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Thursday, November 13, 2003



when i am awake, all my muscles ache.
thats not a big deal, except its muscles i don't ever recall overexerting.
like my stomach muscles, for example.
when i go to sleep, i have nightmares...
last night, i woke up in the middle of the night, right after a nightmare.
my pillow was wet.
i was curled up in a tight ball.
i think that explains things.

the only things i remember from my dreams are feelings.
like fear.
lots of fear.
shame.
sadness.
there is a constant empty cold feeling...
its the constant backdrop of my nightmares.


i wonder whats wrong with me.....




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