manga (quite an innocent storyline if you ask me). The first one said:
"Bad bad boy! I am disapointed in you!!!"

I was thinking "Oh, my gosh. Who would put this in my manga?!" then I noticed that it was written on a note pad provided by a Hampton inn.

The only time my manga and I had ever been to a Hampton Inn was at the very first Ikkicon in Austin, TX. Apparently, someone in our room thought it might be a good idea to shame me for my choice in paperback reading material. I got so mad at the thought that the person I thought would do this and had in fact done this that I wrote my feelings down on paper and came up with the thought that she was a hypocrite and quite fiendishly so. I had planned on reading all the way thru this story again anyhow, so I pick up the second one and find another note:

"If you don't get rid of these, I am going to tell your parents."

This was the one that told me it was a joke after all - nobody there knew my parents. I laughed so hard. My sister Kari came in and looked through the others and said there were more notes. I wanted to wait to see the others. Finally, I sat down to read the 3rd (I never found a fourth note). It read:

"Go to Google images and look up "sex". It is free and it is real people."

Obviously, I had already done this... er, know of someone who did... :D and its really - um... eww. Just stay away from google images. Type in anything without the filter and you are almost guaranteed to find PORN - or worse. Well, this was obviously written by someone who was either doing a terrible job of flirting with me or a terrible job of messing with me. Either way, it was terrible - not like they actually read the story. I can tell by the pages the notes were left on. I would have left said notes on the most scandalous pages, while these seemed to be placed randomly.

End of ecchi-sam detective story... yeah, I am called ecchi-sam by one of my friends... mostly because I'm a romatic comedy fan
- its so funny sounding :D ecchi-sam :D

busy month

Well, no more busy at work (I hope) though one of my co-workers is about to have a little akachan / baby / bundle of joy. She won't be back for a month and then the other guy who I've been helping to do all the stuff I do (way too dang hard to explain) is taking his vacation at the end of this month.

I've also got plans to attend the local Renaissance festival, Scarborough Faire next weekend and then finally on the 30th - the return of my beloved A-kon! Oh there will be shwag! The shwag there will be!

I also took a couple hours today to look for an apartment.

WHAAAT!!!

Yeah, gotta leave the freaking nest already!
I CAN actually afford the single bedroom at one place. It doesn't look too good on the outside... or the inside, but its acceptably close to where I work and not bad on the price at all. If I go for the cheap one, I'll get a cruise - 5 days all expense paid (way better than Carnival). I just wish I had some desire to go on a cruise... if its at least 2 tickets then there's no problem (don't wanna go alone - thats just sad)... maybe I should get a passport...

Ben Stein's Movie

Expelled - the new documentary by Ben Stein was fantastic. It really brought to light the problems the scientific community is causing for itself.
No self scrutiny
No accceptance of ideas of a certain type of influence
(namely religious)
Its a terrible thing thats happening to the scientific community because of it. Many scientists are losing tenior because of their beliefs and have nothing to do about it because of the many people who are willing to give up their beliefs to stay employed. Heartless people...

Its all because of this:
Nobody can explain how the cell works, how such a magnificent system came into being. So there's no explanation? Those with faith can't see another explanation than intelligent design, so when the scientific authorities see that, they kick out their "rogue ideology" and take away their tenior. Its a travesty, really. To lose so many brilliant minds from scientific journals just because they can't see how something so magnificent could be created in such a mundane fashion as trial and error that would, in all likelihood, take longer than the life of a star.

This is a great documentary and has some astounding parallels that are only so offensive to the scientific community only because they cant be anything but accurate. The truth hurts.

End of Post

Well, it was fun typing so much until 2am... I gotta wake up tomorrow.

Songs stuck in head for length of post typing:
"Crazy little thing called love"
"Don't Stop me Now"
both by Queen


I'll probably forget to post again...
[Krusty]
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The webcomic is cancelled by me
I did this sketch of the MC for that (bad - I realized) idea:

It turns out the idea is only funny to those w/ a morbid sense of humor and would definitely end in some question of sanity on the writer's part. I'm glad I have friends that can point out to me that an amphibious creature killing people for sport isn't exactly funny... after you laugh the first time. I need a writer... or to have funny ideas of my own... 'cause funny is easier to draw.

On another note, I don't remember there being so few people that would visit in any two weeks given time... I dont even have gb signings newer than December... I check it b/c I don't get the "alert" anymore.

figures I get off hiatus when almost everyone I know is on hiatus. Maybe they are playing WoW...

No, thats not it. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now...

kbye
[Krusty]
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Saturday, April 12, 2008

   BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad - the review
Naturally I watched the English dub. I know that some who may read this would be shocked and frightened at the thought of doing the same. As for why I watched the English dub: I intend to support the anime industry here in America. I'm sure you've heard it all before "don't buy the English dub - the voice acting sucks", "why spend your life savings on a box set when you can download it for free?", etc. I, as a true fan will not stoop to "not buying something I like" - its stealing to download it without having the intention to buy it. I'm not so insane as to buy the complete set of a show thats gone on for so many seasons as Naruto, Dragonball, or Inuyasha; but I'm prepared to put money in the industry that will support that story/author/publisher. I'm not saying that its the best way to rationalize downloading, but the industry needs the money. If you aren't willing to pay for what you take from it, you don't deserve to have it. *huff* *puff*

Now that thats over, my review:
IT WAS AWESOME!!! I DONT want to watch the JP dub either! WHO CARES IF THE ORIGINAL HAD AN ORIGINAL SONG BY THE BEATLES?!!?
copyright laws suck in that case and they had to not pay Michael Jackson* to use the song lyrics
(* MJ owns the rights and would therefore get the royalties - a % of the sale of this DVD set).

...I WANT TO BUY A FREAKING GUITAR AND START ON THE UNDERGROUND ROCK SCENE!!!
But I won't... I don't have the skill... or the time.

Its very inspirational as I believe I convinced you just now, I really am thinking of dropping by the Guitar Center and getting a Strat to start practicing. I keep finding myself singing loudly in my car whenever I hear a song I know the words to... and even the ones I don't know the words to (sounds awful then). Its a trip of a lifetime, and you should definitely consider the ride. Its really what rock is all about.

With that done, I think I'll start rewriting my Ninja Story... it needs a cool title - probably something I'll have to come up with myself.
*Digs out notes*
I'll start posting it again from the beginning when I'm done with a much larger portion this time... so be prepared to wait :D

My Answers to the Questions

1. I like both :D - I don't know which one came first, but I believe one is the inspiration for the other in design. p.s. also leading me to believe this is that The Pillows - who play "Ride on Shooting Star" (first on my music list) and "Advice" in FLCL also play "Advice" in BECK.

2. My favorite...
comedy - I love to laugh, almost more than anything. If its funny I'm ready to watch it.
drama - I can't seem to get enough drama. I can't stop though if I'm in the middle of a sad part or I wont get over myself
action - Its really a second banana to any of the other genres. Its the part that gets you pumped and filled with adrenaline. I got my only speeding ticket after watching an action movie.
sci-fi - Brings the unthinkable to life in a way thats not unrealistic. Its the type of free thinking that gives science that edge... its also a second banana though. Plays well with drama.
sci-fact - um, it is a genre thats pretty entertaining... but its only the SCIENCE thats based on fact in this case, so its only half-correct to call it that... but its like CSI and ER and all those (stupid) doctor shows. I'd even bundle in Law and Order (which is awesome) into the genre of sci-fact. Its really the same as Sci-fi tho... and its drama only. Comedy is distasteful with it.
fantasy - Not necessarily a second banana (I love that term today). It brings out the impossible like Sci-fi in a way you don't care how supernatural it is.
***Krusty throws a fireball at his laundry and it suddenly disappears into his closet unharmed and neatly folded
other - other genres are just as good as the second bananas (lol - I must be bananas), but without the drama or comedy, they just aren't worth a darn.

So overall - I like it if its purely comedy; or a truly dramatic story that brings about inward thinking. Farces like South Park (and many shows on Comedy Central) just help me stop watching tv.

*click*

Anyway, Thanks for reading my absurdly long post today - its time for the visits.... (I wonder if anyone has posted...)

[Krusty]
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Friday, April 11, 2008

I will NOT make up for lost time... (OMG that would be a lot of typing)
Yeah, I'm still here

I figured I'd get a post in before the insanity shows up later. My last post was LONG I admit... but the rant is really just for me XD - that makes it shorter for everyone

Mrrglrrglrrglrr!!!!

Just to clariify, that webcomic is as done a deal as if I were to own a business tomorrow. I'm seriously doubting he'll ever give me something to draw (written out). And I'm aware that he only might have access to a domain name. I'd be unsurprised if he is playing Call of Duty 4 as I type this... Oh well, now to divulge the 'alleged' premise of the comic itself:

Murlocs - and more specifically a murloc sniper.

Murlocs, one of the most loathsome and interesting monsters in the World of Warcraft I've ever seen. Here's an artists rendition of the creature:


This happens to be a "cute" picture of one, so don't be fooled. These tribal creatures will scare away some of the more fearsome creatures of the game and cause endless hours of turmoil and calamity... that aside, they seem to be quite stupid.

I only want to get in on his idea, because its easier to draw than my own ideas... (dramatic stuff can't be "cartoony" - its distasteful).

Real Estate

No, I'm not moving out yet... dangit. My brother, however, has put a down-payment on a new house! I'm jealous really... but then again, he got to move out of the house for college. I'm still here and I already graduated last year. I blame myself for being too nice to my grandmother's pocketbook. I get to see the house tomorrow... just have to wake up before 10am.

Not working at work...

ITS A VERY BAD THING FOR ME
I was seriously worried in this two week's work slump that I might have been fired... I made a nice-sized mistake when I put down 14 hours on a specific job and forgot what I did on it. Too bad we are alerted on this after the client gets the bill (this happens to be our most well paying client). I got a headache just thinking about the situation... Things are starting to turn back around though, so I'm fairly certain that I'm not in seriously deep. I've been getting more sleep as far as that other problem goes, but I'm still sleepy before lunch comes around. No - breakfast doesn't help if I have it - I'm not a coffee drinker either, so I have no energy to in the morning (caffeine goes right through me anyway).

That's good enough... right?

To wrap up this post that just keeps getting longer, I'll just list my recent otaku purchase:

-BECK Volumes 2-6

Yup, I bought them all... Vol 1 came a bit earlier in the limited edition box b/c I thought it was the actual box set...
*punches self in face*
of course the box set isn't $30

I've seen to the halfway point and now I get the nagging feeling to play guitar... I have no clue how to... oh, and sing - I don't do that in front of people - its awful when I get too high of a note...

Questions:

1. Who's your favorite anime kid with a guitar?
-a. Koyuki Tanaka from BECK
-b. Naota from FLCL
-c. Other... cuz I can't think of another...

2. Whats your favorite genre:
-comedy
-drama
-action
-sci-fi
-err... sci-fact...?
-Fantasy
-other

Thats all for today... time to visit (',')
[Krusty]
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

   Baka in the saddle
Well, I'm back... and a baka...

I'm an idiot because not only have I left MyO behind for so long, but I've not drawn a single thing either. Its really about time I gave myself the restrictions I spoke of yesterday...

Hmm, this next paragraph is a rant... feel free to skip it (not like you're going to understand it)

///WARNING///RANT-ZONE///
I'm so annoyed w/ myself that I get the odd feeling I'm pestering others... hehe, maybe thats why I'm blogging... Anyway - as far as things go in the world I was living in, I was getting so much closer to the end game... where daily quests reign and the occasional raid group takes on a dungeon every weekend. I wan't to get to that point, but I'm so darn annoying right now... I can't seem to control the inflection I put on my typing... a bad joke and an ominous silence later, I'm saying sorry out of nowhere. I really can't figure out if I'm being ignored on purpose or accident...

^ oh look a rant!
Thats a rant alright... feel free to skip it :D

On the topic of drawing gewd

Yerse, I draw gewd... just not lately.
I'm gonna have to make an HD background for my new monitor... I really prefer to use my own. Yup HD. I even hooked up my old monitor for some dual screen action. I have no clue what I want to make for my new background, so I take requests and stuff like that (I'll make a 1024x768 version for everyone too) ;)

Oh, right that has little to do with how I draw... How silly of me - Now I shall tell you of a caper of the art variety that I did volunteer for. A friend of mine wants to create a Webcomic! You read that right... I just hope he's going to have some material for me to get drawing on soon...
...Maybe I'll do a bit of an easy type of comic style. I have much to work on concerning this (should I ever get to it...) and I would enjoy seeing some results from myself finally.

The thing I want most anymore...

I WANT TO GET OUTTA HERE!!!!

I want to see the world dangit! I want to see it after I exit my OWN place that is. Mom and Dad are great, but I'm on the verge of making my own declaration of independence and going all in on an apartment. My room is great and all, but its almost like I get shell shocked from staying at a friends' place. I recently went on a cruise with four of my friends (not my ideal way to spend money by the way). No mistake about it, I had fun despite the cash out of pocket. I'm not likely to cough up that kind of cash to go again though.

Souvenirs / highlights:
- a magnetite necklace (woo.)
- a scorpion magnet (...woo.)
- felt drunk the whole time without enough drinks to allow me to believe I was... (I had one margarita... and it was tiny)
- I got to watch Dragonball Z dubbed in Spanish! Olay!
-I got to drive a dinky little car all the way around a tropical island and I happened to dip myself in the ocean once.

Sounds exciting? You betcha... At least I didn't go skiing... I would have gotten a WORSE sunburn. I should have brought my girlfriend along... oh right, don't have one.... still

Well, thats enough ripping at myself for being an unsociable party-pooper on a cruise I paid for.

Yeah, I really am back

I've probably already gone over this in my last post, but I've had trouble sleeping b/c of my late night gaming habits. This is a real problem because I have work at 8:00am nowadays. I can get there on time just fine because my alarm clock is always set... its staying awake that is the problem. I've managed so far to keep myself at least looking aware if not alert even when I'm zoning out at my desk. I'm pretty sure this would be perfect if I could actually move my arm and click the mouse without my arm spasming and sending the mouse flying across the pad. I'm really good at what I do, just if I could be awake while I do that... Anyway, I talked to my boss last week about a little slip up that had occurred (I initiated the conversation thank God) and I let him know that I've been a little depressed lately and I need to give myself a bit more time to focus (absolutely true, I swear). I soon got over the possible chemical imbalance that caused the depression and went back to work yesterday as focused as I had ever been. Habits not being so easy to control, I wasn't so lively today.. x_x

I intend to conquer this problem if it takes me all night! I hope it does take all night actually

The dreaded Questions:

1. Ever paid for a major vacation yourself? Details?
2. Ever read AiKora by Kazurou Inoue?
Sample pic:

3. Missed me?

I missed MyO and especially the few that have read and commented on my posts
I'm so glad to be back again.

[Krusty]
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Um, I'm back - work is kinda tough... yeah
Well, dont let the severe undertone of my title fool you - I'm still employed. Its rough here and there and I'm still having trouble sleeping...

I feel so bad about not doing much of any posting on anything since 1/05 - I know you are still here and must miss the insanity. Lucky for you I haven't been able to keep my sanity.

Well, I'm back for the time being getting over my addiction to WoW... I had to set up the parental controls to keep myself off...

...

I'm too lazy to just go and reset it...


You all remember the puppy right? Sure ya do! I mentioned her in the last post, didn't I? Well, she's gotten to the "teenage" portion of the dogs life already and, frankly, the house smells funny... My mom blames it on the glue she and my dad used to finally put hardwood floors in their bedroom after X months longer than a year. If you are thinking there's a mess, well... she's not "in season" yet (and yes I'm convinced my mom intends to breed her(more bad smells...)). Its not all bad, cuz puppies are cute.


Anyway, I've personally been having a bit of trouble staying awake and alert at work, so I put the bit in my mouth and gave a good yank. When that didn't work, I looked at what the obvious problem was and devised a clever plan to keep me from leaving it as a problem. Parental controls yes... on myself. Now I have to watch the clock while in game and give myself the boot when necessary, so that I'm not tempted to change the boot log in case of failure to return to base...

Questions:
1. Got any questions for me?

bbl I swear - the parental lock kicks me off at 8:30pm. I won't have anything else to do...
- [Krusty] >{
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Saturday, January 5, 2008

Ring in the New Year...
Well, another year goes by. I'd say I missed it, but I was there the whole time. I once figured that I'd get a bit toasted this New Year's Eve since its my first one at 21, but I seem to have lost my taste for liquor. I barely finished a full glass of champagne.

The Rundown on Christmas

Shwag:
- A.I. Love You vol. 7 (Ken Akamatsu's No. 1 Manga Collector -english copies only)
- Love Hina (Again) the movie :D
- Spirited Away
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force Season 1
- Sake to watch it all with
- Best Buy Gift Card - $15
- Can't remember everything, but there's more
- And lastly, the awesomeness - A Digital Camera

See, I took some pictures ^_^

Yeah, thats me :P

That might be all my Manga... well, it doesn't include the light novels I've got at least

This is the puppy I helped get my mom for Christmas.

That's about it I guess...

Any Questions or comments? My PM box is always open... That works since I don't have any questions to ask in general right now.

Happy New Year everybody, I'll see you around!
[Krusty]
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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Lately... + puppy + WOW (in any order I want)

It's beginning to look alot like...

Well, its Christmastime - the most "wonderful" time of the year to many. The malls are packed and guys like me tend to never get their shopping done. I'm surprised I'm already done with shopping by the way. Its also the most fund-consuming holiday season ever.

Speaking of fund consuming, there was a present I helped get without knowing it until mere hours before it was purchased. No... its actually not some cheezy holiday story. I was completely left out of the idea that I'd be getting my mom a puppy. Turns out that I had not been told until my sister was about to go and pick it up. Well, I completely missed the look on my mom's face - apparently it was something... Man, this is kinda disappointing. I'm glad we got it now, though I wish more than ever that I had been informed.

Puppy Specifications:
- Cute as hell
- Teacup-ish for the breed
- already chewing on everything (including me)
- peeing everywhere (almost on some Christmas presents)
- Breed: Boston Terrier
- Name: Princess Sarah

The bane of all that is a guy's life (if he has one

Yep, just in case you don't know what I mean by WOW, it means World of Warcraft. Yup, and I'm addicted. Its not a bad thing for me (like Everquest 2 was), since I actually have real-life friends playing it with me.

I've been forced to use restraint in my leveling to let the married guys keep up, but overall its a good game with some people that make me feel better about myself (some stupid people do play WOW, so if you are allergic... >_>;). I've got some pretty good skills with the game, and I've even learned how to play the auction-house already. (If you want to join my guild, I'm on the Bloodhoof server as both Krustgrom and Bravothree)

The miracle of boredom...

I'm still shocked I've not played WOW since I started this post... I'll try to grit my addicted teeth and visit sites like I ought to.

Question:

What are YOU addicted to?
It can really be anything you just can't stop doing for too long. Something, I prefer that combines the feeling of guilt for NOT doing with the addictive nature of what it is. Examples are: Blogs, Blackberrys, Text messages on the cellphone, Massively Multiplayer Online RPGs, Television, TiVO...

my answer:

Obviously, I'm addicted to WOW. Not even one of those other things can even compete with it (especially the Blackberry and TiVO - since I don't have them)

Well, its now time to drop by and - now that I think of it, time to insert a rant on my thoughts involving downloading anime (my response in advocation of the words of Caesar1280:

Wow, thats alot of propaganda! Not to say I'm on another train of thought, but I have to say that some anime are impossible to buy on a budget (Naruto, Bleach, and others). If you can't support your animators, at least support the creators and buy the manga. Its a bit cheaper, and gives you the same story. Heck, even the cosplayers masquerade as characters that haven't been animated yet.

That aside, I completely agree. This is the time when you look onto the anime market floor and see it littered with "under the table loans and theft" - similar to the old American Stock Market Crash. It looks like its booming, but the insider trading and illegal transactions will eventually become the downfall of it all. This would be so much easier - though, no more easy than the downloading problems the music industry is currently having - if there was a simple international license agreement. Information is free, but art still costs money so the artist may live on.

Sorry to write a term paper in your comments, I'll just put this on MY page to make up for it. :D

Well, its late again - and this is not because of WoW you see - so I'll finish here.

[Krusty]

With that, I bid you readers adieu.
[Krusty]
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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hello again everybody =)
well, there comes a time in an american otaku's life when he goes off to some "obscure" state of the union to attend yet another convention. Well, a picture is worth a thousand words, so I guess you should prepare yourself for a few thousand words.



It was pretty easy going on the way there. Sure, I was disappointed in my stupid mistake to not bring my own music, but it was pretty fun playing mind games with myself (no, I'm not crazy... clinically).

I got to Arkansas without a hitch - I mean, no problem... even though my car is not equipped to tow jack squat. I counted around 10 grasshoppers that attempted to land on my windshield... wow, driving drives me insane...

Anyways, there I was - it was late... I got to the dormitory of the one you know as Caesar1280

Lucky am I, the one who brought Guitar Hero 3. I plugged that in and rocked the dorm after watching Ratatouille with Caesar and his friends.

Next day, alarms suddenly went off, and I realized that I only hit the snooze button. It was time for A2F (Arkansas Anime Festival) to commence. We got up, got ready (and yes, showered [and one at a time, yes]), and headed to the meeting area. Caesar's anime club is a rather nice sized group for what I expected from Arkansas...

A couple of donuts with Vash the Stampede (cosplayed amazingly by Kyle) and an hour later, we arrived at the hotel. Now, this is important- because, well - I wouldn't have drawn this next picture... so its important. I don't recommend running a Con with only two people at the registration table. I believe the wait in line took longer than the drive over there... well, without further ado - the completed OMG I drew THAT!?



Yeah, this was one of those "weird tricks Sam can do" moments. I did an art NO-NO as I call it and started by drawing the hair on this character... next thing I know - its nothing less than perfect MegaTokyo drawing style. I hadn't ever drawn that way before... and I hadn't expected it to just happen like that... one of the coolest mistakes I've ever made.

Well, the con wasn't much - perhaps I'm jaded... maybe the dealers room was just too small (I think there were 4 vendors there). I got a -real- sword (beware!!11oneone) and an Excel Saga wall-scroll
-_-;

yeah, thats it... I would've won the Guitar Hero tournament if I hadn't been dragged out of there at 7:30 TT^TT.

Krusty --> pwnzed Arkansas

I wasn't completely wiped of my Guitar Hero-ness though when we arrived back in Siloam. Just so happens, I got to play "Super Expert" mode. But thats a slight modification to the person who plays the game... yeah, it was a party - I finally got myself so drunk I was able to fall over (you'd be surprised how much this lightweight held - in fact, I was...). Anyways, I wasn't happy in the morning. The tequila and rum shooters, 1/2 bottle of sake, a margarita, and... I think that was it... did me in. Believe me when I say I don't have an alcohol problem though - I wanted to try it out once - I'm not sure it was worth the inability to taste my late breakfast/lunch. I think I sent back my sweet tea for another sweet tea...

Anyway, the meat of my adventure - a Whopping 7 hour epic worthy of an Oscar (in some far away - very boring galaxy) - summed up in another 1000 word picture:



note that in black is the route I SHOULD have taken, while in black is the route I did take...

That was definitely the scariest welcome center ever. I mean, its easy to lose track of the time and where you are when you are driving in an unfamiliar place. I thought I was almost in Kansas somehow... talk about freaked out - I pulled over there and got a freaking map.

It turned out that the welcome center was near Tulsa... go figure. I missed the turn onto hwy 69 and was actually closer to getting to 75, which for awhile is hwy 69... so I got onto 75 eventually and headed south. Turns out that luck was against me - a tollway stood there in my path, a sign showed me where to get to where 75 continued - I followed. I didn't see another sign to 75... I was almost to Oklahoma City when I realized that. I got off the road and found a gas station in the middle of deer-hunting season. Man, I just realized this story is long... and boring... wtf... well, I got directions and sped on my way. Turned south I did. Along Hwy 35 I went. Finally, much time passed and home I was.

Talking like Yoda, I am.

Now I'm bored and my fingers are tired from typing...

Question:

1. Do you like the show Heroes?
2. Do you think the WGA deserves what they are asking for? What about the writers of new shows on UPN?
3. Who's your favorite character from Heroes?
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Thursday, November 15, 2007

No, I'm still alive... I think...
*checks pulse*

WAAAGH! Nothing! I'm the walking dead! Hep!
wait... > _ > I'm okay... and alive... good

On the origin of Sam (aka - Krusty)

well, its midnight... I'm on MyO... I'm actually writing something... well, I have work tomorrow, so I can't actually go over the origins of me, but I will write a bit about whats happened lately.

Last weekend was something else - really. Have YOU ever found yourself walking around your neighborhood between 3 and 6 am?

No, I wasn't kicked out of my house... I probably needed that 5 mile walk more than anything in the world that night. I'm pretty happy with my current situation, but I'm only having problems with what I see for me in the future... I need to tell the source of all of these feelings and everything so that you can begin to understand - but without my entire life story.

It all began when I started reading "Suzuka" a manga that I would classify as the only one to ever get me to walk five miles at 3 am. It really got to me somehow, I couldn't handle how much I looked at the character and saw myself - how I wished I had been. I didn't have a good experience in school. From 1st grade all the way to high school, I was the one left out of everything. I look back to those days and I see nothing but the troubles I've had because I've let people either walk all over me or because I was so gullible and stupid a kid. It hurt so much to think about, but the only way to see what has to change is to see what you are. I need that change, I need that something extra to get me to more than just okay. I'm always waiting for it, but it never seems to be there. I'm an incomplete person and theres one solution. That solution hasn't been available throughout my school life because I never realized I was in the drivers seat. I never really focused on what my future holds for me through school, and I never had any ambition. It totally screwed my past up. I'm just going to say that I've had the few fleeting moments where I thought, "am I really alive for anyone's benefit?". Those are far behind me now, but the pain is the same. It turns into "Who the hell am I alive for, if not myself?".

Don't worry, I'm not the type of person who will end his life. I'm just putting down my thoughts.

That's exactly it - this path I'm on is not only unpredictable, but kinda boring as well. I need more. I want to be more than just OK.

Depression really sucks when you have it. I'm so glad I'm able to get over the deep end alright (and quickly too). I'm glad I can share this stuff here without feeling awkward. If there are any readers - thank you.

Well, I'll be around - feel free to instant message me - I'm happy to talk about anything ^-^

[Krusty}
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