Sunday, October 7, 2007

   May flowers always protect you...
I don't remember the exact way that Sakuya on Okami had said it when Ammy would visit the guardian tree where you first start off, but this is along the same lines.

Few things to say in this post. Yesterday was our homecoming dance. I thought I'd have a bad time and sure enough, I did. There were a few times that I laughed but mostly I stayed seated because there weren't too many people I wanted to associate with. My date (the one who I think still likes my sister) asked me to slow dance a few times and I actually liked that... perhaps a little too much. It's the day after and I've thought of nothing except him. I've tried to distract myself by playing games but my thoughts always lead back to him. Why? It would never work out! He was so warm yesterday... and one dance he danced with my sister and I suddenly felt sick. What the hell is wrong with me? He even told me yesterday night he'd call to do something today after church and I literally sat there waiting for my phone to ring. I certainly hope this is a phase.

Second thing is that I wish I would never grow up. Though I have few, I love the friends I have dearly. They'll break away soon and probably forget all about me and when I finally graduate the same thing will happen... And me being the way I am, I know that I won't adapt at all to life outside of my little 'village'. Time is just moving too fast...

Third, and probably the most important, is that a dear friend of mine is now dead. Just like Clover Studios, my dog Clover is dead. She died on Friday (Oct. 5th 2007) at 2:15-5:30PM. Not sure exactly what time, but she was alive when my sister went home to get read which was about 3. When her and her mother went back up the road, she was just laying on the road as though sleeping. And to think that I was happy (refer to my last post) and extremely content and just drawing Sakuya when she had died. Gram had made a note not to tell my sister so she'd be happy for the parade but was more than happy to tell me. I ran to the van and cried the whole parade and for the first few minutes of the football game. I wasn't in a great mood at the dance, but thinking about how Clover was gone... made me even worse.

At the moment I feel odd. Thinking of "Jon" (we'll just call him that- that's my friend that I can't stop thinking off), seeing Clover's offspring all alone now (she's young but not a puppy anymore so she won't be too bad off), and thinking about how much more alone I'll be in the future has left me in many mixed feelings. Go figure.