Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Derk a dur.

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Time: 11:00 Music: My December By: Linkin Park Mood: Angsty I finished writing angst on the sticky notes for today’s doom day. I’m not particularly looked forward to going to school today, but when have I ever wanted to go to Warren? Something about this stupid school, the teachers, and students just make me want to go into seclusion. Everyday I see and hear about the same shit. It gets boring you know. Next year, I’ll be a junior, a freaking junior. So far high school hasn’t gone the way I hoped it would, but when does anything in my life go the way I want it to. Just a typical teenager with stupid problems weighing down on my life, only my problems are more important than others because I say so. Siris: No, you’re just caught up in your own world. I wish. In my world, I actually mean something to people, and am never lost in my fears or sorrow. Siris: I’d like to purchase a way-one ticket please. Next year, will be a complete change from this year for a lot of reasons: Some of the coolest people I’ve met will be leaving, a lot of the people I socialize with will be leaving (not saying that’s a bad thing), I’ll be a junior (still amazes me), I might actually like my classes, I’ll be driving (no more bus for me or Kawaii Seth if she wants a ride XD), I’ll be an upperclassmen (oh yeah, freshmen watch out), I’ll still be managing anime club but with a lot more plans in mind, GSA will be lonely without certain people, I’ll have to start looking a colleges and stiff even though I know where I’m going, I’ll have a job (I hope), et cetera. The list goes on. I want to make it a heck of a lot better than this year though, provided I have the same friends and what not. So back to Valentine’s Day, I hate it. Always have and always will. It’s just a stupid superficial holiday for people to express how much they lust over one another- Simply pointless. Then again, I’ve never had a Valentine or have ever received something from some who really meant it. Like, remember back in elementary school when you had to bring cards for everybody? Why, just to brainwash us into thinking V-day holds some sort of importance. All of it is stupid, absolute nonsense. That’s just how I see things I suppose. I don’t mean to drown on about my life and what not, and I don’t like pity or sympathy one bit. Those are just two emotions that could just not exist for the truly don’t exist. I guess I’m going through my teen midlife crisis. I’m stuck, and I don’t know where to go to next. Never asking for help can make things hard like that. To me help = weak, it’s just one of my character flaws. It’s like a want something I know I can never have, but also wish there was something just as good that was tangible. I always get what I want, and I think I’ve met my match. Challenge is good, but not when you’re losing. Siris: I think you’ll gain the upper hand eventually. You think so, huh? Siris: Yeah. *sits on bed leaning on Lemony’s shoulder* You think about everything to much. I know first hand. You’re slipping; you need a break...badly. Another I hate. Being a kid and all you can’t just get up and leave to take a break- Sucks ass. Then, you know what, they try to compensate by giving you long breaks in between going to the hell they call school. The only problem is you end up bored off your ass and pale a zombified. That’s just me, my family never goes anywhere nor do I do much in the summer. Why the hell isn’t zombified a word? *adds to dictionary* Siris: You can’t do that? Just did. *warning* The shit I have to go through daily. *daily* My step-dad left, and of course as soon as he lives, the fighting starts. My mom asks me why I didn’t go to practice and I said, “Since when do you care?” “Since we paid for it!” “Yeah, my bad, I thought that’s what parents were supposed to do.” “What the fuck did you say?” “Nothing.” “Thought so. Don’t start acting like you did with that shit two years ago.” *glare...goes to room...closes door softly...curses...jumps on bed...reads* Two more years. Siris: I’m sorry you go through that. Don’t worry ‘bout it, you’re the only who’s there to keep me occupied. Siris: *feels special* *throws pillow* Get your head out of the clouds. Siris: Yeah right. Well, this turned out to be something that I would never post. Gomen. You don’t have to read it, but I guess if you’re down here, you did read it. *bows* Oh well, I’m off before I embarrass myself even further. *isn’t looking for sympathetic comments* Simple thoughts or advice would be nice enough.

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