Sunday, October 7, 2007

   May flowers always protect you...
I don't remember the exact way that Sakuya on Okami had said it when Ammy would visit the guardian tree where you first start off, but this is along the same lines.

Few things to say in this post. Yesterday was our homecoming dance. I thought I'd have a bad time and sure enough, I did. There were a few times that I laughed but mostly I stayed seated because there weren't too many people I wanted to associate with. My date (the one who I think still likes my sister) asked me to slow dance a few times and I actually liked that... perhaps a little too much. It's the day after and I've thought of nothing except him. I've tried to distract myself by playing games but my thoughts always lead back to him. Why? It would never work out! He was so warm yesterday... and one dance he danced with my sister and I suddenly felt sick. What the hell is wrong with me? He even told me yesterday night he'd call to do something today after church and I literally sat there waiting for my phone to ring. I certainly hope this is a phase.

Second thing is that I wish I would never grow up. Though I have few, I love the friends I have dearly. They'll break away soon and probably forget all about me and when I finally graduate the same thing will happen... And me being the way I am, I know that I won't adapt at all to life outside of my little 'village'. Time is just moving too fast...

Third, and probably the most important, is that a dear friend of mine is now dead. Just like Clover Studios, my dog Clover is dead. She died on Friday (Oct. 5th 2007) at 2:15-5:30PM. Not sure exactly what time, but she was alive when my sister went home to get read which was about 3. When her and her mother went back up the road, she was just laying on the road as though sleeping. And to think that I was happy (refer to my last post) and extremely content and just drawing Sakuya when she had died. Gram had made a note not to tell my sister so she'd be happy for the parade but was more than happy to tell me. I ran to the van and cried the whole parade and for the first few minutes of the football game. I wasn't in a great mood at the dance, but thinking about how Clover was gone... made me even worse.

At the moment I feel odd. Thinking of "Jon" (we'll just call him that- that's my friend that I can't stop thinking off), seeing Clover's offspring all alone now (she's young but not a puppy anymore so she won't be too bad off), and thinking about how much more alone I'll be in the future has left me in many mixed feelings. Go figure.
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Friday, October 5, 2007

   Suteki Da Ne?
In case some of you didn't know, "Suteki Da Ne" is the song from Final Fantasy X and it's translated to something like "Isn't it Lovely?" I can't remember the exact translation... Well at the moment I'm extremely relaxed. Perhaps it's because I'm allowed to have my shoes off in school and though it's hot, the fan is blowing and giving me a steady stream of air. Ahhh...

Sorry, I know you all probably don't want to read how I feel lol. I'm also pretty happy because I did my homework already so nothing for the weekend, homecoming game's tonight and I'm sure my sister is going to be queen. Though I'm still quite envious of her popularity, I'm happy. No matter how many times I pray I can't seem to get rid of my envy, but I also am glad that something good happens to someone as wonderful as her, so I don't feel as bad. Still feel bad, but at least I have no hatred towards her like some people would.

I'd really like to thank all of those who told me to try and not live in her shadow, or my brother's, because I really appreciate that someone cares enough to say so. I'm just glad I can vent out some of that online because nobody here knows me or can judge me by looks. Truth is I'm a very crude and sarcastic person that doesn't look happy and of course I'm not involved in anything. For a while there I felt as though I needed to be someone because both my bro and sis got onto homecoming court and I'm sure my sis is gonna be on prom's court, too. But high school isn't really all that important. Sure it's where you start out and learn all your 'mannerisms', but nobody you'll meet later on in life is gonna care how popular you were or where you went. So in an odd way, I'm trying to live in the future.

Gah, didn't mean to write this much. Sorry if I made any of you lose your braincells ^^;
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

   Hypocrite!
Yeah... that's me. I know that I said that I would never go to homecoming, but it turns out that I accepted from the guy who lied to me about liking my super-sister. Now he says he likes some other girl so I'm just like screw it. Anyway, we're gonna go together for homecoming and hopefully I won't bum him out too much. Ya know, I'd probably be all emo and crap.
...
I'm still working on the Greek ideas.
O.o;;
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