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Best First line of a Bad Novel Contest
For those of you who do not know, Bulwer-Lytton wrote
the Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous
line "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the
contest.
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton
contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State
University), wherein one writes only the first line of
a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were
ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never
hear the end of it."
(Haha. That one was amusing =P )
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have
envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with
lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure blue eyes
fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that
vied for competition, and a small straight nose,
Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
(Obviously <.<;;)
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his
mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep...
Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
(Ah hah..)
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting
edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul
to the back alley sex-change surgeon to become the
woman he loved."
(That reminds me of someone. *coughHCcough*)
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it
did not keep her from eeking out a liviing at a local
pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached,
but then penguins often do."
(Stan the penguin =O!)
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with
cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus
lay dead on the hotel floor."
(That...was plain gross. X_+;;)
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who
didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who
could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye
of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
tendencies."
(Another highly amusing one)
And the winner is...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside
darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly
fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing
the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder,
gaping in horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying
beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's
deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"
There. My post for the day. Most anything past this is going to be ANGST. ANGST in this case means depressing unrelevant meaninglessness. So if you are happy at the moment, or dont feel like being bored/depressed to suicide, off you go. *shoos you off*
Please. o.-
Mhm. The past week I think I pushed myself into a roller coaster fever. There have been days, like today, where I have been able to push myself outa bed, and there are days like the past few, where I couldn't for anything. Everything is achy and it hurts to move =(
I tried to get MMR shots today (I think that's short for measles. mumps and rhubela. *shrugs*) It is one of the requirements for college, they wont even let me schedual any classes unless I give proof that I had it. My aunt led me by car to the clinic place, explained what I had to do, and left. The general area looked really dodgy (right next to some projects), and while waiting in the small crowded room, I watched a lady abandon a bundle in the hallway leading outside, when inspected by a janitor, was a sick baby.
It is a regular occurence there. I... dont understand it. I cant get over it. I wanted to cry. I still do. ;_;
I waited an hour to find I cant get the shots there, because I am over 18. So I have to pay $50-$100 for it elsewhere.
I am sure my uncle is going to be really thrilled, especially since my stupid 15 year old cousine somehow broke his 7 year old sister's pinky finger, and it is going to heal funny because they cant afford to take her to the hospital for a cast and whatever.
*dies*
My car was making funny rattling bumpy noises, and when I told my aunt before she left, she told me to take it to the mechanic on the corner of our block, after I was done. Took it there, they said my doughnut tire blew out and I need new tires 'afore I wreck or get a ticket or worse. They said they dont do tires, but the guy in the middle of the block (Almost right across my uncle's house <.<;;) would do it and take take the car to him. I did, explained what happend to the guy there, he said tires were really expensive and to maybe go to Sears or something, where they would have a sale if you bought the tires 4 at a time. He asked me where I live, as he looked at the tire and saw I really couldnt go very far, and I pointed at the house across the street and told him I live with my uncle. His eyes went wide and he asked me if my uncle was Ali. I nodded, and he put a doughnut tire in place of the one that broke. He said he wished he could help me more, but thats all he could do.
I am so thankful that he helped though. *cries*
Being so sick like this is making me so freaking emotional and more depressed and whatever. (<--One of the reasons I purposly avoid people when I am like that.) I cant seem to pull myself out lately, and it has been getting harder to make myself not be antisocial and stuff. If I let myself go, it will take a long time to pull myself out, if I even for some odd reason want to. I think I feel safer when I do it, less vulnerable, but I think I know the feelings arent real. *nods*
And when I am depressed like this, I purposly look for the things I mentioned prior that feel like a punch in the gut, a bucket of cold water. I know where to find a lot of them now, 'specially as of recent. I get a sadistic pleasure out of doing it, hurting myself. I know I'm sick. Shut up. *runs away*
Ah hah hah....
When I was helping moving the bunkbed last Saturday, one of my cousines accidently cut up my right hand and wrist with a board that had lotsa sharp (and dirty u.u) nails sticking out. The cuts wouldnt stop bleeding for a while (I dont think it helped that the cuts were really swollen <.<;; ), somone suggested I get stitches and there was lotsa stuff that wouldnt stop coming out, but I am ok. I really am, it is just going to take longer for stuff to heal, prolly because I really shoulda got stitches.
Not having health insurance sucks. =(
I got out of my car, and this guy in a pickup truck slowed down right next to where I was standing. He kissed his window (it was facing me), grinned, and attempted to roll down his window.
I flicked him off and told him to fuck off.
If he was on the sidewalk and did that, I think I woulda slapped him or something.
Or I might be too wuss to do it. u.u
Never know unless the situation happends. *shrugs*
Or would that be stupid, to do that?
Anyways, he laughed and slowly drove away, kept stopping to wave in his mirror.
A really freaked out Aleia ran into the library.
*censors out her mumblings*
Enough of my angst. But how can you cover up stuff like that? *points above* It's like grinning happily while a huge meteor is about to crash, and announcing gleefully either the world is going to end in 5 minutes, or life as you know it will completely change forever after.
[/ANGST]
How about some completely random facts? =D
Did you know:
A stamp shaped like a banana was once issued in the country of Tonga.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Antartica is the driest, coldest, windiest, and highest continent on earth.
Oy. Tomorow is the concert. That is a fact. *nods* I'll go if I can push myself out of bed tomorow morning. *crosses fingers*
I havent heard from a lot of you guys in the longest time! How is everyone? =)
Roger Rabbit's Cartoon Spin: a wild ride through
the back alleys of toontown! The only ride
with a PG sense of humour in the G rated world
of Disneyland, you are zany, wild, and a little
bit of a loose screw. Energetic and colorful,
you go at full speed, even though your taxi-car
vehicles actually have four flat tires!
Despite your older humor, you are a kid at
heart and kids most relate to your cartoony
world and like you the best. You've been know
to make the adults a little queasy and a litte
bit dizzy. You leave your visitors dazed, a
little confused, but more often, extremely
amused. You take us to the places we'd never
see in a ride featuring the straight-laced
Mickey, but somehow you're still all Disney.
What Disneyland attraction are you?
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