Saturday, October 30, 2004

woah
ITs been soon long seince iv updated. Iv hard marching band and shit. Reallu takes most of my time cus i have to pratice allmost constantly and im gone mon and wed and soem sats and some weeks totaly. I used to be goth :( now im a prep :) just my many phases i go through.oo i have a pic of me in myu marching band shirt. not my uni but my cocoa beach marching abdn shirthttp://pictures.sprintpcs.com//share.jsp?invite=SE92zWho2m7noUKkUhkU&shareName=Photo. yay lol i looked werid. Its been so long seince alot of people seen a pic of me. Cus sprint is a bunch of fuck heads and didnt activate my cam. :( i ahve a 2.66gpa:( I have d b b a c b :( such bad games. THings are looking up for my band stuff :):):) My band captin said to asustion when he was talking to me. She truned arounda nd she "dont back talk the future officers." I was like yay!! and you got burned by me and ally OOOO WORKAGE BITCH!! MUAHAHAHAH. lol im ok. .... ok...ok...good..i ok
I have a gf fainly its a girl iv liked for a long time. Fianly i got a chance and i hope i get to be with her alot more then i have with my past gf's well thats all for now ttyl u laye
Signed
Sexy(skip)
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Saturday, July 10, 2004

Oh the time has come
Dont be afraid
This wont hurt
Ill kill your fast
Or slowly
Make this hard and its slowly
Slowly would be nice
Ill savor the taste of your blood
Your life ends here tonight
No way to escape it
You had your chance
Well
Fuck your chance
Iv had it
Time has come
Say your prays
You better hope God can save you
For when i reign down on you
Its all over
Noone will know i did it
Its all planned
Nothing will go wrong
Cry all your tears
Try to scream
TRY IT
I want to hear you scream in pain
Beg me to stop
I love to hear you screaming
It makes me get goosebumps
It makes me wanna hear more
I know what ill do
Ill tape it
So i can listen to it again
and again
Your death will not forgotten
I will allways rember it
Well now
Times running short
Looks like it time
11pm on the dot
This knife
Its dull..
This sucks for you
Only going to be much more painfull
Its evil
But you have to die
I cant let you go now
I bet you think im insane
Yes i am
But
Your eyes
You are looking all over the room
Why is this?
Do you think you can escape
THERE IS NO CHANCE
Look at your blood
Its such a lovely shade of red
I wish mine was like that
OOO more
Its soo nice and warm
I could just take a bath in it
You know..
I thought of letting you go
but
I cut your artery
You wont last much longer
I kinda
Feel....
A bit saddened by your death
I wish i could of toyed with you
Like you did with me
All these years
Looking back
They were kinda fun
Maby i souldnt of kill you
Owell
Your chance was up
Now its all over




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Everyone watching me.
Why must they stare at me?
What did i do?
Im just sittingh ere
Why must you give me those looks?
Is it my clothes?
the braclets?
Im just a punk kid.
Nothing speical
Yet
Everyone stares at me.
I didnt do anything thing
Whats so interesting about me.
I just sit here by myself,
and do my work.
Pick one me all you want.
I dont care what u think
Im who i am
And that will never change
Day after day i put up with this
You only intend to fuck my life up
You show nothing but hatred to me.
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!?!
I just keep to myself
If you wanna talk to me
Just be nice
But you dont
You curse at me
And get your friends to make my life hell
Its all just a game to you.
Its cat and mouse
You think i am the mouse
But
I very well am
The cat
I dont realy see the humor in it
Nothing is funny
But you keep laughin
Think how you would feel
If this happened to you
Stuck with no friends
In a classroom of people
That hate you for no reason
Iv taken all of this
Time to take my stand
I let you walk all over me
For a bit
Now its time
That you sit
I dont realy care about you.
or what you say
But today is the day
That everything will change
I dont often take stands
But iv taken this shit
For way to long
Oh
The pleasure i get from your pain
The blood running down your arm
What
Not so tough now
Not used to cutting?
Weak bastard
I did this becuse of you and your friends
DONT DO THIS TO PEOPLE
If you can take it
Dont send it
Look what you got.
For your meaningless words
But to me
Hehe It was.
fun and pleasureful
Crule isnt it
Owell.
This is your lesson
Next time
You may not be so lucky.
Look back to what you did
See your mistakes
This is the chance to change
Last warning......
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Friday, July 9, 2004

Nothing I ever do is right.
I put my heart and time into work and .
Attempt after attemp I make.
All have the same afect.
ALL just to be thrown away
No matter how good it is
Noone will notice.
Hours and hours spend.
All to be ruined
When ever its noticed.
People just take the cerdit
Anything i do right isnt rgiht
Something is left out.
I try and try
But can never find whats left out
I just get blamed for not doing my job
It seems ok
But they think diffrent
Its all just wrods, only small things
Yet they hurt me so
MY sanity is failing
I can feel myself snap
No breaks to put it to gether.
Its all a test
That i am failing
My fault for outher people actions
Its all ok.
Just hide the anger.
Why must people mess with me?
I havent done anything have i?
All i do is keep to myself
Whats so amusing about me?
You get your pleasure from my pain.
Soon your pleasure will be mine, and your pain will be my pleasure.
Seems evil.
It will be much greater
Then what you have done to me
It wont be with words
This time it will be a knife.
Ill use it to take the pain out
ITs the easy way out but I dont care
I can't keep up with this world.
Its all just moving to fast for me.
Noone seems to care.
Im all alone in my mind
The more I try,
the worse it gets.
To much for me to handle.
Noone cares.
I die they will never know.
Nothing seems as bad.
Its all in my head.
But the voices wont let me forget.
The constant voices
The images
The sounds
Chills me to the bone
All the asprin I take to block them out.
Only one way out
Thats to feel pain
I hope i can keep going
Just a bit longer.....
I hope...

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my Suicide poem
I hate this world.
Nothing good ever happens.
What to live for?
Friends?
Relationships?
Got both but I can live without.
Sanity tested everyday.
What keeps me going on?
I dont want to.
MY best is never good enough
Most hates my guts.
MY friends lie to my face.
I gave up cutting and
I want to go back
Back to changeing one type of pain
Into a diffrent type of pain.
Why is life like this?
What did i do?
What didnt i do?
My two best friends keep me sane.
But what to do without them?
Ill be left all alone.
Alone to handle all my problems.
Alone.
Writeing is the only way to control the pain
Change the pain into text.
I have problems.
I try to hide them.
Noone knows but a few
The pain I constanly feel.
Is all covered up.
Just a smile..
A smile..
IT MEANS NOTHING
MY smiles hide the pain.
The eternal pain i feel.
Never goes away.
Everything is all hidden
Till the end...
Im going to end it all
End it all right now.
No more pain.
Nothing.
Eternal rest..
This is the end.
Bye to everyone.

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Pill after pill
Cut after cut
All ways to make the pain go away
Something to hide behind
Just a pathetic mask.
But it cant cover it..
Corading the body.
The plage you unleashed on yourself
Over meaningless emotions.
No way out.
There is no place to hide
Where to go?
Tell yourself it will get better
But you....
You can never reverse the damage.
Yet live on.
Wounded allmost to death.
Just to continue on.


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The horror of being alone

no1 is here
but me
yet....
I feel like some1 is here
Watching me
knowing my every move
I can feel something behind me
but nothing is there
I can feel the cold breath on my shoulder
hear the foot steps
see the shadows
What is it?
Y me
Y tonight?
I'm just alone in my house
it's just a normal night
Y tonight?
the 1 night I'm home alone
3am
waiting for day break
hopeing that what ever here will go away
I get the chills from it
I can sense it behind me
but
I'm too afraid to look
It's just my imagination
It's playing tricks
it's trying to scare me
& it's doing a dam good job of it
it's just my imagination
I keep telling myself
It is
It's all in my
head
It is
I'm now convinced it's all in my head
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Wednesday, July 7, 2004

I count all the tears i shead and wonder is all this worth this..... The amount of stress i take on peoples expense. The hours i waste of my life. The life im hidden by. All these problems..... were not mine.... i made them mine... and ruined my life. Is being nice such a bad thing. Iv changed. Im not so nice yet people still come to me. What attracts people with probelms to me? IS it the mask i wear all the time around people? I act like nothing is wrong with my life. Then online everything is wrong. The two side colide and im riped apart. People dont want to know when im online, some want to know me then but dont want real. Im torn in between the two diffrent people i made myself. I cant find a way to change it. Iv changed allmost all of it but im still two people. I dont want it to be like this. I want people to know the real me and hate it. I dont want them to hate the masks. All the words and punches i take from people. It doesnt seem like much, just small things. They all add up....they all add up. Takes only a small thing to set me off. People enjoy my pain. I can tell it in they laugh. Soon enough will they all see the light. It wont be a very nice light. It wont be te Bright Light. Its going to be me and you. And last light u will see if the light about your head. I have yet to do conciling. Who knows y. Could it be im not important enough? could it be they dont know? They sould know. They have read my poems and saw my scars. I try to make the world go away. Lock myself in my room with a computer. Talk to people for months. Real life is so distant now. I dont want to do anything. Everything seems so strange. My attempt to lock the world out only made it worse.
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Tuesday, July 6, 2004

...........
This may be lasttime i update ever. I got a death note today. IF i die owell noone will miss me.............................
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My Immortal. Your Lyrics I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me What Evanescence song are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Vash the Stampede - Vash is an easy going, fun loving character with more than one side to his personality. One side is a protector of life; Saint-like and pure. Another side shows off his goofyness that can be rather perverse. But, another side is shown during his battles. At these times Vash is agile and aims with incredible accuracy. He may seem completely happy and joyful on the surface, but deep inside he hides a dark past. Trigun character Quiz brought to you by Quizilla