Friday, August 26, 2005

   Yo
Sorry bout last post i was just sad and i was thinking about my horrible problems, and i wanted some pitty. but i know thats bad, but im bad so who cares. i just learnd how to play crzy train on guitar and ben play'n 4 like 2 days straight of crazy train!"im goin of the rails of a crazy train"!!!
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Monday, August 22, 2005

   My Problems
Over the summer from switching from sixth grade to seventh i was anirexic, then i found out i was adopted and that we (as'in me and my mom) were moving, that ment moving away from my friends my dad my school, which in time my so called parents told me that they were getting a divorce. That only made my anirexia worse. We moved to an old people community.(that sucked) and the first day of school was ok, i got a boyfriend right away and became better friends with his best friend. Kane is his name. Hi Kane!! He's on this site somewhere? anyway, towards the middle of the school year lindsey a friend from my old school told me about this guy who looked just like Sanouske Sagara from Rurouni Kenshin!!! My favoret charector!(cant spell) he lives in NY but was visiting his mom for two weeks and Lizzle (lindsey) told him about me. At that time i was on my third boy friend, So soon i broke up with my boyfriend so i could be faithfull to Richered(Sano)but then he left for NY and i got another BF. The noly reason cause i need constant love, In my family they tell me they love me but i still just dont feel it. Few weeks later i got into a fight with some fat pig!! Five weeks of SATOSS (anger manegment)Then Richered came back. but two days earlyer i was raped. Then sexuaily harrased.Richered was up-set. Then he got into a fight with his step dad who pushed him(as'in richered)into a glass table and got glass all in his back. That made me cry to know he was hurt. Then i tried to sneek into their dance but he didnt come so i didnt go. Then he left again and i got another BF, guy from church.but for a church boy he really knew what he was doing when it came to love making. and i was hurt, again. then i triend commiting suicided and got sent to a pyciatrist to help me, and i found out i was somethig deppresed, but i never went back. i paid her twenty bucks to say i was fine and she did. Soon i almost faild th seventh grade. but didn't. Then over the summer of seventh to eighth, i went to camp and made out with the guys,(at least the tall ones, im very tall) then i didnt want to go know more so i didnt then my bio-mom came down from Californa to see me and i wanted to go live with but i couldnt so i was stuck with the old lady called my grandmother (or how i called her mom)you figure it out) soon i started cutting my arms and legs. i told know one. then i became belimec, till i passed out one day when my mom wasn't home. But i still cut.thne i triend pot. it didnt work for me so i triend extice with barcadia(liquer)and one day i went to kareoke with my mom,dad(who came to visit) and my cousin whos the same age and when me and josh(cousin)went to the car(after i had a spaz in the rest room needing to cut)i passed out into josh,which this is what he told me, he held me in his lap till my parents came and he woke me up by have me sip some water that i had left in the car. Soon school startd and i made one enemy the rest i didnt talk to till i met Chris Hurst, I thought he was really cute, funny, smart, and did i mention funny? then i started talking to him to get to know him, then i asked kim out and ever since i had met him i stoped drinking, druging and cutting, then he didnt give an answer so i just asumend that it was no. then i only stoped druging but kept drinking and cutting, till i passsed out with my friend. i stoped drinking but i still cut.Soon i hope to drop dead but in a weird way i still want to live but if i cant take it know more i will check out.
Sighned off:

-Jezzy
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