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Wouldn't it be something, to be the person who's mind is gonna asplode?
Last night. Hmm. I finally found parking for court, and was stuck in there from 6pm to almost 8. I got the one ticket dismissed, and the one I had gotten yesterday dismissed. So, yeah, that stuff is ok.
I wasn’t able to call my aunt, to tell her I would be late, as I wasn’t sure how they were calling people up, and didn’t want to miss when it was my turn.
Went to the house, ate an apple, got a letter from Molly (Yay! ^_^) and fell asleep on the couch.
Woke up as the kids were leaving, I was going to start rushing around to get ready to leave, when my uncle said if I wanted to, I could sleep a bit more, as no one was coming to do anything with the house today. I was really glad, because even though I had gotten lotsa sleep, I felt so weary. 0.o;;
He asked me about Hudson, if I had scheduled yet. I told him the truth; I had to retake the math and the essay; and because I had to retake the essay, I can’t schedule classes until the results come back, which takes 10 business days. The look on his face was scary, so I went rambling about how I was completely surprised about how I had to retake the essay that I personally thought I did very well on it. He didn’t say anything, and I left the kitchen pretty quick.
When my aunt and the kids had left (she drives them to school), I walked back into the kitchen, to get some water before I fell back asleep. My uncle was still sitting in the kitchen, and I got a bad feeling flitting around in my gut.
Of course he went into a rant. Why the hell would he not?
He said about how my mom called last night. He told her about how I was taking a placement test, and my mom had predicted that I wouldn't pass it. *dies*
He is angry that I didn’t study for the test, that I should be studying right now for my college classes.
..How can you study for a placement test? How can you study for a surprise topic essay? How the hell can you study for classes when you don’t even know what they are yet?
For the last one, he said study for general. *sigh*
I don’t have any books yet. His logic really frustrates me.
The rest went into comparing me to my brother, about how he was well organized, had a goal, woke up early every morning, went to work with him, acted responsibly, listened to his elders, and didn’t focus on having fun.
My uncle finds me unorganized, unfocused, lazy, ect.
Of course I feel scattered. I am scrambling for a job, and I am making myself apply to a school that I don’t want to go to. And I am dealing with things that I wont explain to him, because he wont understand how the things that I am dealing with, how they bothered me to begin with. He figures that stuff of that nature is easily dealt with and left in the past; if there is any more than that, you are making it that way. I really don’t think he ever had problems of that type, if his logic runs that way.
More stuff was said; I find that my aunt (his wife) said a lot of stuff to him. I already knew it was her that told him about the parking tickets I had gotten, and I guess she practically told him everything. She told him I still had contact with Sarah, blah blah blah, that I wanted to visit her, ect ect. He said I would do well to not associate with her, as she is living with people who aren’t Islamic, she left her parents, she isn’t very good, by doing these things. I talk to her on the phone, what could come out of wasted time and money to visit her? He ran right into saying that I don’t listen to him (I never not listened to him; he rarely gave me direct orders. So, yeah, I am not quite sure what he means by that), I don’t follow his way, I go by my own. I am more intent on going my way, which is an unislamic way, running around by myself, go in my nice car and I am gone! I am a bad example to his kids, especially for the girls. They look up to me, they are going to follow my way, and he won’t have it, not at all. He knows I don’t practice the religion anymore, and he knows he can’t make me. (He said something about how you lose, you win, you do whatever, and I knew what he meant u.u ) What startled me when he said that was the look of disgust on his face. He said that if I wasn’t going to follow the religion, that I at least had to act accordingly. I am being taken care of here, because I am his brother’s daughter, I am a relation, most certainly not because of who I am. He said if I can’t follow his rules, leave, do whatever, but I most certainly can’t stay here.
He mentioned some things I guess both my American aunts had stuff about, concerning me, and that really annoyed me. If you have a problem about me, concerning me, tell me. Don’t go off telling other people, most likely I didn’t realize anything before, and I would remedy whatever and apologize for whatever. But I really hate it when people do that, I really do.
I wonder if all this stuff is because of me. I mean, yes, it is because of me, but is it stuff that I have control over? Is it my fault? Should I try to fix who I am and stay, or just leave? Leaving might be irresponsible. “Oh no, there is conflict, I cant take it anymore! I am going to up and leave, to where things are easy!” I already know that there is nowhere in the world where things will be easy, as it is life. And in all honesty, I don’t have anywhere else to go. I am already a burden here, and this is family. I only have a few options left, and I will be more of a burden there than I am here (that I am aware of, anyways. I could be more of a burden here than I already figured. )
I really don’t know what to do. I am very stuck, and...yeah. Feeling hopeless, confused and the like, but that stuff is irrelivent. <.<;;
I took a long nap afterwards, thinking hard about everything, feeling overwhelmed, and I had a really really freaky dream that had nothing to do with anything that I think is going to keep haunting me untill I go to sleep tonight. *shivers*
Edit:
Did you know:
You will burn about 7% more calories walking on hard dirt than pavement.
Before 1687 clocks were made with only an hour hand.
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