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I wonder if all of the bad things that happend to me didn't happen, would I still be the same Aleia?
How drasticaly would I be different, if I would be different at all?
I wish.....I wish that I could be detached from my emotions.
I am too emtotional. I feel things too strongly. I hate how they seem to rule me. My emotions are sometimes too much for me to handle.... at times when I am depressed, my sadness/grief/loniness/hate/whatever hits me like a huge ocean wave and sweeps me under, so I feel like I am drowning in my emotion. What I wouldn't do to be able to be detached, cold and unfeeling...
On the subject of detachment, ever since of of my "friends" decided to drop out of the human race so suddenly, I havent been able to talk to him at all. I have no idea what the heck is wrong with him!! I IM them when they get online (no response), I emailed them a few times (no replies)....
It feels like a bucket of ice cold water dumped on you, with a slap in the face.
The ball is in his court....I can't do anything anymore.
I am afraid of becomming annoying. About six months ago, one of my friends introduced me to his girlfriend (through aim)
The first time we talked, wow, we seemed to have so much in common. We talked for hours about almost everything.
When I saw her online again, I IM'ed her, and she didn't reply....this happend for 3 months. When she was online, I would IM her, and she would say nothing. I told myself that she put up aim, then left or something. Maybe there was something wrong with her aim....
Right after my senior trip, I found her on aim. I left my usuall "Hey ^_^"
This time, she actually responded.
It went something like this:
me: Hey ^_^
her: god, your f#@$ing stupid, aren't you?
me: 0.o? excuse me?
her: this whole time, it never occured to you that I never want to talk to you?
me:.....no
her: well, I dont
me:...can I ask why?
her: you are very boring, stupid and ditzy
you are one of the most uninteresting person I have ever had the displeasure to meet.
me: ah well, to each their own opinion
her: yeah, well, thats mine
Heh. After that, I always wondered if stupid people know they are stupid, and if there is hope for them. I know not to base everything on one person, thats stupid.
But thats not the first time I have been told that......
so, yeah.
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