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Everything I say makes me come off as a stupid angsty teen.
Why?
Because I am one >:O *rwars at everyone*
I am so very stuck. Somehow, I dont think Sarah is coming. I dont think her dad will let her. So I have to go by myself. My stomach is flip flopping around, my heart is racing, my mind reeling, I cant stop shaking. I feel like a huge mess.
But, no matter. I need more discipline. I wish I was as strong as people tell me I am.
I wish I was smart. I wish I wasnt so annoyingly stubborn. I wish I could detatch myself from my emotions, from my feelings, to get a better view on the situation, clearer thoughts. I wish my heart doesnt ache and bleed so freely. I wish I could help the people I really care about, instead of standing there helplessly, stupidly.
I need to wise up. I need to stop complaining. I really hate that part of me, the part that whines and complains all the time. I detest it, and yet I let it go on.
I feel so alone and hurt, and I think I am the one doing it all to myself. How do I save myself from myself? I need to understand why it is I am doing what I am doing. I dont even quite understand what it is that I am doing, but it hurts, and I think I might have controle over it. There is no way everything I feel just comes out of nowhere, from no one.
I want to change a lot of what I am, to better myself. I dont even know how to undergo such a huge task.
I need a rest. I am too tired to do anything anymore.
Yeah, I am your typical angsty teen, tired of life, stubborn as a mule, filled to the brim with your typical angsty sob stories, traumatic drama-filled past. In that sense, I am just like everybody else. I am the same shade of grey. Nothing special.
So how come I cant get over a simple little thing like this?
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