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Just so you know.
You know, I dont think I want to go to college this year. Not that I have a choice, but most colleges have terms that start in winter.
But I still dont want to go.
I wanna take a real break and have fun. I highly doubt I really would be able to have that much of a break, or that much fun, because I would have to get a job to have money to have fun.
Vicious cycle.
The only way to cheat the vicious cycle is to totally mooch off my relatives, but I cant do that.
One of the things I learned, living with my mom, is that I have to depend completely on myself.
Applying to college: Myself.
Driving 2 1/2 hours through places that her mom knows a bit but I have never ever been before, to get to my college?: Myself.
Financial aid? Myself.
Taking care of Aleia? Myself.
That is why it is very difficult for me to accept help from anyone. You honestly wouldn't believe how difficult it is for me to let people help me. It is the same struggle I fight when people give me compliments, or gifts. Especially expensive gifts. It is Egyptian tradition to give girls gold as a present. When my uncle made me pick out some gold earings, it was so hard for me to accept them. Of course I took them, I had to, because they were a gift, but before we went to the jewlery shop, I kept telling him it wasn't neccessary, I didn't need them. He gently told me it was bad manners to turn down a gift. That was the only reason I accepted them as I did, but inside, I was struggling, and outside, I was blushing like crazy, and was pretty flustered and such. I get the same way, if somone gives me a huge compliment, or gives me praise for something. I think I feel I dont deserve it, but I dont know why I feel that way.
Heh.
Heh heh heh.
Heh.
Heh.
"In the south, it was snowing. Many people there couldnt believe it, and actually stopped drinking booze"
If you can guess where that was from, you get a hundred pounds.
Which is equal to....maybe $20? =P
But I have it here, if you want it.
The Giver, by Lois Lowry, is one of my favorite books. Given, I have a lot of favorite books, but all of the ones on that list are ones that I really would want people to read, just because I think they are that good.
So if you didn't read it yet, go look in the library. It really is a very interesting book, as is the second one, Gathering Blue. I haven't been able to buy the third one yet, and I have completly forgoten the name of it ;_;
For some reason, I want some chocolate marshmallow swirl icecream.
I can tell I lost weight. It seems more apparent now, for some reason. Probably because my pants are starting to hang off my hips.
Or maybe I stretched them out T_T
And here I am, wanting chocolate marshmallow icecream >.<
Rwar! >:O
Ask Shin about the McArabia. Go on, ask him. =P
I feel so weary, so tired of life. I wish I had a place to finally be able to rest, to close my eyes and let my worries and stress fade away, but no, I dont believe there is such a place as that I wistfully dream of.
I feel negative and morose. I wish I had someone to talk to right now.
Ah well. You never get what you want.
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