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• lattrommi

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• 2003-08-01
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• Jacob

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myOtaku.com: lattrommi


Thursday, August 7, 2003

   yeah
so i read today that a damn good friend of mine is going to be only ten hours away from me.

friend is an understatement of course. i'm in love with this person. i want to see her again. i want to hug her. she had the best hugs. when they occured i felt special. i felt so loved. it may have just been in my mind of course, like too many things. just thinking about how far away she is naturally tears me apart. there is nothing i can do though, no words to say, no actions to perform.

there are times when i feel like my entire life life is falling apart, but then every time i manage to remember this time, when we ode a horse together, and i felt her arms around me, guiding my actions as well as the horses. i wanted to learn to ride a horse from her, but instead i learned how to prevent my depression from her. the lower i go, the higher the thought of her brings me.

and yet at the same time, i know i could never be wih her. my feelings for her are stronger ten hers for me i believe, plus i am no longer the same person i was when i knew her.

it's a classic dilemma i guess you could say. the double horned beast of love. to love another you must first love oneself, enough to realize the love required to give proper attention to another. a choice in other words, between self and others, good and evil in a way.

to give a better example, one o follow anime lovers may understand. vash and meryl. the romance was hinted at early on, but by the end of the series, you still could bot be 100% sure about the public standings with one another. it was obviously wanted though. wanted badly. yet at the same time, both parties knew it shouldn't happen. life spans, species, past, present and future all went againt it.

that is the hardest. everything is against love. even the lovers themselves.

well, that's enough maudlin behavoir from me. i'm gonna go wallow in my own self misery now, and try not to allow a pity party to happen, albiet it's already occured. blame the alcohol monkey. it's your only fault.
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