Wednesday, January 10, 2007

  

Okay. I'm letting him go for a while. I want him to be happy, and if letting him go will do that, I'll make that sacrifice for him. I know he'll come back to me, because he loves me, and I've prayed really hard, and I feel good about it. Well, I have to go! Element of the Day: ~*~*~*Wind*~*~*~ God bless, and please pray for me to have strength and courage...

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Tuesday, January 9, 2007

   Yes!

I'm soooo happy! Kiyoshi said he'd give me untill Friday! Yay! I have been praying hard all day, that God would help Matt and I through this. Tonight he finally really vented by being angry, and he told me exactly why it bothered him. I'm glad he did that! Now I know what not to do! I'm so.... there is no word to describe how happy I am! I know that with God, all things are possible! Matt asked me why I didn't trust him like I said I would now. I was just so selfish because I didn't want to get hurt, and he was right. I shouldn't have been so selfish, and I should have given him that from the start. I was too concerned with my own feelings to worry as much about his, even thought I love him. I feel bad about that, but I have to fix things! I just want to be able to feel him when he's not around. I just wasn't worried he'd leave, because he told me he'd stay with me forever, and I didn't think about the consequences of my actions. I know it was wrong, but I know, that with the Lord's help, we can make it through anything! I believe in Matt, I believe in myself, but most importantly, I believe in God to get us through this! I'm just glad I have this last chance. PLEASE pray for us! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I CAN'T LOSE HIM!!!! PLEASE PRAY!!! Element of the Day: ~*~*~*Wind*~*~*~ God bless! and don't forget to pray!

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   Please help me!

Please don't let me lose him! He didn't tell me today who he'd stay with! And I couldn't stand to lose him! Please pray he won't leave! I don't know what I'd do if he left me! I love him so much! It's my own stupid fault! I shouldn't have let personal things influence the way I treat him, I now I'm going to lose him! NO!! I'm going to fight for him! I would trade everything I have if I could keep him! I have to go...

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Monday, January 8, 2007

   Please don't let this be happening!!!!!!!!!

Please tell me this is a dream. I'm shaking all over and it hurts so bad. It's taking me so long to type this. My BF loves someone else now... Oh, God, the pain hurts so much! Why did this have to happen? I would have given him my life for him! And now's he's leaving. It doesn't seem real. We talked about getting married in a few years, and now he loves someone else! It feels like my heart is being ripped into millions of pieces! It hurts so bad. I really can't type more I'm shaking so badly... I'll be leaving now. I didn't mean to burden you with my troubles... Is that what I did wrong? I promised myself I wouldn't ever put myself down like this, but it just hurts so bad... He signed on IM, so I have to go now... I'm too lost to feel the elements...

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Sunday, January 7, 2007

   Help!

Hey everybody... Well, my BF and I talked today, or actually yesterday now, and we're not angry at each other becuase of the fight we had on IM the other day. At least I think we're not mad. I'm not mad at him, but I think he mihgt still be mad at me... I said a lot of things that I didn't mean, and I hurt him so bad, and I didn't want this to happen! I didn't mean to hurt him! I didn't want that... I need to fix it now. I need to make him feel better now, but he won't let me. I don't know what to do... I want to help, but I don't know how. I wasn't hurting much anymore, cause I have faith that we'll work it out with the help of God, but it hurts now that I know he's hurting because of me... It's my fault, and it hurts, cause there's nothing I can do to help... Please pray for us! We need to work this out. I don't want to lose him. He's acting like he doesn't want to be with me... I don't know what to do... Well, Thanks for the comments on my artwork. Please check it out if you haven't already. Element of the Day: ######Ice###### Bye, and God bless...

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Friday, January 5, 2007

   not well at all...

Hey... I know I'll be going to bed and crying tonight. Matt got back, but it seems we've grown apart over the time they were gone. I'm not sure about anything either, because I don't feel good. I won't put any details on here cause I know my brother will get on and read it, and knowing him, he'd open his big mouth and say something to Mama, and I'd get a big lecture about how BF's shouldn't have this big of an impact on me. I was sure I'd still love him, but when I called the first time, he had to call be back cause he was busy. Then when I did talk to him, he talked about the trip, some about Kayla, some about another freshman hopefully gettng together with one of his friends, and another freshman that likes him, but he choses to ignore the fact that she likes him. Then we got into arguments all night. I don't know what's wrong... He said it seemed that I didn't want to talk, and asked if I still wanted to be with him. I told hime I didn't know... BTW, I do have some new artwork, but I'm sorry. I can't be all that entusiastic, but please do look at it. And as you can tell from my semi-new theme, my fav character is Riku. I decide I'd feature them all individually, starting with my favorite. Element of the Day: &&&&&&Shadow&&&&&& Bye... God bless, and please pray for me.

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Thursday, January 4, 2007

   First Day of the Second Semester

GRR!!!! I'm so frustrated. I'm having trouble with the blogs for my site. The picture messed up, and I can't fix it now because I'm not at home with my folder of pics, and I can't fix the code for the spacing, cause I don't have it memorized, and somehow, it got all jammed up, and that's why there was a post within a post, and I don't have the codes with me. EVERYTHING is on my home computer, and I'm at school, while Mama's tutoring... *Sigh* Please bear with me... *Rips out hair* AUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!! *passes out from shock of seeing a bald reflection* Okay, now that you know why my posts are all messed up, allow me to tell you about my first day of the second semester. First we had to go to homeroom. We got our schedules and sat there for forever! Then we went to first block for about thirty minutes, thanks to the time spent in homeroom. First block I have French II with Mr Broadhead. He taught us a phrase today: "Bonne Annee!", with means "Happy New Year!". One of my band friends is in there, Chris. There's also a semi-cute guy, who also happens to be in my second block. (Please don't get upset if you read this, my dear Kiyoshi. I wasn't noticing on purpose. I promise.) Anyway, second block I have Honor's English 10, with Mrs. Cordell. She's fifty-seven, and very hyper and dramatic. I like her! My first reaction was "Eh?", but I really like her. She set us up in groups of four. But she was really fair about it. She only moved the people who didn't bring paper and pencils. Everyone else could set where they wanted. I'm setting with the kinda cute guy, who also happens to be very nice and chivalrous(I can't remember his name.)(Again, don't worry if you're reading this, okay, Kiyoshi?), Melinda, and Tyler. She made us write our faavorite color and our favorite food. Then she told us to come up with a name for a group using those. We ended up being the Indigo Donuts. The indigo was mine, and the donuts were Tyler's. I really enjoyed her class. Then we copied down easily confused words. I finally know the difference between its and it's! Yay! Then I went to third block, geometry, with Mr. Free. There is a sorta feared guy, Javian, who happens to be an albino black guy! (I hope "black" doesn't offend you, and I don't mean it in a disrespectful way. I'm just not good at using African American, cause it get's complicated when you get to European Americans, Native Americans, Chinese Americans, etc.) Anyway, he sits right next to me, along with another guy I haven't seen since eigth grade, from a college program. A little of his language bothers me, but other than that he's an okay guy. A lot of the kids were surprised I was just now taking geometry, since I'm the "smart kid", but I set it up to make Pre-cal and Trig easier. We didn't really do anything in there other than review rules, so I worked on another drawing of Sora. This one's harder, though. Then I went to band. This was humorous. There were five people in there. The rest are currently on a bus coming back from New Orleans, so pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaase pray for their safety! Anyway, we made a heart out of chairs for them when they get back tonight, and left nice messages on the board for them. Then I worked a little more on Sora. Then I went home, or at least to the school where Mama tutors. I hope we go to Wal*Mart. There are some things I need for school. Speaking of school, you know how I told you my goal was to rank 1 in my class? Out of about 375 students, I am the #1!!!!! Yaaaaaaaay!!!! I was so excited! I didn't just take easy classes either. I had Chemistry, and that's supposedly really hard to pass, along with French, but that's passable. Band is the easiest thing I have grade wise, but maybe not mentally. Wow! This is a really long post. Anyway, since my BF has been gone, I haven't felt that emptiness I thought I would. In fact, I don't really feel much at all... I'm worried about it, and I feel bad that I'm not at all upset he's gone. I don't know if it's cause he didn't call cause he said he would try, but I understand that he probably hasn't had time(At least my brain does), or if I've just locked my emotions away subconciously so I wouldn't feel any pain, but it's made me question my love. I'll know when he gets back though! ^_^ That thought is very encouraging! I know I still love him. It's just a seed of doubt, that's all. Well, I'd better be going. I'll visit if I have time. It's almost time to go now, so I'll try to see you tomorrow! Oh, and by the way, I colored the original for my KH character, and I think it looks great! I kinda borrowed Riku's colors, though, sorta... Well, thank you for reading this long post! Element of the Day: ~*~*~*Wind*~*~*~ or ^*^*^*Fire*^*^*^ It can't seem to make up it's mind... Anyway, BYE! and GOD BLESS!

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Monday, January 1, 2007

   Howdy!

Hey all! Happy New Year!!! Today the band had a competition, but I don't know what they're doing after that... Please pray for their safety! I finally figured out why the web site shoves our sites over! If your blogs are too wide, that's what messes it up. That's why this is one is smaller. I'll make it just a bit wider when I get the chance. If you didn't get to read yesterday's post, please read the poem my BF wrote. It's at the end of yesterday's blog. ^_^ I was right about getting unstuck in Kingdom Hearts! I locked Agrebah! Yay! I'm now in Monstro, but I didn't like it there, so I left! ^_^ Anyhow, I can't wait to keep going! Well, I'd better get going. I have to help Mama with the dishes. Ugh. Oh well! Better attitude! One of my resolutions. What are your resolutions? Element of the Day: ______Earth______ May God bless your New Year with health and happiness!!! ^_^

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Sunday, December 31, 2006

   My emotions are all mixed up... But I'm fine... really...

Hello, everybody! One hour and ten minutes till the New Year EST! Yay! I'm exited and disappointed at the same time. My BF is in New Orleans with the band, and I'm pretty sure they're at a Mardi Gras party right now. I didn't get to go because I couldn't afford it. They left yesterday. They'll be performing in the Sugar Bowl. Only two other band members didn't get to go, and two guard members. Other than that, people are either extremely rich, or they took out loans. I'm doing okay. I've only cried twice, but that was because I didn't get to talk to my BF for a whole week. That's really rough. I have his hoodie, though! ^_^ Okay. For Christmas this year, I actually got money! My Papa, brother and I pooled in our money and bought a PS2! I'm so excited! I bought Soul Calibur III and Kingdom Hearts. On Kingdom Hearts, I'm in Agrebah. I'm stuck in the Cave of Wonders, but I'm confident I'll figure things out. I'm just so excited! My BF is letting me borrow SC II, Dynasty Warriors 5, SW podracer revenge, and I think that's all. I still haven't played them all yet, which is why I don't know... XD Hopefully by the time you read this I'll have my site at least halfway updated... I have some new fan art! Be sure to check it out! There's a link at the top of my page to take you straight there in a new window! ^_^ I also have some new quiz results! ^_^ Heh. I was browsing Kingdom Hearts images and just came across a map of Hyrule from Zelda. It's kinda funny what results will bring up sometimes... So do you have any New Year resolutions? Here are a few of mine: 1. Be closer to God 2. Be better to my dear Kiyoshi 3. Try to stay healthy and make smart choices 4. Have a better attitude 5. Keep my room clean The M*A*S*H marathon on TV Land starts tomorrow. I can't wait! I've been following the series on Hallmark channel all year! ^_^ Oh! Here's a poem my BF wrote: The Essence of Love The essence of love is a gift from the heavens above. A bright star that gleams when everything seems void of hope, a fire that burns bright even during the darkest stormy night. The smell of your dear clothes left as an impression upon my own and my heart as bright and tranquil from the start. I give you my heart and soul, and even though the ages may roll, they'll belong to you without a doubt, for you to have an to hold until our bodies become old. Glowing in my heart is a fire the only you could restart only you my dear angel hold the key to my love and one day you will complete me. Thy love grows more tender and stronger every day as we grow together, through love and play. I long to be with you throughout the night and into the new day that dawns. With this final wish,my love, come to me on swift wings like that of a dove and help rain down joy from the skies above. I loved it! ^_^ I can't think of anything else to write, so I guess I'll be going now! ^_^ Element of the Day: ~*~*~*Wind*~*~*~ God bless your new year!

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

  

Howdy, all! I just got finished taking a quiz. I haven't taken one in a long time. Anyway, this one is "Who's you Tokyo Mew Mew Date?". The first time I took it, I got Ryou (HOw do you say his name anyway?), and the scond time, I got Kish. Kish is my favorite, but hey, I can handle Ryou, he's my next choice in fact... (That reminds me, I need to finish my fanfic...) Anyhow, I know all of Kish's traits, and I think I was trying to be impartial, rather than going with what I really thought... Oh Well... I've posted the quiz results on my quiz results page. Does anyone ever look at those? Have you guys also noted how SLOW the comment boxes are becoming...again! GRR! So annoying. I tried to leave a comment on most of the sites that I could get to, but those stupid comment boxes... *mutters* I might get to go to my BF's house tomorrow for my Christmas visit! Yay! I get to give him his presents! I really hope he likes them... I feel bad though, cause he's really hard to shop for, and he knows I got him a book.. *sigh* Oh well, it is one of the 5 I told him to pick out... ^_^ That's all I've got for today, folks! Have a great day, and Merry Christmas! Element of the Day: ~*~*~*Wind*~*~*~ God Bless!

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