Saturday, November 1, 2003

version update

the little girl has a cemetary in the back corner of her backyard. everyday, she unconcously tends to it, putting more dirt over the graves, tending the flowers. it is done so the ghosts and memories can't escape. she goes along her happy life. but, soon after, a ghost escapes. its a nice ghost, one that she loves with all her heart so, she doesnt mind. she travels along with the ghost, even though contact with the ghost hurts, and brings up some of the painful memories that she has been burying. but, its ok, the ghost doesnt intend or even know that they are bringing up such horrid things. so, life goes on. strangly, the more the little girl grows, the bigger the cemetary gets... one day, chaos ensues. two of the ghosts have broken loose. and the girl doesnt know what to do. they spring her, held her down. they dived into her mind, torturing her, making her relive her past over and over, relive the horrible memories, feelings... it was reliving hell. the ghosts would sometimes wander off, leaving her to live with her dark thoughts... when a little ghost shows up, uninentionaly dragging more memories up... but, the girl loves the sad, lonely ghost, and it joins ranks with the other little ghost. one day, the sad ghost gives the oppertunity to contact another ghost...one the girl used to play with as a child... she contacts the playmate from the past. as the big ghosts come back. now, inside the girl is a huge knot of mixed, confused emotions. the big ghosts pull and tug at the knot, making things worse.... the girl tries to battle them. she is losing....

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Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The Pure. "I've been waiting in the dark for a long time, shining my beacon of hope through the shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your eyes from me." The White Rose is associated with purity, honor, and chastity. It is governed by the goddess Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape. As a White Rose, you are a person of your word. You may have a strong moral code, but regardless of your virtue, you always stay true to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of emotional forms and it's just a matter of waiting for it to bless you. Some people may say you are too idealistic, but it's only because you don't want to mess things up. What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To? brought to you by Quizilla

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Friday, October 31, 2003

the little girl has a cemetary in the back corner of her backyard. everyday, she unconcously tends to it, putting more dirt over the graves, tending the flowers. it is done so the ghosts and memories can't escape. she goes along her happy life. but, soon after, a ghost escapes. its a nice ghost, one that she loves with all her heart so, she doesnt mind. she travels along with the ghost, even though contact with the ghost hurts, and brings up some of the painful memories that she has been burying. but, its ok, the ghost doesnt intend or even know that they are bringing up such horrid things. so, life goes on. strangly, the more the little girl grows, the bigger the cemetary gets... one day, chaos ensues. two of the ghosts have broken loose. and the girl doesnt know what to do.

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How random are you? this quiz was made by alanna

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Thursday, October 30, 2003

(1) what is your name? Aleia (2) Are you happy with it? not the last name (3) Are you named after anyone? not that i know of (5) Your screenname: aleia85 (6) Would you name a child of yours after you? that would be confusing (7) Then what would you name your children? never thought about that.... (8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? my mom would have named me adam (she told me so) (9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? Umm.... (10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? some times...i just tell them its kinda prounounced like the singer who died (11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? No. I think i am going to change my last name before that ever happends... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* BASICS *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (12) Your sex: girl, female, opposite of guy (13) Straight/gay/bi? Straight (14) Single? forever (15) Want to be? maturnity nurse and midwife (16) Your birthdate: february 23, 1985 (17) Your age: 18 (18) Age you act: i have no idea... (19) Age you wish you were: 3, then i would be carefree and happy with what i wouldnt know (20) Your height: 5' 6" (21) The color of your eyes: Dark Brown (22) Happy with it? it would be cool if they were dark blue... (23) The color of your hair: dark brown, with red and light brown highlights (24) Happy with it? yup (25) Left/right/ambidextrous? right (26) Your living arrangement? With mum and numerouse younger siblings (27) Your family: confusing and too many (28) Have any pets? 7 cats, 3 dogs, 3 fish, 4 rabbits, 4 baby bunnies (29) What's your job: searching.... (30) Piercings? ears (31) Tattoos? none (32) Obsessions? 0.o (33) Addictions? music (35) Do you speak another language? i can speak very little spanish, arabic... (36) Have a favourite quote? not at the moment (37) Do you have a webpage? this one.... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (38) Do you live in the moment? if i am awake (39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? yeah (40) Do you have any secrets? many (41) Do you hate yourself? alot (42) Do you like your handwriting? its ok(43) Do you have any bad habits? too many (44) What is the compliment you get most from people? wow, your hair, its so cool/curly/soft (45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? tangled (46) What's your biggest fear? if one of my friends is going to do somethng stupid they cant reverse, i wouldnt be able to be there to help/stop them (47) Can you sing? well, i was in chorus... (48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? nah, i am not that good of a liar... (49) Are you a loner? not by choice, usually (50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? dont cheat, lie, steal, or cause others pain (51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? i dont see why not.. (52) Are you a daredevil? Sometimes. (53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? yeah, my face, my body, my innocence, and my nievety (54) Are you passive or aggressive? Both. Depends on the situation. (55) Have you got a journal? my mom read my diary once... (56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? loyal to my friends (57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my face, my body, my nievety (58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. Which one would you choose? creativity, love AND beauty! what are you going to do about that? (59) How do you vent? sometimes, i am afraid to do that... (60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? depends on the situation (61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? yes, defidently (62) Do you think life has been good so far? i am only 18....things will hopefully get better (63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? you cant trust everyone.. (64) What do you like the most about your body? My hair (65) And least? my figure (66) Do you think you are good looking? no, not at all (67) Are you confident? yea (68) What is the fictional character you're most like? never thought about it... (69) Do people know how you feel? i dont know.. (70) Are you perceived wrongly? sometimes *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* DO YOU... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (71) Smoke? nope (72) Do drugs? thought about it once (73) Read the newspaper? comics and the like (74) Pray? yeah (75) Go to church? dont go to church (76) Talk to strangers who IM you? yea (77) Sleep with stuffed animals? yup ^_^(78) Take walks in the rain? yea... (79) Talk to people even though you hate them? yeah, sometimes... (80) Drive? yes (81) Like to drive fast? once i hit 95... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (82) Liked your voice? Yes. (83) Hurt yourself? all the time (84) Been out of the country? i live there (85) Eaten something that made other people sick? yep ^_^ (86) Had sex? never (87) Been unfaithful? No. (88) Been in love? infatuation (89) Done drugs? nope (90) Gone skinny dipping? that would blind people X_+ (91) Had a medical emergency? Yea, i have an allergic reaction to a new medicine...and the second i would rather not say (92) Had a surgery? yeah (stitches) (93) Ran away from home? tried, but I had no where to go.. (94) Played strip poker? nope (95) Gotten beaten up? kinda (96) Beaten someone up? he kept calling me sweetcheecks.... (97) Been picked on? All the time (98) Been on stage? yup (99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? never (100) Slept outdoors? yea (101) Thought about suicide? yea (102) Pulled an all-nighter? yea (103) If yes, what is your record? 4 days(104) Gone one day without food? 6 days ( i took multivitamins everyday) (105) Talked on the phone all night? nope(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first (moms and daddys don't count)? yea (107) Slept all day? Yes. (108) Killed someone? nope (109) Made out with a stranger? No. (110) Had sex with a stranger? x_+ (111) Thought you're going crazy? slowly but surely (112)Kissed the same sex? not interested (113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? nope (114) Been betrayed? of course (115) Had a dream that came true? Yeah... (116) Broken the law? once (117) Met a famous person? not that i know of (118) Masturbated? Ew...X_+ (119) Masturbated with something other then your hand? Ew again (gags) (120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? yea (121) On purpose? yea (122) Had sex? nonononononono...... (123) With more then 1 person? thats sick X_+ (124) Threesome? ugh... (125) Orgy? (pukes) (126) Whip cream? what the heck? (127) Bondage? i dont know what that means (128) Whipped/gotten whipped? yea...we aren't still talking about sex, are we? (129) Blindfolded? are we still talking about sex? (130) Tied someone up/been tied up? are we still talking about sex? Don't ask me where these questions went (Thanks to my friend for deleting those. - .-;) (145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? nope (146) Stolen anything? i did a few times... (147) Been on radio/tv? newspaper (148) Been in a mosh-pit? No. (149) Had a nervous breakdown? i think i am getting there.. (150) Considered religious vocation? nope (151) Been criticized about your sexual performance? nope (152) Bungee jumped? nope (153) Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* CLOTHES and other fashion *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (154) Shoe brand? I don't really care (155) Brand of clothing? I'll buy anything that i think looks good (156) Cologne/perfume? not wearing any now (157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? clothes over my birthday suit (158) How about parties? never been invited (159) Wear hats? nope (160) Judge other people by their clothing? Never (161) Wear make-up? nope (162) Favourite place to shop? A store. (163) Favourite article of clothing? those that cover (164) Are you trendy? hmmm...i dont wear what the models wear in paris... (165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? i used to have to... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* BELIEFS *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (166) Believe in life on other planets? they're somewhere out there (167) Miracles? Yes. (168) Astrology? no (169) Magic? in a sense.. (170) God? yeah (171) Satan? yeah (172) Santa? no (173) Ghosts? in a sense (174) Luck? Yes (175) Love at first sight? i dont believe in love (176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? Definately. (177) Witches? yes (178) Easter bunny? no (179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? there is no forever (180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no (181) Do you wish on stars? when I'm depressed *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? i am not sure if i am familiar with the "traditional" view(183) Do you think God has a gender? no(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? not sure what that means.. (185) Do you believe in organized religion? depends (186) Where do you think we go when we die? cant say now, havent died yet *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* AMIGOS *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yea (189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? dont know (190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? to shut up (191) Your favourite inside joke? none (192) Thing you're picked on most about? (193) Who's your longest known friend? heath and david (194) Newest? ... (195) Shyest? ... (196) Funniest? ... (197) Sweetest? heath, david, gerry, sarah, jon (198) Closest? .... (199) Weirdest? .... (200) Smartest? .... (201) Ditziest? ... (202) Friends you miss being close to the most? heath and david (203) Last person you talked to online? everyone (204) Who do you talk to most online? not sure (205) Who are you on the phone with most? I don't talk on the phone (206) Who do you trust most? can't say (207) Who listens to your problems? i have to try not to burden people with my stupid petty problems (208) Who do you fight most with? my mom (209) Who's the nicest? All of them.. (210) Who's the most outgoing? Hmm... (211) Who's the best singer? I don't know... (212) Who's on your shit-list? no one... (213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? No (214) Who's your second family? My... friends. (215) Do you always feel understood? no (216) Who's the loudest friend? ... (217) Do you trust others easily? too easily(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: i was never in anyones arms (220) Do your friends know you? not sure (221) Friend that lives farthest away: heath, david....everyone, actually

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don't you see? this is the end for me. lock the door and swallow the key this is how it's gonna be. they will tie me up and let me lay never to see the light of day. my mind is in such a racket they will bound me in a straight jacket. i would listen to the shrieks and moans of the insane untill it becomes ingrained in my membrain. this is all i would ever hear these memories will not be dear. i used to slit my wrists then i learned the risks. no one could ever be near the thoughts i have in here. i hate being so sad and alone i am not your average drone. i despise all that i feel no one could handle what i deal. all my pain falls back on me like acid rain. i have deep loathing for my face it is something i would like to erase. i really despise my body lots of people see me as blobby. can't you see? i really really hate me. people are so harsh and hateful that is what makes living really painful. my sadness is so so deep i cry in my sleep. all the time, i want to cry or maybe what i really want is to die.

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