Sunday, October 30, 2005

  There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

Vin Diesel makes onions cry.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel invented radical feminism after being asked what he'd do for a Klondike bar.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel accidently invented the sport of jousting when he went horseback riding in the middle ages with an erection.

When Vin Diesel falls off his horse he never gets back on. Why? Because he never falls off his fucking horse.

The Diary of Anne Frank was acutally based on Vin Diesel's life story. Only the ending was different. In real life, Vin kicked the shit out of the Nazis and went on to fight Robo-Hitler in a daring lightsaber battle.

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

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