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I feel empty and sad at the same time. It is not the best combination of emotions, I know. =\
I found some hope. Even if I don't get accepted into college, it was suggested to me to check out the student lounge, to look at the boards, to see who is looking for a roomate, to help pay rent on an apartment.
I dreamed that I fell asleep at the computer, and when I woke up, Gerry was IMing me an apology, to the way he has been acting, to why he singled me out of everyone he knew to focus his anger out on. Today, I saw him online, and I said 'Hey ^_^' I saw him on my other list too, and when I was going to say something else, it said that he wasn't available...and I knew he blocked me. Does that make me obsessive? I feel the way I think about this sometimes, I dont know. It seems almost everyone else was able to just get over him and that's that, and I dont know why I am so stuck on this. I know I am not obessed, because I dont think about this all the time, but it hurts because I dont have any answers, nothing ever made sense, at least not in the end, anyways.
I think I liked feeling numb and drained better than how I feel now. =\ |
