Monday, August 29, 2005

Ethereal bloomings


Wow. 500 visits to MyO.

Goodness, people. What took you guys so long? ;P


……


Last night….. wasn’t a good night for me.

Everyone else: “Oh noes, Aleia is gonna get all emo and melodramatic on our asses, like most days! =O X_+”

Just shut up and listen. *rolls eyes* XP


I was talking to Kate last night, and she had been mentioning stuff about visiting me at my school. Yeah, it’s a bit of a drive from Jersey to San Antonio, but I guess her friend has nothing better to do?

She already knows about how all my things are still in neatly taped and stacked boxes at my uncle’s house, and how I had a feeling that he was never going to send them. I found out a few days ago that my aunt and her kids (the ones I lived with) had just come back from Egypt, so I left a message on their answering machine saying Hey, and leaving my phone number.

A few days pass, and I’m wondering how come my aunt hasn’t called me yet. Right before she left to Egypt, she was telling me that when I find out the phone number to my dorm, to let her know right away so we can catch up and stuff.

Kate had been figuring, since she was planning on coming down here anyways, wouldn’t it make more sense to load her friend’s car with my things and take them here herself? She proposed the idea to my cousin Omar, and he retorted with “We don’t care what happens to her stuff; we just want her shit out of the house! >:O”

Amongst other things.


I mean, with what he said, combined with what seems like my aunt not wanting to talk to me, along with the other negative comments that were spoken, I have a feeling my uncle is telling stories about me.

And it just hit me hard (Actually, it crushed me) how this situation is exactly like right after my uncle was reading MyOtaku and I didn’t know, and I had posted up stuff that was highly disagreeable with him.

Even now, I have no idea what he told my aunt, but for two whole weeks, my aunt made a big point of ignoring me, and her kids made a point of either ignoring me, or cruelly teasing me. Most mornings I found myself waking up to my hair being pulled/something else just as stupid/painful/childish/, and/or plenty of giggling, and when their mom would walk in on these scenes, she would just look at me, look at what they were doing (they never discontinued what they were doing, if she appeared), look back at me and tell the kids to hurry up and put on their socks. After I would come home from school, I would find either what little leftovers already packed away in the fridge, or nothing at all (I was apparently ignored enough that no one wanted to save anything, so yeah)

If I walked into a room, everyone would either talk about me like I wasn’t there, or they would up and leave. Including the adults.


Never in my life had I felt like such a non person. I used to cut myself to make sure I could still bleed; at times I honestly wondered if I was still alive, and not some begotten ghost of sorts. 0_o

I know that sounds incredibly stupid, but I think maybe the only way to understand is if you went through something similar or whatever. I dunno.

And I know it prolly makes me sound rather pathetic, but oh well.


I’m sure whatever it is that is being said prolly isn’t true; and I’m sure if I still lived there, that it would be those two weeks all over again.

But I don’t get it. Isn’t it enough that I have to make my own way through school? I figure he’s still very angry that I left and went far far away, to live in a dorm and go to school no less, and didn’t stay to be religious and get married like he thinks I should (Of course my uncle is angry about that. God, he’s still pissed about the stuff I wrote in My Otaku, so long ago. T_T )

But isn’t it hard enough that he tossed me out without any money, or even a word of goodbye? He barely said anything to me the morning I left; just maybe a sentence or two, and of course they hinted at what a pain in the ass/burden I was being to everyone (who’s everyone? <.< ), for requiring a way to get to the airport.


And uh, it burned how this new situation is strikingly similar to when right after I practically spelled out to my grandmother all the things her husband had ever done, shortly after, she would give nice things to my siblings and make a huge point of telling them not to share with me.

I knew prior, from other things she had done/said to other people that she was a very vindictive person, so I was prolly going to get mine, and a whole lot worse than something silly and petty like what the above example was. It was like cheap change, really. 0_o

I was secretly afraid Christmas would come, and the traditional cards with money in them would be sent up to the house, except she would make a big point of giving larger than normal amounts of money to everyone else, and it would be like I never existed.

But she died before Christmas came about, so oh well.

Even now, I still have no idea what stories were told to her. I don’t really give a shit; it just kinda... it hurts that she was dumb enough to have herself believe certain things, because it made everything so much more convenient to and for her.

She had her priorities. *shrugs*


All I can do is not be like anyone in my family. It’s actually what I aspire to do; kinda like a hobby. *half grins*


But yeah. If my NY aunt isn’t around there somewhere (She recently had to move out of her apartment because of the closing and stuff, so I have no idea where she is/her phone number), my personal things are either going to be set outside for the garbage truck, or torn apart by the kids.

Or both.


Oy! I just remembered I have a doctors sort of appointment tomorrow. There is suspicion that I could be anemic, which is why I’m so tired <.<

So. Tomorrow. Pap smear and blood work.

Yeah. Can’t say I’m looking foreword to tomorrow morning much. ;P

I’d laugh, but there’s a Pap smear involved. And that’s not a laughing matter; not one bit. u.u


Aye, I got a D on the Logics quiz.

….

Hey, at least I passed. And I know I’ll do much better next time, most assuredly. =) *nods*

I was so out of it this morning that I half dressed, brushed my hair, put on sandals and walked out my door. I stood in the hallway, thinking that I was missing something very much important, when a breeze hit me and it suddenly hit me that I wasn't wearing a shirt.

Oh no no. I had my jeans and a bra on; just missing the shirt.

I am so glad that my whole building is all girls. *blushes deep red*

Yeah. Go back in; put on a shirt.

That feeling that I'm forgetting something really important keeps with me, untill I'm in the hallway, and I shut my automatic-locking door.

I suddenly realize I had forgoten my ID card and my key inside.

.....

Yeah. It was one of those mornings. Had to find an RA after class; next time I lock myself out I have to pay money.

Ugh. I knew I was going to do it to myself someday. XD


Mhm. I smell clean; like my laundry detergent and my conditioner. Not that I smell yucky other times or anything; it's just I smell like laundry cause I just did all the laundry last night, so the detergent smell hasn't worn away from the clothes yet; and I had just bought and used some very much needed conditioner, so yeah. =)



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