Monday, February 14, 2005

Roses are FF0000

Aye. About the phone thing. It was inevitable, this situation. Really, it's no one's fault but my own, for not...knowing about Verizon's secret charges? I read the papers that came with it, and apparently, they didnt say as much as the other papers that came in the mail much later to my aunt, as the account is in her name. My uncle suprised me with how he handled the situation, yesterday. I expected him to yell at me and stuff, but he didnt. I expected him to try to get me to pay for this bill, at least, and he isnt. He is going to use it as his own, for bussiness purposes, to try to absorb the bill into his construction bussiness costs, untill the 2 year contract is over. (Heh, he thinks it's only 1 year, he didnt read the papers like I did...) It was very nice of him, to do that. *smiles* But..hmm. He might not have thrown a fit over this, being worn out from Saturday? Saturday here, to put it short and bluntly, was a very mentally unhealthy place to be. My cousin somehow involved himself with someone who stole the neighbor girl's shoes (remember the day I was knocked in the head by a ball of ice? It goes back to that day u.u ), the girl wouldnt stop ringing the doorbell and leaving a million messages on the machine, everyone diliberately not answering either door or phone, me finally going outside to hear her side of the story (I had already heard my cousin's side, and...he always gets himself involved into fights or neighborhood drama.) The shoes that were taken have a lot of sentimental value (given to her by her deadbeat psychotic dad, who is lucky to remember he has 10 or so kids he abandoned along with their mom ), and so and so. She was so upset, I was going to comfort her, when my cousine and the NY aunt came outside and made things a lot worse. I like to study people. Body language, reactions, typical behavior. An observation I have noted is how when in an argument with anyone, you should never yell. When you yell at somone, they get defensive, and things usually only get worse. I've noticed when people get defensive, they arent going to listen to your reason. The way you word your sentences is also something you need to watch; you should never say accusing type things directly. If somone did something that hurt you, you need to put it in a "When you did this, I felt" or "When that happend, I was angry/hurt/ect" type format. I see that usually keeps the discussion/arugment calm. *Has used said tactics with her mom, to test, try, and prove her own observations.* Heh, so these rules are tried and true for me, at least. But then there are people like my uncle, who usually doesnt listen to other people's reasoning, especially if they are a non-Egyptian female. 0.o Anyways.... The NY aunt obviously knows none of these rules, thus making things worse. I never expected my cousin to know better, because he is a dork. But the NY aunt is a full grown 60 something year old adult. *sighs and shakes head* Eh. When my uncle came home, there was a lot of yelling from him, him telling my aunt that she is a terrible mom, and she is raising her kids to be bad people, they arent fit for society, ect. (this isnt the first time he's said that stuff to her), her getting upset, all the adults arguing in general. Then the mom of the owner of the stolen shoes comes home from work, and over to our house. More yelling ensued, but I was in the bedroom, and fell asleep near the begining, around 5pm-ish. Woke up around 9:30 ish; the tension in the air was much worse than in the morning/before my uncle came. Fell back asleep around 3-ish. *grins* When I woke up Sunday, the aunt I live with grinned and told me she heard me singing last night/early morning. Aleia:! Aunt: *has this look on her face, and is still grinning* Aleia:....I thought everyone was asleep. u.u;;; Haha, that was embarrasing. XD I guess that means I can only sing when everyone is out of the house. =P Hmm..Sunday. I mostly stayed in the girl's room, reading bits of books, Bio text book, listening to music. In the middle of the book reading did the NY aunt come inside the room, and shakily demanded the phone. After reasoning with her, she let me keep the phone for a few minutes, to copy down all the numbers I had stored in there (All song titles I kept in the notepad part, I forgot to write out before I reformated everything =( ), and to just erase any trace of me in general. It felt funny, when my uncle called me into the room he was in, to show him how to use my the phone. u.u;; *shakes head and sighs* It isnt the end of the world, but it did help make things a bit easier. I mean, I wont point this out to my uncle, because I dont feel like putting up with his scoffing, but it did help when Summer's mom wanted me to babysit, and all she had to do was call my cell phone. Now I kinda have to make sure that I am home before 6, in case she needs me to babysit. Yeah, I know I'm not required to be that available, but my wallet/bank account says I do, so untill I get a regular job, that's how it is. Hmm.. I woke up this morning, and threw on the first respectable shirt I found. When I got to school, I realized it was valentine's day, and the shirt I put on this morning is pink. XD Ah, that's kinda funny.... Did you know: A jackrabbit can travel more than 12 feet in one hop.

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Sunday, February 13, 2005

*SLAM*

To those who have my cell phone number: Please dont call it anymore. That includes texting. Most defidently, texting is not allowed. Hmm...lets see. I think that about covers it. Oh yeah! If you do call it, you'll most likely be calling either my uncle, or one of his construction workers. Funny how I was never "obsessed" with my (former) phone. I mean, unless somone told me they were going to call me at a certain time, I never kept it out, unless I was charging it. It was always either in my purse, or in my purse in my bookbag. In either case, you cant ever hear it if its in either places. And I was just fine with that. I mean, most other people I see around in school and such always either have it in their hands or in a pant pocket. And even then, they are always taking it out often, to check to see if they missed a call. 0.o;; This feeling of a broken heart, of defeat, I think I have it because it was kinda my last link to the "outside world", with good friends, with people I keep close, people I confide in. I dont have that here within over a hundred mile radius. My phone made distance moot, and now... Yeah.

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Friday, February 11, 2005

http://artpad.art.com/?ibro7iizonk Exploring stuff better than paint. Have fun. =)

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*Eats AOL parental controles*

*raises eyebrow* Last night, when I hit the "Add Post" button, I watched the progress bar on the bottom of the screen. One little green block...two....and then nothing. The AOL parental controles booted me off a bit earlier than expected. I think my uncle fiddled around with the controles a bit, and thus the earlier time. 0.o. So there be the stuff meant for yesterday. I might post stuff meant for today afore I go off to Bio class. *points down* I firmly believe when severe psychotic patients are released from wherever, they are set smack in the middle of Jersey City. There really is no other explanation for this place. *shakes head* Mhm. Yesterday, I posted the post below at school. Walk home, I can feel tension from half a block away. Heard it from one and half away, though. <.<;; Get closer to find that my 15 year old cousin had started mass fights/wars/stuff (again) with the other neighborhood boys. Being the dumbass that he is, he took a very large kitchen knife outside and threatened to kill all of them with it. They, being the smartasses that they are, started throwing ice at the house/windows/innocent unsuspecting family members coming back from a long day at school. Thus began the downward spiral that was my night. And early morning, if I am going to get all technical on everyone. ;P Made it inside with only a bump on my head (Only!) Before going inside the house though, I calmly pointed out they had hit me, and I got a whole chorus of apologies from the boys behind the fence. Apparently, they weren’t really looking/aiming/caring where they were throwing. I pointed out how that was a bad idea; what if I was my uncle? They all went very quiet at that thought, and to remedy the enormous pothole I had just pointed out in their plan, they appointed the best throwers to stand on other kids' shoulders. *rolls eyes* Eheh. Got inside; did some homework, talked briefly on AIM. Left because babysitting was required. I put on my coat and was heading towards the door, when my uncle walked in. Very angry, he was. One of the kids my cousin was waring with went and told my uncle something about stuff of his being stolen by a certain someone. *shrugs* He saw me with my coat on, and angrily asked me where I was going. I replied I had babysitting, and endured severe sarcastic biting remarks, such as "Ah, ma'shallah, babysitting every single night?" *mimics him* No, amo Ali. When I say I'm going babysitting right around the corner of the block where it is incredibly easy for you to check on me at any random time, I'm really going bar hopping and doing sexual favors to get alcohol, as I am still underage to get any legally. =) ;;; *cough* Yes! Babysitting… Oh goodness goodness. *sighs* From 7:30 to 12 midnight, there was a lot of ear piercing screaming, Summer calling her dad at work to tell him I pushed her (I didn’t, but there goes my babysitting career if they believe her u.u ), keeping Summer out of my coat pockets (she always wants to play with my "cellaphone" u.u), random kids accidentally on purpose opening all the doors on the birdcage that’s on top of the fridge that houses a vicouse finger-hungry bird, violent fighting all around on the part of Hannah, Summer running outside barefoot in the cold rain and not listening to me in general. As you can tell. (Where we live, there is a lot of broken glass from broken-in car windows/alcohol containers. Did I ever mention I tripped on a hospital needle lying on the sidewalk once? Running around barefoot outside is just asking for some kind of disease. Or at least a lengthy hospital visit.). Also included the second I tried to have a few seconds to myself (It was almost 11pm at this point), Summer tugged on my shirt, telling me the police were on the phone and wanted to talk to me. Picked up the phone, turns out one of the kids was playing around and accidentally/on purpose called them and hung up. So Aleia learned that it's police policy that when such kinds of calls happen, they call back to check to see if it's a real emergency. *blushes hard* I apologized profusely, while the officer lightly scolded me and told me to keep a better eye on the kids I am babysitting. *blush blush* ;;; From 7:30 to 12 midnight, the kids wouldn’t allow any music to play except this CD that their mom has. It’s filled to the brim with twangy country music. And they kept replaying it on this certain particular song. That song was/is killing me inside. It was agonizing, to hear it for all those hours, incessantly. Let alone it was the same song over and over again, but IT WAS A COUNTRY SONG. *dies* Around 11:30 the kids threw in some kind of scary movie. I stared at the clock and whimpered. Where were their parents at so late at night?!?!? Kayla, the three year old, heard me, patted my hand reassuringly and said “Don’t be scared Aleia, it’s only a movie.” *points* That there is classic. *grins and chuckles* Parents finally came; I was so dead tired. They explained that they had to pay me later, as they had no cash on them now. I didn’t care; I just wanted to get out of there and go to sleep. Finally get home. Wash up, get ready for bed. Brush sticky candy sticks, wrappers, crumbs and whatever else my cousins leave on my bed/things while I’m gone. Crawl into bed. My mattress is weird, because it has a lot of hard planks, and not a lot of cushion stuffs. The kids always jump on my bed, so a lot of the cushion stuffs is worn away, leaving the planks sharply exposed under the mattress cloth. So you have to sleep on it in a certain way, or else you wake up hurting and bruised. But that bed felt so comfortable, I was so tired. I pull my comfortable blanket on and stretch out a bit…when all of a sudden; my feet and legs were covered in a cold wet sticky substance. Pull back the cover to see that it, my pajamas, myself and my whole bed in general was thickly covered in it. Turn on the blinding lights to see that a someone was working on a project on my bed, and left a hugeoungouse bottle of open glue on there. *cries* After I washed up again, I went to sleep on the couch I used to sleep on, afore I got a bed. All in a day, I finally got to bed around 1:30. u.u *half grins* Stuff happened today, but the parental controls my uncle set for AOL boot me off at 8:30… …And I believe this post is already way too long. >.<

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Wednesday, February 9, 2005

A promise from the heart: If we part, my pulse will guid you through.

Someday I want to let loose. To sing and dance without a care as to who sees or what they think; to fly sky high in giddy loops, unbridled happy ecstacy gushing everywhere inside until it almost hurts, till I can’t take it anymore. Come down like a sleepy wispy feather, comfortable and safe, knowing there’s a someone to catch me before I drift to the ground. Until that someone comes, here I wait, planted to the ground, to stare at the twinkling stars from leagues away. Heh. Babysitting tonight. I still feel funny, from yesterday, and I dunno why, exactly. I mean, I dont think talking to certain people last night, even briefly, it surely didnt help. It only complexed things up. I cant help people who dont wanna be helped. The only thing I can do is be there, let them know that, and just...be there. Sitting there hopelessly, afraid you might lose them, not wanting to drag stuff out, while they mock your attempts. Isnt it funny how a few words can change so many things? I think I need to go now. Did you know: I wouldn't have thought/remembered about Valentine's day, had I not gone to the mall recently. 0_o

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Points of interest.

February 8, 2005 Planet-Forming Process May Be Playing Out in Miniature By DENNIS OVERBYE Astronomers have found what they say may be a miniature solar system in the making. In the latest example of the apparent fecundity of nature, a tiny starlike object too small to be a star seems to be surrounded by a tiny disk of dust that could someday form planets, which could perhaps even be briefly capable of supporting life, according to observations. The discovery raises the possibility that astronomers will soon discover actual planets and habitable abodes around objects that are barely larger than planets themselves. The starlike body, only about 15 times as massive as the planet Jupiter, is the smallest object yet to be found with such a disk. With a temperature of 3,600 degrees Fahrenheit, it is also the coolest. As such, the object is not really a star at all, but a failed star known as a brown dwarf that is only barely bigger than the largest giant planets. "It's just incredible," said Dr. Kevin Luhman of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. "A little disk that could form planets around an object that is small enough itself to be a planet." Dr. Luhman led an international team of astronomers that observed the brown dwarf, known as OTS 44, using the Spitzer Space Telescope. He will be discussing his results this week at a meeting on extraterrestrial planets at the Aspen Center for Physics in Colorado.A paper describing the results will be published in The Astrophysical Journal Letters. Dr. Geoffrey W. Marcy of the University of California, Berkeley, said the report opened a new possible abode for life, on Earth-like planets orbiting brown dwarfs. "While these earths would be warmed up for only a few million years," he said in an e-mail message, "it is interesting to imagine what biochemistry might flicker valiantly during that brief period when the brown dwarf is luminous enough to warm up the earth, only to freeze over before Darwinian evolution can kick in." The work continues a recent trend in which astronomers using bigger and bigger telescopes have shifted their attention somewhat, from the biggest and brightest objects in the cosmos - supernova explosions, quasars and giant galaxies - to the smallest and dimmest. Little dim things far outnumber their more striking and violent cousins, and it is among these humbler denizens of the cosmos that astronomers must look for life or life-friendly conditions. The Spitzer Space Telescope, launched into orbit around the Sun in 2003, is the fourth and last of NASA's so-called Great Observatories. It is designed to see the infrared, or heat radiation emitted by celestial objects. Cool dim objects like small stars, brown dwarfs and planets emit electromagnetic radiation most strongly in infrared wavelengths, which are longer than those of visible light, and which can pass through interstellar dust clouds that often shroud new stars, but Earth's atmosphere blocks infrared light. And so prospective infrared astronomers have had to go to space, starting with the Infrared Astronomical Satellite, IRAS, in 1983, which discovered disks of dust around several stars, including Vega. Since then disks have been detected or have been inferred to exist around thousands of stars, including a few brown dwarfs. In December astronomers using Spitzer announced that they had detected the signatures of dusty disks around half a dozen stars already known to harbor giant planets, thereby closing the loop between disks and planets. By searching out the smallest dwarfs that have such disks, Dr. Luhman and his team hoped to learn more about how brown dwarfs formed and determine whether planets could exist around such objects. The brown dwarf, OTS 44, is part of a cluster of very young stars about 500 light-years away in the constellation Chamaeleon. When the astronomers looked at it with the Spitzer, they found that the brown dwarf was putting out excess heat at certain wavelengths, a signature of cooler material surrounding the brown dwarf. The extra heat, they calculated, was coming from a disk of dust and perhaps larger materials, extending 300,000 to 900 million miles from the dwarf star, about a tenth the size of the disk that formed our own solar system. They estimated that there was enough material in the little disk to make a planet like Jupiter or several smaller Earth-like planets. The disk around the brown dwarf is unlikely to have any planets, Dr. Luhman said; based on the ages of the stars in the cluster, the brown dwarf and its disk are only about a million years old. It could take 10 million years for the small bits and chunks of rock and dust to coagulate into planets. But he added, "There could be little embryos we can't see." A planet that orbited close enough to the brown dwarf could even be briefly habitable, meaning that liquid water could exist on it, Dr. Luhman said. This "habitable zone," as astronomers call it, would extend from one million to four million miles from the brown dwarf, well within the confines of the disk, according to theory. But as the brown dwarf cools, Dr. Luhman explained, this zone will sweep in, quickly at first and then ever more slowly. That means that the fate of a planet depends on where it is. A planet in the center of the zone now could look forward to a few tens of millions of years of habitability, he said. But he added that theorists had no idea how and if such planets would form to begin with. Nor do they know whether life could arise in the brief time allotted. Other astronomers said it was a little too early to start speculating about life or prebiotic chemistry around a brown dwarf. Dr. Alan Boss, a planetary theorist at the Carnegie Institution of Washington, said, "The biggest impact of this discovery may be to force theorists to consider the possibility of planet formation around objects which are so low in mass that they are on the verge of being called planets themselves." It is not too soon, he said, to start worrying about what to call some of these things. Four years ago, astronomers discovered a dozen or so objects with masses estimated at 5 to 15 Jupiters amid new stars and gas clouds in the Orion nebula. They named them free-floating "planets," to the dismay of most astronomers, who object that planets are things that revolve around stars. A committee of the International Astronomical Union came up instead with the name "sub-brown dwarfs." The confusion has been compounded lately by the recent "weighing" of a putative brown dwarf in the constellation Doradus, which suggest that some of these cosmic small fry, like brown dwarfs, might be more massive than they look. If this is true, the free-floating planets may actually be brown dwarfs, and some brown dwarfs may actually be small stars. Dr. Laird Close of the University of Arizona, who made those measurements, said that even given the uncertainty in the brown dwarf's mass, OTS 44 was the smallest object yet found with an infrared excess - and thus probably a circumstellar disk. But in an e-mail message, he cautioned that this did not prove that 15-Jupiter-mass objects could form their own solar systems. Dr. Boss, chairman of the astronomical union's committee, said, "More classification headaches are likely to ensue as astronomers probe deeper and deeper into the backyards of the Sun's neighborhood." February 8, 2005 For the Worst of Us, the Diagnosis May Be 'Evil' By BENEDICT CAREY redatory killers often do far more than commit murder. Some have lured their victims into homemade chambers for prolonged torture. Others have exotic tastes - for vivisection, sexual humiliation, burning. Many perform their grisly rituals as much for pleasure as for any other reason. Among themselves, a few forensic scientists have taken to thinking of these people as not merely disturbed but evil. Evil in that their deliberate, habitual savagery defies any psychological explanation or attempt at treatment. Most psychiatrists assiduously avoid the word evil, contending that its use would precipitate a dangerous slide from clinical to moral judgment that could put people on death row unnecessarily and obscure the understanding of violent criminals. Still, many career forensic examiners say their work forces them to reflect on the concept of evil, and some acknowledge they can find no other term for certain individuals they have evaluated. In an effort to standardize what makes a crime particularly heinous, Dr. Michael Welner, an associate professor of psychiatry at New York University, has been developing what he calls a depravity scale, which rates the horror of an act by the sum of its grim details. And a prominent personality expert at Columbia University has published a 22-level hierarchy of evil behavior, derived from detailed biographies of more than 500 violent criminals. He is now working on a book urging the profession not to shrink from thinking in terms of evil when appraising certain offenders, even if the E-word cannot be used as part of an official examination or diagnosis. "We are talking about people who commit breathtaking acts, who do so repeatedly, who know what they're doing, and are doing it in peacetime" under no threat to themselves, said Dr. Michael Stone, the Columbia psychiatrist, who has examined several hundred killers at Mid-Hudson Psychiatric Center in New Hampton, N.Y., and others at Creedmoor Psychiatric Center in Queens, where he consults and teaches. "We know from experience who these people are, and how they behave," and it is time, he said, to give their behavior "the proper appellation." Western religious leaders, evolutionary theorists and psychological researchers agree that almost all human beings have the capacity to commit brutal acts, even when they are not directly threatened. In Dr. Stanley Milgram's famous electroshock experiments in the 1960's, participants delivered what they thought were punishing electric jolts to a fellow citizen, merely because they were encouraged to do so by an authority figure as part of a learning experiment. In the real world, the grim images coming out of Iraq -the beheadings by Iraqi insurgents and the Abu Ghraib tortures, complete with preening guards - suggest how much further people can go when they feel justified. In Nazi prisoner camps, as during purges in Kosovo and Cambodia, historians found that clerks, teachers, bureaucrats and other normally peaceable citizens committed some of the gruesome violence, apparently swept along in the kind of collective thoughtlessness that the philosopher Hannah Arendt described as the banality of evil. "Evil is endemic, it's constant, it is a potential in all of us. Just about everyone has committed evil acts," said Dr. Robert I. Simon, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown Medical School and the author of "Bad Men Do What Good Men Dream." Dr. Simon considers the notion of evil to be of no use to forensic psychiatry, in part because evil is ultimately in the eye of the beholder, shaped by political and cultural as well as religious values. The terrorists on Sept. 11 thought that they were serving God, he argues; those who kill people at abortion clinics also claim to be doing so. If the issue is history's most transcendent savages, on the other hand, most people agree that Hitler and Pol Pot would qualify. "When you start talking about evil, psychiatrists don't know anything more about it than anyone else," Dr. Simon said. "Our opinions might carry more weight, under the patina or authority of the profession, but the point is, you can call someone evil and so can I. So what? What does it add?" Dr. Stone argues that one possible benefit of including a consideration of evil may be a more clear-eyed appreciation of who should be removed from society and not allowed back. He is not an advocate of the death penalty, he said. And his interest in evil began long before President Bush began using the word to describe terrorists or hostile regimes. Dr. Stone's hierarchy of evil is topped by the names of many infamous criminals who were executed or locked up for good: Theodore R. Bundy, the former law school student convicted of killing two young women in Florida and linked to dozens of other killings in the 1970's; John Wayne Gacy of Illinois, the convicted killer who strangled more than 30 boys and buried them under his house; and Ian Brady who, with his girlfriend, Myra Hindley, tortured and killed children in England in a rampage in the 1960's known as the moors murders. But another killer on the hierarchy is Albert Fentress, a former schoolteacher in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., examined by Dr. Stone, who killed and cannibalized a teenager, in 1979. Mr. Fentress petitioned to be released from a state mental hospital, and in 1999 a jury agreed that he was ready; he later withdrew the petition, when prosecutors announced that a new witness would testify against him. At a hearing in 2001, Dr. Stone argued against Mr. Fentress's release, and the idea that the killer might be considered ready to make his way back into society still makes the psychiatrist's eyes widen. Researchers have found that some people who commit violent crimes are much more likely than others to kill or maim again, and one way they measure this potential is with a structured examination called the psychopathy checklist. As part of an extensive, in-depth interview, a trained examiner rates the offender on a 20-item personality test. The items include glibness and superficial charm, grandiose self-worth, pathological lying, proneness to boredom and emotional vacuity. The subjects earn zero points if the description is not applicable, two points if it is highly applicable, and one if it is somewhat or sometimes true. The psychologist who devised the checklist, Dr. Robert Hare, a professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, said that average total scores varied from below five in the general population to the low 20's in prison populations, to a range of 30 to 40 - highly psychopathic - in predatory killers. In a series of studies, criminologists have found that people who score in the high range are two to four times as likely as other prisoners to commit another crime when released. More than 90 percent of the men and a few women at the top of Dr. Stone's hierarchy qualify as psychopaths. In recent years, neuroscientists have found evidence that psychopathy scores reflect physical differences in brain function. Last April, Canadian and American researchers reported in a brain-imaging study that psychopaths processed certain abstract words - grace, future, power, for example - differently from nonpsychopaths. In addition, preliminary findings from new imaging research have revealed apparent oddities in the way psychopaths mentally process certain photographs, like graphic depictions of accident scenes, said Dr. Kent Kiehl, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale, a lead author on both studies. No one knows how significant these differences are, or whether they are a result of genetic or social factors. Broken homes and childhood trauma are common among brutal killers; so is malignant narcissism, a personality type characterized not only by grandiosity but by fantasies of unlimited power and success, a deep sense of entitlement, and a need for excessive admiration. "There is a group we call lethal predators, who are psychopathic, sadistic, and sane, and people have said this is approaching a measure of evil, and with good reason," Dr. Hare said. "What I would say is that there are some people for whom evil acts - what we would consider evil acts - are no big deal. And I agree with Michael Stone that the circumstances and context are less important than who they are." Checklists, scales, and other psychological exams are not blood tests, however, and their use in support of a concept as loaded as evil could backfire, many psychiatrists say. Not all violent predators are psychopaths, for one thing, nor are most psychopaths violent criminals. And to suggest that psychopathy or some other profile is a reliable measure of evil, they say, would be irresponsible and ultimately jeopardize the credibility of the profession. In the 1980's and 1990's, a psychiatrist in Dallas earned the name Dr. Death by testifying in court, in a wide variety of cases, that he was certain that defendants would commit more crimes in the future - though often, he had not examined them. Many were sentenced to death. "I agree that some people cannot be rehabilitated, but the risk in using the word evil is that it may mean one thing to one psychiatrist, and something else to another, and then we're in trouble, " said Dr. Saul Faerstein, a forensic psychiatrist in Beverly Hills. "I don't know that we want psychiatrists as gatekeepers, making life-and-death judgments in some cases, based on a concept that is not medical." Even if it is used judiciously, other experts say, the concept of evil is powerful enough that it could obscure the mental troubles and intellectual quirks that motivate brutal killers, and sometimes allow them to avoid detection. Mr. Bundy, the serial killer, was reportedly very romantic, attentive and affectionate with his own girlfriends, while he referred to his victims as "cargo" and "damaged goods," Dr. Simon noted. Mr. Gacy, a gracious and successful businessman, reportedly created a clown figure to lift the spirits of ailing children. "He was a very normal, very functional guy in many respects," said Dr. Richard Rappaport, a forensic psychiatrist based in La Costa, Calif., who examined Mr. Gacy before his trial. Dr. Rappaport said he received holiday cards from Mr. Gacy every year before he was executed. "I think the main reason it's better to avoid the term evil, at least in the courtroom, is that for many it evokes a personalized Satan, the idea that there is supernatural causation for misconduct," said Dr. Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist in Newport Beach, Calif., who examined the convicted serial murderer Jeffrey Dahmer, as well as Lyle and Erik Menendez, who were convicted of murdering their parents in Beverly Hills. "This could only conceal a subtle important truth about many of these people, such as the high rate of personality disorders," Dr. Dietz said. He added: "The fact is that there aren't many in whom I couldn't find some redeeming attributes and some humanity. As far as we can tell, the causes of their behavior are biological, psychological and social, and do not so far demonstrably include the work of Lucifer." The doctors who argue that evil has a place in forensics are well aware of these risks, but say that in some cases they are worth taking. They say it is possible - necessary, in fact, to understand many predatory killers - to hold inside one's head many disparate dimensions: that the person in question may be narcissistic, perhaps abused by a parent, or even charming, affectionate and intelligent, but also in some sense evil. While the term may not be appropriate for use in a courtroom or a clinical diagnosis, they say, it is an element of human nature that should not be ignored. Dr. Angela Hegarty, director of psychiatry at Creedmoor who works with Dr. Stone, said she was skeptical of using the concept of evil but realized that in her work she found herself thinking and talking about it all the time. In 11 years as a forensic examiner, in this country and in Europe, she said, she counts four violent criminals who were so vicious, sadistic and selfish that no other word could describe them. One was a man who gruesomely murdered his own wife and young children and who showed more annoyance than remorse, more self-pity than concern for anyone else affected by the murders. On one occasion when Dr. Hegarty saw him, he was extremely upset - beside himself - because a staff attendant at the facility where he lived was late in arriving with a video, delaying the start of the movie. The man became abusive, she said: he insisted on punctuality.

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Tuesday, February 8, 2005

All forms of release

Oh, you know you want it. ^_~ Today. Woke myself up; it was 9:10. It's weird. Seems if I go to sleep before 2 am, I always wake up 9:10. ...9, 10! Ok, ok, Imma stop. <.<;; Filled out applications; bought a bookbag that was long overdue, blah blah blah. Babysat again. They got a new bird, and I felt so bad for it, because the 3 (Kayla) and 4 year old (Hannah) were kinda torturing it by poking their fingers through and trying to pull feathers. They know the bird bites, too u.u It was more Kayla than Hannah, and I eventually put the bird on top of the fridge. Kayla threw a screaming crying fit that lasted for 10 minutes. It would have went a lot lot longer, untill Alisa (one of the 2 year old twins) gave Kayla the bottle of chocolate milk that I made for her (Alisa). Alisa is so sweet, honestly. I just love her so much ^.^ *wants to huggle her* They had stuff called Char. Pickled mango; really hot hot and spicey spicey. I had to open the container for the kids who wanted it (Only Summer and Hannah, but I think Hannah wanted it just because Summer told her she was too young to eat spicey hot food), and the strong smell of cumin and other spices I know but cant identify hit me really hard. I bet the strong smell could almost burn your nose hairs, if you smelled it too closely. =X I only mention that because soon Hannah started throwing bits of it in her soda, then kept flinging her soda on my shirt. Eeehhh.... u.u;;; Somehow, in all of the middle of this, there was an incident that involved me walking into the backroom, where a little flame was scurring towards me. Aleia: .....Can I ask why there's a flame scurrying towards me? Summer: I tried to light this match I found and tried to give it to Hannah to blow out, but she dropped it and it landed on a roach ^.^ Hannah: ;;;; Aleia: 0.o;;; I momentarily lost track of the roach (It was aflame, for goodness sakes! Last thing I needed was for it to crawl inside the wall and...) Found it; put it out. *cringes* Anyways. When I woke up today, I was told that yesterday a whole bunch of people that parked across the street had gotten tickets from the street cleaning people. So yeah, that stuff started again. The only place I could find to park was in front of the little church across the street's driveway, so I parked there, ran inside (It was freezing cold out, and here I am, running around outside in my pajamas u.u ) and kept an eye out in case one of the church peoples needed in. Walk inside the house, and all of a sudden, somone outside has their horn going all crazy and stuff. I run outside, to see that a guy had driven on the sidewalk to get to the gated entrance of the church parking lot. I ran across the street and apologized to him. I explained that I couldnt find any other parking, *pointed to very apparent flat tire* and said I am hesitant to go around the block, because of it. He was a bit fumbly with his replies, and seemed a bit distracted. I glanced to where his eyes seemed to keep coming back to, and then it hits me as to what he is distracted by. And-ack-Rwar! >:O I'm the retard for running around outside in the cold, in my bed clothes. *is kinda angry at herself* He explained that most other people would have called somone to get my car ticketed, but that he wont do that to me. Lesson learned: Sexuality can be convincing. >:| *shakes head* I was going to write some letters today, and I wanted to find a colored pen. ..And I couldnt find any. Aleia: I have a million trillion colored pens; where on earth could I have put them?!? 0.o I finally dragged out the big-ish suitcase I keep all my things in, and started going through it. Found a lot of things I had forgotten about, so finding colored pens took a bit longer than called for. So most of Aleia's morning was spent being all nostalgic, remenicing in a thoughtful way, and thinking about how dumb I was as a kid and all the stupid things I did/got myeslf into. I remember at times life felt like some kinda crazy cartoon or sitcom, honestly. <.<;;; *coughs* So all the happenings of this morning makes the rest of today feel off. I'm a bit stressed, tired, confused inside, and something else. I miss people. I want/need a strong protective hug, a shoulder to have a good cry on. Untill then, I have to be strong, gotta take it all as it comes. =) Did you know: Over 1 million earths would fit inside the sun. Oh wait! What's this? I think I feel a rant on religion coming sometime soon, on a MyO kinda like this one. o.-

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Monday, February 7, 2005

Sweet pasionate kisses under a moonlit starry night

Aye. To clarify the post below, I did mean Charlie Charles, as opposed to HC Charlie. So HC's adoring fans dont think he's a dork of any kind. What a stain on his reputation. ^_~ And I did say I was going to post the answer to the thingamajig from Thursday, I believe. The answer was basicly the girl killed her sister, the guy would come to the funeral, and she could meet him again. Chances are, if he knew her mom well enough or had connections somehow to her, well enough to come to her funeral, the guy would come to the daughters. The site that Ken posted in his comment, I got lost in there, it was that interesting. I highly suggest looking through it. *Is interested in urban legends* Did you know: I am the eldest of 6 kids total. Order goes me; a brother; another brother (who is autistic); a sister; a brother; and a sister. The eldest brother's first word was Aleia. My uncle that I live with, I lived with him prior, from when I was 8 untill 12. Two of his boys were born when I lived with him, and it's also one of them who's first word was also my name. I dunno about you, but I think that's funny. Funny as in funny weird. <.<;;;

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The word baby as a pickup line needs to die. Honest to goodness.

Wake myself up around 9:15; rush around a bit to walk to school and get there by 10. Somehow...I got there 15 minutes late. *blush blush* Oh well. I go outside the house, and lazy warm breezes startle me. The warmth of the bright springish sun was deliciouse to feel; the thick fluffy white clouds a wonderful contrast to the deep vibrant blue of the sky.... I took off my heavy coat, and prolly unconciously slowed down a bit, which would explain why I took longer than I usually do, to get to school. Bad me, I know. u.u But I cant say I'm all that sorry. ^_~ Mhm. I notice how my comments went from 5-8 to 2-3. Please. Does the thought of my picture in the last post scare you guys that much? XD *cough* Anyways.... Mhm. The aunt from NYC retired the other week. She told my uncle she could pay this months cell phone bill for me, then she is going to have to cancell it or something. My uncle offered instead of her cancelling it, which is going to be a lot of money, to just transfer it over to him, as he needs another phone for one of his workers. Aleia: How about that happends only if I dont get a job by the end of the month? <.<;;; So yeah. I really really better get the job at the mall, or even a silly one at school, because my phone is kinda my last connection to the outside world. I dont really have the internet anymore, and I soon might not have my phone. *throws up hands* It's always something or other, with an Aleia. *shakes head* For some reason, I have been thinking about how some people say they "steal" boyfriends/girlfriends. You. Cant. Steal. People. Without. Their. Consent. Unless you physically kidnap them, of course, that there is a whole different story all together. But you cant steal somone without them wanting to go. You should be able to run around them flirting like mad/practially naked, and they should still hold their ground. I mean, people need to have better strength and commitment than that, to fall prey to every hott girl/guy that passes. And if you meet somone, and they find you so amazing that they break up with whomever they are with currently just to be with you, you didnt steal them. They find you a better match to them than the person they are with. Bah. I think what I am trying to say is to say you "steal" boyfriends/girlfriends, you have to go out with the intention of taking somone away from somone else just for the sake of doing it. Kinda like hunting for sport. You go out in the woods to shoot animals for fun. (I personally abhor the practice >:| ) ....Yeah. Kinda like that. =X;;; Oh, and this is to Charlie. That dorkboy uses the letters "WTF" in his vocabulary all the time. English major he is, he says it just like that when he talks IRL. Out of the blue, "WTF!" Not "What the fuck!", just the letters, WTF. Some of his text messages to me, that's all they say. One of the PATH trains is the World Trade Center train. The letters lit up on it are the initials, WTC. So every time I use the PATH trains, and I see the WTC train coming, for the briefest second, I think it's the WTF train. So all thanks to Charlie, the PATH system now has a WTF train, even just for a few very brief seconds. .....Wouldnt that be funny if there was a WTF train? For real though, not just in my head, I mean. ;;; Ah ha ha.... Did you know: Fish have eyelids. Almonds are members of the peach family.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005

Lost in the recesses of your mind; do you ever wonder of me?

Being the dork that I am, soon after I recieved my English book, I spent many hours reading most of the stories that seemed interesting. This is a part from a story that I read, and it flows together so wonderfuly. There's more to it than I can put into words, so there you go. "I picked up a basketball for the first time and made my first shot. No, I missed my first shot, missed the basket completely, and the ball landed in the dirt and sawdust, sat there just like I had sat there only minutes before. But it felt good, that ball in my hands, all those possibilities and angles. It was mathematics, geometry. It was beautiful. At that same moment, my cousin sniffed rubber cement from a paper bag and leaned back on the merry go round. His ears rang, his mouth was dry, and everyone seemed so far away. But it felt good, that buzz in his head, all those colors and noises. It was chemistry, biology. It was beautiful." Aye. *nods* Inside, everything is swirling around in a lazy dizzy manner, so I am not one for much conversation. So many things feel surreal, in a dream like way. *sighs* And so I leave you with a still frame from yesterday. ^_~ Did you know: The smallest living organism is a cell. <-- (amazing piece taken from Bio notes) I know most prolly already know that, but it's an amazing thing to wonder about. =)

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