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Wednesday, November 8, 2006
hey everyone hows it going? pretty good here i guess. OMG! dir en grey in texas ONCE AGAIN! this time i SO wanna go! i mean, just diru????! hellz yeah X3! (thanx for telling me PeachesXCream 8D)
on to other things, *le sigh* i rarely talk about my personal live on here but this time i NEED to get this off my chest.
ok, do any of you guys remember that guy i liked, Melphice? well, today we were talking about his girlfriend and it turns out he totally HATES her but he doesn't want to hurt anyone so he'll stay with her as long as she wants him (sweet huh?) well, she made him feel pretty bad today so we took him over to my friend alex's house so he could drink his problems away.
everyone, as well as him, know that i like Melphice. *sigh* anywayz, he was super drunk and he just comes over to me and starts groping all over me (i don't really care because in my group of friends, ppl just randomly grope) but then out of no where he kisses me!!! i was like o_O!!!
and i shrugged it off but then he kisses me again! at this time alex is telling me to kiss him back but i don't because of the shock. then kida has to drive him home and he asks me to sit with him in the back so being the dumbass i am, i say "sure" then he, once again, kisses me about 4 more times, then we dropped him off.
at first i was excited but then i felt so horrible. yeah, i like this guy but he won't go out with me because of his gf, 2nd he was massively drunk and i know he won't remember any of this, and 3rd it was my first kiss and it was with some guy who was drunk and didn't know where the fuck he was let alone who was sitting next to him.
so now i'm just massively depressed.....
*sigh* i know alex will get mad but i just don't want him anymore....i just don't....
i've been afraid to go out with some guy anywayz. i dunno if i can explain this well but i'll try.
My best friend, Christine, is the one person i will do anything for. me and her have a very odd relationship, i mean we are just friends but we're so close to each other, ppl have been thinking we've been going out since the 7th grade (4 years). but it doesn't seem to bother us, our love for each other is like no other "couple" and i don't think anyone can break that.
i mean, some ppl might be reading this saying "ok bff, whatever that will end eventually" but we've been through a hell of a lot of fights and pull through everytime. gah, i just feel like i can't love some guy because i love christine so much how could my heart possibly fit the love of that guy. i dunno if i'm making any sense but, truthfully, if like a guy and its all good and then he starts liking me back, i turn away and run back to christine. i dunno if i can ever really want a boyfriend and you know what? i don't really care if i end up with 30 cats at age 50 because i bet christine will be sitting right next to me feeding all the kitties.
-Kayla
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