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• 2005-04-04
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• A dork by any other name would still be just as dorky.
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Monday, April 18, 2005
Everytime you start your car, it sounds like a drive-by runnin' past here.
More of the same, but... a bit different?
I dont remember the exact specifics of my dream, but the morbid parts, they're haunting me even though I really dont remember them. I just remember the feelings of the experiences and such; tis those parts that are sticking on me.
And about the guy from this morning: I was wearing a shirt that wasnt flattering, let alone the fact my sports bra is so old that my boobs are practically falling out; my pants are too big and basicly unflattering. I had my hair up and I was dressed for the gym. X_+
When the guy said that stuff to me, my mind momentarily went blank while my autoresponse kicked in, with the "Sorry, no." And then I was like "What the fuck? X_+", and then the overwhelming bit happend. It didnt happen for very long; only a minute or two at the most. But uh, yeah. I figured the guy was lying, or like one of those weird/freaky-sick/horny as hell guys that have a habit of trying to bother me most Friday nights, after class.
It reminded me of when in elementary/highschool, kids used to dare cute/hott boys to ask me out. They would; I would say no, because I knew it had to be fake, a joke, a lie, a dare. There had to be money involved somewhere; their pride at stake.
Most of the boys, they were extremely persistent. No matter how many forms of the word no I would use, they would beg and plead, like I was actually worth the effort. In the first few times, and the ones who were very good actors, I would wonder if it was actually possible, that somone that I found attractive would think the same of me, as well.
Heh. No matter how they finished their cruel perverted jokes off, there was always laughing and jeering involved. And I always beat myself up for even thinking or wishing.... anything I could have been.
In no way am I asking for pity, hell no. It's...just...what I remember. It's just what happend before, a long time ago.
Yeah, a long time ago, by immature pricks who, well, acted like boys. *gestures*
I also mean that if I go any further with what my head is stuffed with, well, the stuff in there is stupid; I already know it is. Hah, I know it's stupid to think the things that I am, and yet I dont/wont/cant stop? I couldnt help but let some slip here and there today, when I was with Sarah, and I think at this point she might want to hurt me, if not desire to cause at least some bodily harm. =X
Emo shit and whatever. You guys arent missing anything.
I'm still very raging angry, but mostly at Aleia for being a damn fool; an idiot, for wishing and setting herself up.
Hopefully, it'll be over soon.
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