Sunday, January 30, 2005

For those who take life too seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like -- night
3. On the other hand ----- you have different fingers
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet
9. Remember, half of the people you know are below average.
10. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
11. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
12. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
13. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
14. I intend to live forever-- so far so good.
15. Borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect it back
16. The only substitute for poor manners is fast reflexes.
17. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
18. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
19. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it
20. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
21. Never show card tricks to the group you play poker with.
22. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
23. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
24. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
25. The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
26. The number of people staring at you at any given moment is directly proportional to the number of stupid things you are doing.
27. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
28. To steal from one person is plagiarism; stealing from many is research.
29. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
30. You never really learn to cuss until you learn to drive.
31. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
32. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
33. Plan to be spontaneous --- tomorrow!!
34. Always try to be modest, and proud of it!
35. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
36. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
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