Saturday, October 16, 2004

Ole!

So. Ramadan. Yeah. It isn't that bad, not like how you would imagine it. Pluh. I am feeling not so well-ish. I have a second interview, on Wednesday, as a result of a mishap with my reference. Somehow, I dont think I will get the job. =\ Expect the worst, hope for the best. The optimistic pessimist! =O Heh. I am feeling....not shocked. Sad, I think. A friend of mine made me realize something I secretly wondered about, something I had hoped wasnt true, was just my insecureties comming to play and wreck havoc, like gremlins. But alas, I think what they said makes sense, and...I feel better? No, not quite, maybe stronger is the feeling. Upper hand. Equal playing field. Now that I know what is going on, I mean. At least, I think I do. I am really crushed, because here is this person I thought was a really close friend. I trusted them completely, with everything. Oddly, they hurt me more times than they have helped. When they helped me, they helped...a lot. But there were other things that they would say that really hurt, and I dont know if they cared that they did. Heh. If you happenstance know this kid (I dont think any do, as they arent well known), then you know immdediatly who I am talking about. u.u;; But dont say the name, as I cant delete comments for some reason. I was recently told by somone that this person sees me as "part of everyone else, the masses." They talk to me because I am there, because I am "amusing." I take amusing to mean that I can say stupid/silly things that they find funny, at my expense. And the person still matters to me, quite a bit. That's why I dont really know how to feel, or how to deal with this in a way that isn't going to hurt me. There is more to the story, but I am not sure if they have an O account, and they might stumble upon here, read this, and know who I am reffering to. =\ I feel so...gyped. I cant believe I..let myself fall into this, and for such a long time. I wonder if the care they showed for me was fake, as well. *sigh* Bleh. >.< *feels very very sick* And why does my avi remind so many of Chuckie's Bride? I dont see any resemblence! *Rwars at people who find any*

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Friday, October 15, 2004

*goes to sleep*

Today is the first day of fasting. w00t?

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

Waiting for mine.

Wishing Upon a star So very far Won't you come help Guid me? Wanting To fly high Into the starlit sky Feeling so carefree Peaceful serenity Within. Yearning For a happy place Far away from everywhere That exists Only here. Fixing What's broken I have let it be crushed Too often. I trace The aching crevices And hope For a better day.

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Is my star ever to come?

I go to Sara's O, and what do I find? Is my star to come? It made me cry. ;_; u.u;;; I am afraid of what the ending means.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Refreshing serenity

One of the things I miss most about where I used to live are the bright silver stars scattered across the navy blue sky. When I would go outside, the peaceful woods noises and the woods-scented breezes calmed me so. I felt...serene inside, standing in the field, the winds whispering through the long grasses, rustling the trees, blowing through my hair, rushing through my clothes... I felt like I could take flight, if I fancied. And how I do. Very much so.

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Monday, October 11, 2004

All sounds of glass breaking sound final.

I am a swirling mass of confusion. In my mind, my thoughts, and in my heart. In other news, a good friend of mine might move far far away. Nothing to panick about yet, just enough to let worry set in and...do whatever worry does. Of course, if her family is moving, if that decision were more fact than possability, I still wouldn't be able to see her without using stealth-skills....as...I am the devil incarnate, apparently. (About once a week or so we meet up.) I never liked her dad. XP If Adam cant help me with my problem, I have to abandon my O. Update later.

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This is the kind a posts you end up with, after reading through your archives..

After applying their lipstick in the school bathroom, a number of girls would press their lips to the mirror (to take excess lipstick off), leaving dozens of little lip prints. The principle decided that something had to be done. So she called all the girls to the bathroom and explained that the lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian. To demonstrate how difficult it was, she asked the maintenance man to clean one of the mirrors. He took a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet and swabbed the glass. Since then, there have been no lip prints. "A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called "The Road Less Traveled," describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peacfull but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervouse as he went along, because if anything happend on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is now dead." - Lemony Snicket Is it better to be fair, or to be right? I will update later, about the wedding stuffs, as it is 5am, and I am tired.

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Sunday, October 10, 2004

I wanna fall into that deep abyse...so I wouldnt know what I have missed...

Things are going so wrong. I finally pushed the boulder off the mountain last night. With the way it is rolling, I think it is going to squish me. There are people raging angry at me/feeling betrayed by me, when they shouldnt. At least, I dont believe they should be. I am only doing what I think is right. Because no one else will. So how come this terrifying nauseating feeling of impending doom wont go away? I really wonder if what I did/am doing is the right thing? I really could be effing everything up beyond all repair. I am not quite sure what I am so afraid of. Edit: Last night, I got screenames confused, and the person in mind played along with my confusion. Last night felt like the freaking twilight zone. Heh, but it is soloved now. (With the help of Azure.) I dont know. I want to hole up under my blanket with my cd player, but I have to go to the silly wedding party. My skirt looks like the ruby red slippers, so it wont be that easy to hide somewhere in a huge roomfull of girls. (Yes, the skirt is kinda sexy <.<;; ) And then there is the other stuff. There was more that I found out, and it weighs heavily on me. *sigh* I dunno what to do.

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Saturday, October 9, 2004

I once had a salamander named Mortimer.

And we let him go back home in the woods. ...Where we found him, in the first place. <.<;;; I feel the need to say Mia Marlene really really rocks my socks, because she is that cool. Most other people do as well, but I have to tell about Mia today. Remember how I was nervouse about taking the train and stuffs? I found....you really really have to not be paying attention to get lost. *pokes Elba* ;D And I completely forgot what I was going to say. 0.o;;; Tsk. Darn my teenage \Alzeighmers again. I am still encouragine neat-o screenames. Really. Please?

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~Ooh la la!~

Today, I went iceskating!! :D For the first time in my life. Ever. I am still cold and wet, because...I fell on my bum. One of the staff guys came over to me seconds after I fell, telling me I couldnt sit on the ice. I laughed, and tried to get up. And my pants were stuck to the ice. And when I got up, I fell again and got my shirt wet, from the snow on the ice. I felt like such a dork. XD I got off the ice rink, and sat for a few minutes. I was determined to go around the rink at least once. I want to learn so bad how to iceskate! I was a bit braver the second time, and a bit more braver/better the third. *laughs* My bum is sore, as ice is hard, and the tricksy iceskates seem to like to throw you off. =P But, yes! Someday, I am going to skate without a deathgrip on the ledge! And it will be fast! :D Every weekend, my other two aunts come over and spend the weekend. Tis tradition, I guess. The bride to be is here, along with all of her bride things (dresses and such). My other two aunts are coming later. I was already part of a discussion I much rather wouldnt have been part of. And that was just without the two aunts here. I think tonight is a good night to lock myself in the basement with the computer. *huggles computer* Some borrowed quizes, for your enjoyment. You Are a "Wink" What Japanese Smiley Are You? ^_- You are the color pink. As a beautiful and sweet human, you are everybody's favorite person. Healthy and energetic, you're often seen spreading the happines. As an unusually charming and sweet person, you're always ready to comfort people who are down. You sympathize with everyone, but not always yourself. Aside from that, you are light-hearted and cheery. And you make it your duty to make every cloud have What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!) brought to you by Quizilla You came from the sky. Your a daydreamer and prefer to have a good look on situations. Where did you come from? brought to you by Quizilla That bird has no eyes. ;;; You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a little bit cocky and usually associated with evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You probably just don't give a damn,but it's everyone else's fault if you don't because you're too awesome to have any real faults. What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla I always thought my smiles looked more like >:D IRL. *is saddened* =( what flavor pocky are you? [c] sugardew

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