Tuesday, March 27, 2007

should I?

you can visit [ here ] I don't think I should be feeling like this, should I? Should I? I mean I didn't even know him, so why should I care? To me, and my sheltered life, he was no one. To me he was just another one that was there, that I needed to move so I could get to my next destination. Everyone does it everyday. So why should I care. I met him once. He was eating cake, or some sweet stuff in the library, and he seemed so happy. So accepting. Why do I care? I shouldn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I do. I do care that he's gone. I wish I could have changed it. I wish I could have been there for him. I wish I could have stopped him, or even talked to him about it. Even when I don't know how to deal with situations like that and I end up just brushing it off and ignoring it. I wish that we never would have had spring break. Maybe one of us could have done something about it one that Friday. So what if he was trying to call out to someone and they weren't listining? What if he was silently screaming inside for help? What if... No one answered. No one knew what was up. No one knew. No one. No one knows why. Maybe it was his time? He seemed so utterly beyond his youth's comprehension. So maybe acctually he knew what was going to happen when he did it. He knew why he did it. He knew that he was going to be missed. He knew what was beyond death and wasn't afraid of it. He did this to reassure himself. Reassure that he was real. He discovered this, only to hurt others and effect people who didn't even know him. He left a wake of questions and confusion. I suppose this brought about the relization on how fragile life really is. How easy it is to end yourselves, or even someone elses. We are butterflys slowly evolving into our most vunerable state. Most of us stay in the catipillar or pupae stage. Only the very select few grow and shed their shell and become something beautiful. However, as we grow into this state we become the most weak. There, we are unable to overcome our own problems or even others fears. As a butterfly is most beautiful, it is also weak and almost always fails. Think of it not as a failure, but as a retreat. In the end, the butterflies always win. As they know the true treat that life brings. No matter how awful it may seem, the butterflies see it, in the true cut; as a diamond, not the wad of coal everyone else sees it as. As I read it, I felt as if I was doing something I shouldn't. I was doing something that was frowned down upon. I wasn't doing something right. I still feel that, to a certain extent. I also feel as if I'm doing something extraordinary. It's locked. I know that, we all know that. You wanted it that way. So why pry? If you really wanted this, then I know that what you did was right. -kuronekosama On Friday, March 23, 2007 some one died.

Comments (1)