Tuesday, April 18, 2006

what the hell is going on here?

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Current Mood: Upset/Hurt/Angry/Depressed Currently Listening to: Just the Girl by the Click Five Current Time: 4:11 pm First day back to school was not the best, let me tell you. Everything is so fucked up. It's not cool. Not cool at all. Let me just say this first: I care about my friends more than anything. They are more dear to me than any material possession that I own. Although I may not act like I care at times, I truly do care. I would take any pain for my friends, just as long as they are happy. Because seeing them hurt makes me equally as hurt. Anyway. When I first arrived at school, my friend Amber came up to me. And I could tell something was wrong. She wasn't wearing her usual makeup, and it looked as if she were ready to cry. Then she told me that her boyfriend of almost a year dumped her. I just embraced her and listen to her sorrow. After talking to her, I knew the day was going to be a bad one. How right I was. After hanging out with my boyfriend in the morning, I found Jared. The guy I secretly have feelings for. And it turns out him and his girlfriend are having problems as well. And I'm telling you, Jared is one of the most cheerful, sweetest guys I know. But not today. He was just down in the dumps, not laughing, not joking around. Even he looked like he would cry. So here we are, 2nd period, and I'm already depressed because of my friends' pain. Then, Chemistry rolls around, and I start feeling more like shit. For Chem lab, I got paired up with the prettiest, preppiest girl in the class: Carly. And I'm just standing there. Staring at her. Comparing her looks with mine. Here I am, wearing torn jeans, beat up converse, an old sweatshirt, no makeup, my hair thrown up into a messy ponytail. Carly does not have a strand of hair out of place. Her toes and fingers are painted perfectly. Not a spot of dirt is on her designer clothes. And although I'm not one to compare myself to others or care what other people think, I couldn't help feeling ugly and unfeminine next to someone who is the epiphany of gorgeous. And what sickened me the most was that she was so nice. If she had been a snobby bitch, I would have felt better about things. -_-' Probably the WORST thing that happened all day was what happened to my one dear friend over the weekend. I don't want to go into details about this one. But, let's just say that I was hurt beyond belief. This girl acts so sweet and genuine in front of me. But, behind my back, with other people, she acts totally different, almost vulgar. It's like...can't you be honest with me? I thought we were close friends. You don't have to be someone you're not just to please me and my beliefs. I won't hate you. But doing such disgusting things behind my back makes me think less of you, yes. Bri was the one who cheered me up. I love her. I really do. Sometimes she can make me want to rip my hair out. But 99.999% of the time she is there for me. Loving me. Supporting me. Listening to me cry. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd be sitting here typing this right now. That's why she's my best friend. I'm sorry for such a long post. *passes out pocky* Thanks for listening and caring. I love you all, even though I can't see you, can't touch you. You guys really are awesome. ^_^ xo

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