Sunday, May 1, 2005

The birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees.
Major big tests all this and next week.

Be still, my beating heart.

No, really. I'm just a tad nervous. But only about the state mandated tests, the ones that if you dont pass this one shot test, then you fail the whole course. The ones for English and Math, on this Tuesday and Thursday.

Then the Monday after is the finals for computer class, the next day is the finals for English, Thursday might be finals for Math, and Friday is finals for Biology.


*Falls over*


I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and it was very good. *nods* Saw Hitchhiker's Guide, and that was pretty good too.


Ever since I can remember, I've always made a complete dork out of myself, falling and tripping on myself over the boy I like, in full out broad public, when no one is around, and all in between. I'm not even talking about if I think "Ooo, he has a cute face ^_~" or even "Eeee, he has such cute eyes/an incredibly sweet smile ^.^" but I'm talking about tripped-on-your-own-feet-completely-fallen for. It sounds clumsy because that's what it feels like. Most the time I dont have much controle over myself, and I do/say things without thinking. Apparently, public humiliation isnt high priority on my list of things to avoid. ;P


I can only say this has happend three times for me. Shortly and briefly in kindergarten, was the first time. I drew and kept giving a lot of pictures of Ninja Turtles to that boy. *Grins and shakes head* Goodness goodness. I still remember his first name, oddly. 0_o

Speaking of kindergarten, I remember the first and last name of my best friend from the first day of school till the day my family picked up and abruptly left everything forever. At school, we were inseperable; she was the girl I caught chicken pox from. XD

Because of the timing of the sickness, I was devastated because I couldnt go to the class picnic that was going to be held in the park. I had been looking foreward to the trip ever since it was announced, and I loved the park and the grass and the playground, and never in my life have I ever had a picnic, so yeah. I remember me and my friend fought over the stupidest things and made up quickly so quickly, and it wasnt untill much much later that I realized that I was Muslim, and since her parents were German and with the rest of her background my best friend in the whole entire world was prolly Jewish, and when you're a little kid and no one constantly tells you any different you dont see or register any of those silly nonesense stuffs, and none of it matters anyways, which brings me to the point that everyone knows that most adults are a stupid narow-minded racist lot.


I dunno. I've just been thinking about a lot of things lately; not quite as silly or shallow as what I might be rambling about on here.


So I guess I might be rambly for a while? =X


Mhm. My muscles are very achy, and considering it's past 5am, I think I am going to go to bed. =)


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Friday, April 29, 2005

You're so cute when you're frustrated


Last night I had a dream so... something. Something something. I can't put it on my O.

I wonder what it is that's happening that I am having these kinds of dreams?


I wish people in my family would stop bringing up the MyO incident. From what's being brought up frequently and such, what has angered the relatives was how I used the first names of people I know, 'specially the people in the family.

Relative: Aleia, do you have an online diary? >:|

Aleia: I turned it off. o.o

Relative: Good. *walks off*

Aleia: o.o *sweatdrops heavily*


Ok, ok. I feel incredibly guilty. Can we please someday soon regard this story as old, and move on? And never mention it again?


The chance of anyone finding this one is pretty slim, as I've never accessed this account from my uncle's computer; nor have I ever mentioned this name. And I never ever will.



I was talking to my aunt last night, and she was telling me that I may as well re-apply to Hudson (The community college that I am currently enrolled in) now for next semester, to get it over with. She finished off by saying she doesnt think I'm going to leave. I really dont think she wants me to; she's told me so before, a while ago.


I hope to dissapoint her, on that aspect. Oh how I hope so. No one around me understands how I really cant stay here. Its coming near the point of impossible, and everyone just brushes it off. 0_o


I dunno. It just seems that around here, I'm one of the only ones that takes myself seriously. Not that everything in life should be taken in such a manner; but I meant more in the way of validity.





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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my moonlight


Aye. Starting from last weekend.

All of Sunday was spent oversleeping, and scrubbing the entire bathroom with a scrub brush, a toothbrush, and a cloth sponge. Took a few hours, but when I get in the mood to clean, I really love doing it. I very much enjoy myself, somehow. I love cleaning, but what I hate is how obsessive-compulsive I get, when I’m like that. When I’m scrubbing or whatever, it has to be perfectly clean when I’m through with it, or else it’s going to bother me to no end until I go to absolute last resorts and extremes to get it the cleanest that I can.

Spend the rest of after that showering and picatooring around.

Forget Saturday. I have no idea what I did, but I prolly overslept and procrastinated. I’m a great procrastinator, and that’s terrible. =\

Tuesday, missed class, to work on the huge project that…I…procrastinated on. =X

Oh yeah. Walking back from the lab Tuesday, I managed myself a stalker. Some guy came up to me, telling me he’s new around here; just came from Long Island, stuff and stuff. I politely brushed him off, but he was still very persistent. Followed me 5 or 6 blocks, he did. He went from asking me my name (I didn’t give it to him <.< ) to saying that after we knew each other for a few weeks, we could live together. By then it was pitch dark out, and I somehow managed to lose him in the one grocery store, by weaving through large last minute crowds.

Walked zig-zag patterns to where I live.

From all this, I learned that I’m a bit better at keeping a strait mind. I mean, come on, I was by myself, in the dark streets of an already dangerous neighborhood, with a strange guy tagging along, insistent on…something. I dunno. Fear does change how you would react. I mean, after the last time, I would tell myself “Yeah, next time, you’re gonna tell the guy off! You’re gonna do this and that; be a whole lot stronger than last time?and the whole time I’m telling myself this, a little part inside me is going “Next time? Whadday mean, next time? I don’t want to be there when “next time?happens! *whimper* o.o;;?and goes quietly hiding. I knew that I prolly wouldn't act like how I hope I would, but hopefully not fall apart like I did...before, after the other times. I held composure and kept a clear head during when things happen, but after everything is done I have to let out everything I've been smothering all the while, and I hate when I do that.

The whole time I was shaking inside, and when I was a block away from the house, in the same area where last time happened, I all of a sudden heard a deep guy’s voice behind me. I didn’t realize how uptight and tense I was until I screamed and jumped. And when I quickly turned around, I felt like a complete idiot/dork, as it was some guy that lives very near where I do, giving me a very weirded out look while answering his cell phone.

*Grins and blushes* It wasn’t funny then, not at all. I almost cried from relief. u.u

I didn’t want to tell my uncle about the stalker guy, because I had a feeling he would say that I was making up stories to get attention. But I had to tell him something, because I had really pushed my curfew, and I was expecting some sort of speeching for it. I went inside and was telling my aunt, when my uncle came in the middle of the story. I had to retell it, everyone asked some questions, my uncle told me I shouldn’t be so scared of people, and that was it.

I was in the kitchen eating a piece of bread when my uncle walked in to hook up his cell phone to the charger. He told me that I shouldn’t be scared to use force against people; stories of people being harassed in this area are extremely rare and don’t happen often.

His tone of voice implied everything I knew he would. Zing. I knew it would happen.

Wednesday, missed class because…I overslept. I’m bad, I know.

Went to Manhattan to help my aunt clean up her apartment some, before the realtor came over to take pictures for advertising. My (obsessive) cleaning streak kicked in, and I was done with all the windows and the mirrors (The outside of her closets are mirrors 0_o) and was battling with the stove when the guy came and we had to leave.

And somehow managed permission from my uncle to stay over the weekend, to help finish off everything. Why am I so excited to clean? =X

Last night I had a weird dream, where my right arm got hurt bad enough that it was completely covered in deep red blood. I don’t know how or where it got hurt, but that dream is still kinda bothering me a bit. And that incident somehow led to where I was somewhere where there were pebble showers, and the pebble showers were extremely dangerous because of the sand/dust/dirt storms that came along with them. If one came, you had to cover your whole head with a cloth, and try not to breathe in any of the dust and dirt, because people were getting really sick from doing that. A lot of the time I was in a half finished unfurnished house, where one of my friends was obviously very sick. I kept asking them if they were ok, and they kept insisting they were, when they obviously weren’t. Then some guy dressed in dark clothes and some sort of dark mask kept trying to climb in one of the windows. I didn’t notice until one of my boy cousins screamed and clung to my leg, telling me about the guy coming in the window. I look over; he sees me, quickly lets go of the windowsill, and runs. I try to find my uncle, to tell him, and out of the corner of my eye, I always see the guy. Of course, my cousin is still attached to my leg, and that’s a normal occurrence IRL, actually. *wrinkles nose* Finally found my uncle; I try to tell my uncle about the guy, but he tells me that a person climbing in through windows is a rare happening and I really need to stop telling my stories and grow up.

And that’s that.


I noticed I've been losing weight lately, somehow. I mean, I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks, because of school stuffs. When school finally ends in....OMG two weeks!!111!1 =O o.o;; , then I will be at the gym a whole lot.

I hope so, anyways. I mean, I intend to. But why do I doubt I will? T_T



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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Prying is a terrible ....habit.



Indeed.

A better, more postefull update tomorow, when I have time. Cause my cerfew is "before dark", cloudy rainy skies be thine enemy today.


And untill tomorow, I will plot ways to get my Snowrider trophie back. >:|


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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I know it might sound strange, but I...
...wish it would rain.


Actually, I wish it would thunderstorm. We need a good strong booming crashing thunderstorm!


*Quietly wonders if it thunderstorms in the city*


Last night, rumor has reached my vindictive 15 year old cousin that I kissed one of the neighborhood boys, who is also 15. Coincidently, he's the one and the same with whom my cousin has been arguing and fighting with for a while, and also the one that made me take pictures of him while he posed. If I refused, he would try to wrestle away my camera, so it was best that I handled the camera, considering when I finally let him take a few pictures, most of his shots consisted of up his nose and an eye. Self obsessed, he is.


In all honesty, I've never kissed anyone before, ever ever. Proving I didnt is going to be very hard to do, if not impossible.


Also attached to the rumor is that I let the same boy I supposedly kiss drive my car, by himself.


Why dont I just drive my car into a tree, while I'm at it?


My cousin tried to tell my uncle about the car thing last night, but he wasnt listening.


I'm waiting for the day (Ha, prolly sometime later this week) when the little retard tries to tell his dad that I kissed some boy.


*Wipes sweatdrop*


I think Arslan (the boy my cousin is argufying with) started the kissing rumor to make Summer's Mom jealous. Apparently, he's very smitten with her, to start a rumor like that. 0_o

I mean, I know he started it, but that's prolly why.


That boy needs smacked. He can get me in trouble, starting rumors like that! >:O


My brother told me about how sometime last week or so, some sort of college group hosted something called a pig roast, where the only things that were served was pork and alchohol. My brother, being himself, wore a bright red bracelet to show he was a designated driver.

The same day it was Huntingdon countys' Spring Day, an oppertune day to do your spring cleaning. Spring day, you were allowed to throw away anything you wanted for garbage collection; most likely that day, you didnt have a limit.

Poor college kids have learned, through expirience or through word of mouth, that a lot of people throw out perfectly good things in great working order. So Spring Day is a day where you would find a lot of college kids going through other people's trash.

And this is the part where the college had terrible timing.

All in the same day as the pig roast and Spring Day was Orientation. So the whole day, prospective high school students came in loads of busses to see most of the college students roaming the campus either pretty drunk, going through other people's garbage, lugging things back from said garbage, or all three.


Goodness goodness.


Thinking about that part of PA, I started thinking about one of my mom's cousins. He was a bus driver for the school, and was Mayor of the little town that is right next to my wee little town. He was a really nice guy; a lot of people knew him.

He is also the same cousin that commited suicide.

=X

<.<

>.>


*Shakes head*


I was going to say more, but.... I either forgot it, or some sort of something is eating away at my memory. I cant tell which. 0_o


Whatever it is, it has great timing! Just in time for finals. >:O


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Monday, April 25, 2005

And I was always taught that a yellow traffic light meant "slow down; be prepared to stop."
Because apparently in Jersey City, it means "GO GO GO FASTER AND 20 POINTS FOR EVERY SMUSHED PEDESTRIAN"



Aye. Citywise-ness.



That kid from English, the one that said about how gays and lesbians shouldnt adopt because they'd make the kids gay and lesbian, he wasnt kidding when he said it. He didnt make any sound judgement for his reasoning, and I got goosebumps when after I accidently let loose my disgusted "Oh My Goodness >:|" when I heard the whispering and murmering in the class was most of the kids agreeing with him.


I'm not saying what side I chose, but this, among other happenings, shows that at least a vast majority of the people I have class with are pretty narrow-minded.


Which... yeah.



One week till finals. =X!!!!


Ah, speaking of school. I've been applying to schools that have dorms, because it's prolly unrealistic to think that I could try to live by myself in an appartment on loans and not live most the rest of my life out heavily in debt. I hate oweing people money, or being in debt in any way. It bothers me way too much, and to have something like that with me for years and years....


Inconceivable! *Grins and shakes head*


This weekend, I am going to look around, to see if I can get an estimate done on my car. See how that goes.

Of all the people those dorks had to theive a tire off of, they had to pick one of the poorest people around. *Shakes head*


For the oddest reason lately, I've been so incredibly sleepy-tired.

And I have the weirdest, vivid dreams, some which have included different OB peoples =X


Goodness goodness.


I've oddly completly forgotten what it was that I wanted to say in here.


Prolly cause half my brain is falling asleep, while the rest is worrying about the 4 huge English projects I have to due, singing along to Foo Fighters - Hey Johny Park!, and fighting/losing/trying desperatly to manage the upsurging of hormones that have been plauging me the past weekend. I mean week. Make that month. Nah, make that past few months.


Nevermind. Forget it. X_+



w00t for multitasking, yeah? ^_~





Edit: *Smacks herself for not being careful and letting herself slip and get stuck into old unhealthy emotional grooves*

*Rwars* >:O



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Friday, April 22, 2005

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong



Foo Fighters rock my socks a million times over.

(That's one of my most favorite songs, honestly.)

Mhm!


Yesterday in English class, we had an open class but still heavily regulated discussion about whether gays and lesbians should be allowed to adopt. We had to come up with pros and cons, which were written on the board.

The teacher started off with the pros, and people were kinda hesitant to give answers. When the teacher ended the pros section and began the cons, this one kid's hand shot up and he blurted out "Gays and lesbians shouldn't be allowed to adopt because they'd make their kids gay and lesbian"

Aleia: Oh My Goodness! >:|

I guess I said that louder than intended (Actually, I thought it in my head. How did it get of there?), because everyone, including the teacher, stopped and looked at me. Whispering ensued, which angered the teacher.

That had to be one of the most inane things I've ever heard. At least for this week, anyways.


I called my mom last night, where we got into a heated discussion about religion, namely my lack of it.


...Maybe more about that later. Basicly, everyone thinks that my discarding of religion is either a cry for help, or depression/stress is severely distorting my views, causing this feeling of freedom from repression my imagination.

I do agree that depression can and does distort your view of things, but I really cant be classified as depressed. Oh, of course everyone had up and down days, but I am nothing like how I was before.

And come on. I live with my uncle. I think I'm doing splenderific, considering the circumstances. ^_~




I talked to my 13 year old brother. I was so suprised that we ended up talking for a long time. He isn't a very talkative boy, not by himself, and I asked him about that. I asked him if he was talking as much as he was because he's talking to his sister, and because he loves and misses her so much that he's been able to hold a fast paced conversation for over 45 minutes now. (Of course I was grinning and teasing when I said that =P )

Brother: It's because you can hold a conversation. If you were like me, we'd both be sitting here in complete silence.

Aleia: Well, you do know that a lot can be said in silence. Rarely can that be done over the phone, but you know what I mean, yeah?

Brother: Oh, of course! I know what you mean. Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Aleia: Sure.

*Silence*

Aleia: *Is still waiting for the joke; wonders if something happend to the line*

Aleia: *Realizes what he's doing* Ah hah hah.

Brother: *Giggles like a little girl*


He started boasting about how he got bigger (I honestly can't imagine; last time I saw him he seemed to be easily reaching for 6 feet, and he's only 13)

And his voice got so much deeper.


I miss my siblings. =\


Busy busy busy today. More of an update tomorow. ^_~


Breathe out
So I could breathe you in


*Sings along*


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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Love for sale

Any takers?


- Apparently to a certain someones *cough*Charlie aka Charles*cough* perceives spoken Arabic as the sound like Fozzie the bear makes. Waka waka waka. Oh my goodness. Honestly, that boy is a true dork for worser things than that. *Shakes head*

- I was laying belly side down on the couch, reading, when I saw a gigantic black ant, as big as my pinky nail, running on top of one of the cushions I was laying on. I squealed and fell off the couch, resulting in my 10 year old boy cousin running in the living room. I was glaring at him while he was laughing at my flipping out antics, until he spotted the ant on my book, which I had just picked up. He squealed like a girl while I flipped the book on the floor. My uncle walked in the room just then, asking what was the problem, why was there all this noise so late at night?

I can’t say I’ve felt that embarrassed for a very, very long time. *blushes deep red*

*Suddenly remembers all the people that have witnessed her flipping out antics and almost dies*


- Two weeks until finals; three weeks of school all together.


- In the last post, when I said about being speeched from Qutar (Sounds like Cutter -.-;;; ), I meant that it was by phone. Praise and damn the objects known as phone cards. By the way, certain family members still bring up the MyO incident.



NY Aunt: *Talks about her younger days* “Hey, what am I telling you this for, you might put this up online!”

Aleia: *Glares intensely* >:O


*Shakes head*




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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

One bad apple in the barrel is all it takes

*Half grins* I bet there arent that many people who can say that they've been speeched from across the world. Namely from Cutter, which is on the far side of Saudia Arabia.


The eldest uncle speeched me about all the damage MyO apparently caused, because my uncle read it. Damage to who exactly, I wonder?


Not counting the side effects that were directed towards me.


But anyways.


Apparently, there arent things called secrets in my dad's side of the family. A stark contrast to my mom's side.


My dad's side expects me to stay with my uncle untill all my schooling is completed.

Aleia: Haha. No.

So there is going to be pleny of pissed people, when I leave.

I'm a bit anxious about cutting family ties like that. I mean, what little family ties I have, not counting my siblings =\


My dad's side of the family, the way they work, they almost seem like...a maffia. They all seem to think with the same mind, and anyone that goes against the general ruling... well, they dont get hurt, but I dont doubt they get shunned in some way; ostrasized.


And here I am >.<


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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Once you pop....the fun kinda does stop. Especially if it's a messy violent explosion =O
And everyone knows that messy, violent explosions are never all that much fun to clean up. Granted, if you were the one that popped in a messy violent manner, I highly doubt you'd be part of the clean-up party. <.<;;


So, lesson of the day: Don't let yourself pop, even a little bit. Because....it's detrimental to your health! Yeah! *Nods vigorously*


Posted again yesterday, in case you...didnt notice? <.<;;;


I do think that my reaction to the guy who claims he found me sexually attractive was just a leeetle too much. *Grins and shakes head* I was just...suprised. And stuff. Yes, stuff.



I fixed one of my problems, the part where I just havent been feeling all that great. I, uh, started eating more normally? =X

Not that I've been starving myself, but the past month I havent had an interest in eating food. I only ate because my tummy was growling me and my body was reacting rather severely to lack of nutrients in the system. So I would eat enough to make my tummy stop growling me at the moment, and most times I would just ignore it till my overall self reacted to lack of stuffs. And when I did eat, I would eat a small amount of whatever was in the house, and it wasnt always healthy. >.< Not junk food; if we ever had any of that it'd never last long, but stuff that had a lot of fat and oil. o.-


If I lived by myself, I know I wouldn't eat a lot of the stuff they do as often as they like to. *shrugs*


And good sleep. Granted, I expirimented last night by not taking anything to sleep, and so last night was extremly rough, but a good sleep clears your mind and does more good than you would care to remember/think. 0_o


But yeah. Still trying to sort through stuff and stuff. I've already figured (Ok ok, more like resigned myself to the fact) that no matter where I go, I'll have to take out a rather large student loan, if I am going to live on my own and go to school at the same time.



What's this? Random images?


w00t!






Took that during the heavy traffic that I encountered driving from Pennsylvania to New Jersey. <.<;;





Ha. Another sky.






Another sky, another day.





*Really likes the texture and the transition of teh colors*




Mhm.


And there you have it.

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