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I had a doctors appointment today.
Heh. Again, she has no idea what is wrong with me, exactly. Not going into great detail, but it's this thing, on my skin. It just appeared in seventh grade, blah blah blah, and now it is just getting worse. Or something.
It is just really really really stressful, when you have something, and two doctors have no idea what it is. Stressful and alarming u_u
So a biopsy was in order. Again. (A biopsy is when they cut a sample of skin out for testing and stuff. After the anesthesia wears off, tisnt going to be a lot of fun =\ )
Hmm, yesterday. Woke up at 1 pm, got out of bed at 2, dressed, and went job hunting. Heh. My mom thinks I come and go as I please. She ranted while I left, because my sister kept asking her where I went, when am I coming home, ect ect. Oh well.
Har. The managers at work were gossiping about me on Sunday. Lol, I dont care if they do, the ones that gossip are the ones I dont care for anyways, as their gossip is cruel, viciouse, unneccessary and plentiful, and those ones that gossip are the ones with no common sense and severely lack of work ethic. They were wondering what to do with me, because it was late afternoon and my eyes were almost swollen shut. They were afraid costomers might not buy stuff from what I was in charge of (yes, I didnt look that great), I might count change wrong, might mess up something, I dunno, stuff like that. They had actually conteplated that if I still looked like this in the future, I might have to be "let go". -.-
And they had probably gotten a lot of complaints about the sickly looking girl outside.
The majority of customers don't want to catch what I have. -.-
Everyone knows how surgury is catching ^_~
"What happend to you?!?!?!? You look awful!"
"See, I hung around with somone who just had surgury-"
"You know you shouldnt do that! Geez, did you forget how contagious surgury is??"
"Yeah, I knew, but I never thought it would happen to me. I didnt even see it coming! No symptoms or anything! Just woke up like this one morning..."
"Oh, you poor dear! ;_; "
Tsk. ^_~
Yeah, they might not have known that, surgury, but that is what I replied to the many comments of "What kind of drugs were you taking??", "They must be so desperate for workers around here that they dont even bother testing with obviouse drug cases *glare included*" and the ever so popular "OH MY GOODNESS!!! YOUR EYES ARE FREAKY ODD, YOU KNOW THAT????"
"No, I never look at myself in the mirror! =O
So glad you and countless hundreds have told me! Thank you! Now I can finally remember I look freaky odd! =D"
I got really weary of saying the same thing over and over, so I told this one lady that working here depressed me so much, my symptoms change my physical apperance when I come near the work grounds.
She stood there, grasping for words, and slowly walked away, obviously speechless.
I feel bad for lying like that.
Um.... maybe it isnt that big of a lie <.<;;;
Silly people. u_u
No, really. o.o
I told my mom about how I was seriously considering calling off that morning. I really really wanted to. (It really really really really didn't help how I was on AIM prior to going to work, and a dear friend was worried, and didnt want me to go. I felt really really torn. Stay home, get better, mum come home and get a huge butt kicking? Or go to work, be very very sick and miserable, deal with rude obnoxiouse people who cant read for almost 12 hours? Decicions, decisions....) About how I felt really sick that morning, about how I had gotten yelled at many times by different managers for spending too much time in the bathroom (I was, uh, throwing up) and that I was going to be in seriouse trouble if I didnt finish up certain things, blah blah blah, about how I have been running a low fever since...a while now, actually (99, 100. Once in a while, 101, but nothing seriouse, honestly, just doesnt make things any fun =P )
She concluded that I have a cold of sorts and that if she had found out I called off work, she would have kicked my butt, because I owe her money.
I know she really would have too, lol.
Oh well on that.
I feel like I became an adult way too early. If I want anything, I have to do it myself, no help from anyone. I work so hard for so little. Every aspect of college, it is all up to me. I cant expect/get help from anyone, financial or otherwise. I mean, it is too much to expect help from anyone else, but it feels so impossible to struggle with by myself.
Tis life, I know, but I feel like a mom to my siblings (I almost said kids u_u;;) and, well, that is a lot, too. I mean, not that it is too much, but I feel that my mom isnt the mom, really. Like I am doing her job, but it has to be done, and if she doesnt do it, somone has to, or else...I dont know what will happen. But it wont be good, and I will feel responsible and hate myself for whatever happends forever.
I just feel so worn out. Lately, especially after the surgury, I just really want to finally rest and relax for once, and have somone else take care of me. I want a break from taking care of Aleia. But if I dont do it, no one else will.
EdItEd:
This recent O user signed my guestbook. Her "style" of talking or writing, I have seen and head both, kind of inclined me to click to her site. It just made me...smile.
*shakes head and smiles*
I dunno about you guys, but it would require a lot of concentration for me to write/talk like that. I would keep reverting to the "correct" way...
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