Saturday, March 19, 2005

Mooliciouse

Mhm. The stuff I wrote yesterday, it was written out of reminescence. It just suprised me how even though I am mostly beyond that stuff, that when he died, I felt so....relieved, so free. When my sister was first diagnosed with diabeties and was in a coma in the hospital for almost a week, during one of the million trillion times I called her, a nurse gave her flowers, and told her they arrived at the front desk for her. She read the card and almost cried, because they were from him. Like some silly flowers were going to make up for even a smidgeon of anything he did, said. Or like he was reminding people that he was still around. Or like he was putting up a front that he expected us to play along with. A sick play that we had to recite our lines in, directed by him, telling everyone everything is happy, dandy and ok. But it made me fiercly angry that he did it, that he still affected people like that, from a stupid simple act. Or it made me angry that I almost couldnt help myself getting all riled up and angry over something stupid like that. I was talking to my brother about that, and I said about how I kindasortawantedtopullameanprankonhimasrevenge. I know. Immature; ammature; childish. My brother just laughed and gave me the guy's phone number. I'm sure by now you guys know who "the guy" is, but I'm not comfortable saying his legal family position, or his real name. I wanted to do something really really mean, something that would devastate him; make him crumble; make him feel one thousandth of a fraction of what I've ever felt, because of him. My grandmother died in September; it prolly wouldnt take very much. I called the number. The phone picked up; there was some fumbling. I heard his voice, and... I froze completely. My mind went completely blank; my body fully numb, and all of a sudden, I had this severe anxiouse QUICKRUNAWAYRUNAWAYFAST kinda feeling inside. I hung up the phone, ran to bed, and tightly wrapped myself in my cover. Soon after that....I realized I really dont care about him anymore. He could win the lottery; shoot his head off, whatever. I just felt a teensy bit uneasy, for the fact that he was still around, alive, and...not so mentally stable. Honestly, it was a real fear that he might hurt someone. He had a few guns, and...just the way he was. You just kinda knew. Mhm. When no one was around, he used to tell me about how my mom, how he himself is a terrible terrible father, that he raised a good Christian girl, and along the way she abandons Christianity, adopts a heathen religion, marries a heathen guy and bred heathen offspring, all doomed for hell. And other stuff like that. Hey, I was....12, untill around 16, 17, till he stopped. The way I was then, of course it affected me a little. I didnt believe him, no, of course not, but I let myself get angry, let my extreme hate of him grow and fester. Hate and love are strong words. I've recognized that for quite a while. I purposly watch how I use the word hate, because I know the way I am, I love too easy; too strongly. So if I say I love you, I really do. At the most, I've strongly disliked very few people. Most people were just annoying dorks, you know? I mean, even the kids at school, who used to mercilessly torture me, from this point of view, I kinda hated them. Kinda hated them, because with my frame of mind then, how I always secretly thought myself worthless and deserving of everything they did (I dont know why I thought that 0.o ), so in actuallity, I let them bully me, let them throw rocks and loose change at me, let them throw gum at my hair, spit on me...and other things they've done. The way you think about yourself, it usually shows externally. If you think you're ugly, than you are, ect. But yes. Back to where I was prior. That guy, hate seems a sort of weak word, but only when I think of what he did to others. And I take the strength of words seriously. There were times, it would get too much for me to take. Everything he did and said to me, saying stuff about his own daughter and his own relatives, telling me we were less than dirt, worth shit, doomed to hell, and I would angrily tell him off. It was those times that he would say derrogatory things constantly to me, like call me a dirty bitch and a whore in front of my siblings, when he babysat when my mom first worked. He would give a total of so much money to my siblings, purposly in front of me, just so I would feel...those feelings that I ended up feeling. I think he wanted me to think/believe that I needed him or something, I dunno. I hated that, the tactics he used, but I was glad because during those times that's all he was doing. Nothing more; nothing less. Much much later, I told my grandmother the basics. Not the stuff he did, just some of the stuff he said. It was around that time that I think she confronted him about it, and then she suddenly mysteriously started to strongly dislike me. She made it very apparent, and even now, my mom wont tell me what he said to her that she actually believed him, and would make her react in that way. She died angry at me. And I couldnt care less. She knew the truth inside; She just didnt wanna see it. I mean, how can you live with somone for so many years, and not know something like that? I dont want to bother/concern myself with those types of people; people who like not knowing the truth because then they feel better. It applies to people who dont want to know the truth about politics and such; they are comforted by what they see on TV. Just an example. =P Heh, mention of the kids at school..... A ramble for another day, methinks. Like I said before, these are just reminiscent ramblings. Old junk in the closet. I'm rather fine, actually. ;P Mhm, my mom, I cant live with her for the summer. I guess I can visit, but that's it. She was saying something about another part of the ceiling/wall/floor went out, ect ect. It's not new news, but the place is much worser now than when I left it. I remember how drugged up on different medicines I had to be just to be barely ok, so maybe its a good thing, yeah? *shrugs* I'm not worried. Although my mom keeps pushing this program called JobCorp on me.... *wrinkles nose* But! I will figure out a plan! Considering my uncle might not really kick me out, if he kinda sorta forgets. I mean, if he gets over it. <.<;; Spring break! It started last night, after class was over. For quite a few, though, it started when they cut out in the very early middle of class. Watch my phone ring off the hook, those girls asking me what the huge-ass project we have due after break, what it's about, ect. That's not really fair, but... I cant bring myself to say no. I dont know why. ;;; And there you have it.

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Friday, March 18, 2005

Reflected back a thousand times

He died Thursday, March 17, at 3pm, 2005. When I found out, inside, I felt....funny. Ok, you know how if you take a shower, and you have the bathroom window open, or you're standing kindasorta outside, and you're still not dressed, and there's warm sun and breezes going freely in places that they dont normally go? Weird like that. And weird also, like if you had some rope tied up from you to something immovable, and for the longest time, as long as you can remember, you've been pulling, pulling so hard to break free, and one day, unexpectly, the rope breaks, and you stagger a few steps foward, and just stand there, because.... for the first time, you're free. And you dont know what to do. Feeling these mildly overwhelming feelings, all at once, I realized. An old guy, a mere mortal, I loathed him - No. I hated him. I hated him enough that I, soft hearted, who profusley cried at the thought of having to kill a mouse/accidently running over a squirrel once, knew I well enough had the capacity, the desire, to kill him, in a violent manner, without any remorse. I disliked that part of me. It felt ugly, overwhelming, consuming. And at times, it felt...like it had more controle over me, than I over it. But it's ok, now. It's been ok, for quite a while. For the longest time, I've accepted that all emotions are good, ok, positive. It all matters in how you handle them. Hate, loathing is a normal, natural, and perfectly ok feeling to have. I mean, even something like love can be bad, if you dont handle it correctly, you know? I felt all this, for a person who sexually abused me from when I had barely turned 12, untill I was 18 and a half. All those years, I was in denial, I lied to myself. It seemed safer; I mean, grandfathers dont do these kinds of things to little kids, yeah? And who would believe me, if I did tell? He might do worse to me than what he was already doing. I subcounsiously made myself heavy, to make him turn away from me, but it obviously didnt work. Sometimes, when I am thinking too much, I wonder if it made things worse, for other people affected by him. I mean, if I didnt make myself fat, then he might not have hurt..other people, younger than me. Not to say that he stopped, but..yeah. Even to this day, I honestly fully believe that if I didnt do that, he would have raped me. Not that me being raped wasnt prevented, but by him, yes, it was. My god, the things he used to tell me. He used to tell me how pretty I am, among other things. I think that's a large part of why it's hard for me to accept compliments on how I look. It used to always make me feel so dirty and ugly, dirty in a way that I used to cry in the shower, trying to scrub off, but the dirt was too much inside me to wash away by a simple burning hot shower. What I hated him most, the part I always thought about that made me full know that I really could kill him, end his life without a bit of remorse, was how he hurt innocent others the same way as me, people that I feircely love and would hurt whoever hurt them. I felt responable, for them being hurt. I was older; I could have stopped it much sooner. Or not. It is the past now. The only thing that can be done is to heal, and love life for what it is. You have to hurt to feel the good. But he's gone now. He cant hurt anyone anymore. His death has brough about many other thoughts. But I have to go to class, and I still feel...funny inside. I leave you all with a huggle. *huggles*

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

Highest bidder for your deepest self

It seems with me, if I do anything that I could get in trouble for, no matter what precaution I take, I get caught. 0.o ...It's my aura. I bet I have a terrible aura. Anyways. Yes. While I went to the Broadway show, my uncle sent one of my cousins over to the kid's house I babysit at, to check up on me. Eh heh heh. Last night, my uncle told me I have untill school is over; then I am gone. Yeah, I was going to leave anyways, but...when I had figured out a place to stay. Talking to people *huggles them tightly*, and a lot of sleep later, I figure that now would be a good time to finish my schooling, applying to schools that have dorms. I'll prolly end up living with my mom for the summer, but oh well. Funny enough, it was my mom who kicked me out first, in an email. End up staying with my uncle, who kicks me out back to my mom, or "wherever", as he said. He told me not to depend on him anymore. ;;; I have...not that much money, and a car with only three tires/three rims, and no insurance. So...I really dont know how I'm going to get anywhere, when it's time. Ergh. Stuff is going to come up. There is always a way to go forward, even if it means going back a bit. You just have to either look for it, or wait a bit for it to come. ....Yeah. I'm a lot better now, than I was last night. *grins and sticks out tongue at you* Har! Because my uncle is blaming me for the increase in the internet bill (How Many Times Do I have to point out that I'm not the only person who uses it? >:| ), I cant be online that much, for fear he'll change the passwords again, then I cant do my homework >.< *eats homework* Anyways! Time for teh... Quizness (Most/allkindasortaborrowedfromErin) ;D Which Woman of Beauty Are You? Find out! By Nishi. What Pattern Are You? I am 43% Emo. Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks. Take the Emo Test @ FualiDotCom ....It's only a quize. <.<;; XD I am 37% Grunge. What's this? The longest I've been without a shower is three days? Not even close, man. I should go sit out in the rain for a week. Take the Grunge Test @ FualiDotCom The longest I've ever went without a shower... ...Not even going there. =X I am 25% Ska. I know the scene, I've heard the bands, and I am burned out. Well, these things happen. I will now go ahead and go through the same thing with Punk and Emo. Take the Ska Test @ FualiDotCom I'm not quite sure what Ska is. X_+ I am 38% Hippie. I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man. Take the Hippie Test @ FualiDotCom I am 76% Video Game Addict. I got a problem, man. I may not find the answer to life in a video game. I need to turn off the console or computer, go outside and try some reality for a change. Take the Video Game Addict Test @ FualiDotCom That's really funny, for more reasons than one XD I am 24% Raver. Have I even been to a rave? I'll go home. I am a Loser. I suck. Actually, I am probably just a normal person taking this test and don't know why. Take the Raver Test @ FualiDotCom At the Anime convention my brother went to, they had something called a "Geek Rave", with black lights and glowsticks and such, and I was suprised my brother stayed there for a long time, let alone even walked through the door. ;;; I am 17% Punk Rock. It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me. Take the Punk Rock Test @ FualiDotCom ..... I am 54% Internet Addict. I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer! Take the Internet Addict Test @ FualiDotCom OMG!11!11 =O X_+ u.u;;; >.- I am 50% Geek. Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend. Take the Geek Test @ FualiDotCom I'm a geek without the money ;_; I am 18% Goth. I wanna be a GOTH. But I'm not. Smoking cloves and too much eyeliner a goth does not make. I'll go home and take your Cure CD's with me. Take the Goth Test @ FualiDotCom <.<;; I am 32% Metal Head. Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts. Take the Metal Head Test @ FualiDotCom Heh.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

As fleeting as a shadow during an eclips

Before I went to class yesterday, I stopped by the house of the kids I babysit, to ask their mom if she wanted to go to The Phantom Of The Opera. She was really excited; telling me that she was going to ask her husband, how she's wanted to see this for ages, how exciting it is to go to NY and Times Square (I guess most of the theaters are right next to there *nods* ) I told her whenever I got back, I'd come by and give her the paper that had the address of the theater and stuff on it. But, you know, I was really glad that they were going to somone that would appreciate them. =D ...And I might get a babysitting job out of this. ... ...What? <.<;;; *cough* Talking to the NY aunt last night, I found she really did have a computer problem, with her internet. She called her ISP, and they were telling her to describe and look at stuff, and she wasnt sure what was what, and so she really did want me to help, when she asked my uncle if I could. So I offered to sneak over and help her fix it. And so I did. I got back to...you know, I'm going to call Summer's mom by her real name (Kathy), so even I dont get confused in telling the story. Oddly, I dont really call her...anything. My cousin's clique calls her "aunty", to tease her, but they are 4-5 years younger than me, and she's only 26, only 6 years older than me. ... It's strange, to think she isnt that much older than me, but has a completely different life. She was married at 18; has 6 kids now, and might end up with 2 more in April, maybe permanently, making her total 8. All will be under the age of 7. X_+ But yes! I made it to her house, after my aunt's house. She told me she asked her husband, if he wanted to go to a Broadway show, and he was saying about why would he wanna go to a Broadway show; if the tickets came from me and the both of us wanted to go, why dont we both go together, and I just tell my uncle I'm babysitting? Aleia: 0.0! Me, being dressed in gym clothes, ran over to the house, quick shower, brushed hair, dressy clothes, stuffed gym clothes in backpack, so whenever I get back I could change into those at their house, in case my uncle would be awake when I got in. My aunt was down in the basement, doing laundry. My uncle was in the basement, in his office. All the kids cept one was in the kitchen, watching TV. I yelled down the stairs that I was babysitting, and ran out the door. We got there in time for...intermission. u.u The college paper thingamajiger said the show started at 8pm, when it really started at 7. The usher explained "Yeah, most shows start at 8, but on Tuesdays, they start at 7." Goodness goodness. How come I didnt know that? *raises eyebrow* I am so glad that I even got to catch the second half of the show. I was caught up in the....music, the beautiful singing, the extremely detailed-ness of the background, the light effects... *grins* It all reminded me how much fun I had in highschool, when chorus was pulling off the musical of The Kind and I. *grins and sighs* The Playbill, it talks about this new show coming out...tomorow, actually. It's called Spamalot, and it has to do with Monty Python. I was reading that, and I was so excited that I let out a little squeal. I wanna go see that, before I leave here. *grins happily* Good stuff, good stuff. After everything ended, we walked around in Times Square, trying to find the PATH train station. We eventually did, ect ect, got back to her house at 11, changed into gym clothes, got home, everyone asleep, ate a salad and went to bed. Woke up, and my uncle asked me when I got home. I told him 10:30-11 ish, and he said about how he was up at 10:30, and I most certainly wasnt here. He asked me if Summer's parents always stay out that late, and I explained that they stay out till whenever; that once I babysat till a bit after 12. He made a funny sound and left. I noticed he was very well dressed, and later my aunt explained that he's in a bad mood this morning, because of court stuffs. ;;; My aunt called my mom, before I went to class today, and my mom said about how a certain somone had a heart attack the other day. Honestly, it's like his third one. How come he isnt dead yet? >:O ... =X;; <.<;;; I mean to say, what exactly is keeping him here? ... Yeah. Funny thing, about me not doing the homework yesterday. Turns out around 3/4 of the class didnt either. The teacher was angry, of course, but she gave an extension for the class, with a bit of a grade reduction when we turn it in. Plus more homework due for Thursday, but oh well. So yeah. That was...just too weird. o.o I'm still all mixed up inside, and a little hurt too, because I think I am the only one with any problem, out of the group of people that are involved. =\

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Liberal in politics; Conservative in manner.

That describes....a large majority of my family. Woo. My NY aunt asked my uncle if I could go to her appartment tonight, to help try to fix her computer. He is punishing everyone for last weekend, and so he said no. If she had mentioned that she had already brought tickets to see a Broadway show, he would have told her that it was her fault....and stuff. Heh. The tickets were already brought, for tonight, and apparently, I'm not going. My aunt told me to give the tickets away. I dont think I know anyone around here, that likes that kind of stuff. *shrugs* I'm really emotional at the moment. I read SomeGuy's MyO, and it made me cry so hard. And I have so much stuff going on, inside. And I had a weird dream that wont...unstick itself from me. I went to Egypt, but it wasnt Egypt. There was people there from highschool (Heh, that seems to be the trend these days), and people from...here, there. And I was wearing my coat for some reason, and stuff was happening, and I was feeling all mixed up inside, and here I am. You know, maybe I am a silly naive girl, for wishing, hoping, dreaming, wanting; for loving too much, feeling too strongly, letting myself believe.... For the first time ever, in my whole college career, I didnt do a homework. I'm a mess by my own fault. >.<

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Monday, March 14, 2005

Cinaminaminamin

I stood still; as I watched you leave here. Watched you leave a place you never came to. I promise to you, I will stay I will stay here, to wait for you. Do you ever plan on coming back? Do you even wish to? I know you didn’t ask And you might not want me to. But here I stay, waiting for you. I will remain during windy times Whether it be rainy or shine. Cloudy or not Staying here, because I want to. I will stay while you wander the open world I will wait… even if someone else travels by your side I will linger here, with memories of you. I will wait when I am old and grey I will remain until I’ve withered away I know you didn’t ask And you might not want me to But I stay here and continue, because I love you.

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

Long boring tediouse stories short: Saturday. Ended up staying at the gym for 3 1/2 hours, really working 3 hours pretty much strait. My aunt was over an hour late picking me up after the gym closed at 2, and a cop that passed by me a few times told me that if he caught me standing there when he passed again, that I could get arrested and or fined for loitering. So off I go, and given directions towards Journal Square from a lady in a shop, took a wrong turn and for quite a while, walked in the wrong direction. Realizing the mistake on my own, when I sighted 6th Street, and knowing that on Kennedy, if you see numbers as streets, you prolly arent in Jersey City anymore. Turning around and walking in the opposite direction for a small bit and finding a sign that said "Welcome to Jersey City" also kinda told me that. So, all in all, I did 3 hours at the gym and 2 hours of walking. My uncle doesnt think any of that too much or extreme, and wanted me to go to the gym today. But I refused, as I had just a little teensy bit of trouble moving today. You know, just a little bit. Spent 4 hours babysitting, during which it was found out the reason my 15 and 11 year old cousin werent home by the time they were supposed to is because they went to NY without permission with three other friends, one of them my uncle has forbade them to even look at anymore, and all ended up arrested for shoplifting. My cousin's stories all go that the one kid that they didnt know in their group did it, and they were all arrested for association, but I dunno what to believe. I am giving him moral support untill it's proven otherwise, but yeah. All that required my aunt and uncle to go to Manhattan at night, to pick them up in person. My uncle after that said/is doing a lot of things that I am strongly against, including telling the 15 year old cousin he is like a dog and has no rights, and made him sleep on the floor. That's just among other things, a bit mild in comparison. This morning he told him to pack up only his clothes, as he isnt going to stay in this house any longer, and only clothes because anything else of his isnt his anymore. When my uncle is like this, he is nitpicky about other people, so Aleia has kinda been dragged into the fray. So far, I've been angered at for things that I didnt do, and I really hope my uncle isnt going to take action on his angerments towards me. ...Mostly because I didnt do the stupid stuff he thinks I did. One of them being that me kinda sorta being just a teensy bit tired and sore, my body apparently needed extra time to recouperate, as I fell asleep 11-12 last night, and woke up at 11 am this morning. My uncle thinks I overslept, because I was on the computer all last night. (Haha. How can I? He has the AOL parental controles to go off at 8:30, as I pointed out to him. <.<;;; ) It's stupid shit, it really is. But it stresses me to just be around him, and with everything else I have going on, mostly inside, I dont need him being all...like how he is. I try to avoid him as much as possible, but he has this thing, where he has to know where everyone is, at random times, so I cant really hide out for long without him yelling as to where I am, threatening harsh stuffs if I am outside and whatever. I dunno. I wish I didnt care. I'm prolly not going to be on AIM a lot this week, if at all. I plan to stay at the gym as much as I can, as late as I can; and I might have babysitting afterwards. And if not, I most defidently have homework. I'm not that good right now. I dont know what's wrong with me. I guess with an Aleia, it's always something. *cries*

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Friday, March 11, 2005

Marry a sunflower?

*points to post title* The line came from a movie. Very obscure; I only remember it well because when it was said, I laughed too hard. And when something like that happends, well, it usually isnt something that you quickly forget, yeah? Except, me being able to see that movie only once, I havent been able to remember exactly-what goes next after that line. (Only makes it harder for anyone else to guess, methinks.) Whoever can guess what movie it came from, honest to goodness, I'll love them forever. Or give them whatever. Something small, I'm not rich or anything. *nods* Me myself, my insides, my heart, my mind, all saddend/thrown off by wishful thinking. I wish I had more controle over my thoughts, where they tend to roam and ramble when I sleep. I mean, I've been able to keep myself looking on the more realistic-positive side the past few days, but when you dream, you usually dont have controle of the content. Sometimes your dreams are silly nonsense, they mean nothing at all. Sometimes your dreams bring to the surface what is building up pressure inside, as a kind of saftey switch activated at a certain point so you dont asplode at a random time. Brings up what you dont wanna see, or brings up a radical side of something that you dont want to indulge in/trying to ignore, because then it'll throw you off. When you wake up from a dream that just played out what's going on deep inside, your fears, your thoughts, all of your what-ifs, you tend to dwell on your dreams. You kinda cant help that, especially if the dream was vivid, if it left an impression. And it could be stuff that was already in the back of your mind, so it's not quite something that you can forget so easily, yeah? It's right there in the back, ready to wave it's arms and be noticed at an oppertune moment. Every time it's noticed, it gets just a bit bigger, untill it takes up way too much space, and is now taking up a large portion of your multitasking thoughts. I am so glad that my thoughts can multitask big time, or else this problem I have would be the only thing I'd be able to think about. I'd never be able to function at all. Heh. Tomorow is the first day I can go to the gym, as today I was home the same time my uncle was, and was able to finally get the registration stuffs done and over with. My uncle startled me, when he used a large amount of money as motivation for me to go to the gym. Uncle: Lose half your weight by the summer, and I'll give you $500. Aleia:! ...Ok. *in her mind* Half my weight by the summer, huh? I plan to lose as much as healthy humany possible, but is it all that realistic, your goal for me? ;;;*/in her mind* I, ah, already had a reason for strong motivation. *half laughs* Strong enough, I guess, that the promise of money really didnt make my motivation anymore. I'd already planned to wear myself out/practically reside there, so whatever. Yeah, yeah, I know, dont kill myself over it, dont over do it. I know a limit that if I push, I wont have enough of anything to drag myself and everything outside, take the bus back and walk a ways back to the house. So yeah. Whatever. Continuing the story of yesterday: When Nisky finally came in his car, Lewis was in the front seat. Me and Nichole got in the backseat, and Nichole introduced me to Nisky and Lewis. Nisky greeted me warmly, while...Lewis didnt say much of anything. I figured him really shy. 0.o We spent 3 1/2 hours with Nisky and Lewis, visiting their old highschool. A Catholic highschool, no less, where Lewis apparently was the strong leader in the anime club. I guess after Lewis left, the club fell back into their old habit of getting together to watch stuff, instead of going on trips. So everyone was treated to listening to Lewis whine (Yes, whine. There isnt any other word for the tones of his voice) about the fall of the anime club, how he knew inside it wouldnt survive without him and his strong guidance. His DBZ Brolly shirt, the way he went on and didnt stop about the fall of a highschool anime club, he reminded me of what a real otaku could be like, minus the reputed bad odor, from lack of proper hygiene. =X I like anime and manga, but it isnt my life. At this point, I couldnt even say it had very much, if at all, bit in it, because of lack of time to read much of anything for fun, my uncle, and the fact that besides the Arabic channels we get on the satellite, we get three or four basic station channels, all of them being on the fuzzy side on a rare good day. But anyways. He was kinda nice, holding doors open sometimes and stuff, but he didnt like talking. To me, I think. He was fine talking to Nisky and Nichole. *shrugs* After we left their highschool, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts. Nichole demanded Nisky to buy her stuff, while Lewis went ahead and brought himself whatever. Nisky turned to me and kept asking if I wanted something. *smiles* I kept saying no, but it really was very nice of him to ask. I dont remember the conversations exactly (What! You mean Aleia has kept record of details about everthing else, but not of the exact conversations which led her to believe that Lewis is a pervert with no class? Shock/suprise!) You know what I mean, when I say a pervert with no class? There are some people who can be perverted, say or jokingly do/say things, and it's ok, it's amusing, appropriate, it doesnt come off disgusting and creepy. He isnt one of those people. Ha hah. I was kinda disgusted when Lewis made some sort of wisecrack at Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean, yeah, lots of people poke fun at religion and stuff, but what he said was pretty mean, and rather uncalled for. Kinda showed he wasnt open minded. But I kinda got that before, when I was talking about a non mainstream movie I like, and he said it sounded boring and he had no interest in seeing it, because it wasnt bloody (Kinda like the anime he likes, heh) After Nisky dropped Lewis off at his house (In Elizebeth, the same place where I lived three years with my uncle, when I was younger <.<;; ), Nichole was like "Do you want his number?!?!? I'll give it to you, you guys can talk on the phone!! =D" Aleia: ...No thanks. *looks back* I sound harsh and judgmental, yeah? *sigh* Maybe that's how I am? I didnt have any expectations before meeting him, geez, I didnt even really know the gender of the person and Nichole's intents untill shortly before. I kept an open mind; I figure it never hurts to meet people, and I might find a good friend in the process. *shrugs* I somehow managed a 97% on my English midterm. I honestly dont know how I did it; I wasnt really concentrating. I think I would have gotten a hundred, cept in the essay at the end of a paragraph, I wrote a sentence, put a comma, and forgot to finish it. But the teacher knew what I was going to write (as I had kinda ended the other paragraphs in the same manner), and filled in the blanks. And I mispelled a word once, which really suprised me, because you guys of all people know how sucky of a speller I can be. ;D *coughAndycough* But, um.. About the math. I know I sucked at it completely. I guessed on many, and there were some that I didnt/couldnt do. And he gave us a time limit, and I was feeling so crappy, and Nichole was trying to confrence with me on some stuffs, I was afraid of getting caught and all of a sudden, in the middle of her trying to show me something, the teacher says out loud "Cheating is a personal decision, it's not a good idea. What really matters is the final exit exam; you arent going to be able to talk to your buddies on that one", and he's looking right at us. Aleia: *quietly dies* Last night, my aunt gave me money to buy tickets for a show on Broadway, I think, for The Phantom of the Opera, next Tuesday. After class that day, I'm prolly going to go to the gym as long as possible, end up in NY, eat outside in some restraunt, go to the show, and sleep over her house, waking up early next morning for class in NJ. I was excited about it last week, but now, I dunno why but I'm not. Hmm. I'll talk about last night, cause everyone needs a good laugh, even at somone elses expense. Like mine, for example. Babysat last night. Main things that happend was I learned the bird speaks/curses people (With that bird, those two activities are one and the same) after drinking a lot of Pepsi. Aleia: *walks in the door* Out of nowhere: Fuck you! Fuck you! *low deep voice* Daaaamn you to heeeellll.... Aleia: !!! o.o;; Out of nowhere: I'll kick your ass! Mom: *comes out and sees Aleia's expression* Oh, you heard that? That's the bird XD Aleia: ...The bird talks? o.o And I learned that at least this bird can eat a diet with a lot of people food and not die. Immedietly, that is. I winced and shuddered when the bird was running around on the table, eating chicken soup one of the babies had left there. If you try to get the bird away from it's eating/take the food away, she screams at you and threatens to chomp down on some random body part. And how the bird got down last night... The bird stays/eats/sleeps/curses people out from on top of the fridge. The one couch that one of the twins was sleeping on is next to there. I was puting a cover on her, when I noticed there was an ominouse shadow above me. Maniacle screaming and rustling from above, and the bird had thrown itself off the fridge. Fell hard on my head; tried to get a grip on my arm. I think it was startled by my Eeeee!-ing, and so fell clumsily on the floor, where I promplty ran away from it. It's been known to bite toes, after all, and with a show like that, who knows what it wanted to do. And there you have it.

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Always something there to remind me

I feel music deprived, in a way how I imagine I would if I was addicted to smoking or esctasy, and I had suddenly stopped doing them. .... And I feel kinda sad inside, with wishful thinking. A teensy bit intimidated by the MATH MIDTERM TODAY *twitch twitch*, and just a tad weirded out by...yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday... The person Nichole (the girl from math class) wanted me to meet is a friend of Nisky's (Nisky is her boyfriend. I never ever heard his name before.) I didnt realize her intentions, untill she started gushing about how hott Lewis (Nisky's friend) is, how I am going to like him because he likes anime too...and stuff. *wrinkles nose* Wooo... We took a PATH train to Newark, and ended up having to take another train, one where the tickets were a bit more expensive. After that ride was done and over with, we waited in the little Union station for Nisky to come in his car. I stood near the newstand, when I noticed they had Popular Mechanics/Popular Science (Popular Science, Eeee!) *jumps up and down, squealing a girly girl squeal* =X/ and Psychology Today, which I stood there and kindasortaillegallydidntpaybut read most of them. Hey, the girl at the counter didnt care, she was rambling away on her cellphone. *shrugs* Nichole was reading/ranting from some kind of silly magazine (had an interview with the girl from the movie Hitched. She's very pretty =\), when she looked over at me and said in suprise, "You're into that kind of stuff?" I was looking at the Popular Science magazine, and in too much awe at this picture this 23 year old guy did, using a free photoshop type program, Photoshop as well, I believe, and pictures from the Hubble telliscope. That. Picture. Was. Too. Amazing/incredible/kickass/sock rocking.... It made me happy and excited, it was that cool. =D If I had money, I would have bought it. But I didnt, so oh well. I tried showing the picture to Nichole. She didnt care for the picture. Or anything else in there. Oh well. =( Oh, heh. There was an incident, when we were waiting for the second train. You know how in a certain FF game, when something happends or if somone says something, there are thought bubbles that appear above a character's head with a (!) or a (?) ? *laughs* That incident, that's exactly my reaction, except it was more like (!?!?!?) *cough cough* You know....I really should be doing an English paper that I've put off for a whole week.... But as you can tell, I'm procrastinating. If I was to describe the rest of that...episode, I'll be here forever, and besides not doing the English stuff, I'd miss the class completely. So I'll brief it from here. And I maybe need to stop telling about my day in great detail? (Today I woke up, fell out of bed, I washed my face, brushed my teeth, popped a gross pimple, walked to class, tripped and fell, ect...) That reminds me! I found out today that I'm the only person in the whole house that brushes their hair on a regular basis. The kids, they lost the last hair brush I had two weeks ago, and I've been using the one that belongs to everyone else. And yesterday, the girls lost that one, apparently, because it was nowhere to be found today. And that was learned after I washed my hair, and I'm running around, and my hair is looking all funny and fro-wise and curly curly from me running around and fretting and looking up and down and getting it tangled in things deep under the bed and yeah. I cant go to school looking like that!! So I had to wrestle it into a ponytail bun, and now I look like a 14 year old. >.< *rwars* ANYWAYS.... After all of that yesterday, Nisky dropped Lewis off at home, and me and Nichole finally at Union station, where the train was kinda late. With as how late it was (It was around 5:15, when the train finally came), I didnt figure my uncle would let me go to Manhattan, as dark as it was getting and how far I had to go. I didnt even ask him, if I was allowed. ;;; The train dumped us off at Penn Station, where I walked to the PATH platform, just in time for the WTC train. Aleia: ! That was perfect timing o.o Got off at Journal Square, stood there a minute, debating whether I should take the 33rd street train, or go upstairs and walk home, when the 33rd street train rushed to a stop. I figured everything being perfectly synched had to be some kind of omen. So naturally, I jumped on, waited a bit, got off, ran upstairs to the street, rushed around the corner, and there stood the bus, waiting with the doors open. Oh my goodness. I bored you guys all to death with the intricate details of...traveling, because it rarely ever happends that perfectly. Never for me. Usually, I get there just in time for things to pull out and leave, or I have to wait and wait. I got to my aunt's appartment, just in time for her and her friend to start eating. *laughs* Took the bus, train, and taxi home, prepared to explain to my uncle stuffs (I had already called my aunt, to confirm where I was, but he still could be angry at me, for not asking his permission prior) to find that he wasnt home, and hadnt been home most of the day. That. Was. Perfect. Completly. And I highly doubt that'll ever happen again. But yes! I...have to force myself to do the English paper now. And I prolly already made this post long enough, with all of my mundane ramblings, yeah? ^_~ Edit: (Yeah, I couldnt help myself u.u) Somone suggest a good Sublime album. How many do they have, anyways? >:O <--- (is RWAR-ing at her raging hormones and dirty thoughts, all as you read this.) Edit 2: Heh. The story about Nichole. If I remember and in the mood, I might finish that later tonight, if I am able to go online, or tomorow. I'm too hungry and incredibly horny. Yay for me. u.u

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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Friday 4 is a very rare occasion, indeed.

Computer midterm, on the Excel program. Obstinate on purpose, it is. >:| *wrestles it* It snowed yesterday! Snow...is usually good! But yesterday, it was a bad snow. Well, see, at first it rained. Then the rain turned into falling slush, which kinda stuck on the ground. Then snow mushed itself in there, making what was covering the ground a thick layer of hard packed mushy ice. And the wind and the snow! It felt like little BB pellets were hitting my face, and at one point I was almost blown off my feet, the biting cold wind was going that hard. Stop laughing. Even satiricle hindsight couldnt make much of that all that amusing. *wrinkles nose* But yes! Compter midterm, done and over with. The teacher came behind me, and said that there was one minor problem, it was 99% good, and gave me an -A. A few seconds later, I finally fixed that little minor detail, and when I told him, he said "You're finished. Your exam is over. I'm not changing your grade. 0_o" Aleia: XP I mean, what?! <.<;; Ah well. Mhm, today, the girl from math class wants me to go to her house, to meet somone. I am a teensy bit wary, because the last (and first) time I went to her house, she introduced me to a girl that really liked flashing her breasts at really random times at complete strangers. And people she knew; she most certainly wasnt discriminatory on who saw her breasts. ;; But she wasnt in that kind of mood, when I was there. *laughs* So it seems the girl from math class attracts strange characters. I mean, she knows me, yeah? ;D *cough* Mhm, after that, I wanna go to the NY aunt's appartment, because she's having some kind of outpatient surgury done today, and I wanna make sure that she's ok after. *nods* ....You dont know the mental anguish it causes me, to think that I have to take about $5 out of the bank, for all the train and bus fare that I need for today. Oh, it hurts, being a miser. But I'm poor, so that's ok. For now, anyways. *nods* Did you guys see Anatema Sarah's sexi red hair? You should, it's hott stuff. I completely forgot how to link, or else I would. =X And whoever thinks the song Cigaro, by System of a Down, is a love song of sorts... Then they're a dork. ..... That was terrible. =X Mhm! I feel nice and good for no reason, and I'm not quite sure why. *shrugs* Ah well. *grins* Edit: Sublime = Rocks Socks. The two songs I have from them so far, they have a lot of sentimental value, from about the time I was in 7, 8, and 9th grade. Oh goodness goodness. Kinda sorta good times. I mean, and it also doesnt help that they're good songs to begin with, you know?

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