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Saturday, October 16, 2004


Ole!


So. Ramadan. Yeah.

It isn't that bad, not like how you would imagine it.





Pluh. I am feeling not so well-ish.






I have a second interview, on Wednesday, as a result of a mishap with my reference.


Somehow, I dont think I will get the job. =\


Expect the worst, hope for the best.



The optimistic pessimist! =O





Heh. I am feeling....not shocked. Sad, I think. A friend of mine made me realize something I secretly wondered about, something I had hoped wasnt true, was just my insecureties comming to play and wreck havoc, like gremlins.




But alas, I think what they said makes sense, and...I feel better? No, not quite, maybe stronger is the feeling. Upper hand. Equal playing field. Now that I know what is going on, I mean.



At least, I think I do.




I am really crushed, because here is this person I thought was a really close friend. I trusted them completely, with everything.




Oddly, they hurt me more times than they have helped. When they helped me, they helped...a lot. But there were other things that they would say that really hurt, and I dont know if they cared that they did.




Heh. If you happenstance know this kid (I dont think any do, as they arent well known), then you know immdediatly who I am talking about. u.u;;



But dont say the name, as I cant delete comments for some reason.





I was recently told by somone that this person sees me as "part of everyone else, the masses." They talk to me because I am there, because I am "amusing." I take amusing to mean that I can say stupid/silly things that they find funny, at my expense.




And the person still matters to me, quite a bit. That's why I dont really know how to feel, or how to deal with this in a way that isn't going to hurt me.


There is more to the story, but I am not sure if they have an O account, and they might stumble upon here, read this, and know who I am reffering to. =\



I feel so...gyped. I cant believe I..let myself fall into this, and for such a long time. I wonder if the care they showed for me was fake, as well.


*sigh*


Bleh. >.<



*feels very very sick*




And why does my avi remind so many of Chuckie's Bride? I dont see any resemblence!

*Rwars at people who find any*








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