Monday, May 9, 2005

Weapons of Mass Distraction

Saturday, I finally got my car fixed. New rim, replacement tire, and new front brakes. Paid for it myself. I wonder if my uncle will notice? *sweatdrops*

All that is needed is a new inspection sticker (Very costly, for a sticker. 0_o) and to get some form of insurance. So yeah, got a lot of the car stuffs out of my mind.

I passed the math exit exam.

…..

(Shock/OMG !!111!!1 o.o =O X_+)


*laughs* Honestly, it’s a huge deal for me because it means I passed the whole course, and I didn’t cheat once on the exit test. I passed by my own self. =) It’s a well known fact that there are two or three people in the class that get the good grades that they do because, well, they’re math smart. Everyone else, at least the people around me, blatantly cheat, using calculators or cheat sheets with different math formulas written carefully and minutely, hidden in odd places. (No, don’t ask.) The teacher doesn’t notice any of this, so yeah. I could have cheated easily, but I would have felt funny odd if I did and terrible if I cheated and passed. I would have felt incredibly stupid if I cheated and failed, though. <.<;;

So yeah. I passed because of me. ^_^


The school I applied to, they start classes August 12. I was told that if I was accepted and I am going to live on campus, I have to start moving in either three days or a week prior to first day of class, so I might end up leaving at the end of July-ish. *insert happy giddy girly girl squeal, followed by a brief dance of excitement here*

Oh wait! That brings me to a whole mess of problems.

I officially have no financial aid. I don’t have FASFA because my uncle wouldn’t give me money to get my taxes done, and I need that information. Way back in January, I called and asked my mom if she could give me the information that’s required from her, and she said that she wasn’t going to waste her time on the phone. If I wanted it, I had to either get it from my brother or come all the way over and get it myself. The first time I filled out my FASFA and I asked my mom to help me, she tossed me a one and a half inch thick manila envelope stuffed with tax papers, and told me if I wanted it bad enough, for me to do it myself. How my brother filled his out was he got me to help him, basically meaning that I told him all the answers. So I asked my brother, who lives much closer to mom than I do, on more than one occasion that when he got the information and stuff for FASFA, to please give it to me so I can finish it.

Ha. Imagine my reaction when I find that he did in fact acquire all possible information needed, got his FASFA in and all the while, completely forgot about me. The due date for that was quite a while ago, so I guess that’s out.

I couldn’t put my uncle’s information down, because he makes too much and I highly doubt he’ll give me money towards a school and a decision he is very against. (Staying on campus in an out of state school.) Remember, I'm a girl so it's completely unacceptable for me to live on campus because as a girl I am weak and I'm going to sleep around/drink myself into alcoholism/stray from religion (too late? =X)/other evil immoral things I didn't think of, while boys (like my brother, for example) have complete controle and wouldn't even think about such things.

*shrugs* As some of you guys know, it's how he honestly thinks; how his mind works.

So sometime later I have to call and ask the school when I’ll find out if I am accepted or not, and how much the first semester costs, with no financial aid plus room and board. It’s going to be really hard to pull off, but I think the only way I can go is to take out a student loan. The research I did, recently and a long time ago, shows that I can't get any scholorships unless I'm coming right out of highschool with blazingly amazing grades *cough*mybrother*cough*, have dependants/am pregnant/have kids. I readjusted the goal of my major, which I think is going to make my schooling a big longer. *bites lip*

I know nothing is ever going to be easy, and I never expected anything to be, but I hate how everything seems to have a requirement to be so difficult and tough. I feel like I’m constantly struggling while either creeping forward at an agonizingly painful snail-paced speed or set back quite a bit. And when I tell myself to shut up and suck it up, everyone else has problems, a lot of people that have much worser ones than you, I find it doesn’t help the problem. It just makes me irritable and stuff. =X


Ever find some sense in a theory or idea that’s really incredibly stupid? I mean, if you thoroughly looked at the theory or idea with your normal sense, you know it’s unfoundable through and through, up, down and inside out; completely ludicrous no matter what time of day or night it is. And yet at your weakest, you find just a little bit of sense in it and hold on tightly because you’re so desperate you have to make it.

Or maybe you have no idea what I’m rambling about. *Raises eyebrow*


I haven’t been all that great lately. I really messed up; resulting in a lot of stupid moments that I really wish didn’t have any living witnesses to. (Like when I suddenly felt incredibly dizzy and somehow almost walked right into a fast moving car, barely not getting run over. u.u) I mean, I didn’t really quite realize what was happening at first, so it’s not like I woke up one day and thought “You know, today is a great day to fuck up things for a long while! =D ”

My throat is incredibly sore so I don't want to/can't eat (And that, my dears, is a completely different story) and my voice is going in and out of commission (I believe it's currently out o.o ) and I feel weak all over and stuff and I have to go try to manage/salvage my financial situations, so wish me luck or a positive blip in the timeline of happenings.

I swear, if anyone messes with my car again while I’m still living here (meaning if any other parts are thieved/scratches scratched/dents induced/windows broken), I am personally going to hunt down the retard who did it and rip out their spleen in all of its messy glory if they don’t fix what they did/give whatever they took back intact. Or I might do both.

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