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When I think about some situations, my tummy gets all in knots, and I get a funny feeling in it. I dont think that is a bad thing, just thinking about some things that are complicated and kinda scary, ya know?
I have been thinking a lot about that certain thing, so I have been feeling kinda happy and out of it, lol. I better snap out of this silly haze before I fill my "stupid" quota, like yesterday ^_~
There is this guy resident at the nursing home, he is really really nice and I have grown very fond of him. What is really really sad is that he has cancer throughout his body, and he is dying. You can tell a difference in his health practically everyday, and it makes me so sad, when I see him like that, and he is in so much pain his pain patch thing doesn't work, and it is the strongest thing available. When I was at work on Friday, I came in his room to check on him and his roomate (We were doing nightchecks and last minute stuffs) I saw him lying all funny in his bed. I went to another nurse and said "I need help with fixing Gene in his bed. He is lying against his rail all funny and stuff." She looked at me in alarm, and whispered in a panicky voice "Did you check to see if he was breathing??"
I felt like I swallowed my heart, and ran into the room, with the other girl at my heels.
We went in there, and tried to wake him up. He slowly woke up, and I felt better, much much better. I breathed a sigh of reliefe as I helped pull him up in a more comfortalbe position. When the other nurse pulled back his blankets, she had a look of suprise and concern, but I didn't see anything unusual. She quickly left. I leaned over to him and asked him if there was anything he needed. He slowly looked in my eyes, and whispered that he wanted to go. I almost cried, but instead I gave him a hug.
When I left, the other nurse pulled me aside, and asked if I noticed that his feet stuck toe-point strait out. I asked what that meant, she said that meant every single muscle is relaxed, and that was a sign of dying. She asked if I saw that his eyes were cloudy, and I agreed. She sighed and said it was a matter of days now.
=(
I am preparing myself for tommorow at work, I don't know if he died during my weekend off.
I know death and stuff is a part of life, but it isn't a happy one =(
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