Unexpected Surprise
I know I was feeling down for awhile and then this happened. One of my far away relative died. He is my dad's older cousin and nephew of my grandmother. It happened yesterday at night after party with my best friend... He passed away. I felt bad cause I partied when he was suffering in the hospital. I felt guilty that I laughed while others were crying. I felt guilty once again for not crying when I'm suppose to cry. I felt really guilty for doing the wrong things at the wrong time. I was down, now I hit the ground once again thinking I'm a useless person.
I started myspace again woohoo, so I made a new layout and test on it. I even posted on the bulletin that I decided to come back on myspace. With eager and excitement I went in there, but no one visited and no one commented and no one even bothered to say hi. I was upset and wondered why I spent so many hours on the layout the day before yesterday. I felt stupid and useless once again thinking that the world is against me and it is after me to eliminate me for good.
I had a dream that I was dead, buried under the ground. I was hit by a drunken driver. I was floating in the air watching my family member. They didn't know I was dead, they were Kareoking like crazy. My friends got phone calls and answered "Who is dead? I don't even know her." My sister, she was kissing and watching movie with her boyfriend when she got cellphone call that I died. I was upset and felt useless once again thinking this dream will come true.
I know you guys keep on saying feel better or watever, but I don't think it'll help me anymore. If you want to leave me alone, that's fine. I know everyone hates useless people or depressed freak like me. *sigh* I won't be okay for awhile once again... See you guys later, I hope your days are better than mine...
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*sigh*
