Thursday, October 6, 2005

High~oh!



During certain days in the past few days, I was so painfully sick that I felt like I should have died at least twice.

But I got better! [/Monty Python]

*gaspu!* =O

I’m still really achy all over though, so… Aleia could be contagious! *projectile coughing towards your general direction*

Hmm. If someone was indeed infected with this certain sickness called Aleia, what would be the symptoms? Extreme clumsiness and ditzyness, with emotistical mumblings mixed in?


I have a logics midterm on Friday/Saturday, and a social work one on Monday night.

So much fun! ^^


The past week, it is near to impossible to find an unused computer in any of the library labs/computer labs elsewhere because of midterms and such.

I am forbidding myself to use my room mate’s laptop, as I figure me not using it will prevent war and chaos.

....

At the very least, it’ll prevent bloodshed on everyone’s part. Honestly, I dunno what’s wrong with her lately. The only guess I have is that she’s taking her frustrations and stressings with her difficult classes and upcoming midterms out on me. If I wanted to extensively pre-examine every word and structure of the sentences I speak so I don’t accidentally anger anyone and set a blazing inferno to the forest with a mere unintended spark, I’d go back to live with my mom. Very quick to anger, my room mate seems to be; about most things in general, so yeah.

All these factors put together severely restricted me from writing a paper for the one social work class. The few times I was on AIM or something, I had snuck online through my room mate’s laptop and was reading the required article while talking.

On a related note, yesterday, a techie friend of mine told me that he found me a computer monitor. He’s gonna give it to me tomorrow, and all I need now is the wire cord that is supposed to go from the tower to the outlet, the wire cord that goes from the monitor to the tower, and a keyboard. *grins*


I have midterm break from October 13th to the 17th. A good friend of mine is going to visit me, so I’m really excited. =D

...

And very anxious. *bites lip* >.<;;;



I had a whole lot more to say, but I lost it somewhere in the hazy that has decided to take residence in my head. Most of whatever the hazy in my head feels heavy and… I dunno. It’s hard to say.

Well, whatever it is, it’s timing sucks so incredibly badly, as it’s the start of midterm season! >:O

Gosh!

I think I accidently ruined a friendship within the past week. I'll give it time, but I dont think there is a way to fix it. >.<

You know what I should invest in? A muzzle, so I don’t talk as much. Or maybe I should stay in my room more often, or obtain a STUPID alarm, which I would have attached to somewhere on my person and it would read my brain waves and scream out an alarm in a little headphone that would be in my ear, right as I think about doing something incredibly stupid.

It would save lives, cook ramen and rescue kitties from trees and rabid opossums.


Oyeh. Someone gave me a picture, and it made me smile.

*grins and shakes head*

Mhm. Other people might get a smile out of it too? It’s rather cute, anyways. <.<;;

Oyeh. Linked without permission. XD


Edit:

Oh. My. Goodness. I went outside a few minutes ago (It's dark out now; it was daylight when I came in the Main building); it's windy out (like it is half the time =D ) and FREEZING COLD.

!!!!!!

Not freezing cold like how it gets in the places I used to live, but my nose and my fingers are cold. ;_;

It be nipply out, indeed.

What happend? It wasnt like this last night at all. Stuff like that shouldn't happen so suddenly.


Oyeh. I dont have a jacket or anything.

Mhm. =\

Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, October 1, 2005

Bad seeds grow weeds.
And so it is October.

It was one of my most favorite times of the year, but it doesn't reside here, not mine.

I miss my Autumn.




Fading to black is where it's at. ^_~
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Communicating through implications



Most people I know from the places I used to live have been telling me lately that it’s starting to get cooler outside; chilly at night. It’s hard for me to imagine such an occurrence, because the only way I can tell it is fall season here is when I found an acorn on the sidewalk, on the way to class. *grins and laughs*

Yeah. This is the first time that I’m living in an area where there isn’t much variety weather wise. Everyone here is telling me it’s fall, and there’s even orange, red and brown leaf shaped paper cut-outs on boards and windows, but it’s still in the 90’s and such, so you can understand, as a native of the ideology that fall = cooler weather, my biological clock is muchly discombobulated.

It’s not that I mind the heat; in all honesty, it barely bothers me. It only gets me when it is extremely humid out (and even then, I can live), or if I am stuck in a place where there is no air conditioning along with no air circulation or no open windows.

For some reason, the only class I had on Thursday is cancelled… Thursday being today. =X I have absolutely nothing to do or planed… today, and it’s going to feel really strange, to have absolutely nowhere to go during a school day.

I think I figured out the reason when I am overtly stressed, among other things, why I strongly want to be by myself, and yet at the very same time, I still strongly desire to be around other people; to be around friends. When I feel a certain way and I am around other people, especially people I feel comfortable around, my guard, the wall I put myself behind kind of loosens, and I think I am afraid of falling apart in front of other people. I can’t let people see me that way; I can’t let anyone see me weak like that. I guess I have a slight mistrust in people in general; I do know that I don’t want people to see my weak spots, because then if someone wanted to hurt me, they would know exactly or pretty much what critical spots to hit to bring me down.

As it has been done before, more than once. I still have scars from them.

But I am glad I figured it out, because now I can fix that problem. I could have forced myself to act a certain way, as opposed to appearing standoffish/emo by holing myself in my room most the times, but I think it would have been stupider to force an action without knowing why it is that way in the first place; to not be able to foresee the possible repercussions that could happen.

In my opinion, anyways. =P

Yesterday, I pet a live armadillo. They were surprisingly cute, but the one that I encountered had either a drooling problem or a drippy nose. XP

On a completly unrelated note, I learned I love spicy hot food. =)

I also gave blood, and I still feel really crappy. >.<;;;



The other night, I was coming back from the library. It was almost 1 am, and in my hands I had all 9 printed papers of my big important English paper. As I was walking along the pathway that leads to my dorm building, I was looking up at the sky, marveling at what few bright stars I could see. All of a sudden, I hear an odd noise, and immediately after I am shot violently in the back of the head with a strong force of extremely warm water. A split second after, I was whopped on my leg, and all my papers got splashed.

And I was soaking wet.

As it turns out, the sprinklers come on at certain times of the night. They come up out of the ground, and since they are black, they were hidden pretty well in the darkness. So I guess my timing was perfect. Or sucks right on schedule, as usual. XD

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, September 26, 2005

Learning about the point of view from the other side of the spectrum.


“Team, I think we’ve just been served! =O”

Oooo yeah. Robot Chicken roxors my socks. XD


Recently, I have been threatened with a story.

Honestly. And it’s not fair, because the threat came completely out of nowhere and is mostly for their amusement. >:O

Oyeh, but no one really cares about them, nor do they update all that often; so if they actually go through with the threat and actually post it up somewhere, I doubt anyone will really notice.

*half grins and shakes head*


This past weekend, I did laundry and napped. The rest of the time, I slept.

GO ME!!111!

Actually, there wasn’t any real important reason to leave. And my Saturday night fever kind of ran over into Sunday, so yeah. =P

….

Actually, I am still so incredibly sleepy tired, and I have to try to scrounge up a paper due at 5 tonight. I had no energy/time to do it yesterday (I officially didn’t get out of bed till 7 last night =X), and a recent finding figured/highly strongly suggests that I shouldn’t use the computer if my room mate is in the room (ie, I pretty much can only use it if she’s gone), so yeah.




Today is an anniversary of sorts, which has put me into a slightly contemplative mood.

Heh. It’s kind of hard to believe that just about a year ago, I had just come back from Egypt and was set and ready to go to a school near Carlisle PA, and my uncle said no, most diffidently not, because for a girl to live on campus is a bad thing, as a girl is and has more ways to be and get hurt than a boy, and is more easily persuaded to do “immoral” things because she has a soft heart.

I was accused of sulking, and got into trouble for it. (Ha ha.) I remember my conservative aunt steered a testily laid back conversation into the direction of religion, telling me in a pleading voice that if only I applied myself more to my religion, then my life wouldn’t have any troubles; it would be problem free. She raised her voice so it would be louder than my own, when I pointed out my father as an example, and she was practically shouting, when I used herself as an example against her reasoning. Even in my anger, I found it pretty amusing that she could say such a thing to anyone, when she prays more than anyone I have ever known from any religion, and yet her husband used to beat her/still treats her in a severely condescending manner, and doesn’t allow her outside without permission/male supervision, nor allows her a mind of her own. I found it kind of funny that me using herself as a counterexample to her reasoning had her complaining about me to my uncle, the head of the family, so that after I came back, I would have much to contend with.

Ah well. They had good intentions, mostly; just the way they tried to enact them clashed with the way I was raised.


The other night, I was trying to explain to someone that people as a whole and individually are too complex to try to categorize as right or wrong, good or evil. Truth is subjective; you would be wasting your breath and effort, trying to prove most subjects as universal truth.

Of course, the person completely dismissed what I was saying, so I wasted my own breath and effort right there XD


Yeah.


One o’clock-ish my time on Wednesday, I believe, Kate called me and started telling me about all this ruckus that was happening up in Journal Square, with police roping off streets practically to where we lived, and helicopters and even police from NY. The story above is pretty much the full story of what happened. It’s funny to think that had I stayed in Jersey and continued to go to Hudson, I would have been evacuated, prolly in the middle of some class. That particular jewelry store is only a few doors down from the math building, and is right across from the Halal chicken store with the green awning, which has a path behind it to the PATH station. I know that area pretty well.

It’s also kind of funny to think that I lived only one block over from Sip Ave, a main road in which other stuffs happened that really shouldn’t have.

And to think that I am homesick. *half grins and shakes head*

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, September 22, 2005

All in the name of Science.

But not For Great Justice. Too many people I know say that now; it seemed to have occurred almost simultaneously overnight.

*talks to eldest brother online*

Eldest brother: FGJ!

Aleia: o.o;;

---

*talks to youngest brother on the phone*

Youngest brother: *completely out of the blue* FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!111!1!

Aleia: …..

Youngest brother: XD

---

Over at the *UWAC:

Group of guys: *during the middle of a group video game session/nothing in particular* FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!! RWAR!!! RWAAAAR!!! XO

Aleia: *!!!!!* What the hell?!?!? O_o;;;

---

*Goes online and talks to Ken*

Ken: *zing!* I win! ^.^ FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!

Aleia: *falls over* ;_;

*UWAC = University Wellness Activities Center. Basically means the place where the campus health center is, along with the gym/gymnasium, and the general room where they have the Xbox locked up in a steel box connected to the shelf under the tv, so people don’t “accidentally” take it. I personally don’t see why anyone would really want to, so yeah.

…

*runs away from avid Xbox fanboys/girls* XD


Oh yeah. I found out on that Social Work APA paper that I stayed up all night doing (….You know, that one the other week. A long time ago. 5 cups of coffee; never doing it again? The one that even I barely remember.), I got 4 out of 5 points for it, and on the last Logics quiz, I got the last question wrong (It was a tricked question o.-), and so got an 80.

Logics: D, D, and a B.

Yeah. I’m still in shock. =P

Mhm. Paper I turned in last week; got 6 out of 10. My bad. =X

But the one I turned in today; I am rather confident in it. And the English paper I have to turn in tomorrow, I think that’s practically an A guaranteed, so yeah. *Grins*

In my recent papers, I find myself quoting Wikipedia in some form or another, which is how/why Wiki finds itself somewhere in my works cited page.

Wiki, how I love thee.


In Logics class, the teacher informed us that there is indeed a flat earth society. I mean, I guess it would make sense; I just never thought or figured that an incredibly ancient ideology, so easily disprovable with today’s technology, would still be as… stubborn and mule headed with some people.

….

Yeah. I dunno about people sometimes. *half grins and shakes head*


Actually, this made me laugh, just because I’m weird like that. XD


Oy. The one class today, we went to the library for a crash-course type tutorial on research. The librarian teaching the class was trying to get us to understand clues as to whether a site was the real deal or not, and amidst her teachings, I came across some… stuff.

Yeah. My sentiments exactly.

Oh, but that’s not the best part. Some poking around on my own got me here, and it took a smidgen of self controle as to not burst out laughing in class.

Yeah, what a day it’s been so far. And it’s not even noon yet. ;P


What, around last Sunday night, my room mate woke me up at 1 in the morning, to tell me that our bathroom was really sick. Because I had been abruptly yanked out of a really weird dream, I took it at face value, as in our bathroom was very physically ill.

For some reason, it scared the crap out of me.

And then a few seconds later, my brain woke up some, and realized she was meaning more along side the lines of gross and messy. (No, you really don’t want to know.)

But yeah. I think five years from now, I’m going to think about that and still laugh out loud. XD



I woke up the other morning, and the first coherent thought that swirled in my mind was that I really don’t see myself graduating from here, from OLLU. It had been something forming in the back of my consciousness, and brought up front by the rantings of my room mate’s friend, about how OLLU was ranked 63 or something like that in colleges; about how the other schools ranked above us were ranked for better education and were much cheaper. So basically, my school is expensive for nothing.

I’m prolly not going to transfer to a different school until next fall semester. For the first time in years, I’ve felt stable in regards to where I’m living. I didn’t realize how much stress that actually caused, living in a constant state of anxiety that you’re going to get kicked out because you’re continuously being told to leave, then having it finally happen, then living in a house constantly filled with tension usually when the head of the household is there (Along with being extremely intimidated by them); shunting yourself around different places for almost a month, then ending up really homeless; more shunting around, then finally finding a steady rock to rest on for a while.

Yeah, I know millions of other people go through that and much worse, and I’m pretty sure that stuffs causes them some level of stress as well, whether they are aware of it or not.

But yeah. It’s a foreign thing for me, to feel safe and secure in knowing that I’m not going to get long term kicked out of my room; not until spring semester is over, anyways.

But I could get booted out if I can’t pay the thousand out of pocket for next semester. But I’ll try not to fret about that till it’s time. <.<;;;


Saw the movie Just Like Heaven.

It was a trap- I mean, a chick flick. *Grins* I didn’t fully realize the implications of the words chick flick until I heard a guy say the movie title out loud.

I dunno. No matter who my company entails, I always get an uncomfortable squirmy/fidgety feeling, during dramatic kissing scenes. I had honestly considered walking out of the theater right at the very end, but Jon Heder perfected the ending, so yeah. I’m glad I didn’t leave.

And if you don’t know who Jon Header is, then you’re a bigger loser than I figured. Gosh!


So. Hurricane Rita. Seems San Antonio is one of the much safer places to be, as people from Corpus Christie and surrounding areas have been told to go to San Antonio. (And a lot of the people from the New Orleans incident are still here, so yeah)

Stuff is supposed to happen Friday-ish, most likely Saturday. I’m not worried like a lot of other people are; I figure if the area wasn’t safe, they wouldn’t have evacuated the coastal people here, yeah?

Mhm. Although there has been mentionings of flooding…

*imagines people ferrying to the food hall*



I talked to my mom last night, and stuff surfaced that I’m trying to deal with. It’s not that big of a deal, but with that and school stuffs, I’ll prolly be MIA internet wise for a while.

I am ok; just…. extremely tired and worn out. *sighs* X_+

And my period is truly slaying me; honestly, if I didn't know any better, I would have figured it was trying to do me in or something.

I would pay for a massage. Or at least give/do just about anything.

*makes her noise* >.<;;;

*sighs* Goodness. *shakes head*


And there you have it.


I was finally able to get to sleep 3:45-ish am, and woke up soon before 7 am. Couldn't get back to sleep because of extreme anxiety, as yesterday wasn’t that good of a day.

…

I think a nap is in order. Before my brain swells to the point of uncomfortable-ness that'll have it up and walking out of my head, just for breathing space.

*whispers* When the printer in the one computer lab prints out papers, it makes a noise that sounds like baby chicks. Honest to goodness.

...

*Grins* In the name of Science!

Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

World domination, baby!



Once, I watched a friend play a game called Threads of Fate. The story line caught my eye, and with recent mentionings of RPGing, it makes me want to play it even more so then when I first saw it.

And yes, I still want to play Chrono Trigger, but that's another story. ;P

I remember when my mom first got the internet for our computer. (It was at the beginning of senior year of high school; I was 17 then) Soon after, me and my brother found a little message boards that had mentionings of anime (Haha, mostly pretty much only of DBZ, which was a series that I was hugely into at the time), and even to this day, I still go there, even though there are still only a few people, and many have come and gone.

But anyways. Where I was going with that was that in the earlier version of the boards, the creator had put in a special section for RPGing. When he first put it up, it was very active. I was one of the first few that posted, and I really got into it. Eventually, because the boards were small in the amount of regular posters, it dwindled and died. (Thinking back, it really didn’t take that long u.u ) I kept trying to revive it, but it's pretty hard to role play if you are the only one, so yeah. The whole section was eventually done away with, and in doing so, a small little part of my insides died. That part right there, actually. *points to a small part of her insides, dangerously near her heart*

Otakuboards, the RPG section, each RPG seems... huge. Maybe a bit unmanageable, because there's so many people? Until very recently, my internet connection has never been a secure guarantee, so it would have been pointless anyways, to try to join when you had no idea when the next time you'd be able to post would be, nor if it would be in a timely matter.


My brother had recently informed me about how he had called my uncle for no real reason; mostly just to inform the general populace over there that he's ok, in school, ect. My uncle told him to tell me to call him at his house.

I wonder what for? Maybe to anger some at me; ask me if I've began my harloting ways and sacrilegious manner of living; if I've gotten so bad as to have seen the devil in person, grimacing at my recent heathen accomplishments.

My brother things our uncle is worried about me. Frankly, the only thing I know for fact is that the congregation of butterflies that have taken up residence in my belly are doing some sort of intense hard core Irish jig.

Maybe if I up the rent for in there, they'll leave. XD


Ever since I’ve known my roommate, she is firmly convinced and has been telling me that our room is haunted. Alright, alright. She has been trying to convince me that our room is haunted, and I always half smile and nod my head, even though I think she thinks I don’t believe her.

The other day, I went to study in the library for about two hours. I come back to my room, and my roommate is flipping out. From what I was able to understand of her, about a minute after I had left, she went to the bathroom. The thing you need to understand about the bathroom is that in the building we are in, each two rooms (called suites for some reason) are connected by a bathroom. So that means that each bathroom has two doors, both which lead to the two different rooms that share the same bathroom. Each door has a deadbolt lock that can only be physically locked from outside the bathroom, from their respective rooms. There is no way at all to access the deadbolt lock from the inside of the bathroom. (To prevent the people from the other room to accidentally/on purpose walk into your room) From the inside of the bathroom, on each door there is a little button on the doorknobs, so if you use the bathroom or want to take a shower, no one from either room can walk in on you.

So yeah. Soon after I left, she goes into the bathroom. As she closes the door, she hears a funny noise, but thinks nothing of it. Whenever she was done, she tried to open the door…

… And found it was locked from the outside. Somehow, the bolt was locked from the other side.

She was locked in the bathroom for about two hours, until the girls from the other room came home. She banged on the door; they opened it and let her out from their room.

At this point in time, there is nothing in the world that could convince her our room isn’t haunted. Me, on the other hand, figure that the deadbolt is on the old side, and is a bit wiggly; she might have either slammed the door hard, or just shut it funny and/or while the lock was in a precarious position.

Needless to say, I tend to be careful, if I go to the bathroom and there isn’t anyone else around. <.<;;

(Later, I messed around with the lock, and I figured how it happened. She wasn’t very interested in seeing what I found, so oh well.)


Eh well. Just from other things, I know she is heavy on the superstitious side, which is rather amusing, except the only way I can think of to react to her stories and explanings without any hint of sarcasm or mirth is to half smile and nod my head.




I was talking on AIM, when out of the blue, my room mate says “Hey, let me straiten your hair! It’ll be fun; it’ll look cute!”

I told her it was going to take forever and a half to do it. She dismissed it with a wave, “Nah it won’t”, and started to get stuff ready.

2 ½ hours later, it was almost done. It was about an hour and a half back that she fully realized just how much hair I have and probably regretted ever thinking the thought; and I fully realized just how long my hair truly is.

You would never believe that it goes past my shoulders. Honest to goodness.

From what I could tell, my hair strait is long, thick, a bit on the wiry side, and… frizzy.

Ooooo yeah. Frizzy like witch hair.

She was almost done, when she decided it would be a good idea to try to do something with the frizzy part. I went and looked in the mirror, and did a double take.

I didn’t think I looked like me at all. Of course my face was the same, but I never fully realized how much your hair and the way/style it is can drastically in a dramatic way change how you look overall. I did look like someone familiar though, and with a start I realized I looked an awful lot like the middle sister, and it made me feel funny-sad. >.<

I put some anti-frizz cream in my hair, and like magic, it started curling up again.

The look on my room mate’s face, I felt so bad for her. She asked me repeatedly if I was going to cry. Hell, I thought she was going to cry.

At this point, my hair was deemed a hopeless cause. She took a shower, went to bed, and that was that.

I went and put all this conditioner stuff in it, and it went corkscrew curly like nothing happened. Stubborn stubborn.

Before I did that though, I took a picture. Or two.

Mhm. Can’t take anything off my camera, until I can save up enough to get a computer monitor.

Ah well.



Comments (4) | Permalink

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

If life gives you a lime, would you chuck it back?



I had a dream that I had stumbled upon a crucial clue as to why and how my dad went missing. It was written in code on a something or other (I don’t think it was normal paper), and the government or some sort of elite group had high suspicions that I possessed it, and they would go to any means to make sure they got it back, and whoever had it eliminated. Every time I tried to read the coding, I had this cold tingly feeling in my belly and all over (the same kind of feeling you get when you get into really really deep trouble, and you know it’s coming), and I just knew that the whatever group was coming near and would find me, so I would hide the coding in odd places (like under a dirt clod in a deep ditch). Sure enough, seconds after I hid the coding, the group found me and did a search on my person. After they were done, they would disperse quickly, to ask some leader as to what to do next, and I would discreetly slip the coding out from where I hid it and hide myself, as they had received quick orders to search the vicinity. Obviously, if they figured I had it, and it wasn’t on me, I would have hid it somewhere close by.

The whole time in my dream, it was always dark, and most things took place outside, in open spaces. The cold tingly feeling was there most of the time, and I was always running from… something or someone.

I never was able to read the coding properly, to try to figure it out.

But I do remember that right before I woke up, it seemed that whoever/whatever was getting pretty near to catching me in what I realized was a trap, and I was trying to think of a way to slip off, and then I woke up with a start and my heart was racing like crazy and I was freezing cold.

But of course it's just a dream. I know full well where my dad is in real life. Well, pretty much where he is, anyways. But the fact still stands. <.<;;



In all honesty, I am attending school not because I want to, but because I don’t really have much other realistic choice. If I want to be dependent of my mom and my uncle, I have to have a career of sorts. The reason why I chose my major is not because I want to devote my whole life to it, but because I have some sort of passion for the matter. I honestly can’t envision myself doing only one thing for the rest of my life.

I guess…. I’m going to school because it’s something to do. It’s better than applying for welfare, living at my mom’s house; or maybe dreading my wedding date to my arranged husband at my uncle’s.

As for something I would want to do for the rest of my life, career wise.. I dunno. A dream that I intend to realize someday is to be a mom, which is why I chose the major that I did. I want to be a mom, just not right at the moment, and prolly not for a few years yet, figuring as there is a lot I need to do before I try to settle myself down. =P I figure all the excess maternal feeling and instinct should be directed towards abandoned kids and similar cases in the meanwhile. Hopefully, at least someone will benefit out of something that I do with honest enthusiasm and ease.

Who knows? Maybe somone I affect is destined to effect a greater cause; maybe something world wide. *grins*

I do want to go to unusual areas; places I’ve never been. I know I hate provincial-ness. The longest I have ever stayed in an area at a time so far is 8 years; both in PA and in NY. Jersey was for about 4 ½ years, and I am firmly convinced I have had enough of Jersey to last me for life. *grins*

I can’t comprehend what it’s like to stay in the same place all your life. To never venture far out of the place you were born, to repeat the same never changing, never ending repetitive mind numbing schedule day in and day out. To stay stagnant; to never experience new things, to never grow, broaden and change your way of thinking; to never get to know your true self and realize half the infinite possibilities and power that you possess.

It obviously works for a very many, but I couldn’t try to force and try to conform myself into that sort of role. I would suffocate and I know an essential part of myself would die.

There are people who have to be the followers, and there are people who have to be the leaders. There has to be a balance in that, kinda like ying and yang; good and evil. There cant be good if there isn’t evil. Not everyone can be a follower; not everyone can be a leader. There has to be some of both.


Eh. We'll see what happends. Nothing is set in stone, after all. *nods*



Financial aide stuffs is currently very much devastating me. I know I have people that support me, but the feeling always disappears, when I am extremely overwhelmed like that. And it only makes the by myself feeling stronger, and I feel weak and hopeless/helpless, asking/practically begging for confirmation of support from the people that I know care about me. (And of course, it's heartbreaking when reconfirmation doesn't happen.) But once something is said, should it have to be said again and again, like I have amnesia? Or like I'm.... insecure... or... something.

But I'm thinking the condition pretty much occures only when overwhelming stuff happends. The recent trends say so. Yeah, still not good. Gotta write that on my to-do list; in the things-to-fix catagory. ;P


I don’t want people to leave comments in the comment box like “so srry ur so emo”, or “I SUPRT U LOLZ”. By saying the above, I’m.. just...

I dunno. Do whatever you will.

*waves hand dismissively*


Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Till the moon becomes the sun


I realized the other day that if I ever do get an interview for a job, I am kinda screwed. The only clothes I was able to take with me in my suitcases (There was a weight/baggage limit as to what I was allowed to carry on the air plane) were my jeans, t-shirts, pajama clothes, my one pair of sandals, my semi-dressy shoes that could pass for being dressy, a pair of pretty blue stockings, and somehow my ruby-red sparkly skirt got slipped in. Everything else is in boxes that I figured would have been sent out a whole lot earlier than… now.

I dunno. Show up dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and apologize up front? Or show up in a white t-shirt and that skirt, looking like I’m on my way to some sort of party? (That skirt is not a very long in length. *sweatdrops*)

The library position was filled before they even gave me an interview. I unfortunately got a late start on searching for jobs on campus, as in the beginning, I was more preoccupied with trying to pull strings and finding a way just to attend, so yeah. I’ll prolly have to wait until next semester, to apply for stuffs.

Aye, I might be able to find a job off campus, except that would have me rely on a very undependable bus system. From many personal experiences, the bus rarely ever comes when it should; and that undependability might get me fired fast. >.<

Times like this make me wish I didn’t leave my car behind.

I noticed my room mate uses the word ‘fuck’ rather excessively; (especially) when/during driving and in normal conversation. I had actually forgotten about that, until she talked to Ken. *grins and snickers*

It’s rather funny though, which is why I’m sure it looks pretty bad, me trying to hide my grinning/snickering while she’s throwing a cursing fit in the car about the other drivers on the road. XD

The other night, I woke up from a dream in which I was hiding, and when I came out of hiding (Apparently, I was hiding in underground places), all the streets were a stage for a huge shoot out. All the noises were very familiar to me, and it just felt… funny.

When I told Kate about it, she laughed and poked fun at me for being homesick/missing Jersey City. >.<;;

I honestly don’t even know what to say to that.



Ha.

^ Ever since I was little, I wondered if that was possible, if someone could do that.

I think you have to lack breasteses for that to work, though. u.u

I mean, for your person to stay intact. Or so you don’t bleed to death.

…Yeah. Imma shut up about it now. XD


Ew >.<;;

^ In all seriousness, if someone did that to me while I was on the job, minding my own business, I’d maul/tackle them down and pop ‘em one.

Honestly, that’s just nasty! >:O

XP

Oy

^ Ironic in the more truer meaning of the word, in my opinion.


Heh

^ Ironic in a cynical funny way

When my room mate was driving today, I was explaining to her about hydroplaning.

Her: What the fuck is hydroplaning? 0_o

Aleia: *sweatdrops and explains*

Less than 10 minutes later, she’s kinda veering into a different lane and almost hydroplanes into the back of some truck. Honestly, we were so close…

Aleia: OMG OMG We’re-gonna-hit-the-truck-We’re-gonna-hit-the-truck!!!!! X_+;;;

Her: *split second veers away from truck, laughing lightly* Did I scare you, Aleia? Are you scared? We weren’t gonna hit the truck, anyways. ^_^

Aleia: >.<;; *Wishes it was herself that was driving*


There was more I was going to say, but a lot of my mind is thinking about English tomorrow, or is sleepy tired. I shouldn’t be tired; goodness, I went to bed around 8pm; woke up at 10 because of a phone call, and fell back asleep at 3something am (It was very hard to get to sleep because I was so incredibly hungry ;_; ), and finally got out of bed at 2:30 pm. I did wake up around 8:30 in the morning, though. (I still can't believe I had a dream about eating food >:| ) The way it was dark in the room and realizing that it was morning, I just knew it was storming outside.

Aleia: *sits up in bed and peeks out of blinds* (The window is at the foot of my bed, so I didn’t have to go far)

Outside: *blinding flashing lights* *BOOM BOOM RUMBLE RUMBLE* *lightly shakes ground and buildings*

Outside: *gushes rain from the sky*

Aleia: *is happy* ^___^


After about 10 minutes of this, my room mate sits up suddenly and says… stuff. I noticed she has a habit of talking in her sleep, so I wonder (hope?) that she was doing it this time. I think I’ll ask her, when I get back….

Hah! Thinking about this morning makes me remember about a song that I fell asleep listening to. I think the CD is a greatest hits compilation from Stone Temple Pilots (the outside and the CD are covered in a sky and an unbroken field of sunflowers), and the song is All in the suite that you wear.

Yeah. I can’t seem to get enough of that particular song at the moment, although there are other really good songs in there too. >.<

Edit: I realized today marks the one month anniversary of my "independence".

Mhm.


Comments (4) | Permalink

Thursday, September 8, 2005

The demon that lives in my left shoe made me do it


Lately, people in general either touch my hair (Out of the blue, I’ll feel someone lightly ruffling/springing/touching my curls, making “Oooo, so neat ^.^” comments/noises), or ask me “Is that yours? o.o” (I know what they mean when they ask that, but my split second initial reaction is “Who else’s hair would I be wearing? <.<;; ”)

When my room mate was telling me that I was welcome to use her tv/vcr/laptop anytime, I told her if she was ever hungry, she was welcome to using my hotpot and my ramen.

Room mate: Ramen. *laughs* Haha! Ramen…

Me: ….. There’s something funny about ramen soup? o.o;;;


Maybe it’s me, but I still don’t get it. XD


Yesterday, I walked in just as she was about to leave. I was going to rest a bit, afore I tackled a huge project, and she was running out somewhere. She had the tv on, and said I could change the channel, if I wanted to. She left the room, and I saw she had it on VH1.

… No. I could feel my brain cells slipping away by the second, so I went and put it on the news.

10 minutes later, she walks back in. She glances at the tv and does a double-take.

Room mate: You watch the news? You honestly watch the news? =O

Me: … Mhm. o.o;;

Room mate: Aw! That’s so cute! ^.^

Me: …… o_o;

*mind blanks out*

*is rendered speechless*


I… dunno. *half grins*


To keep a long, terrible disaster short, never again. I was going to help with a one hour trip to a silly store, and ended up gone for almost 3 ½ hours, a bit part being that the other person got lost.

Lost. Do you realize just how bad that is? I mean, I don’t drive, so it’s not like I go out all that much; I’ve been here almost a month, and I still knew where to go!

But no one would listen to me, so….. Yeah. -_-

And I still had that big project due at 9:40 in the morning, blah blah blah, stupid APA format (Because my major is social work, and social work being a part of psychology, we have to write papers strictly in that format, and there are anal retentive aspects and qualities about APA, as opposed to MLA, which is for English), and because I was stressing to the extreme over all these different things (Financial stuff, the threat of a class possibly getting dropped. You know, just stuff.) and yeah. Broke down, stuff and stuff; eventually spent hours and research and time and then after 5 cups of coffee and staying up all night long I realized around 8 that I was doing the assignment wrong. I was doing more of a report than anything; so I erased and started over.

Ah well. I know and figure I did a lot of things wrong, one of them being not having a full two pages; but in the end, it’s better I get a really bad grade than a zero for not turning in anything. And whenever I get my paper back, I’ll learn what I did wrong, and I’ll (hopefully) learn and not repeat them.

It’s hard to explain why, but I feel better now. I am ok, and the view from here says I’ll do fine. =)

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

A city boy who don't know nothin'.


Oh goodness goodness.

Uh, missed classes Friday. I woke up and found great difficulty in just trying to sit up in bed.

*Tries to move* Oooooo! *Cringe*

*Winces from cringing*

*Tries again*

*Finds she really can’t do it*

Me: You know, to hell with classes. >:O I can’t even get out of my room, let alone get my sorry self off this bed to shower and stuff.

… I feel like such a pansy. ;_; Why?!?! *Throws hands dramatically in the air*


Really though, I blame it all on the extreme over-exertion during volley ball tryouts/practice held Thursday night. And my lack of proper nutrition combined, so yeah.

I am slightly anemic. Kindasort, so it isn’t all that extreme. Need to get up on fixing that, yeah? <.<

I missed class today too. Honestly, this isn’t like me. I mean, come on, last semester I missed very few classes on purpose; and those were on my worst days. I missed a few because I was rather sickly, so yeah. I still hauled in a 3.8 GPA, so I know I’m not stupid academically. Not that passing or failing any course can properly rate how “smart” you are, but I know I can do well.

Logics, it isn’t hard. I looked over my notes briefly before I took the online quiz Sunday, and then proceeded. I think I did very well until the very middle, as I encountered a term that I remember vaguely, and only because I was reading ahead in the Logics textbook for fun (I’m borrowing an outdated version from the teacher)

That’s what I get for missing class. >: |

I passed the quiz though (Mostly by sheer luck, I believe, and slightly by my nerdy desire to read textbooks for fun), and with a slightly better grade than last time.

But it isn’t good enough, not for my standards for myself. I know I can do better. I have no motivation whatsoever to do any of my projects. This is lame procrastination taken to the extreme. u.u

I think I could be starting to realize my problem, and I am trying to go about to fixing it. In all honesty, it’s on my to-do list.

... No, really. I made a physical to-do list. It’s really on there somewhere. XD


I made such an idiot of myself in a recent phone conversation. Sometimes, I don’t think before I say something that is indirectly associated with a subject that is guaranteed to either be possibly embarrassing for both, or bring up funny feelings on my part, and if the person is usually sharp, they (unfortunately) catch it.

Other person: Huh? What do you mean by that? You have to tell me; simple as that.

Me: No, I didn’t mean it that way; it came out wrong!

*Internally* Aleia you idiot, what did you just DO?!?! >:O

Aleia: Oh my goodness! o_o I wasn’t thinking-

Aleia: That tends to be the problem lately, yeah? *stern glaring*

Aleia: I didn’t think to associate scenario A with scenario D. Sometimes when I talk, it’s me thinking out loud; my talking tends to be spontaneous that way. >:|

Aleia: Look at what you’re doing! You’re making a big mess of things! You’re killing-nay, slaying all odds of salvage! *moans in agony and suffering embarrassment*

Aleia: *makes her noise and blushes* >.<
…..

Does that make me schizophrenic, when I talk to myself and then I answer back? *half grins*


Today, some guy from my building got in some sort of trouble by one of the leader people from housing, for keeping a snake in his dorm room.

…

I wonder if snakes can go up stairs easily. I know it couldn’t be that hard to go on an elevator, but who in their right mind wouldn’t notice something as huge as that snake is in the rather small confines of the floor of an elevator like ours?

See, stuff like that makes me glad that the guys live on the first floor; and I safely on the third.

Mhm. *nods*


A friend of mine took me to see a movie Saturday. When we got there, we found that we got there an hour too early, so we just sat around, talking.

Early in our conversation, we were approached by a well dressed lady, and were quickly drafted on to some sort of movie survey.

Watched a preview not then released (A movie called Proof), and was asked different stuff about it.

During the questioning, a well dressed guy came out into the theater lobby and started talking very loudly about how Jesus saved his soul and the like.

For the oddest reason, I found myself giggling. The survey person looked stupefied. Yes, stupefied is an appropriate term for her expression and manner.

Watched with curiosity as security escorted him out.

Out of the blue, a guy dressed in “street” clothes started exclaiming loudly of how Jesus made him stop drinking and saved his life, his marriage, and his family.

Needless to say, he was escorted outside quickly.

Goodness goodness. *Shakes head and grins*


There is many a time that I am lucky to get a good hold of my imagination, before it gets way out of hand. On Friday, after the official part of the Anime club was over, there was a guy talking about how there is another anime club that he (used to or still is in, I don’t remember) called The Chobits.

Yeah. I guess a lot of the members obsess a bit, as I think it was required that they all go to the big anime convention in Dallas cosplaying as… Chii. Or just Chobits in general.

As he said that part, everyone slowly stopped what they were doing/talking about and turned to look at him.

Me: Everyone?

Him: Mhm!

Me: How… you…. O_o;;;

Him: Belts can work miracles. =)

Aleia: Whoa there! *quickly lassos imagination close to her*

Nevertheless, it was still rather amusing. *Grins*
*shakes head and sighs*


Comments (3) | Permalink