Sunday, October 24, 2004

Yesterday, today, tomorow.

*Hugs Erin tightly* Tomorow, you will see why Shin rocks my socks as well ^_~ *thanks him muchly* I...hmm. From when I was 12 untill 18 and a half or so, stuff has been happening. I was abused by somone in the family, but not to the point where there is solid physical evidence. I always lied to myself about what was happening, so the time between 12-18 1/2, I was a pretty angry/angsty/depressed girl. Lying to myself seemed a survival tactic. Gone wrong, of course. That is why I am a firm believer in knowing the truth, even if it hurts/causes damage. I fully realized how wrong it was, when a close relative confided to me that the same was happening to them. The problem was always bigger than myself, but it was then that I fully realized it. *sighs* And...I was just informed that my internet time is going to be, uh, cut drasticly short. 0_o;; So a lot less of Aleia for everyone. So sad. XD Anyways, before I have to leave soon... I have to make a decision that will either involve authorities, or will keep things as they are. No one is currently being hurt, no one has, ever since I activly made a point to not be around the person that harms. My relatives have taken the same route. But as of late, they have threatened to not give my mom what she really needs (signing over land for a new house) if my relatives dont stop avoiding him. The choice seems obviouse. Except I am widely known for blowing things way out of proportion. As some of you unfortunatly know. u.u;; Kinda like bringing in a backhoe to dig a hole for a wee bity pansy flower. 0_o;; I dont know if I am making a big deal out of nothing. I mean, there are times that I doubt myself, that anything really happend. *shrugs* I could be going by old fears, as my relative is. They are very genuine, but is anything bad going to happen anymore? I shouldnt have to waite for that, I know. But say I bring authorities into this, investigation ensues, he knows somone has told, and most likely me. Remember, there isnt any solid physical evidence. There is a huge chance they find nothing, and leave. He, of course, is going to be angry that he was accused of such a thing! As other people are going to be, I assure you. Then what?

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Touche!

Tsk. I wont ask how some of you guys interpreted my last post subject. Its better that way, methinks. XD Last night was very interesting, to say the least, and brought up some valid points. Part of the reason why I am always so cryptic is because I always imagined it to be severely dramatic to talk about your problems, especially if they are of the sort that are not widely socially public. (Like abuse or rape, for example ) I mean, yeah, almost everyone has friend/girl/guy/work related/money problems. And I can safely say just about everyone has had something traumatic or something so big it is defined as a turning point happen to them. If you never had a defining moment/turning point, you might not be living. <.< *cough* So it just seemed that my problems will have the same sound as every other angsty O post you come across. And a good friend of mine pointed out to me that it is just as bad to be all cryptic and stuff. "Yeah. Boy, are things really bad. And gosh darn, do I wish I had help/good advice! But I wont tell you guys, even though you are my friends and most likely wanna help me!" When my friends tell me personal things, I feel...honored. Honored that they can trust me, and that I have a chance to help them. Basicly, if you take the time to read this, you are a friend of mine, and I trust you. Unless you are my mom. Which in that case, you can hit that little red box with the X in the upper right hand corner of the screen. =) Which brings me the other reason why I am so cryptic. Every single day for the past few years, my mom has told me that if I didnt like staying with her, to leave the house. Or to just leave. So, after sending me an e-mail during my trip telling me to do so, I finally did. Just imagine everything she could have said/done to me over such a long period of time, over and over again, for me to not want to have anything to do with her. I miss a mom figure. But I dont miss her. When I was in Egypt, my sister was laughing at something I had put in my O. In her typical fashion, my mom pushed my sister aside, to read my O entry. Along with the funny-ish story, I posted about how I didnt know why I relied on my mom, as she never was that type to be dependant on. I wrote that because she was angry that I asked her to help me talk to the college in the US. She told me I was immature, and should have done all this stuff myself, before I left. Now, this wouldnt be a big deal, cept that would have been the only thing she would have helped me with in the whole college process. I would have done it myself, but it cost 200 pounds per 5 minutes to call the US. That was when she wrote me the e-mail, telling me not to bother coming back home. And that was when she realized I had an online diary type thing. So, now that I am finally far away, and dont want any contact with her, my source (*cough* Ok, my brother in college) tells me that from what she said to him last about my O, she could be making my little sister (rioki89) take her to my O, as she is internet illiterate. And that is a big problem, because I dont want her to know anything about me. I was going to make another screename, and abandon this one, but... I dont think I really care anymore. Let her do/think what she wishes. I mean, she cant do anymore physical/verbal harm to me anymore, because I wont allow it. Never again. So here I am. And I have more to say, (Yeah, stuff more weightier than what I just said =O )but it is 3 am, and I am very weary. I will post more later, as this post is already incredibly long and winded. But! I leave you with a peice of funny to smile about. *grins* aleia85: The only good thing about you not being here is if somone tells you to poke/bonk me on the forehead aleia85: You have quite a bit of ways to go before you can do that again aleia85: >:D realsarasaturn: lol aleia85: But that's it. realsarasaturn: 6 hours realsarasaturn: yea realsarasaturn: just to poke you aleia85: XD realsarasaturn: i will travel 6 hours realsarasaturn: on a bus aleia85: I have to run away, if you are going to do that. aleia85: That kind of traveling calls for a good ass kicking aleia85: Instead of a silly poke aleia85: So if I do something stupid aleia85: Off I go realsarasaturn: lmao realsarasaturn: hahaha aleia85: So Sarah cant find me realsarasaturn: so true realsarasaturn: i can imagine that too aleia85: So whenever she does finally find me aleia85: I am going to get it worse, becuase she traveled for 6 hours, on a bus, then had to find my sorry self aleia85: XD realsarasaturn: i know aleia85: I will have to pull some kind of underhanded sneaky trick realsarasaturn: that's just hilarious realsarasaturn: really aleia85: Like when I see you, scream Sarah! =D and glomp you aleia85: You cant hurt somone who is happy to see you, ne? aleia85: XD realsarasaturn: you evil spawn of the lowest deepest crevices of hell aleia85: XD realsarasaturn: damn you more than you already have been damned! aleia85: XD realsarasaturn: -____- aleia85: And you still love me. aleia85: *grins* aleia85: *pokes her* realsarasaturn: yes i do Ahh....good times, good times. *smiles*

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Friday, October 22, 2004

New copper pennies

I dont think I can post much untill I come up with a freaking decent screename. I will try to update later. u.u

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

w00tness!11!!

I finally got my camera to work with the computer. Piccy goodness! =D Bleh. My friend's mom came yesterday morning, while I was asleep. She came asking if her daughter was with me, and had to see that I was dead asleep on the couch. She left, but I think that was too easy. <.<;; I have a friend who's cologne smelled like something I was familiar with. It was driving me crazy, untill this morning, I made Earl Grey tea, and it hit me. His cologne smells like my tea. 0_o And now I cant drink that kind of tea anymore, because the taste/smell reminds me of him. u.u And everyone knows how I am such a confused girl. *rolls eyes* =P

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The sun wears a sombrero, to ward off the chill from the infinat cosmic vastness.

Thinking about stuff. Including AX ;D Lack of job-ness hurts. Almost physically. X_+ *crosses fingers* Talked to Erin, after such a long long time. Twas all good fun ^_~ It's also 3:30 am. I will most defidently update later. =P

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Dreaming in blue.

Heh. Thinking a lot about last night, today, certain people, situations. Wonder if a friend finally ran away. Heh. I will find out soon enough, methinks. One of the things that stop me from leaving are my connections with people. Too bad they stop me at the last minutes. And after some contemplating, I realized my job isnt done. Whenever it is, I am free do to whatever I wish. I miss my siblings so much. ;_; ...And I think Ben is right about some stuffs. Unfortunatly, because I am stuck now. Today. Played some games, watched more played, though. =P Watched Team America. I have a suspicion that the friends I went with were laughing at my reactions, as well as parts of the movie. ;;; Throw up is nasty, even coming from puppets. *makes a face* I felt bad that I didnt have enough monies to pay for my own ticket. ;_; Later, was provided with hilariouse commentary (hilariouse, in my opinion, thought I was the only one laughing <.< ) on the movie, Freddy Got Fingered, but we turned it off after Freddy "went inside an animal" and got hit by a truck. Aaack. *laughs* Today was very good, for the most part. 'Cept driving home. I was extremely tired. I have no idea when I finally left, but I got home a little before 8pm. All the lights out, everyone asleep. No key to the doors. Rang the doorbell, got nuffin. Couldnt climb through the only unlocked window, as it was almost up to my shoulders. Waited untill finally, the kitchen light came on. Rang the doorbell. My aunt answered. Did I mention that it was raining? And freezing cold. XP Juu rocks my socks =) Edit: She left yesterday. =\ Installing mental hardware is long hard work. And I think I might be sick. =\

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Monday, October 18, 2004

....

Why? I dont know why. I really really messed up. At least, no one will notice. And for that, I am glad. Why do I prolong the inevitable? Just get it freaking over with. Because too many care. I really really wish they didnt, I honestly do. Too many strings, too many things tying you down, too many things to consider. I care because they care. So their care isnt for granted. So it isnt wasted. And here I am, in a cold dark basement, painfully writing cryptic messages. I need to go to bed. I am too raging hopeless to deal with anything.

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Me, myself, and my terrible timing.

Wow. A whole lengthy post, gone. I somehow hit a button that made the page refresh. 0_o And for the life of me, I cant figure out what it was I hit. I kinda saved my cousine from getting in a fight by some kid trying to take a bike. *shrugs* I came when he started pushing my cousin hard against the fence, and I told the kid that was enough. He looked over at me and said he respected his elders. (Shock! He tries to steal a bike, but respects his elders. <.<;; ) But he was coming back, for a day when my cousin was alone. Which is...believable, I guess. I recognized him as one of the kids who tried to start trouble when I first came here. w00t. T_T I dont wanna get involved in some silly kid fight. Like I need the cops called on me for something that never happend that will go on my record. 0_o;; I am pretty worried over my lack of job-ness. And Sarah. Update later.

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Sunday, October 17, 2004

Heh. Heh heh.

For the oddest reason, when I woke up, my one aunt (my dad's sister, the foreign overly religiouse one) started giving me a huge dissertation. I am still not quite sure what it is about, let alone what started it. But she emphasized that she loves me and doesnt want to see God punish me. ;;; Oy. I was looking for my cd player, when my cousine Omar emerged from the basement. He had the (obviously not well) hidden toy, Pete the Repeate Parrot. Eh. Granted, it was hidden for a good few years. Unless he suddenly grew tall enough to notice it. <.<;; Aleia: *sits on bed, thinking where cd player is* Omar: *maniacle laughing* Mweheheheheh! >:D Toy: *flaps wings* *maniacle laughing* Mweheheheheh! Toy: *repeats* Aleia: The toy...it sounds and acts deranged. 0_o;; Omar: *laughes his head off* XD Toy: *repeats Omar* Aleia: ..... 0_o;;; Omar: Stop, stop! I'm starting to hurt! STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! XD Toy: *flaps wings and repeats Omar* Aleia:.....0_o;; Omar: *stumbles out of room and down the hall, struggling for breath while laughing insanely* Toy: *repeats Omar* After a few seconds, there is silence. Finally. *cough* I wonder if that toy was given with malice in mind? <.<;; Heh heh heh. Drove my 14 year old cousin to the mall. He was being a jerk by continuously ejecting the cd I had in, and playing his Mr. Jadakiss song or whatever. >:O (Yes, the one and only song torn apart by Sen.) *glares at cousin* >:| Heh. If I, for some odd insane reason, ever wanted to drive to Texas, it would take me about 30 hours and 1,854 miles. If I was to ever drive to California, it would take 42 hours and 2,763 miles. Of course they mean the hours strait, but even then, it doesnt seem that bad, honestly.

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I wonder...

Yesterday was a wonderful day to be lost in NYC. So I followed through. And I dragged Sarah along. Too bad she didnt know/was prewarned that it was a good day for losing oneself and company in a big city you arent familiar with. XD We werent really technically "lost", per se. We just took the very very long way to get to the Circut City/Virgin Records store. <.<;; Ergh. I think we walked well over 10 blocks, when what we were looking for was like...4? 5? Proverbial circle. Ah well, the excercise did us good. XD *runs away* Your punchline stops being funny when it is turned against you. ^_~ Hmm... Finally got to mess around with some of the pics I have on my camera. Whenever I find a site that hosts things, some of the pics from Egypt can be put up. =D Oy! I forgot to say how the wedding was. Everyone dressed up fancy to eat free expensive food. *grins* I was nervouse about nothing. Well..not quite nervouse, I just had no idea what to expect. And give the bride-to-be gifts, of course, and admire her wedding gown (extremely pretty, and that is something, coming from a mostly anti-dress girl 0.o; ) I am still very much confused about the other stuff, especially...since.....I dont know. I think. I mean- I am really worried. =\ There are some changes (still) happening to me that shouldnt be happening (to begin with), and still no one knows what it is, let alone what caused it or a "cure". There are other little things that I notice, but I dont want to come off as a hypocondriac. But can you really blame me, though? =\ *shivers* Lately, I have been having this huge huge urge to game. RPG's like Chrono Cross (PS2) ...And many many others are piquing my interest. That's a terrible misfortune for poor people like me. XD

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