Wednesday, May 9, 2007

   FORK.
i bow down to those who take their frustrations and anger in a different level[like venting it out or maybe just trying to make things a lot more positive by not minding whatever happened]. For unlike those people, i don't speak out[or screa at that] or think of anything positive. I just suck it in and let my fury rot with my insides... plus i sometimes wander alone and get myself a pack of cigarettes. Isn't it just healthy? And then i mope around and from that single moping over a single issue, things get a lot worse.
I find it really annoying when my mom begins to talk as if she knows me that well. And that's what happened this evening while having dinner. I always wanted to tell her how it gets me when she gives that very sure tone of voice whenever she talks about my being an intelligent and talented person and then she goes "why do you keep on slacking?" I should be used to t hat already, consideering that i am the oldest among the siblings, and that the family expects a lot from the eldest-- a lot.
And then she bursts about me being too stuck with Julie Ann and my trying to be like her. WHAT?
and so i walked out.

I wanted to smoke outside, but i forgot that i just consumed my ration of cigarettes outside with ernest and jed. Even if i went out i didn't have that much urge to go buy benzpyrene. And so i just stayed and watched tv. After doing so, i headed to the computer and connected to the internet. I usualy play solitaire before i do anything internet related... BECAUSE, it takes ages before i get to the website i want to go to. I'm still on dial-up and it makes everything so irritating and frustrating i have consumed three cartons of milk.

I did get back my brain and all, but moving extra fast without the proper things around is just as senseless as being cockroach and getting everything that i want.

FORK.