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Gerry sent me this in my email...
Lost In Thought....
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I don't know if you've been aware of it or not, but I haven't been talking to you, and most of the other people from myotaku. As you already know, I've quit or escaped from myotaku. I been visit your site once in a while, visiting myotaku was a hard habit to break. I'm not going to apologize, if you expected one or not, I ignored you on purpose. Then slowly everyone else. Afterwards, I was completely free, my life for once had order. To be honest, I haven't missed you one bit, I didn't think about you until you sent Sarah and some Karma55 after me. You sent a person whom I've grown fond of(until I left), to message me(for the first or 3rd time), and was unsurpisingly upset towards me. Then another, a person I don't know at all, I felt like I go the back hand Sir Guilt. So here I am now, thinking on what to say about... well anything. Heres my rant. Read if you want, or just ignore me as I've been to you. All the same, it doesn't matter to me anymore.
I don't have a reason. I absolutely don't maybe I do, but I dunno. You probably heard this from Sarah already, but I don't deserve your kindness. This isn't an excuse for why I stopped talking to ya, its just that who would be so nice as to how you are? You know, I was just getting too much of a good thing. I thought about it then I realized I have no idea of who you really are, you have no idea who I really am. Everything you and Sarah had said, I took as a lie. A filthy fucking stinky lie. No not lies, pity. No, empty shit.
What are the main reasons why people go online? 1) Work, school reports, research 2) Porno, hentai 3) Dates 4) Free time. Number 4 is the ever so small gigantic number 1. Whenever I go online, people ask me "wuts up" and I always answer "nuffin, you?" and they 90% of the time "same here". Thats what I feel, like I was just another person to talk to when theres nothing else to do. "Oh hey I have nothing to do, hey Gerry's on. Hmm nothing-ness and Gerry. They seem pretty even, but I'm tired of doing nothing". Thats the impression I got. Its not just you, it everyone else also.
When I stopped talking to you, the most wonderful things happened to me. I'm getting more new friends, as well as getting closer to older ones. I've never been so happy ever. For the fucking first time, I've left the hell hole I've been living in and was living a life. For the first time I was away from my house past 10 without my parents, just with friends, away, far away(pathetic, eh?). Then later, my friend invited me to his house to hang out. Now I don't have to wait in from of the computer, now I can actually wait in front of someone's house. Obviously theres the bad, my mom is threatening to kick me out of the house if I keep this up. I don't care, I'll give my mom up. She abused me far too much when I was little, now that I can acutally catch the broom stick I've been on my own. I've put my priorities straight. My mom and my internet life have been at the bottom. My friends, the ones that has my back when I get into a fight, the ones that support me, the ones that can do more than letters will ever are at the top along with my-conceded-self. See, Lea2385, you have to put YOU'RE priorities straight also. You too must break free from the gravity of the hole you live in. Priests, presidents, Micheal Jackson were more powerful people than your neighbors and people still spoke against them, why can't you. Your neighbors are just the mud along the walls that prevent you from climbing, the dirt in your eyes that stop you from seeing. You can start your own life, you can do what ever you want but you chose a life still doing chores and using the computer and other stuff I'm not aware of, oh jea baking bread.
I'm not saying go out and defy everyong in your way. I'm saying, break the little rules you follow, live. You are more capable than you think. Don't be so prudish, yet don't humilate yourself. Be more optimistic, don't be so hard on yourself. Heh, it seems like I'm giving you life's tips or something.
Everything I've to you said was true. Dispite the fact that I thought Anatema, you, and many other people where freaks and lied a lot, I've been open. I spilled out almost everything. See, I'm the fucking bastard. I don't deserve to talk to you.
Finally, I finished...
I think you might want to share this with anatema, but it was aimed mainly towards you. She deserves to read this, unless she hates me with a passion or something.
I know theres a lot of juicy stuff here that can be used against me, or re-worded to make things seem different.
I thought you guys would get a hint when I put that Buddha quote on my site. I guess I have a bad sense of common sense and reasoning.
Heh, writing this allowed me to clear out my thoughts. Now I notice how mean I actually was. I change my mind. I apologize, to everyone... have a nice life, you'll never hear from me again.. you may tell shiroikarasu, anatema, everyone else if you wish. I think you might want to.
Don't blink, I'm gone. ~_^
I....I...I dont know...what to say....
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