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He had no family. No kids; his wife divorced him a long time ago. He died 5 minutes after my shift ended Saturday night. I think he died alone....
I feel so numb, and yet I feel like I am going to explode with everything I have bottled up. I can't let everything out, I am afraid. You know how if you shake up a bottle of soda, and you can feel there is no more room for pressure, that when you twist the cap, the soda is going to spray everywhere? I could almost say I feel like that bottle of soda. I don't even know how to let things out bit by bit anymore, with singing loudly to music, or just listening to music really really loud. Both seemed to numb things, take my mind off of everything. None of it works anymore. I don't really care about anything, I dont care about getting into college, about work, about anything. The only reason why I go to work, even though I hate what I do, is so I can have a good reason to leave home, to not come back untill late at night. Work can sometimes do a good job of numbing things (Nothing like forgetting your problems while dodging flying *hockers...)
*Hockers- snotballs that are shot out of the mouth, usually aimed at poor unfortunate health care workers and such.
*Half smiles*
I guess there is really nothing to do about any of this. Whatever happends happends, no?
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