Sunday, June 26, 2005

What's been Happening:
Saturday, June 25, 2005

My Week Back Home In SF !!>*-*

My week back home was Great!! It could have been better. I wish I would have seen Jenn, Monotone Gene, Boris... but I did get to go clubbing tonight and that was Fucking the best shit ever in a while!!! It was SOOooooo Awesome!! I'm gettin my buttt in gear, getting my license and swoopin you guys over to Sno'drift for more VIP entrances!! We will SOoooo club again!!! I need to be all cool to more club owners so we'll have variety... or we can ask Vica, I think she knows some club owners or something... . But Hey!, no-one complains about hanging out at Alex's as the central meeting place most often! So there!! You guys will love Sno-drift till Forever!!! HA!!haha, haha! (that was supposed to be maniacal laughter)...hehe, (that was not supposed to be). Ok, now I'm being a total dork! Alec's House and Alex's house... back and forth I crashed. Also Alec's mom Galina is a very hip lady, and it was very cool to hang out with her and become friends. Everybody was so hospitable... I really feel that I am lucky in friendship. My friends are just up my alley... so that's awesome. we're just all real people who have about the same objective for the future (like we're all student's who want to graduate and do something w/ ourselves)... I don't know exactly what it is..., but I think what ever it is, it is a consequential part of why we relate so well, despite our different personalities. No-one is an 'anything', like a rapper, rave head, rocker... hippie... wahtever. If anybody is I don't think that is what is even considered. Ya, the SF bay area is my home, especially anything w/ the memories of my friends stained upon them... like Alex's house, 9th avenue, Gordo's, Joe's Icecream, Bella's...etc, etc... . My hom ei Pacifica, will be diferent when I come back. That will be great! And I will drive, and that will also great for reason's mentioned before hand. It sucks you Guys are going on a trip w' out my in August... It would get a little nutzo w/ Gene (Ex-hun) being there. And I really don't know how you'd have gone on about the invitations if I was in the bay area/around during inviting time. I don't know how you'd have gone about it... inviting Gene, OR me... who would you choose... luckily it was made easier for myou for my lack of presence. i understand only b/c I wasn't in the immediate proximities. It would just be hard to igore Crazy Gene since he is here. He's most likely find out about it, and mad if not invited... I don't know, for soem reason I just understand. But if I was in the areds, I wouldn't I'd have to say, none of should have been invited in that case. I really want to go none the less. I hate it when yo guys make new memories without me. That doens't mormally happen. But week long trip will be the talk of years, The pics will be on Igor's site. and you know how it is... everyone will bond, and have things to refer to... I hate to miss out. Last year's LA/Vegas trip was the thing of legends. It's probly going to be some thing like that. DUDE!!! MEXICO!!!! That is going to be a blast... I dont' know. I think maybe I should come, and just try to be ok w/Gene. I think I can handle it. right now about the Gene breakup thing, I just have my 'moments.' yo knoe, but I think those od you who were witness at the club tonight all know I;m doing much better. I just wonder if Gene can handl it... . But also there are other complications... like the price of the plane ticket I'm sue went up... when do I have to pay, and what not... I'm still deciding... but I am disappointed guys. You should have told me about teh trip. I understand your poistion w/ gne being in the area, and not being ablt to hind it from him. And you'd like him to go anyway... but I also feel you should have thought to invite me anyway despite. I mean, why Should you invite Gene and not me... (convienience/inconienience, is not a true excuse). I'm not more than two hours driving distance away...

But It was great to see: Phil, Stella, Alex, Alec, Lolita, Vica, Sevka, Igor, Big Gene, Leo, Alex Digital, Sophie, Alik, Serge, (and meeting Serges friend was nice; he is very modest. Also Alex's friend who came down from LA, (i think) was very cool, I enjoyed watching that guy's comedy routine (the acid addict guy who recently died. Ya that was fun).


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Sunday, June 12, 2005

Randi's Graduation... Santa Cruz... Kevin's Graduation...

Well I'm starting this blog here at Kevin's house, here in Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz is such a laid back scenic beach community. It's sad to know Randi will miss it here. I miss her. It feels sad to know I will have even less of a reason to come down to Santa Cruz now. But what is wonderful, is that she graduated =). I'm really proud of her, she worked hard for this degree. I got sunburnt at her graduation. I guess I didn't wear enough sunscreen. Kevin was just in the background. He sounds excited about people coming to see him for his graduation today (oh, btw Randi's Graduation was yesterday). Kevin was just saying "excellent" about someone he's excited to see come to his event. Now he is humming some star wars theme... I don't like star wars much. He has a lot of people over. Randi left to Herts castle after I had breakfast with her and her family this morning. I promised Ninja th dog I'd visit him before I go to Santa Cruz; I didn't get to... I feel really bad b/c he has aurthritus right now and I really wanted to see how he was doing. I hope he is doing well. I hope Kevin knows how much I appreciate all he has done to accomodate me while I have been her. I hope you know what I great help you have been while I've been recovering from the breakup. You're a really good person ::::i'm smiling right now :):::: (can you tell with your 'phycic emotions'... aww just teasing =P. I'm glad Randi knows you and that we're friends now. Did I mention you're a good person, and you've been a great help =P, cuz it's true. Your Graduation is at 3pm today. And Happy Graduation today btw, even if I already told you that. I think that's Amazing!! Completely earned through SOOOooooo much strife and hard work. I hope you enjoy today. It's easy to see why so many people came up to see you; you're a lovely person, super 'spantacular' (as u would say, hehe =P). I can't believe Randi left. I LOVE HER SOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH!!!! Yesterday was so hectic. emotions ran high yesterday, with the moving and the extra charges, and the trying to get to the dinner on time... . Gosh, but at least I got to spend some time with you. let's be little girls together and run around Great America in our BIKINIS!!!!!! YEAAAYYYY!!!!!! Remember that???!! Awww, yes such nostalgia.... Ok beautiful Randi... I'm think I might turn around and start socializing a bit... err, well maybe. later, until I update. (Right now it's 1:49pm).

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eventually...

Wow, get it out!! get it all out its healthy, and he should hear how much he hurt you!! props for standing up and saying that how he treats/treated you was not cool. I hope youre doing well, havnt talked to you in a few days, but I see that youre getting your agression out with writing, is it gratifying for you? It sure helps me. Anyways hun, call me if you ever want to talk, youre an amazing girl!!

Posted by She Got All Dolled Up For Suicide on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 at 1:29 AM
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TodayIsHalloween

Thanks Britt :). but really, He treated me very well, I just feel he but also I could have been more open in the relationship. Also I wanted to make a point to stop putting myself down so much. I feel the relationship actually could have worked out if we both would have worked things through as things came up. No two people are exactly alike so there is bound to be some clashing. I think we could have compromised on issues and listened to each others needs, but I feel it is impossible now. So I guess I'll recover eventually, and someday I'll find a good man again.

Posted by TodayIsHalloween on Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 1:19 PM
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Monday, June 06, 2005

I mean no offense...

This one's just a bit more explicit, a little less nice. Saying some things I haven't said. I've been giving you to much credit, and I've been giving myself to little. Well, well, well Mr. Russiyanov, so you didn't really like my personality (completely). Hey that's okay, I think my personality is awesome! It's ok that it's not perfect for you, I just wish you would have told me straight up that yo were having doubts as they came about. I wish you wouldn't have been so cryptic about it. I mean, how was I supposed to know you felt such strong distain for my subjects of interest. Not that I regret it's over, I'm alright with it being over, I agree and I was just pullin through the relationship self blinded to the fact that we jsut aren't right for each other. (keywords for you in your case concerning me: girly, image, media. Keyword for me pertaining to you: 'bacov' (scrambled), and 'orumh' (also scrambled... for courtesy). I don't feel like being completely tactful to you tonight so less censorship on sensitivity at the moment. You're right sweetie, you just weren't the man to fit the bill. Likewise (w/ girl reference) you'd say. Yes well don't feel bad, we're both better off emotionally fulfilled in that sense with out each other. Personally I know I'm a great catch, I'm not the girl for everyone ok, but my personality and things of interest... well those things I dooo like about myself. First of all you don't rule while I suck (clearing that for past insults to myself, and toooooo much credit to you).. I rule just as much... I even rule in ways you wouldn't appreciate. Too bad for you. But who cares right, since you really didn't need me/like me for all I have to offer. You liked bits and pieces... not enough for me honey, as you've come to realize, (no gratitude here since I've thanked you enough already). who am I kidding, I didn't appreciate you for everything you were either: (keyword in a scramble: bovac... nuf' said). I guess you need a Russian girl. I'm just saying what we both know. Don't be mad. I'm just laying it on the plate for you (well, with some frills). Servin' it like lambchops... and parsley.

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

lalala.... Randi convo... more on breakup

About yesterday's Myspace blog.... I didn't write everyting I could on it. . I was confused about what to write. I wanted to say what I wrote in it, but also I wanted to say a whole bunch of things I just had to sit on. But I talked to Randi last night and she helped me sort things through, and that's what I'm going to be blogging about today (Sun 6/5/05).

Randi and me were talking last night and she pointed out something. She pointed out how Gene is at fault for the relationship not working out to an extent. This is in that, he had little doubts dribbling in about us not being able to work things out together for about three months. Therefore he should have said something if he had doubts since I was always trying to make things work, thinking it would work, and I was clueless that little by little as the months passed he was getting more sure, and sure our relationship would not continue a romantic one permanently anymore. If he would have mentioned things as he felt them, it would have maybe not hit me like a surprise at the end. Randi was a little put off by the fact that he did not communicate with me when he had any doubts and problems; it would have been a better relationship if we might have worked on them as they came along. (Maybe it would have lasted longer, maybe until we died). For example: he could have suggested, if he was feeling these things, for us to interact with each other more/ play games if he felt we were drifting away. ('Drifting away' example would be he on one side of the room fixing a computer while I would be on the other side of the room in my own world). He chose though, to not even mention it or try to fix it when he had doubts and thoughts that we were having trouble. IIIiiii myself cannot be mad at him for this b/c I never approached him when I had trouble. I would always try and work things out in my head with out him knowing, ALSO without communicating with him, so my method was just as bad as his.

In a relationship communication is key, it is very important so nothing comes as a surprise to anyone, there are no hard feelings and everything is clear. This is good advice for both Gene and I to take into our next retaionship, just for future reference. Though I still have no hard feeling for him and love him with all my heart =) <3 =) <3 . People aren't perfect man!

Still the trouble Gene felt in our relationship was there, I felt it too (it's just that I thought I could live with it, and worked it out in my head). I pieced things together with Randi and I feel that most likely if he wouldn't have broken it off now, one of us would have done it later because of our differences... even if we would have had more open communication. It just would have come as less of a shock for us is all.




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Saturday, June 04, 2005

Dear Gene,

I love you and you're awesome!!!! <3, Vanessa

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Friday, June 03, 2005

Todays Journal Entry (A note to Gene at the end)...

Alrighty, hello there... today I'm just free stylin... I played with my Aunt Delmy and Uncle Alex'a Dogs today. I've been here since the mid afternoon. The dogs are SUPER RAD!! And my Uncle and Aunt who live next door to the boring place I'm staying at (my grandma's house in Sac), are really cool. Tio Alex was my guide in driving today. He says my dominating problem is running stop signs for the day. Though I got a little more comfortable with the car today and I even did a couple weelies. It was fun. I also did laundry at my grandma's house earlier... no gym =..( , what a pity, my brother didn't want to go today b/c his girlfriend came up to Sac today and he didn't want to be stinky for her. IIIiiiiii on the other hand have no one to not get stinky for! SOOOOOOooooooo i wouldn't have minded running at least 2 miles today and doing leg, arm, toning and crunches. (Of course it made me feel a little bad that he's in a loving relationship with someone, and now I'm not... just had to menation that.) To this I say... tomorrow or whenever I have the chance, or even better... to DRIVING!!! So I can drive myself to the gym... and hopefully my brother will find the car he needs tomorrow. I think he's going to Freemont to look at some car. waah. He's taking my car, so I can't practice on it, but maybe, when my mom comes tomorrow, she can teach me on her car.

See this is the reason I'm not getting a job this summer: b'c I think using my time learning how to drive is a WAAAAAaaaaayyyyyy better investment. It goes without saying that, if I learn to drive, many more job opportunities will be open to me. This is b/c I will have a way of getting there w/out bugging and relying on someone else, or killing myself trying to get somewhere at 10am on the bus while to get there I'd need to get up at 4am... and such. So yeah, it's a much smarter investment. And frankly I feel extremely crippled and it adds to my low selfesteem ( the fact that I can't drive). I feel it makes me a less valuable resource to the world, since I'm not a hippie who wouldn't use a car and what not. I do use a car ALL the time it's just not me driving it. In truth, not only do I use the resources (gas, mechanical wear on car, etc.), I also use up other people's time, it makes me feel extremely LOW that I'm still doing that. Anyway, it's time for a change, I know that, and I'm taking action. I'm sure my brother, and mom are fed up with it; but it bothers no-one more than it bothers me. Besides, now I want to go visit certain people and that's even more motivation for me.

Hmmm, so about the Gene breakup thing... yes, I think we've all established that I love him forever and he's great, it's not his fault we broke up. So please don't blame him. SHHHeit, I KKNNNNnnnnnnow no-one blames him, so I really don't need to say that anymore. He's an honest guy, and everybody knows that. Also, I hope everyone understands it's not my fault either! It was no-one's fault. Once again: I know it wasn't easy for him to end the romantic relatonship we had when he still had romantic feelings for me, and will always love me very much. He was just looking out for both of us.

Oh this is the Mantra Lolita helped me make Saturday, May 28th 2005, the day after the breakup: "I will find a guy who loves me for who I am, and who I think is perfect for me, and I am worth it." It really helped me a lot. This b/c I sometimes have trouble thinking i am worth having some other guy love me since I have low self esteem and think I suck pretty often. Certain things make me feel this way. The things being: my GPA and how not far I've gotten in college, and there is the fact that I don't drive my car yet. I'm really insecure about those things. I also have my doubts that I could find someone as great as Gene (this means the family oriented guy: realiable, good husband, good dad, intelligent, knows how not to be a jerk when approaching me and critisizing me, and last but not least adores me with all his heart). Then there's the whole "find guy I think is perfect for me" part. I feel it would be hard to locate and pin down such a guy. I hope I find him. I want to get married when I'm done with school and have invested money in property. I really want to get married after all that, but I need that one special boy in order to do that. So yes, repeating this mantra to myself really helped me feel these things were possible and in turn, helped me feel better. So thank you Lolita, not only for that, but for staying up with me until about 3 O'clock in the morning for two nights in a row, and always being a great friend. Thank you for being there for me in my darkest hour, I will always remember this. You were there even when I had nothing nice to say, and was totally depressed. I needed a friend desperately, and you were there. You're an awesome, fun, expressive, compassionate, and funny person. I can't tell you how much you helped me, and it's hard to express my complete gratitude. I love you Lolita =), and I'm glad we've gotten so much closer. Please know you can count on me for whatever I can do too. K. (hehe! Ninja, the dog just sniffed me with his wet nose =P, cute!!! Oh I love it when dogs do that!!)

Well it sucks he couldn't handle having me at his b-day celebration this weekend. He said he wouldn't be able to deal w/ me being there. It would be even harder to see me for 3 days in a row, knowing we aren't together and I am not his girlfriedn anymore. I know it doesn't make exact sense since he's the one who broke it off with me. But I understand him. He says he wouldn't be able to see me for at least a month. Well actually I was looking forward to seeing him b/c if he would be strong enough, I think I could see him. But if he would be sad and awkward it would be hard for me to see him that way and not want to kiss him and comfort him. So I guess it wasn't a good idea to see him this weekend. Though besides him, I also miss my friends, and I was hoping to see them as well. And then I could just imagine his eyes, how BEAUTIFUL they look, especially when they are so full of emotion. I can just imagine him looking so sad and hurting, poor baby... he looks so beautiful when he's sad.


TO GENE: He (yes hunny, you should baby) you should try and feel better hun. I love you. And it's ok. I really want us to carry on and be healed soon baby. You deserve it. Please know I love you and want you to be happy. It's hard thinking you will be going out with other girls, so just for courtesy's sake please don't bring them around, and I'll do the same. Right now, I think I am ready to see you at the moment, but it would feel terrible to see you with another girl. So unfortuantely all I can muster in feeling when I wish you to be happy, is that you be happy. But at the moment I can't get myself to wish you happiness with another girl. You, on the other hand did wish me happiness of this sort shortly after the breakup (though it was hard for you). But the fact that you could realize this and wish it to me, obviously means you are sure of your decision. I guess I can't muster that wish to you b/c I wasn't thinking and planning to end the way it was. I, though confused of your reasons for the ending, am coming to terms with the breakup, I have my mind set on maintaining our relationship a friendship, and am looking to what other possiblities could open up to me in turn. For example I wouldn't be as motivated to drive if my lifestyle was still that of when I was with you all the time anyway, so you'd drive me everywhere and I didn't have to worry about that as much... I learned a lot from you. I learned what I am looking for in a guy, and that I should be treated as well as you treated me. The most important thing I learned is what I felt, because now I know what true love really feels like, and I thank you for being the best first love I could have ever hoped for.



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Breakup text messages I want to keep


Here's some text messages I just want to keep on record:

So on Sunday, May 29th, 2005 I text messaged him this:

I hate you! You were never supposed to leave me! You promised me forever remember! We were supposed to get Married! You were in love with me. You said you loved me more than anyone. "i can't imagine anyone loving u as much as me, even your mom." G-d! You used to love me so much! It hurts that u don't love me like before. I'm never going to trust another man again. Well i'm not your little puppy anymore!

5/30/05 texted him again:

I don't hate you. i was just hurt.

5/30/05, 7:41pm he texted me back:

I understand that you don't hate me. I'm sorry for everything. Please call me if you want to talk.

5/30/05, like 7:44pm, I responded back right away:

Likewise.

and then I called him



I feel I need to record this stuff on file to just be able to see how my breakup progression is going, and to look back on it eventually.

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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

About Gene breaking up with me Fri,May 27th 2005


The breakup lasted from after he picked me up from my last final at 3:25pm- till 8:57pm. It's been really hard on me... really terrible. I miss him with all my heart, I was completely and totally in love with him. He was my everything, but... oh well. We are learning to be friends right now, he is my best friend too actually, he knows everything about me, and knows how to approach me and everything so I don't get mad. But he felt we just are different people, and it didn't feel right for him anymore. He was unhapppy, even if I didn't do anything wrong. He says I'm a great person, girl, girlfriend, just not what he wants. It's very hard to come to grips with this when he promised so much to me, and he used to say I was his dream girl... it's hard to explain why he broke up with me exactly since he couldn't explain it to well himself. basically he beliefs we are both wonderful people, but sometimes even if two people are great and wonderful, somehow. even if they get along, it still won't 'feel' right. Even though we had chemistry, the sex was great, he's fucking hot and so am I, and we're both attracted to each other... even though all that, something was missing. He just had a feeling that this is not it, for both of us. I guess he's just not going to settle until he finds something else... I have NOOOooo idea what the F**k that is! But what ever, I guess to him, it just didn't 'feel' like that was it. And I don't want ANYONE saying that his breakup reasons were bullshit!! I have my doubts about writing this and posting this. Well I have my doubts b/c people are probably going to think his reasons were LAME excuses and NOT the truth. But Gene is a very NOBLE character, he has never lied to me throughout our relatiopnship, and I admire him for cutting the romantic relationship at the bud, and being honest, instead of letting the relationship progress until he becomes a jerk. If he would have continued it, he feels he would have become frustrated b/c he would know the whole time it wasn't what he wanted. He wouldn't be the nice Gene I fell in love with who treated me well and knew how to put up with me and not make me mad... he would have turned into a monster. He would in time become mean and would always be snapping at me for unjust reasons. In place I would fall out of love with him b/c if he would become that way i would consider him an asshole and never want to speak to him anymore, he would lose me not only as a girlfriend/wife but as a friend. He didn't want it to end it on bad terms like that so he stopped it now, for both our sakes, for our relationship. B/c otherwise he wouldn't be able to stand it anymore, and become that way. He says we're different people, like when i was on one side of the room, I'd be doing my own thing and he, on another side doing something else. He felt the relationship was getting worst. I didn't notice at all, I figured he was busy doing computer stuff, working on a website, but all the while he knew in his heart, and he was thinking and feeling he needed to end it. Like I said, that was very noble of him, because it's hard to be honest like that. But he's just a very trustworthy, noble person. I admire that he could end it, since he still has romantic feelings for me up to this point. He's still attached, and he realizes this, he still misses going to sleep next to me and other such things. But he can look beyond that, because that is not the point, that is to him attachment of our romantic past. I in no means hate him. I love him with everybit of my person and soul. I'm just coming to grips with the situation. If he believes it just isn't where he imagined himself, if he just feels like it's not right for him, and for me. I believe what he feels, what he tells me. Posting this up, I feel people will disagree it's a valid reason for breakup. But that's just the way it is and it bugs me when people think or say it's bullshit. I know, IIiiiii didn't understand at first why he initiated this conclusion. I tried to weasle everything I could from him: like maybe i flirt to much, maybe I act too much like a little girl, maybe I care about media standard too much... I asked and asked and asked WHY!!!??? WHY????!!!! WHY??? why? so many times I had him comment on tons of stuff. like "so was it this?" "or maybe this...?" I asked him a bunch of stuff about why he chose this conclusion, I never got anything concrete like "it's b/c you flirt to much." it's not any of those things I mentioned above at all. It's nothing in particular, and it's not a bunch of bad stuff that those things are part of it. It's not me, it's not him, it's just us together. So yeah, thats what.




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Friday, May 27, 2005

life is reduced


I still say i haven't achieved anything in life. I think i suck right now b/c my (now ex) boyfriend (we were together for almost a year....) well he just broke with me 5/27/05. It really sucks b/c I never loved anyone like I love him. He meant the world to me. I'll miss being with him at night, holding him, I'll miss hiss family, his smell. I thought we were going to get married in the end, but instead my lifewith gene is over. I suck, I haven't accomplished anything in life. I'm a complete idiot who is 21 and still goes to city college. I've only accomplished 41 units, and my gpa is not so hot. My only good accomplishment in this life is i thought "bagging myself a good boyfriend." Since I personally haven't accomplished enough for how old I am. That was the best thing I had going for myself. Now I'm reduce to just saying that I have 'good people skills,' and that is all I really have going for me. and I suck and I miss my boyfriend.


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Monday, May 02, 2005

Words that shot right through my heart...

"It does you justice as much as one thing can"-Coley Thrash

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

Please feel free to read about my 21st Birthday...

Yesterday was my birthday... my 21st birthday. I don't really remember where the time went. I can't believe the day just came and left. So much to do, in so little time. (btw, I wish I had a better placing for my keyboard, and I wish my Screen was smaller... just off the topic). ... about my birthday... I'm glad the people that I invited, for the most part were there. It was good company. You know, I've actually been celebrating this birthday since Wednesday, March 30th (2005, for the obsessive compulsive... namely me I guess). I've celebrated on 3 different occassions total, so far. (Gawhd, I know, that sounds terrible! It sounds like I'm bragging! ya oh well... what's a little nose rubbing??! Besides, I'm not embelishing). Anyways... on with describing my official 21st!!: 1) I recieved Smallville (dvd's season 1, thanks for feeding into my obsession Igor!!!!!) 2) I got Gilmore Girls (dvd's season 2... RANDI RULESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Along with a Paris Hilton book I've been eyeing... pretty RAD pictures of Paris. In the book she talks about her life, and even has good pointers for life in general. Yeah PEOPLE!!!! Paris is more than just a pretty face!! 3) I got this FUN little ipod shuffle from: Boris, Gene Rozen (Monotone), Sophie, Alec... and someone else (I'm Reeeeeaaaaally sorry I forgot... but Thank you truly, actually I think it was Serge. Sorry I forgot). 4)THANK YOU Alex, Stella, Jenny, and Lolita for the SUUUUPER Almost nothing get-up!! And the cute kne-highs w/the ring... 5) Thanks Big Gene for the AWESOME Victoria Secret Gift Certificate... lot's of nice stuff in there!! 6)Leo, the $20 bucks and the prop card... very Clever!! Thanks! 7) Vlad the liquored chocolates look very Yummy!! I think Boris or Monotone got me the PRETTY purple orchids... Thanks!! George Rafidi, the Tulips were the most AMAZING Tulips I've ever seen!!! Vlad, Thank you for coming and Thanks for the Hqpnotic!!! That stuff is GREAT!! ... Alec!!! The SHOE PURSE, I can Definately use for my defense!! ... and you know I LOVE RAVER GEAR!!!! lol! 8)... about getting wasted... my first purcahse of alcohol I did for my brother and his friend Nick... we brought it to a house party our cuzin invited us to the very morning/night I turned 21 (like 12:30am ish). The first legal drink I drank was at that party. It was yeigameister, and two other liquids. The drink turned out looking reddish, it was in a double shot glass. I went to sleep like at 4am. I woke up at about 11am. Got myself and the house ready for the party (My mommy did all the shopping, except for the Pizza. The Pizza was from Bellas, and Hunny Gene picked it up. WHAT! Would we do without HIM!!!!) Party started really around 7:30, even though I said 6pm. Clay was the only timely one!! Imagine that!!!! even after ALLLLLLLLLLLLL my e-mails. I made this AWESOME SPIKED PUNCH!!!! Quite proud of myself. I was already kinda tipsy at home (btw, I was SUUUUUUUPER PHYCHED when RANDI CAME!!!!)... So then we all left my house (wah, wah...::::.::::, this house will never be the same, and I'm leaving soon). And we arrived at our FINAL party stop!!! SNO-DRIFT!!! This is a club south of Pac-Bell park, China-Basin/Embarcadero. At this point... it was all about drinking. The owner of the club (Dennis Petrou) gave me a Hqpnotic/Malibu, & pinapple Martini on the house. I was going to have that be my first legal drink at the bar, but then my best friend Randi wanted very much to buy my FIRST Drink for this occassion, and that means more to me than just some on the house VIP deal, so I drank her drink first. SHE bought TWO!! One for me and one for her. We drank them together and toasted to our FOREVER FRIENDSHIP!!!! WE are BEST FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!!! That first drink at the bar was the "Red-Headed Slut," (good if you ask me, but I was drinking like a fish anyway... it DID taste good no matter). She also bought us two "Car-Bombs!!!!!!!!" (That was SSOOOOOooooCOOL!!!), I like "Car- Bombs" now!! Then I bought two Hqpnotic Martinis, (this time it wasn't free... just ONE complimentary drink allowed i guess), for me and Randi. We drank them together... to "what??," I actually don't remember. Things were getting fuzzy at this point. I think I had two more drink concoctions, and I know me and Randi started playing with the ice. We were rubbing it on each other. Then I was spinning around with Stella for a while... an then Gene Says we were Dancing, but I don't remember cuz I kinda blanked out after spinning with Stella. AND The night wouldn't be complete without the classic end your 21st b-day night with puking (Thanks Hun and Randi)... ::::censorship::::: on my blog at this point!!!! That was a lot of fun! Thanks everyone!!!!!

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I guess I'm kinda just enjoying the moment...

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