Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Whatever ticks your clock, rocks your socks, floats your boat...

An extremely long letter from my dad confirmed that indeed, Aleia may be too American even for her dad. I see the point of some things he said (Aleia, be patient! A four year school will be better for you in the long run, ect.), but not the part about me staying with my uncle for four years. Right now, my future is open ended wide open. I can go anywhere in the US, abroad if I wish, at the end of my year here. I can transfer anywhere that my major may be. I was talking to my aunt about that, and she started talking about California (Strongly suggested by my aunt, who lived there for quite a while. She knows very well of the school Shin goes to, and keeps telling me to check that out. *laughs*), Texas, as I was told the schools there are good and unexpensive, ect. Went to Sears, as I had an inpromptu interview. I might hear from them by Thursday, and if I dont, I know my application has been thrown in a pile for later review. *twitch* CONCERT IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!!!11111!1 *does a dance of excitedness* I wanted to buy this cd by Killswitch Engage, as just about all the songs on there are teh hottness. I heard the song Rise Inside on the radio, so yeah. All goodness. But no money. But someday. *nods* Did you know: A ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball of rubber. The first sailing boats were built in Egypt.

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Monday, December 6, 2004

And there lay my innocence. I knew then, my innocence was gone forever, shot by the company I keep.

The last post, I am a bit better off at the moment. I was pretty overwhelmed by things, and I purposly avoided talking to people on the phone/IRL untill I had more controle over myself, as it would be not good to have peole call me and all I would be able to do is cry and half incoherently burden them with my stuff. Or to call people and do the same. Like I said before, people already have their own stuff to deal with, and I of all people dont need to be adding to it. I am not making myself an island, as that would be a most stupid quest. When I am out in broad daylight, walking on the sidewalk, if I see a guy that looks un-teenager-ish, especially middle aged and old guys, I keep a watchfull eye on him, especially if he is by himself, not with somone else, talking, ect. When he passes me, I immedietly strain to make sure his footsteps are walking in regular rythm away from me. If I hear somone walking from behind me, I get extremely panicky, and I have to strain to keep myself from turning around, walking in the street, or breaking out into a run. If it is night, forget it. I walk in the street, or cross to the other sidewalk, and I purposly cling to well-lit overly crowded areas, 'specially places with women and kids. I start school in the begining of January. It is a silly 6-7 blocks, easily walkable, takes like 20-25 minutes at the most. I cant drive there, as there is no parking at all, and I have a coat, so no excuses for walking. But for the reasons above, I am terrified about school. And no one around me understands why I am anxiouse. >.< And I cant run around with my cellphone in my pocket, finger on the instant dial button for 911 in case something happends, because that is unrealistic. Ah well. I have to deal somehow. I will live, so yeah. *shrugs* On to other things... Later gators. *gently flicks your forehead* Did you know: One brow wrinkle is the result of 200,000 frowns. Let that be a lesson to you. *nods*

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Thursday, December 2, 2004

Stuff and stuff.

There has been stuff that I keep remembering. Stuff I knew about, but barely acnowledged. My dreams and constant paranoia+fear are making it known, though. My dreams are too vivant for real life. u.u I dont care that I am saying so much without saying anything. *waves hand dismissively* I am not all that well, and I just need to let whatever it is out a bit at a time, get over it and move on. *shrugs*

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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Oy, about the past few days. My O is a venting source for me. I use it now so that I dont vent on individual people about my problems. Other people already have their own things to worry about; I dont need to add to them. If I talk to you, and you bring it up, that is fine, but I am breaking the habit of burdening others like how I used to. I am afraid of people leaving me, because my problems are overwhelming. I mean, it has happend many times before, and I dont want it to happen again. And I thank you guys for reading. *nods* I still have to think about the situation a bit more. I dont want to make a decision untill I have a clear mind, and I am not quite there yet. From stuff said, and a part of the discussion that I dont want to talk about, I kinda figured the aunt that I live with didnt have much to do with it, so yeah. *shrugs* I feel a lot better today. A lot less overwhelmed and such. *grins* The hospital I applied to online, I wanna go there and apply in person, because nothing is happening to anything online. And I find I have to go to Hoboken. And from two different people's directions, and two different online searches, Hoboken is one weird place. u.u How have you guys been? If you have nothing much to say, at least leave a comment as to how you are doing. =D *grins* Somehow, my 15 year old cousine figured out his dad's computer password, so I might be on AIM sometime. Or I might be able to post a picture or two of Charlie (The ones Laura mentioned. *points to below comment box*) The pictures of him make me laugh. XD Did you know: There are 63,360 inches in a mile. The oldest known animal was a tortoise and lived to be 152 years old.

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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Wouldn't it be something, to watch somone's mind asplode?

Wouldn't it be something, to be the person who's mind is gonna asplode? Last night. Hmm. I finally found parking for court, and was stuck in there from 6pm to almost 8. I got the one ticket dismissed, and the one I had gotten yesterday dismissed. So, yeah, that stuff is ok. I wasn’t able to call my aunt, to tell her I would be late, as I wasn’t sure how they were calling people up, and didn’t want to miss when it was my turn. Went to the house, ate an apple, got a letter from Molly (Yay! ^_^) and fell asleep on the couch. Woke up as the kids were leaving, I was going to start rushing around to get ready to leave, when my uncle said if I wanted to, I could sleep a bit more, as no one was coming to do anything with the house today. I was really glad, because even though I had gotten lotsa sleep, I felt so weary. 0.o;; He asked me about Hudson, if I had scheduled yet. I told him the truth; I had to retake the math and the essay; and because I had to retake the essay, I can’t schedule classes until the results come back, which takes 10 business days. The look on his face was scary, so I went rambling about how I was completely surprised about how I had to retake the essay that I personally thought I did very well on it. He didn’t say anything, and I left the kitchen pretty quick. When my aunt and the kids had left (she drives them to school), I walked back into the kitchen, to get some water before I fell back asleep. My uncle was still sitting in the kitchen, and I got a bad feeling flitting around in my gut. Of course he went into a rant. Why the hell would he not? He said about how my mom called last night. He told her about how I was taking a placement test, and my mom had predicted that I wouldn't pass it. *dies* He is angry that I didn’t study for the test, that I should be studying right now for my college classes. ..How can you study for a placement test? How can you study for a surprise topic essay? How the hell can you study for classes when you don’t even know what they are yet? For the last one, he said study for general. *sigh* I don’t have any books yet. His logic really frustrates me. The rest went into comparing me to my brother, about how he was well organized, had a goal, woke up early every morning, went to work with him, acted responsibly, listened to his elders, and didn’t focus on having fun. My uncle finds me unorganized, unfocused, lazy, ect. Of course I feel scattered. I am scrambling for a job, and I am making myself apply to a school that I don’t want to go to. And I am dealing with things that I wont explain to him, because he wont understand how the things that I am dealing with, how they bothered me to begin with. He figures that stuff of that nature is easily dealt with and left in the past; if there is any more than that, you are making it that way. I really don’t think he ever had problems of that type, if his logic runs that way. More stuff was said; I find that my aunt (his wife) said a lot of stuff to him. I already knew it was her that told him about the parking tickets I had gotten, and I guess she practically told him everything. She told him I still had contact with Sarah, blah blah blah, that I wanted to visit her, ect ect. He said I would do well to not associate with her, as she is living with people who aren’t Islamic, she left her parents, she isn’t very good, by doing these things. I talk to her on the phone, what could come out of wasted time and money to visit her? He ran right into saying that I don’t listen to him (I never not listened to him; he rarely gave me direct orders. So, yeah, I am not quite sure what he means by that), I don’t follow his way, I go by my own. I am more intent on going my way, which is an unislamic way, running around by myself, go in my nice car and I am gone! I am a bad example to his kids, especially for the girls. They look up to me, they are going to follow my way, and he won’t have it, not at all. He knows I don’t practice the religion anymore, and he knows he can’t make me. (He said something about how you lose, you win, you do whatever, and I knew what he meant u.u ) What startled me when he said that was the look of disgust on his face. He said that if I wasn’t going to follow the religion, that I at least had to act accordingly. I am being taken care of here, because I am his brother’s daughter, I am a relation, most certainly not because of who I am. He said if I can’t follow his rules, leave, do whatever, but I most certainly can’t stay here. He mentioned some things I guess both my American aunts had stuff about, concerning me, and that really annoyed me. If you have a problem about me, concerning me, tell me. Don’t go off telling other people, most likely I didn’t realize anything before, and I would remedy whatever and apologize for whatever. But I really hate it when people do that, I really do. I wonder if all this stuff is because of me. I mean, yes, it is because of me, but is it stuff that I have control over? Is it my fault? Should I try to fix who I am and stay, or just leave? Leaving might be irresponsible. “Oh no, there is conflict, I cant take it anymore! I am going to up and leave, to where things are easy!” I already know that there is nowhere in the world where things will be easy, as it is life. And in all honesty, I don’t have anywhere else to go. I am already a burden here, and this is family. I only have a few options left, and I will be more of a burden there than I am here (that I am aware of, anyways. I could be more of a burden here than I already figured. ) I really don’t know what to do. I am very stuck, and...yeah. Feeling hopeless, confused and the like, but that stuff is irrelivent. <.<;; I took a long nap afterwards, thinking hard about everything, feeling overwhelmed, and I had a really really freaky dream that had nothing to do with anything that I think is going to keep haunting me untill I go to sleep tonight. *shivers* Edit: Did you know: You will burn about 7% more calories walking on hard dirt than pavement. Before 1687 clocks were made with only an hour hand.

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Monday, November 29, 2004

The very hungry caterpillar

Ever hear of that book? It's so cute ^.^ Wednesday night, I cut my hair myself. It was getting kinda ucky, after not having it cut in over a year and a half. I thought I really messed it up, but no one can really tell, as my curly hair can hide many things, including weird haircuts. I can only tell when I try to fix/mess with it. I cut it much shorter than I planned, though. *nods* Thursday morning. Went outside to get something out of my car. Something struck me as odd, when I first glanced at it, but I was half awake, so yeah. Got to the passenger's side, and saw that someone had theived a back tire. They had left the bolts in a neat little pile, next to the hub cap, which was rather unexpected. I had wondered why they didnt try to break my windows with the bolts, or chuck them down the street, and inspection of the rest of the tires proved they most likely didnt have time, as the hub caps are scratched very badly, like they were trying to pry em off with something very sharp, like a rock or something. <.<;;; It was more annoying than anything. I had to go into the trunk, to get the donut tire out (it is rather small, compared to a regular tire, but very heavy! =O ) I mean, whoever took the time to steal a tire that has 12 or 13 thousand miles on it must need it very very badly. *shrugs* I would have been very upset had they broken my windows/stole whatever cd's I have in there/made a general costly mess of my car. So in the end, t'was only a worn out tire. =P I, uh, have to get new ones anyways. Specially that I have a temporary tire thrown in a set already pretty bad. <.<;; Went visiting. Lots of fun there, but not much time to asplain. *nods* Friday morning. My aunt was going to take me, my 15 year old cousine and his friend to Elizibeth Mall, to catch a movie. Last minute, she had to go with my uncle to Home Depot or something, as my uncle has been redoing the paint and stuff in all the rooms, which is why I have been made to leave the house 7:30 am every morning. *cough* Aannywayyss.... She asked me to take my cousine and his friend, and she would meet up with us there. On the way there, the person driving in front of me started to slow down drasticly. She stopped, got out, and opened the hood. Everyone behind me started to go over to the right lane, which is a bit difficult because traffic can be heavy, as the bridge has two very narrow lanes. I was going to switch over, when I saw that the lady was crying and being all hysterical, so I put my four ways and shut off my car, while I let her use my cellphone. At first my cousine was patient about it, but got pretty angry after 45 minutes passed. He started cursing me out, cursing everything in general, becuase I was making him miss Seed Of Chuckie. *groans/gags at movie title, glares at cousine* His cursing the situation was annoying, because he was doing it in front of the lady, and I think she could hear, and it was making her feel bad. =\ 1 1/2 later, he was acting like a real jerk when I got back. He was yelling that I ruined his day, and he wanted to go home. Which was good, because I was going to leave him there anyways. T_T He ran inside the house and came back out. I was going to go to the mall, so that she wouldnt think something was wrong, by not finding us there as planned (she doesnt have a cell phone or anything) My cousine decreed he was going with me, 'cept I was going to drop him off at the Rexplex, which is right next to the mall. I figured, anything to shut him up. I was going that direction anyways. Stuff happend that him and his friend ended up taking (stealing >:| ) a good skateboard that was by itself in the arcade (finders keepers, losers weepers) and shooting a car in the parking lot with a paintball or two. I think he purposly hit a few people on the way back, as him and his friend rushed in, screaming that I rush out of there as fast as possible. More stuff happend that now I have paint in the inside of my car, from stepped on paintballs. What a dork. *sighs* Saturday. Watched SpongeBob. As Erin said about LSD and the creator, I completly agree. XD My uncle knows about the tickets I have to pay. He gave me a huge dissertation about responsability, and gave me two checks to pay for them. Both together came to $61. I went to the one court, to try to pay for the one, but after going around for goodness knows how long, searching the stupid place for street parking and finding none (I only had $3 dollars in my pocket, so I couldnt park in a garage) I gave up for now. It would be ironic getting a ticket trying to pay off the ones you have, mhm? I really didnt wanna go there. I had to rush to Hudson College anyways, to schedual classes before they closed. I failed the math part again, with a 40. I had to retake the essay part again as well, as I had gotten a 5, and had to have a 7 to pass. I really thought I had done well on it, too. I was pretty crushed >.< So no schedualing for me, not for another two weeks. Because I didnt anticipate retaking two tests, and I hade to park 5 blocks away, after scouring the area for 45 minutes for a stupid parking place, it took a while to get back. I was 5 minutes parked without money in the meter (I had put in the maximum amount), and had thus recieved a $29 ticket. *cries* I really dont know how I am going to deal with that one. I finally found a parking space near the court house (4 blocks away). Went through a metal detector, got my purse searched. I was in the wrong building. The one I needed was down a few streets and 5 blocks off. I forgot to mention I dont have a coat yet. And today was 30-40 ish. *shivers* Too cold for walking coatless ;_; Finally found one of the courthouses I needed. Paid the one ticket, and have to be in court 6 tonight. *sighs* Today was a really rough day, if you couldnt tell. After I had recieved the parking ticket today, I couldnt hold it in anymore, and I have been all sniffly weepy since then. I feel so bluh and miserable. =\ And I find out I cant see my siblings, as I had planned, because of my mom. I dont know why she is like that. *shakes head* I need to go recover from today. *hides under the covers* Random: I was flipping through a book of baby names (those kinds of books are very interesting *nods* ) and I find that my nickname, Lea, is Hewbrew for "wild cow". <.<;;; Did you know: The smallest county in America is New York County, better known as Manhatten. The first TV network kids show in the US was "Captian Kangaroo." Beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes.

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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I admire your fashionable running footwear.

Oy. Put in applications last night, at the Elizibeth Mall. (EB Games, Bath and Body, and the Rexplex) *crosses fingers* Came home, and my 15 year old cousine was in one of his jerk moods. So after a while, I left. Just went for a drive, listened to good music, and danced. Dancing is like magic. I love dancing, but only if there isnt anyone else around. ^_~ Hmm. Dancing for me isnt always dancing in the sense of the word. Just kinda moving a bit, not quite moving my whole body. ...I wonder who else moves around to the heavier genre of music? <.<;; *grins* I am more or less my more recent old self. =D Woke up and got booted out of the house after the kids left for school, as the house is being repainted inside, and my uncle didnt want me in the house while his workers were in there, as he wouldnt be. Methinks he might not trust them very well. Which is scary, since they have keys/access to the basement and such <.<;;; =X *cough* Anyways... I wandered around a bit, when I saw a sign pointing towards the Waterfront. I immediatly knew I needed to be by the ocean. The ocean is a weird thing for me. I am scared to be in it, as I had some expiriences/dreams that mean that no matter how good a swimmer I could ever be in my life (no, I still cant swim as of yet X_+;; ), I will never swim in the ocean. Oh, I will go to the beach, go in the shallows of the water, but never full out-far away, like how most people seem to go. The beach when it is dark....I wont even touch the water. I get this weird feeling, like I am going to be sucked into a black infinity or something...I dunno. Brings out feelings of paralizing hopelessness. Not depressing hopelessness, but the kind you would feel if you were plopped smack in the middle of nowhere. Like in the middle of the ocean, with endless water from horizon to horizon. ;;; Hard to explain. Unless you comprehend what I was trying to say, but yeah. I learned all this about myself when I went to Egypt, as Port Said (Sah-eed)is a port, obviously, and with this port came a million miles of beach and ocean. I get shivers when I think about how people were comfortably swimming in the pitch blackness of the night (even though there were lights on the beach, it didnt make a difference for the water). Eeehhh.... Like obliviously waltzing calmly right into a raging fire. Or a pit of ravaging aminals. <.<;; ...Where was I? Oh yes, the ocean. Even though I feel all this about it, I am compelled/in love with it. I am one giant paradox >:D I couldnt find parking under $20.00 (Waaah o.o;; ), and it started to rain very heavily. No ocean for me today =( But there is this weekend! *does a dance* =D I oddly feel happy about nothing, for no reason at all. And that makes me happy. =) Did you know: The most sensative parts of the body are the mouth and fingertips. Ooh la la ^_~

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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Joy to the fishies in the big blue sea.....

All of my dreams as of late are very vivid and very...weird. They all involve a general dark feeling of impending doom/imminent fear/an extreme feeling of....desperation, methinks. The danger in the dreams are never seen, but always sensed. And they all involve the beach or the ocean, in some way. And the dark. <.<;;; When I made the chat on Sunday, some unexpected things became apparent, and it really pained me. I really dont feel like going into it, because I am still really hurt. *bites lip* I am afraid to persue answers, because I am afraid to be hurt more. I have a feeling it isnt a misunderstanding, either, from the way the person barely acknowledged me in the chat, and acted all dodgy and such. =\ And there is other stuff that I am stressing over. I talked to Erin and Charlie the other night, and it made me feel better. But lately I feel like I am so close to breaking, and I am really scared of what will happen if I am pushed past a cerain point. I am scared, because I really dont know what will happen. I wish I was stronger, or something. *whimpers* My self controle is wearing very very thin. =\ I mention it because I am feeling very trapped now, and it is making me feel desperate and crazy inside. Lots of restless energy >.< Or like I am walking on a tightrope without a saftey net, and I am starting to get all dizzy and lose my balance. I come back from my aunt's appartment in NY, to my fanatical aunt at my uncle's. She greets me affectionatly, and hands me a huge pile of books about religion, and how to better myself. She grins happily, and tells me they are for me, from her husband. Ah hah hah. I have a feeling there is more to it than that, but I dont really care. What really got to me was when I overheard my uncle using me as an indirect bad example to his kids, when giving them some kind of dissertation to reinforce their religion. He finished off by basicly telling them to not be like me. >:| Yeah, ignore it, I know. *makes a face* I already figured my point of intolerance will be when he tells me I can't leave the house without my hair and arms covered. I hope that point never comes. u.u My dad called the other night, and I almost cried because I was so happy. I hadn't heard his voice in 8 months, because of work and me moving out. I had written him a long letter about some superficial things going on with me, like the issue about my school, in an attempt to give him the allusion that I am confiding in him because we have a close relationship. I love him, but I cant tell him everything, as it would hurt him too much. I know he asks me to share with him everything, because he wants to try to make up for not being able to be there. His reasoning was rather similiar to my uncle's, minus the sexism and tactlessness. That was a huge heavy dissapointment. I felt I lost my only possible allie in the scheme of things, concerning my uncle and my fanatical aunt, his brother and sister. I have to do stuff myself, I guess. *sigh* And he asked me to explain to him the situation between me and my mom. He said he keeps asking her, and she would say she has no idea why I moved out, what's going on with me, ect. My jaw dropped, and I almost let forth exactly what I thought of her *cencored* lying. Of course, he wants me to explain to him everything in my next letter. I chuckled under my breath and told him what he wanted to hear, in Arabic, which basicly means something like "God willing". Saying that gives me a lot of room to accidently on purpose to ommit it from future letters (What misunderstanding? Oh, that one! Sorry, I forgot about that. ^_^;;; ) I realized that whole conversation was the longest I ever had with him since I was 8. It lasted about 15 minutes-ish. He isnt going to get anything about this situation from me. I have already done way more than I should have concerning this mess, so much responsability, while my mom runs around and makes things worse. Eh. u.u Last night, I woke up because my throat and tummy felt really bad. I went into the kitchen, to make some peppermint tea. My uncle woke, and walked zombie like into the kitchen. Found me there, and walked to the bathroom, then to bed. When I woke this morning, he yelled at me about my nocturnal habits. (I slept a lot yesterday, as I was sick. Because he is hanging around the house a lot lately, he knew I woke at 12 noon, then slept again from 2-4pm. He thinks I am up awake all night, and sleep durning the day. He dissaproves. Even though I try to tell him the truth, he thinks his version is the only correct one, ignores me and walks away.) He then yelled about how somone called at 3am, and it was only one ring. He figured it was somone for me, and that I picked up after the first ring, which is how he figured the ringing stopped. The caller ID didnt give a name, only a number, but he swore (over and over) to God (in Arabic) that he was going to call Verizon and see who this person is, that called for me at 3am and disturbed his sleep. I vainly tried to explain that I never heard the phone ring, as I was dead asleep. I was never expecting a phone call, and only two people I know know their house phone number. And why would I give people the house phone number, if I have a cell phone? But he is right as always, and continued yelling at me as he walked away. *sighs and glares* There is other stuff, but I dont wanna talk about it. I am still pretty confuzzled about those things to try to make it make sense to anyone else, much less. Did you know: A honey bee can fly at 15 miles an hour. Alaska has the highest percentage of people that walk to work. ....And that last one would make a lot of sense, actually. <.<

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Sunday, November 21, 2004

In regulated doses, chaos and mayhem are good for you.

And so are siestas. Yes. Siestas. (Went to sleep 8:30am, woke up 12 noon.) I blame magic. Mhm. I'll see if I can update tomorrow. But I have a feeling I wont be on AIM for a few weeks, so, yeah. *half smiles sleepily* Oy. Seems these chats I hear about in the rumor mill don't happen on weekends. ^_~ Or when Aleia is around XD Aleia: The anti chat. Notice how The Flintstones and Scooby Doo (The old cartoons, in case they can be confused with anything else) seem to be the only cartoons with a laugh track. 0.o;;

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I originally updated, because Alan kept asking.

Then the freaking window that had all this stuff just winked out on me. *rwars* Aw man. You shoulda seen the stuff I had prior. Prolly never see the likes of all the amazing stuff ever again... Too bad for everyone. Oh well. =) Aleia has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Aleia's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Aleia has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Aleia is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Aleia is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world! *laughs* No comment. I couldnt say anything that wouldnt be embarassing. ^_~ Aleia is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time. Aye, dunno if I poke people very hard, nor am I ever harsh or caustic to anyone. And yet I can think of somone(s) right off the bat whom I think kinda deserves it from me once in a while. Or more often. <.<;; Aleia is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Aleia basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average. Hmm. Oddly enough, a month ago, for the first time in my life, I got a taste of what "healthy self esteem" could be like. I saw myself in the mirror, and saw how I could be considered kinda cute by some. I'm not the wisest around, but I have some good stuff to dispence, methinks. It's helped some people; I must be doing something right. No one's died yet from my advice XD *cough* I am ok smarts bookwise, but I still think I suck at maths. I am one to come to, if you need comforted. o.o;; Ergh. The past few weeks have been pretty downhill for me. Yeah, as melodramatic as it sounds, there is a lot more going on than I post, so I am..not that good right now, actually. Heh. So I guess it is understandable why I have an extremely negative outlook on myself as of the past two or so weeks. I was kinda wondering if the positive stuff was here to stay. We shall see, ne? In reference to Aleia's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Aleia slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Aleia can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. I noticed when I plan something out and I have big ideas for it/am extremely excited, mentally, I quickly jump around with the main important stuff, rush them into correct order, and slowly fill in with details. (1st part) ------ (2nd part) ----- (3rd part) Somehow, I get a picture in my head that looks a bit like that, when I do it. Like a skeleton of sorts. And to make the idea solid and stable, I meticulously fill in with detail. *shrugs* Aleia is not facing something going on in her life today. Oh really? She is deceiving herself about it. Oh my goodness! Sounds like a one person soap opera =O Often, Aleia's opinion of herself is different than those around her. Ack! Go'way! We shall not tread down this road! >:O This trait gives Aleia the ability to deny anything that does not agree with her "truth." The word truth in quotations. Just what are they implying? I feel insulted. >:| This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing Aleia not to face some reality in her life at this time. Wooo. T_T I wonder what some of my reality I am avoiding in my life at this time... When Aleia expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind. In other words... Aleia is stubborn. Yes indeed. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Depends on the subject. And just how far a hole I have argued myself into. I dont like being called a dumbass. u.u Changing Aleia's mind can be very difficult. Once Aleia makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts! Hey now! Doesnt wanna get confused with the facts? *tsks* Aleia is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. I concure. <.<;; Aleia will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. Yes! And I have no freaking idea why! She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Aleia an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Aleia is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Aleia is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue. Eh. Some of that stuff depends, as always. People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Aleia doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. That part said nothing at all, methinks. <.<;; Ole. Heh. Lots of the good ole domestic fighting at home. I really really dont want to get involved, but I didnt have a choice when a huge mishap occured, and I was very much indirectly involved. Darn me and my connections. u.u Heh. My aunt is waiting for him to earn more money or something, before she divorces him. I half wish she wouldnt confide in me stuff like that. I really really dont wanna be involved. I wanna leave long before anything happends. My uncle's tactlessness is gettin on my nerves. I am seriously debating as how anyone can say half of what he says and not be aware that just about everything tumbling out of your mouth is just really insulting. *laughs* Especially since it all concerns my current lack of religion-ness. And other things. Tsk! Bah. I feel so slow and clumsy lately. I seem to constantly make an idiot of myself, and I come off as a complete ditz. I wonder what's wrong with me lately. And if I have been like this the whole time, and it is just now that I am painfully noticing myself. And I wonder why I vent in something so public as my O, venting some of the things I do. I say about how stupid I believe myself to be, how ditzy and pathetic I am. I most certianly dont want pity. Huh. *shrugs* If somone has suggestions, I wouldnt mind hearing them. There is this place called the REXPLEX. It's a type of place where you can play paintball, rollerblade/skate with different types of ramps, arcade, huge indoor fields, ect. I believe it's generally called a sports type complex or something. Anyways. There is a concert that I spontaniously bought a ticket for. I heard some music from some of the bands, and it wasnt expensive, so it's all good. Letsee...Blood Brothers, Poison the Well, Unearth, Boys Night Out, From First to Last, Folly, and Seemless. December 17, starts at 6pm. Dunno when it ends. Dunno what to tell my uncle either, becuase it is a dead fact that he wont let me go to a concert. Even though it was his wife that told me to go, gave me money for it, and said for me to relax and have fun. <.<;;; Sleep is calling me, I believe. I might still be able to catch some of you guys on AIM. ^_~ Just so you know, Alan rocks, and I forgot how to make a word a link, because I am so tired. u.u Did you know: Over exposure to the Otaku Lounge makes you stupid? No, really, you kill healthy brain cells, hanging around in there. Its craziness, I tell ya. o.o;; Ole ole. Ok, ok. Ants can lift up to 20x their body weight. They have two stomachs and three eyes

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