Monday, August 18, 2003

   oh the pain of being an insomniac
i have been awake for too long. i guess if i wanted to i could throw in me bragging about how long it has been since i slept, but then by the time i remembered when i awoke, i will have already realized that no one really cares

and it doesn't help me at all when i check to see if any of my downloads have finished in the past 8 hours of being online, then realizing that my p2p program, was not on the entire time... :(

on the plus side, i may be getting to watch a bunch of flcl, thanks to friends with dvd's and players to go with them. why must i be cursed with nothing but a vcr?

oh well, these things happen. so it goes, so it goes.

well, i want to talk/type more, but i have shite to accomplish tomorrow hopefully, so i am going to go lay on my bed for a few more hours, hoping the heavy burden of reality will press sleep into my brain.
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Saturday, August 9, 2003

   so early
lucky me! i get to go to work at 5:30 in the morning!! yay!

in all actuality i don't mind, i'm just not used to waking up so early. it's difficult in a way. for the past two weeks now i've only had to work 4p.m. to close shifts. and it doesn't help that i overinduldged the alcohol last night/this morning. i'm already waiting for my lunch break and i haven't even gone into work yet.

it's ok though, because sometime really soon i will be able to watch chobits, which i am told is really cute. fingers crosses for that!
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Thursday, August 7, 2003

   yeah
so i read today that a damn good friend of mine is going to be only ten hours away from me.

friend is an understatement of course. i'm in love with this person. i want to see her again. i want to hug her. she had the best hugs. when they occured i felt special. i felt so loved. it may have just been in my mind of course, like too many things. just thinking about how far away she is naturally tears me apart. there is nothing i can do though, no words to say, no actions to perform.

there are times when i feel like my entire life life is falling apart, but then every time i manage to remember this time, when we ode a horse together, and i felt her arms around me, guiding my actions as well as the horses. i wanted to learn to ride a horse from her, but instead i learned how to prevent my depression from her. the lower i go, the higher the thought of her brings me.

and yet at the same time, i know i could never be wih her. my feelings for her are stronger ten hers for me i believe, plus i am no longer the same person i was when i knew her.

it's a classic dilemma i guess you could say. the double horned beast of love. to love another you must first love oneself, enough to realize the love required to give proper attention to another. a choice in other words, between self and others, good and evil in a way.

to give a better example, one o follow anime lovers may understand. vash and meryl. the romance was hinted at early on, but by the end of the series, you still could bot be 100% sure about the public standings with one another. it was obviously wanted though. wanted badly. yet at the same time, both parties knew it shouldn't happen. life spans, species, past, present and future all went againt it.

that is the hardest. everything is against love. even the lovers themselves.

well, that's enough maudlin behavoir from me. i'm gonna go wallow in my own self misery now, and try not to allow a pity party to happen, albiet it's already occured. blame the alcohol monkey. it's your only fault.
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Saturday, August 2, 2003

   ugh
so yeah, i'm still waking up right now. originally i was planning on playing some phantasy star 3, which i think anyone who loves anime, and loves rpg's should play. it is by far the greatest. well, alongside phantasy star 4 that is.

i guess i should try talking about the anime i like. well, for starters, i'm a huge inuyasha fan, although i've only seen up to episode 44. i'm working on seeing more, but i have this horrible dialup connection, and it takes about a month to get a new episode.

then there's trigun, which of course is super magnificent. they way the subtle emotions begin to play for vash and meryl and the priest and millie is astounding. even from very early on when wolfwood is first introduced it gives the foreshadowing by having wolfwood sleeping on millie, while vash and meryl sit side by side.

or maybe i'm just some silly hopeless romantic. viewing the romances of others rather then trying to obtain one for myself.

but yeah, i need to go find an article on dxm inside snapple. so ta-ta!
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Friday, August 1, 2003

   Howdy!
so yeah, this is my first post.

umm, i'm kind of short on words right now.

maybe i should warn the viewers that i'm really drunk right now.

if you ever want to rediscover the ultimate emotional powers of trigun, or star wars, watch them drunk, and stoned if you're into that sort of thing.

wow. i was hoping my first post would sound more intelligent. ummm, well, einstein once said 'you cannot simultaneously prepare and prevent for war.'

there, i have proven myself no? yeah, i think i'm just making this worse. i know!! i'll tell a joke! that always works.

so a preist, a nun, a leper, a monkey, a rabbi, a rabbit, a small innocent child, a prostitute and a whiskey bottle walk into a bar...wait a minute, i think i'm telling it wrong...

dammit. uhh, look over there (points over there and runs away.)
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