Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Counting bodies like sheep to the rythm of the war drums

I am a complete idiot. And that statement might not come as any suprise to some of you. It isnt a suprise to me. =) And do you know why? Besides the fact I kinda live with myself and have a memory better than a goldfishs', I seem to be subconciously trying to prove how much of an idoit I can really be to myself and the people I live with. I am just about 100% sure my uncle has me pegged as an incompetent lazy ass, judging from the yelling that occured when he thought I was asleep. Not that what he thinks matters, but how he acts kinda does. As actions are louder than words. But whatever. So yeah. After getting home at 11:30 at night, after 4 hours of babysitting not the usual 5, but 7 insane uncontrolable pyromaniacs, and prior, a whole extremly stressful day which included the eldest cousine's attempt to run away, lots of screaming, and people threatening other people with sharp kitchen utensiles. All in a nutshell. So yes. My tired mind confused the street cleaning days, and I promplty moved my car on the wrong side of the street. Another ticket, you say? IT'S EXACTLY WHAT WOULD MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT IN THIS POINT OF THE TIMELINE!!!111!!11 =O !!X_+!1!!!1 So all of my babysitting money, and some saved proir, are now gone. And it's still not enough. And I am still in debt. To NJ state and oh waite! For my freaking doctor bills still from PA, gathering interest as I speak. =) I made myself walk a total of 30-ish blocks outside in the painful biting cold, as punishment for being so stupid. Long story short. Posting all this in my O is a really stupid act in itself. I am always happy and grateful about how lucky I really am, that things could be a whole lot worse than they are. There are millions and trillions incredibly much worse off than how I am now. Yeah. As I am thinking about how lucky I am that things arent worse, they go that way.

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

Everyone can see my every flaw, as I wear my fragile heart on a thick heavy chain.

Once upon a time there was a father who outright refered to his daughter as trash, simply because he didnt agree with some of her views. As the girl sat herself down to write an honest apologetic letter to her dearest father, a shiver ran through her senses and she suddenly wondered why she was apologizing to her parent for her true self. As this fact dawned on her, she suddenly realized the steady flow of tears gushing down her face and thoroughly soaking her shirt was the making of her uncontrolable shivering in the solitary room. Save for the quiet desperate whimpering that seemed to source from everywhere all at once, the room was quiet of audible noise. ------------------------ Woke up in Manhattan Saturday, went with two boy cousins and aunt to restraunt, store, another store, movie theater (Lemony Snicket =D! ), Toys R Us store. Accompanied by the two boy cousines. Aqquried a rather large problem from my idiot uncle during that time period via cell phone that made things extremely difficult. (Quietly crawls in an empty corner and dies). Another restraunt, and a long walk back to my aunt's appartment. All done on 3 1/2 hours of sleep, from 6:30ish to when I woke up at 10. *twitches* AND HERE I AM DOING IT AGAIN!! =O11!!1 =D!11!1!@#$@$%#$%@%^#$%^#$^%#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^&**THROWS UP HANDS IN AIR ANDRUNSINCIRCLES!!11OMG!!!* *tells you it's almost 8am when this is done* In about two hours, it would have been 24 hours since I last slept. ;;; I think the plans are to go to Times Square today, then a restraunt...then back to NJ. (Be still, my beating heart u.u ) I am rather angry at myself though, because I missed a babysitting job today, that if I had stayed in NJ, I could have gotten some extremely needed funds. My timing sucks completely on schedual. XD Did you know: Children grow faster in the spring. Penguins have an organ above their eyes that converts seawater into freshwater. How come with an Aleia, it's always something or other? I believe this Aleia might be fraying at the seams a bit from constant on-the-go-fast-action wear. <.<;;

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

*Reads manuscript* Hey buddy, if you try to get this published, you'd be arrested. =O

Heh. So what if I am vague, I need to get this out so very badly. I think about this all the time, and no amount of wondering, stressing, nor crying will give me the answer. What is it that she has that I dont? Why cant I just let go and move on? How come I get so jealouse of her, when the only thing I envy of her is the amount of attention he gives her, and maybe some of her physical features? It's been proven repeatedly that he doesnt think of me often, if at all, when I think of him rather frequently. So my feelings are wasted. As are my tears. And they still are. *sighs and hugs herself* Sometimes, my emotions are too worn out for me to really give a crap anymore. Then I crash and burn. And when I finally recover from that, I go in my same silly circle. Someday, I will hopefully break out of this stupid vicious cycle, and my heart will finally heal. Its been broken and torn so many times, places that have barely healed are painfully done through again. And I will hopefully be wiser from this. If that's the only thing I get from this, then it might be worth it. Finish going through it now, so I'll never have to go round again. I've already been through so much, I may as well finish it, mhm? Not that I have much of a choice, it'd be like trying to stop a train madly rushing out of controle. I know I'll live. And you know, sometimes that really isnt comforting. God am I depressing. XD Did you know: There are towns named Sandwich (Sammich. Haha.) in Illinios and Massachusettes. Lizards comminicate by doing push-ups. And bees by dances. Its apparently the healthy way to go, people.

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Friday, January 14, 2005

Rebel Vigelante

The past few weeks have been entirely too eventful. *shakes head* Like the other day, when I was standing in a 1/2 hour line in the post office so I could finish mailing all these packages that I wanted to send out, this guy asked if he could borrow a dollar. I figured, he was short a dollar for something, and I know what its like to be painfully short on cash, so even though I didnt have much money at all I figured that I would have a dollar or so left over after I sent the packages, and so I gave him one. He thanked me loudly and profusely in front of the huge line in the wee little post office *blush X 10*, and kept asking me for my name. I was a bit reluctant to give it to him *shrugs*, but I finally whispered it. He thanked me again some more, and proceeded to ask the person in front of me for a dollar. XD *grins* Oh well. And then it was finally my turn. The lady that was dealing with my mail stuffs was really friendly, talking with me about general news stuff. While she was weighing and calculating, the dollar guy was harrassing the guy postal customer that was next to me, because he had told him something along the lines of "Yeah, I have money, but I really dont want to give it to you." The dollar guy was telling him off rather loudly, for being rude. So yeah. I was wrapping up my reciepts and was about to leave the desk, when the dollar guy comes up to me and starts trying to ask me something. The lady postal worker narrowed her eyes at him, and asked him if he was harrassing me. He lowered his voice, telling me he was gonna talk to me outside. Somehow, I kinda knew what he was going to ask, and I whispered I had only $1.50 left. Loudly, he goes "Oh no, no no! That's ok, I dont need to talk to you anymore, you've been a lot of help to me!" The postal lady told him to leave me alone, when I go outside, and I quickly left in an embarassed flush. *smacks head* Along with the Manhattan pizza shop incident, I wonder what it is about me that attracts all the weird people? (No, I really dont want to talk about the pizza shop incident. u.u ) I finally talked to the middle sister on the phone! *squeals a girly girl squeal* *does a dance* She told me she doesnt remember anything after she fell asleep, right after she came home from school on Tuesday. She went to bed, and the next thing she knows, she wakes up and it's rather dark in this strange room and there is a shadowy somone standing by her bed and from the light in the hall she can see they were going to stick a really large needle in her arm. She screamed, the nurse screamed, and when everyone calmed down, she was told it was late Friday, and she was in the hospital. She doesnt recall getting out of bed, going to the living room, sitting on the couch, and staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. She, uh, doesnt remember the other stuff she did, which would be embarrassing for her if I put it here, so I wont, and she doesnt remember not being able to walk and my two brothers having to practically carry her to the backseat of the car. And she doesnt remember rambling incoherently most of the ride there, untill she was finally admited and promptly went into a coma. *calms herself down* She is relativly ok now. They wont even think about letting her out, untill she can give herself insulin injections, and Jennah is scared to do it herself. Oh waite, did I say scared? I meant absolutely terrified. u.u *shrugs* She has to learn to do it herself. There really isnt any other way. A bit after she came out of her coma, while I was talking to her, something happend that had both me and her really upset. Yeah. Whatever happend was a lot of what had me really sad and depressed the past few days. Or was it the whole past week? *shrugs* I'm more sad than depressed now, besides that I'm more or less my old self, including all the old stuff I always worried/depressed over. XD A part of me hurts for AnatemaSarah, from the stuff and hurt she is going through. *huggles her tightly* =\ Sometimes I am jealouse of certain people, and I greatly detest the small part of me that feels that way. I never let myself become consumed with that feeling, because I know I'll prolly say/do something incredibly stupid that I can never reverse/people wont forget. Oy, I need more controle over myself than that ^_~ But yeah. I wish I never felt that at all, but when I suppress stuff, especially strong stuff, it will come out in other ways. So I just allow it a small small space, and deal with it in the wisest way I know. There is never a "bad" emotion/way to feel, any and all feelings/emotions are justifiable. I just dont like to feel that way, myself. And I am sure this post is long enough. ^_~ Did you know: Strawberries contain more vitamin C than oranges? (Did you know strawberries are one of my favorite fruits? And sweet red cherries. And kiwis. And mangos. =X) You have to play ping-pong for 12 hours to lose one pound.

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Monday, January 10, 2005

And then

Today, I finally got my classes done. Went in at 11am, finally got out 4:30pm. Upstairs downstairs up down change buildings gimme this sign that sit here stand there wadaya want? It wasnt all that bad, but I feel really really really sick now. =( Somone told my dad about my "lack" of religion. He wrote to ask me if it was true, and if it was, to give lots of details that led to this result. I was really scared, when I got the letter, because the envelope was so light. He has never sent me a one page letter, they are always huge, like 5-17 pages. I was afraid it was...never mind what I was afraid it was. But yeah, his letter was 3/4 of a page, a record since I was 8. Very blunt, brief. Of course I am going to tell him the truth. But I wonder if the next letter from him will be one where he tells me he doesnt love me anymore, that he doesnt recognice me as his eldest? I figure if his love is that fickle, I dont need it. But I am scared of being abandoned by another parent; I'll prolly be an orphan in every sense of the word except legally. >.< I wonder why it is that when I think of some of the friends I have that I need, I feel ok about myself. But when I think of other friends that I have that I need, I feel weak and pathetic. Heh. There is a lot of stuff on my mind, but I cant find the words to release them. I need to talk to somone, but I dont want to. Did you know: The first ballpoint pens were sold in 1945 for $12.00. August has the highest percentages of births. (Hah. The two youngest siblings were born then. 0.o;;; )

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Saturday, January 8, 2005

Where the ocean meets the sky

My mom drove my 15 year old sister to the hospital, because she was acting really off, and was finding it really hard to walk. When my mom finally got there, she could barely walk at all, and was very incoherent. She was very very sick, and I dont know how she is. Her problem was her blood sugar was way way too high, and getting higher. The doctors found out she has juvenile diabeties. She is still in the Intensive Care Unit, and I remember people in there arent allowed phones, so I cant call her. And I am rather angry at myself, as I saw so many signs in her, that there was something wrong. I noticed them, but didnt think they were something as extreme as diabeties, especially since she isnt fat, not at all. I mean, I know that being heavy isnt the only factor, but they are more prone to it. She never was sickly, just I noticed her odd and strange behavior. *smacks head repeatedly* I had a dream where stuff happend, part of it that my sister died. I woke up crying, and I feel really off. I am still really weak, and I dont know whats wrong with me. Sometimes I wake up because my lungs are starting to burn, because I guess I havent been breathing. I dont know whats happening with my body, its pretty scary and I feel like I need to talk to someone, but I really dont want to. I want...I dont know what I want. I think I want to get out of here, but I know very well that I cant, not now. I sleep so much, and I am angry at myself, that I wake up so late and go to bed relativly early, like 9ish. I still feel so weak, and I feel like a handicapped person, like I am helpless or something. I dont know. *shakes head* I'm really sad/depressed and I dont quite know why.

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Friday, January 7, 2005

When I look into your deep brown eyes, I know then that I can never say goodbye

Um, yes. Sorry about the lack of update-ness, especially after a post like that. I was online for a little bit last night, and the wee bit of typing I did was too much for me >.< (phone = easier X 10) Yeah. Anyways, my aunt and uncle went to the hospital later Sunday night, as my cousine had to have a surgury of sorts. He was admited Wednesday, I believe, because he was getting sicker and sicker and no one knew what was wrong. Actually, they still dont and he is getting worse, but that is a long long story I dont wanna get into. But yea. He couldnt get the mild surgury done, as no one was really there. With that logic, my uncle said I would go Monday, early. Around 10am, I was woken up with a sing-song of my name, in a really familiar voice. 'Twas Jersey Sarah, standing next to my bed. I asked her how she got in the house, as everyone else was asleep, and my little cousine that stayed home was still sitting in the bedroom. She let herself in through the front doors, which is really, really scary when I put more thought into it. In all honesty, I would still think it a dream, if I didnt end up getting into so much trouble for everything. Or if she had not brought her guy friend in the house. Less than 30 seconds after she introduced him to me, my uncle walked by in a sleepy daze. Not so sleepy to not know what was going on, but sleepy enough to not throw a fit and call the police on them, as he confirmed later. Yeah. Speech for Aleia. Of course, it has to happen when she is clinging to the wall so she doesnt collapse. Um, lets see. It was late Monday, and I hadnt eaten or drank since early Saturday, so yeah. That's prolly why I was really weak and stuff. <.<;;; So far, always after he yells/gives me a speech, I am really really upset and angry, because in the way it happends. He usually mimics me in a high voice and there is vast injustice all around. Like he didnt even bother to accuse me of letting Sarah and her guy friend in the house, he knows I did. Even though I hadn't talked to her for the longest time, it was a complete suprise that she came, and she is the one that woke me up, when I was in my bed. But he doesnt want to hear it; to him, a lot of what I say is stories. I know, because when I try to explain, he waves his hand and tells me "It doesnt matter, it's only a story". *mimics him in a high voice* "Dont waste your breath and energy on lying to me, I already know." As he re-confirmed again, when he talked of his high hopes for me when I first came, and I made him wary with stories about being sexually abused. ... Actually, my anger rose quickly, when he said that. I quickly bit my tongue so I wouldnt start cursing at him. I already went through that bit with my mom, when she accused me of telling stories about that. It felt like everything I went through was nothing, false. I dont take anything he says personally; I rarely take anything he says seriously. Except when I get in trouble for things I didnt do/arent my fault. Probably because I was really sick and severely dehydrated that that comment upset me. *nods* But yes. Anyways. Stuff and stuff, he told me the reason that I cant get a job is because I am fat. Actually, I kinda suspected that, so he could be right. He compared me to other girls; said most girls my age take really good care of themselves, and I am an exception. Ect, ect. He went on to say about how most everyone (Arab community) knows who he is, that he is my uncle, know of me and what I look like. Then, out of nowhere, "Did you know, no one has yet asked me about you about marriage?", and then went on to how I really need to start losing weight. Oh. My. Goodness. That was the only time I was so glad that I was expending all my energy to just breathing, and not letting myself fall to the floor. Because if I wasnt, I would have laughed. And it might be awhile afore I stopped. And it woulda made my uncle more angrier at me. XD *cough* He went on to the subject of my friends. *roles eyes* He thinks my friends should be useful. He is a bussiness guy, so I highly suspect most his friends are people that continually give him construction projects, or know many many people that refere him to them. He went on to say that I shouldnt be complaining and whining to people; and just because they can put up with it doesnt make someone good. He put his voice high pitched and whiney, and pretended to talk on an imaginary phone. ...Actually, that kinda hurt too, because I am really insecure about that stuffs. u.u;; He then concluded all my friends were completely useless, and can only drag me in their bad habits and ways. My idea of useful is if I talk to you, and I feel good/nice/have fun talking to you, then you're a keeper. If you can make me laugh/give good advice/ect, then I hit the jackpot. *shrugs* I didnt even bother explaining that concept to him, because it is something he would never understand. It did suprise me, though, when he said he wanted me to cut all contact with people I know, never talk to them again from this day out. Start anew. They wont miss me. If they do, its only because I am part of a routine, I will fade with time. The others will find other people just like me to fill whatever gap I might have created with my absence. He made me hang up, when Florida Sarah called later that night. *shakes head* I think the trick with him is to appear to listen. When school starts, and when I can finally get a job, this image will be a lot easier to pull. Stuff and stuff; after he was done, I went back to bed, angry and upset, slept, woke up and sorted the stuff he said into two catagories. Stuff he's right on, and stuff that's just ludacris. He was right when he said I needed more structure in my life; eating, sleeping and using the internet isnt much..good. When I said I would go to the gym for the fact I didnt have money, he said he will pay for it. *grins* Um, lets see. Most everything else was ludacris. *nods* It's after I sort the stuff out that I feel better, as I am always overwhelmed and whatever immediatly afterwards. So yeah. Aleia going to the hospital was forgotten. *laughs* Tuesday, my conservative aunt quietly accused me of trying to kill myself, because I hadnt eaten or drank anything in a few days. She was pleading with me not to do it, and for some reason, it all struck me as surreal. And it made me laugh. And I couldnt stop. She looked sad and said that my thinking isnt right, because I hadnt eaten and I probably was making myself sick. In my mind, I was thinking if I really wanted to kill myself, I sure as hell wouldnt starve myself. But I didnt say that outloud, of course. <.<;; *shrugs* Oh well. I was finally able to drink water and keep it later that day, so's ok. I had to walk to the library 4-5 blocks away, as I had a huge stack of books that would be overdue. I wore my coat, because I was freezing cold, and listened to everyone exclaim how warm it was. *raises eyebrow* I, uh, lost my balance quite a few times, even though I was walking really slow, so yeah. Really glad I wore my coat. *grins sheepishly* Mhm, lessee. Wednesday, walked 12 blocks uphill to the college, as it was the first day of registration. Waited in line for an hour. Found out that if I was to use my PA driver's license as my form of ID, they would charge me triple tuition. I was told I needed to get a NJ state ID, from the DMV down the street. Walked to the DMV. Waited in line. Was told that if I was to get a NJ state ID, I would have to surrender my PA driver's license, and I wouldnt be allowed to drive anymore. The only way to get around that would be to get a NJ driver's license, and give them my old one. Twas already late late in the afternoon, and I was completely worn out. So I went home, and went back yesterday. Went in, showed them my PA driver's license, was told all I needed to do to get my NJ one was to take an eye test. And..that's it. No book test, no on the road test. Just an eye test. o.o;; But I was in there from 10 am to a bit past 2pm. T_T So yeah. Went to the college, waited in line. The guy behind me was breathing a bit funny and sweating a whole bunch, and when I glanced over at him, he grinned sheepishly and told me he had just come from the gym. Stuff and stuff, he told me he was a personal trainer there, asked me if I work out anywhere. I commented about how, actually, I was looking for a gym. He went on about his gym, telling me I should join up there, as you are entitled to one free session with a personal trainer, and to ask for Johnny. I jokingly said mhm, I'm assuming you're Johnny, right? He grinned and confirmed it. I bet he might work on a mild sort of commission XD *runs away* So yes. Finally registered for school. But I cant register for classes till Monday, as my test scores came out funny. I did well in English, decent in the essay, completely sucked in the basic math (0050) and somehow, when the Algebra score is usually 0078, I managed a 0104. *falls over* I...dont think I know algebra that well. I think I used common sense in guessing the answers. But they are still sticking me in the retard math, and that made my uncle angry, when he found out. But I dont care what he thinks, I just hope he doesnt try to tutor me, because...well, I dont wanna explain, unless it happends. And, uh, I would rather walk into the projects and get the one 16 year old boy that takes advanced classes in Catholic school to tutor me. He has too many siblings to count; is one of my 15 year old cousins good friends; the kid's mom is friends with my aunt. My uncle doesnt like them, because the kids are kinda wild, and because he is prejudiced (They're black) *nods* Oy. I found out on Tuesday my car went kaputz on me. The starter died of old age. >.< I, uh, hope my uncle find it worthy a cause to replace the starter, even though it is a bit on the expensive side. =X And there you have it. I kinda recently realized that with me, it always seems to be something. Why cant I have a nice, quite normal month? Or week? Please? Did you know: The year that read the same upside down was 1961. that wont happen again untill 6009.

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Wednesday, January 5, 2005

The day Aleia took a wrong turn and got lost in the bureaucratic system

Lessee, where do I start? Thursday, took my siblings to the MET. We only stayed for an hour, as the middle sister made many a comment concerning her overheating and impending doom, as she was apparently dying of thirst. Left the MET, bought her some water, and walked approximatly 42-ish blocks to the Rockafeller Center, stopping in a Linden chocolate shop along the way. *grins* It was a lot of fun, being with my siblings, cept for the moodiness emmitted from the two middle kids. I took 'em to see the tree. *grins happily* And got piccys. =D .....I still have to get the Egypt ones off and up. Someday, honestly! XD When I have a computer. Or when my uncle is away. Or my aunt in NY gets her computer fixed. ANYWAYS... So yeah. Friday happend, then they left early Saturday. I wanted to go along, as Heath came back from his school in Florida to visit home, and David came back from his college, and I havent seen them since I left for Egypt. My uncle assumed I wanted to go, so I could visit my mom. He told me to stay in NJ, as he was going to drive 4-5 hours, rest for 15 minutes, then drive the same distance back. He took three of his kids, and the conservative aunt instead. u.u Ah well. Sometime in the summer, mayhap. *nods* Hmm. The whole time they were gone (9am to 8pm. Traffic. Haha. *points and laughs*), I contemplated, fretted, got upset, cried, then resolved the whole misunderstanding. *sighs and grins* After watching a bit of SNL, I became violently sick. *rereads* Ha, nah, the show wasnt that bad. XD I had felt funny odd earlier Saturday, but I figured it being sad about my siblings leaving/the whole misunderstanding mess. But I guess it wasnt, as a bit after I became sick, a lot followed suite. What kinda worries me is when in the wee darkdark hours of Sunday morning, I weakly got out of bed to stumble to the bathroom. There was a peircing ringing in my ears when I got out of bed that only got worse the more I moved. I felt like my chest, my heart area was being squeezed tight. I was really hot, really cold, numb all over, and my brain felt dislocated, numb and tingling. And the muscles that let you breath, they wouldnt work. I couldnt make them work >.< After I puked my guts out, the ringing became deafening, I couldnt focus my disjointed dreamy thoughts to help myself out of this situation, and when I woke up, it was light outside, and somone was knocking on the bathroom door, as they had to go. I couldnt move because I felt so incredibly drained, so weak. It's happend a few times before, and when I told my uncle, he kinda blew it off. But because his son is in the hospital because of symptoms he blew off for a few years, he got kinda worried when I could finally move, and told him. As I went to bed, he told me I was going to the hospital. What a cliffhanger, I know! But I think I will be online later tonight, and I can finish all this later. =) Maybe AIM, as well. Did you know: Strawberries are the only fruit whose seeds grow on the outside. Add up opposing sides of a dice cube and you'll always get seven.

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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

And of all the people in the world....

There is stuff, the way things are going, I dont understand. I dont know how to explain without sounding all melodramatic and whatever. But it is real, and I am sorta afraid. The things I feel, my thoughts, I really shouldnt be feeling or thinking the way I am now. I dont know many people I can talk to about this that would understand what I mean. I am not implying that most people I know are inept or anything, I have talked to these people before about this kind of stuff, and all they can do is listen, because they have never felt that way before. So yeah. I dont know how to deal with this. *shakes head* Yeah yeah, I know. Stay safe and all that wonderful crap.

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

It's hard to say what it is I see in you

Oy! A gigantuan thank you to dearest Sarah (Anatema) for helping me with my O layout. The intro picture startled me at first, but I think it's a kinda neat picture *nods* Wednesday: The reason why I didnt take kids to the basketball game is my uncle suddenly remembered I have a donut tire, and he didnt want me to drive a carfull of kids around with it, as he thought it very dangerouse. Heh heh, but it's perfectly fine for me to run around with it, I guess. =P Thursday: 5:30pm, I was so dead tired. I sat on my bed to take off my shoes, when my uncle asked me if I was babysitting tonight. I was really confused, till Summer (The eldest girl of the kids I babysat before) came into the room and asked if I could babysit tonight while her mom went last minute shopping again. I went, because I needed money. I felt really tired untill I felt a persistent light weight on the back of my shoulder. T'was right in the place where I had to pull my shirt a bit to see properly, really hard to reach. And what I saw was a roach. A freaking huge one >:O Squealled when I couldnt shake it off; had my arm out of my shirt sleeve and half off afore I could finally get it off. The reason it was determined to stay with me was because one of the twins had stuck her mostly eaten lollipop on my shirt for safekeeping, when I picked her up to put her to bed. u.u Yeah. Cant feel very sleepy after that kind of excitement <.<;; Friday: My aunt and uncle went off to Pennsylvania to bring back my siblings to visit NJ during the week they have off. I was left to cook supper, take care of one of my sick cousin, and drive to pick up the rest of the kids who attend religouse school. Around 1:30 I had to quickly run to the store to get important things for supper (no one had bothered to go shopping in a while >.< ). I wanted to hurry, as the kids get out of school around 2:30, and I wanted to finish supper afore I went to get them. *nods* Came back out a few minutes later to a car that refused to start. *slightly panicks* Walked a total of 14 blocks to the nearest gas station, figuring my wonderful putting off of gas due to lack of funds was the problem. It wasnt. *falls over* A guy with his kids in the parking lot told me the reason my car wouldnt start was because the starter wouldnt flip the engine or something. He told me turning the key in the egnition would eventually start it. After an hour of that, I called my friend's brother, who knew a bit about cars. I told him about the clicky noise, he told me what was wrong, and that I needed jumper cables. I have to thank him properly later, as he was right on about the problem with the car. *grins* I finally relented, and called my uncle, as it was already 3:30, and I couldnt find anyone with jumper cables. He sent one of his construction workers to help me, and I finally got out of there at 4. *wipes sweatdrop* Hopefully it was just a one time thing, and not a drastic enough thing that I need a new battery. That would be...a not good thing. *laughs* Oy. Anyways, one of the teachers had dropped off the kids at the house, as I had called their school and explained stuffs. So I didnt have to worry about that anymore. Finished up supper, cleaned up, all that good stuff. And then my siblings came. The youngest brother is two or three inches taller than me, and he is only 13. He has a deep voice and wide shoulders since the last I saw him; he would have almost been unrecognizable had I not lived with him all of his life. The youngest sister is one inch shorter than me, and she is only 11. *tears up* (Aye, I am only 5'5. I feel...so small. u.u) My baby siblings are growing up. Only physically, I found out, when the two youngest siblings wouldnt stop teasing me. Actually, they still wont stop, but whatever. I am just really happy I get to see them again. =) Saturday, most everyone went clothes shopping. Snowed 3 inches that night. =O Sunday, my cousine went outside, took my youngest brother with him. I got a funny feeling, and I go out to check on them, and I find the 14-15 year old kid from the projects who always picks fights and takes my cousins' bikes making fun of my brother. When my brother told him to shut up, the kid wanted to fight him. Went over before anything could really happen, told the kid to lay off, he threatened to jump me someday, said it was easy cause he always sees me by myself, blah blah blah. Got both boys inside the house to find my brother had a bruise on his cheek. =\ Geez, cant anyone stay out of trouble? *shakes head* Yeah, like I am one to talk, but at least I stay out of that kind of trouble. u.u As a theoretical question, I asked the oldest brother, if a boy hit me, would he hit them back? The question made him look up from one of my books he was reading. Brother: Hmm. Depends. Aleia: On what? B: Am I related to him? Aleia: No. B: Where you picking on him? >:| Aleia: No! B: Well, if I am there, I might do something. I wont make the effort to walk to his house and knock on his door or anything. *laughs* My brother, my hero. *grins and rolls eyes* Mhm, tommorow, I plan on taking my siblings to the MET, then to the Rockafeller Center, then to my aunt's appartment in Manhattan, where we are going to stay for the night. And I wanna take them to the Liberty Science Center afore they have to go! *jumps around* They have to leave sometime this weekend, so I am trying to spend as much time with them as I can. I'm kinda forcing myself to, because I feel so jumbled up inside, and it makes me want to be by myself, away from people. And with the two youngest making huge efforts to tease me (I woke up Saturday morning because my youngest brother suddenly dashed into the girls room, threw a huge snowball under my blanket, and threw himself out of the room, to a chorus of mad giggling from the youngest sister and the oldest cousine. Parters in crime T_T) So yeah. I feel really guilty about the way I want to go antisocial, and my sucky timing and stuff. I try to do the best I can, and that's all I can do, you know? I try to give them as much attention as I can, but sometimes everything is too overwhelming and I need to escape. I heard on the radio about how a guy threw himself in front of a NJ Transit train. They went from there to how a total of now four 14 year old kids in Scranton, PA commited suicide, all within a two week time period. There is a lot for Aleia to think about. Maybe look forward to a ramble on another day. Ever been attracted to somone you are kindasorta disgusted/slightly annoyed by? Did you know: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was composed by Mozart when he was 5 years old. A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 miles an hour. (Germs travel fast X_+) Fish cough.

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