Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Stupid men

Now that I know the reasons behind the rants, I am quietly fuming. My first reaction is to rebel in a huge way, outright. I mean, I already dont mostly listen to him, but that is behind his back, stuff he doesnt know. But I know nothing good will come out of what I feel like doing, so, I will continue pretending, as I have been doing so far. There is only a few weeks left, after all.

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Wrapped up in a spell so beautiful, makes everything seem do-able

Random facts: My mom is trying to convince me to get a typewriter for college, instead of a computer. (roles on floor laughing) I dont think I am going to quite go the typewriter direction. Really. Random people on the street look at us and start cursing us out, because we are American (is there a sing on our back saying we are?) But I think they can tell, because we chatter amongst ourselves mostly in English. Some old people actually started spitting at us, screaming in Arabic how we were American scum. Feel the love. o.o;;; Ah well, it doesnt matter. I only hate how some of the kids fight my little cousines, because they are "dirty Americans" =/ *has broken up many a bloody fight* Yup. More of an update later. (It is so beautiful here....) *Wishes Tony a happy birthday* *Wishes dearest Ken a happy birthday*

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Monday, August 9, 2004

I vote Sen for President.

I will post an update later. Yeah, I know I kinda sorta cheated =P Ana behebic khaber waled >:O

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Thursday, August 5, 2004

They look very beautiful, but they hurt you too much =/

Yesterday, I rode a hybrid cross between a Vespa and a motercycle. It was dark dark red. And so much fun. I didnt go that fast, because I felt too...open. I wasnt wearing any sort of saftey gear, and I felt with the way steering was handeling, it just wasnt a good idea. But it was wonderful, and it felt so free. The eldest uncle made us go to the beach today. Some gut instinct always told me not to go in the water all the other times I went to the beach. Could be the garbage strewn heavily around. Or the line of broken sharp shell shards lining the tide line. (Sharp shell shards! Say it 10 times fast! You cant do it, can you?) *cough* Anyways... He was in some kind of mood this morning. He yelled at me for not greeting him properly when I entered the van. I didnt even get my butt in the seat yet. >:| We live right next to the beach (The one described previousely and above) so when he said he was going to drive us to another beach, everyone got all excited. He drove us to another part of the same beach, the part close to his house. 0.- Same exact, except....further down more. Not much difference, suprisingly. Or not. I was just sitting under the tent thing, kind of talking to my aunt (She could only speak a little bit of English) when my uncle demand that I go out in the ocean, and swim. I tried to explain that I didnt want to go, I didnt know how to swim and stuff, but he started to get angry. He is a scary guy, when he is angry. A tad on the terrifying side, if he is angry at you. So, defying common sense, I went in the water. I liked it ^_^ Of course, I didnt swim, but I floated around with the tide a bit, and, um, I started to pretend I was a mermaid. *blushes* Shhhhh! <.<;;; I stayed a very very long time in the water, because I didnt want to hang around my uncle, and besides, I was too caught up being a mermaid. And then, too busy being a mermaid and splashing my little cousines, I forgot I couldnt swim and didnt watch where I was floating off to. I ended up in an area where the water was taller than me, and there were viciouse waves that sucked me under and kept me down for a bit. I swallowed enough salt water to...preserve me in my grave -_- Yeah, I doubt it was that much, but it sure felt like it. u_u Then I sighted a jellyfish. Which promptly attacked my leg, for ruining its stalking upon human prey. Ok, not quite like that, obviously. But it might have stung me out of spite, being a bit peeved at being sighted. I think they let loose stingers, because I was stung all over my back, my arms, my legs, my chest. I have these little pink welts all over, and they burn like fire. Oy, but especially the spot on my leg, where I was "attacked". My uncle pulled a contradictory on me, and, being in mixed company, I decided to finally argue his logic. All he could do was laugh at me. >:\ After bumping into a squid and sighting two other jellyfish (One which really got my little cousine very badly =/ ) I finally got home and took a shower....and found my face hurt not because of sea water, but because of sunburn. >_< Somehow, my eldest uncle knew I got home at 5:30 am the other night. Every single person was sound asleep in the house, and he lives quite a few miles from where we live. He must have paid a guard to tell him or something <.<;; *feels very paranoid* Aye, I better be going, as it is almost 4 am, and, like I said, he is a scary guy when angry, but kinda terrifying when he is angry at you. And remember: Dont let the jellyfish sting.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2004

If you keep that look on your face, it is going to become permanent. Not good for Grandma's birthday, funerals, or when the cops pull you over for a sobriety test....

I am ready to implode, explode, or punch somone's lights out. Or maybe I could do it all, in that order. Rwar >:O One of the customs here that is most defidently not common in the States is hand holding. Nah, I am not talking about the romantic type, or the parent/child type, I mean, I guess it is out of friendship. Unless it is romantic, it is girl/girl, guy/guy. I mean, the only thing I dont like about somone holding my hand is that it is so hot here, and hands get all sweaty and stuff. Edit: Now that Sarah mentioned it, both guys and girls hook arms, but not girl/guy, unless it is romantic. The guys, when they just hang out outside and are just messing around, wrestling and stuff, while they are laughing, they hug each other. Tis a very rare sight for me, to see guys that are friends, hugging each other. I think it is nice, you know? I spew negativity! *spews toxic negativity* I am looking at her picture, her pretty face, her charming smile. Who am I, to compete? To even think that I can be better, or even achieve something like it. I hate people, I really do. Most people should die, as they are hateful decieteful handicapped flawed creatures. Or I hate life. I cant tell anymore. Nor does it matter, really.

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Sunday, August 1, 2004

Is it the dawn of a new day? Is this all you have to say?

The oldest uncle was telling me it was my duty as a girl to marry. I (stupidly) informed him that I didnt want to report to somone my whole life. My American aunt, she cant go swimming, because her husband said so. No, swimming isnt against our religion, her husband just doesnt want her to do it. He also doesnt want her to take herself or the kids to the movies, because now he thinks thats bad too. *roles eyes* Why doesnt he just give her a cerfew, and have her address him as Sir? I want somone to advise me, not outright tell me what I can and cant do. I can understand something like "I dont want you to cheat on me and have affairs". I dont understand "You cant go swimming, go to the movies, or have any fun whatsoever." I dont want to report on what I am doing on the hour, to have my husband tell me when and who I can go outside with. I dont want him telling me I cant go outside by myself, or without him. My religion doesnt say for this to happen. Its the stupid guys. >:O I pretty much believe now, that marriages cant last more than 10 years or so. If they stay together longer, it is probably out of habit, or they are harboring secrets from each other. Whee. Hey, dont give me some dissertation on how you need a better look on life. I am only going on what I see. <.<;;; =X Or all this could be babbling from me feeling so weak. I cant eat anything, because I think I am pretty sick, and I feel....wilted, from the heat, and no energy to speak of. My cousines bought BB guns. The little dorks shoot each other, raising plenty of welts, screaming, fighting, wrestling, tears. Geesh. >:/ I have (most of) my music, at least. That makes me happy ^_^ Mhm. Time differences say I come online around 8 in the morning or so. So if you are awake, and feel like talking to me, have a go at AIM or something. The lines on the road are for decoration. The stop lights are very hidden. Every taxi ride is a chilling adventure. Honestly. o.o;; I am going to go, as I feel kinda miserable, and I have to finish an e-mail telling my sister what to tell my mom, about college loans. I really hope this is one thing she can "help" me with. *makes a face*

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Saturday, July 31, 2004

The things you find, wandering around a tad lost in the confusion of streets in a foreign language....

Like an internet cafe. See, what is really amazing about finding an internet cafe is that the most technologicaly advanced thing Port Said's city hall has could be the lighting system with the lightbulbs, and I dont think those even work. No computers, all records are stored in these hugeoungouse filing cabnets lining all the rooms and the hallways. The inside of the building is just as dirty as the street, if not dirtier. Ok, enough about that. If you are to ever go to Egypt, it is a huge huge help if you know Arabic. If they think you are American, the shop people will try to rip you off, because, as every one knows, Americans are filthy rich. Yes, I learned that the hard way. u_u Mhm, lets see. The color pink is huge here. The women here are big on fashion. Tom and Jerry are pretty popular, as are Micky Mouse and stuff like that. And I cant find postcards. Yet. T_T Most Egyptians are pretty ani-American. *hides* Heh. No one has bothered me yet, and I am pretty thankful about that. My aunt, who wears a scarf, has had more problems because of it. "You cant be a Muslim if you are American" Most of the people around here are still stuck in the past. "We are pretty great, we created the pyramids, we created such and such." That was a long time ago, people. Honestly. On the way to the airport, my aunt was telling me about how when the kids visited the pyramids, all were extremely bored, except for one. My cousine Ahmed was thrilled, and kept trying to explain to everyone who had ears the concept of Yu-Gi-Oh. The tour guid was very very clueless, as was my uncle. I found that story to be extremely amusing XD My one uncle has really mellowed out. When I got there, he gave me one hypocritical speech, and that was it. Of course, it was about my weight, and he gave it to me because I didnt want to eat. "Do you not want to eat because you dont like what is here, or because you dont want to gain weight?" o.- But nothing about not wearing a scarf. *falls over in shock* That uncle is the oldest sibling in the family. To make things less confusing, I will refere to him as the oldest from now on, as I have only met one other uncle from here, and I think the rest are far away, so I dont think I will be meeting anymore uncles. I met my one other uncle and his family. (The uncle that used to live in Japan) His wife was telling me in broken English about how her family was pretty accepted there. Putting together from what I have heard, including the foreign exchange student, Japanese people dont like you if you are white and from America. I really really like that uncle and his family. I mean, they act different from everyone else, and that is great. I found out the oldest uncle was a captain, a general, in the military. Lead fights in a war, got many metals. I found that is why he is pretty respected, as I guess he was sorta famouse at one point. The respect part might help because he is a pretty big guy <.<;; I found my dad was a pretty popular guy. When my uncle tells people I am my dad's oldest daughter, they get all happy excited and stuff, and I get this funny feeling inside. I dont know what it is. My dad was also in the military, but it was required that all guys go, so, yeah. Because he was going to school for enginering stuffs, he was supposed to train in the military for a General or something, but he had a lot of connections and friends, and got in as a soldier, which meant that he only had to serve a few years, and didnt move around a lot. I came across a lot more information about family and stuff. The stuff I found out, it changes what/how I thought about many things and situations. I am so upstet ;_; *curls up* *sigh* I have to learn to deal, you know? I just really hate it when I am the very last to know things, especially when it does concern me =/ It is so incredibly hot here. Yes, I knew it was going to be hot, but I didnt think it was going to be hot-sweaty droopy hot. Where I live now, it is right by the beach. It is so beautiful here, but I know it would be so much more so if they cleaned the sand on the beach. I think sometime next week, my uncle and his family (the one I like) and us are going on some kind of trip. Of course, because I am the last to know things, I dont know what kind it is. I heard whisps that it is some kind of cruise or something. *shrugs* Everyone here, meaning my aunt and cousines from America, have been drinking bottled water. I was given a cup of tap water to drink, and I, not knowing (Ok, not thinking!) drank it. I have been pretty sick-ish since then >_< Ah well. It happends =P They have two or three music channels here. A lot of it is pop type music. Just about every single girl in the music videos dress scantily. MTV and such in America still shows more skin, if that is possible to imagine. But please, dont try. I would prefere my O not be responsible for any dirty thoughts and such ^_~ I sleep in the room that has three beds, which means I room with my three boy cousins. They try to keep me up, talking about Dragon Ball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, ect, ect. All my cousins like to pull out my cd's, and make fun of the cover pictures. Heh. Most people around here wake up 9-10-11 am ish, and go to sleep 12-1-2 pm ish. Shops open around 10, 11, close from 1-2-3 untill 5-7, and stay open untill 12, 1, 2 ish. Very very different from what I am used to. The airplane ride was 11 1/2 hours long. There was a bit of rough patches (much much much rumbly shaking, scared me too much u_u ) And then, at the end, the plane had trouble landing, and circled around a bit on it's side. Made for a very ...interesting expirience. *is very glad everyone had their seatbelts on* Oy, I miss you guys so much. I am ready to go home. *nods* Edit: I mean home, USA. Not my actuall house. I am a lot better, because I am not there. Like recovery or something 0.o

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Sunday, July 25, 2004

I gave it away, and I cant get it back untill it cant be broken anymore.

And it is breaking repeatedly, cracks retracing the not yet fixed paths of shortly before. >:O I am so incredibly dissapointed. I have wanted to talk to somone for such a long time, and every time I sneak online, they aren't on. So I pull a record 8, 9 hours, and they still haven't come. No, I dont expect everyone online all the time, to cater to my whims >:O My aunt bought me a very expensive digital camera that the dealer told me was a webcam, too. It isnt. It does a lot of things I dont want. But at least, it is supposed to take good night pictures. That's what he said, anyways >:| I feel bad, because I sound like a brat. No, I havent told her any of this, and I dont want to make her go through lots of trouble to try to return it, to find that the store isnt open on Sundays. Which is what I think today is. It feels like it could be Friday still. =X Ugh. It is 6 am now, I believe. In 6 or 7 hours, I have to be at the airport. In 4 or 5 hours, I have to repack, and possiby get yelled at for coming home without wearing a scarf, which would indicate I was running around yesterday without one (Yeah, I wasn't). My two American aunts had to corner the uncle that was deported (I purposly dont give names. It is to protect me <.<;;) and gave him a huge speech telling him sternly not to give me speeches about my weight, about me not wearing a scarf, about how I should be more like him, or like my brother, or be a better Muslim, about how I am going to hell, because I am not a good enough Muslim (Because I dont wear a scarf. Oooh *makes a face*), about how I should lose weight (He is a huge guy! Honest to goodness! I dont know where he thinks he is coming from, as it is extremely hiporcytical. Extremely! >:O ) About how I need to be a better person in general. If I had school, he would add that I needed to study more and get better grades, but thank goodness, I am not in at the moment. No, it wouldnt matter what my grades were, whatever they were, they could be much much better. They could be more like my brother's, for instance. But of course I cant help it, because boys are so much more smarter than girls. >:| Of course, he will repeat the losing weight bit repetively, end the critisism overview with that point, and finally, after he has run out of energy, enthusiasm and will, he will offer me some kind of junk food. He does the cycle at every oppertunity, and it really ticks me off every time. I woke up yesterday at 11 am, and I have yet to sleep. When and if I finally do, it will be technically tommorow. Will that make it three or four days? *Rwars at time differences and her anxiousness* *Rwars at herself* >:| Meh. I really am excited about my trip, I really am. I am really grateful for the once in a lifetime chance to go, and I know I sound like a complete and utter brat when I say it, but I wish things for once could go my way. Even just a little. For some reason, I keep expecting something to delay me from going completely. Say, like getting run over by a car in Manhatten, for instance. >:| It makes me very glad I didnt drive here. We walked a total of about 25-30 blocks. I dont hurt from it (Ok, ok, not that much) but I feel weary mentally. I need coffee or something T_T Aye, I guess when I come back, I can get a webcam seperate. =\ I had forgotten the ways of the city, but I soon caught on. It starled me, to see the sky looking the way it does. I am very suprised there arent masses of people gasping in the streets, from the way it looks so...smoggy. o.- Of all the days I have been here, I have yet to see one single roach. Nononononononono, not that I am looking for them, I am pretty freaked out by them. When I came, I tensed up everytime I turned a corner, lifted a something, expecting some silly little roach to come racing out, to scare me half to death. Actually, all the no shows so far are making me a tad suspiciouse. I know for a fact they didnt extinct. *shivers* I bought pocky for the two little girl cousins that originally came from Japan. Of course, their dad is my dad's brother, and was born and raised in Port Sayed, but he moved to Japan for a long long time, right after the first girl was born. I believe the oldest girl is 10, same age as my youngest sister. The second was born in Japan, and both, I am told, are obsessed with anything anime and or having to do with Japan. They will like my gift of pocky. =D But the Egyptian heat will melt it all together >:| My black fleece pants rock. Just a random fact. I had a nice long talk with Ginny in the wee hours of the morning(Maladjusted). Honest to goodness, she is a really neat person. Go to her O. I am too something right now to remember how to make it a link, so I command you to go to my buddy list, search, click and go. Go I say! Good things will happen if you do. And I will send postcards and things, I promise. Yes, and things! Unless you dont want things, than say so in the comments box. I am ten visits away from 2,000, apparently. I bet this will happen while I am gone. Tsk. Oh well, lol, visits never mattered to me. That is just a very large number, 2,000 o.o;;;

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Twicks for the twade

I am not quite sure just how to start, lol. Aye, I will start from wherever, and go back and forth from there. It is hard to type on a keyboard that has Arabic letters on it too, as there are added buttons that make numerouse typos run amok. And it is very easy to tell that my uncle lives close to the not so healthy projects. Very close. My uncle is an unfortunate vict- I mean, user, of the AOL program. I dont like AOL >:| Not at all, not one bit. Mhm, I finally arrived in Newark at 9 at night. My brother and my uncle didnt come around untill like 9:15, 9:30. It didn't help that they parked four or five blocks away. X_+ Hey, it was hot and muggy humid outside =\ We finally get home, and my aunt tries to get me to eat. She kept insisting, and made up a huge plateful. When I was done, she commented many times on how I dont eat much at all X_+ o.o;; *cough* Mhm, my uncle switched my brother out of the boy's room, and into the girls room. It was so that me and my aunt could sleep in the boy's room, which has two beds, and he could sleep alone in the girl's room, which has a wee little bed no adult can sleep on, and a regular sided bed. I peeked into the boys room, and the walls were adorned with a Lord Of The Rings poster, and about a total of a hundred DBZ stickers. I peeked into the girls room, and it was heavy with the theme of Barbie dolls, down to the sheets. I snickered at my brother, while he looked pained. He turned off the light, grimacing, saying it was going to need off a lot. My aunt guilted me into wearing a headscarf in public, while I am staying here and in Egypt. Just the way she put things bothered/annoyed me. A part of me is doing it to make her happy (and be quiet =X ), and a part of me feels very guilty for not wearing it long before. Heh, maybe Azure wont recognize me now, mhm? =P And it was brought to my attention, I will blend in completely if I wear it. Meaning, if there are extremists or whatever retards, they will think I was born there, a native and not an American tourist or whatever. Mhm, I wonder if I could come off as a native? I learned I have an accent <.<;; So, last night, for the first time in 8 years, I slept on a bed that wasnt 3 inches off the floor. And that felt really weird. And I found that heat and humidity in a city is much more unbearable than in the country, it seems. Or I could be imagining it. I dunno. Today, for the first time in yes, you guessed it, 8 years! I went to a Mosque. I felt out of place, a puzzle peice from a different puzzle. Every single person on there spoke Arabic to each other, even the wee little kids. And I didnt understand a word of it. u_u (Has a drive to try to learn it now) Eventually, I started mingling with the other girls around my age when my aunt re-introduced me to her best friend's kid. I remembered her when she was like 5 or so. It startled me, because she is 14 now, obviously very unrecognizable, with two siblings, I believe. I never met them before, though, her sister looks amazingly like her when she was little. (They dont look much alike now, which is why it is amazing.) When some of the girls realized who my aunt was, their eyes grew huge and asked me if I was related to my cousins (They listed off all 5) When I said yeah, they told me the oldest, at least, was kinda bad. lol, The way the one girl talked about him, it make me wonder if she liked him or something. *smiles* Spent 4 1/2 hours at the mall, mostly clothes shopping. Yeah, I was wearing the scarf. At times, I wanted to just pull it off, because it was so hot and irritatingly itchy. Eh, I lived. I forgot all the hostility that comes with wearing it. Either that, or I forgot that most NJ people are mean, annoyed for no apparent reason, and abrupt. <.<;; I snuck into Suncoast and bough My Neighbor Totoro =) But I cant watch it untill I come back home >_< Mhm, lets see.... Tommorow, we are going back to the mall (I dont wanna buy anymore clothes u_u) and meet up with my aunt from Manhatten, NY. I have to buy a camera, as the (very nice one) I lent my brother for his senior trip kinda got theived. Which is why I dont have it anymore. Makes sense. And I am going to stay at her appartment tommorow night. Whee, sleeping in a different state =P She plans on taking me out to breakfast, then comming back here, to my Uncle's house. Final clean up packing, then going off to the airport, to get a visa, and come in three hours earlier than takeoff (I have to get there a few hours earlier than that, because of the forgoten visa thing u_u) Aye, it is very odd, because just the atmosphere of the house, of the Mosque, it was untying all these failsafe knots I had tied up tight inside me. I dont quite know what will happen if they are all get untied, but the thought thurougly scares me. =\ I mean, for the first time in (Yes, you guessed right again, 8 years) I had a sense of safety. And like I told Shin, I ironicly thought that right as I heard a gunshot go off near the house, and soon after, police sirens creepily close. And I still felt safe, even after that. 0.o Aye, I am an odd one =P It feels like an odd dream, to be back here, in NJ. I think we are pretty close to where we used to live, Sip Ave, dead end street, closed off by a fenced in graveyard (Dead end street? Closed off by a graveyard? Coincidence? Completely.) NJ was home, for a long long time, and I oddly dont associate anything bad that happend here with the places itself. Maybe it means I got over that stuff, which is wonderful news. Eh, sometimes it bugs me, gets to me, but I am not angry at anyone per se. I am just angry the stuff happend. Eh, I could go on a long time about this, but I would much rather not. Aye, and NY too. Brooklyn NY was home, more namely 57 Prospect Park, SW. I wanna visit there, just to look around. It is going to be very hard on me, I can feel it, but I still want to do it. The stuff that happend there still makes me sad =\ I wonder if I will ever have that chance.... Oy, when I come back, I wanna explore Chinatown, just because from what little I have gotten from it, it was very very interesting. Speaking of Chinatown, right before I got on my train, I noticed an Asian looking girl with us at the platform. She was wearing a bright orange shirt, which is one of the reasons she stood out. Pluse, Asian people are very rare around here, unless they are college students. When the train finally came (Oh yeah, it was an hour late >:| ) the conducter seated us both together. She fell asleep, I listened to music. Eventually, we both started talking, and I found she is 17 (highschool), and was at Juniata College for volleyball camp. She had come from China the year before, and I found that really neat. She said China is exactly like Chinatown, but better. I dunno, I think she needs to make that decicion after getting some life expirience, especially since she told me about how it is against China law to have more than one kid, and when she was 5, her grandparents suddenly had a wee little baby living with them. Untill a year ago, she thought it was a cousine, but was really her little sister. I find that kinda sad, you know? =\ So close and so far away. Neither her or her parents got close to her. Aye, Sunday, the 11 hour flight. Tomorow is going to go fast, I believe. I miss you guys =\

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Running rushing

Lots of rushing to do, before I go. No, it wasnt the procrastinator's fault >:O Well, maybe a little. Aye, I will make an effort to update once more, before Sunday, before I go. Its so weird, to look around where I sit, and know I wont see this place for a very very long time. And then college is very soon after I come back, so yeah. And I feel guilty when I know that I wont miss it one bit. I am going to miss you guys, though. But hey, there will soon be a postcard flood in the US mail system. ^_~

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