Sunday, November 27, 2005

   chuck norris has my transformer tape
Disproving the greatest physicists of our time, Chuck Norris proved that he is, in fact, the center of the universe. To avoid suspicion, Chuck Norris now resides in the center of the Sun.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

Chuck Norris has caused approximately five hundred thousand dollars worth of damage solely from kicking people out of windows.

When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he attacks sharks.

Making eye contact with Chuck Norris, unless explicitly requested by him, will result in getting your literally handed to you.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. That is, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

To prove that beating cancer is no big deal, Chuck Norris smoked fifteen cartons of cigarettes per day for two years, so he could acquire seven different types of cancer. He then vanquished the illnesses simply by flexing.

Chuck Norris's wife once burned the Thanksgiving turkey. Chuck went into the backyard and came back five minutes later with a live turkey and ate it whole. A few seconds later, he threw it up and it was fully cooked. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and told her to "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris once shot down an airplane by simply pointing at it and saying “Bang.”

Chuck Norris was actually the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of the "beard", which Jesus wore proudly until his dying day. The other Wiseman, jealous of the favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If the priests in the movie "The Exorcist" had just said, "The power of Chuck Norris compels you" instead of "The power of Christ compels you," the movie would only have lasted seconds.

When appearing in court in , Chuck Norris refused to be sworn in with the bible, saying that it meant nothing to him. He was instead sworn in with a DVD copy of “Walker, Texas Ranger”.
Comments (1)